Tuesday.

It's Tuesday.

I find myself increasingly obsessed with Succession. Are you watching it yet? My HBO Go login is stretched to its limit bc I have shared it not wisely but too well, so you may have to scam one off someone else.

It’s getting better and better and better and I love it and even though it’s NOT like Derry Girls, those are the two shows you should be watching.


Today’s Featured Pet of the Day is Addie:

Addie’s human companion, Whitney, has the following to report:

“This is my survivor and thriver Addie. She is an 8 year-old Cairn Terrier rescue. September is special because it marks the September 7, 2016 end of her long spring and summer of treatment for a tumor that tried to destroy her leg. From April-September 2016, she endured 1 surgery, 18 daily rounds of radiation under general anesthesia, nerve damage from the tumor that required a special compounded painkiller, the loss of all of her hair and paw pads on one leg, and severe radiation burn that required multiple rounds of antibiotics. On September 7, 2016 she was declared tumor-free and radiation burn healed. She’s now 3 years tumor-free from a type of tumor that almost always grows back without radiation. She ALSO tore her cruciate ligament in her right knee this year, likely as a result of bearing so much weight on it in 2016 and made it through TPLO surgery (thank goodness for pet insurance) this February.”

“I adopted Addie at 11 1/2 weeks old from a Cairn Terrier rescue organization. Addie’s mom was saved from being drowned by a puppy mill and the rescue discovered she was pregnant when they got her to the foster home. Addie was born in the rescue to a mom who only weighed 6 pounds (Addie is currently 24 solid pounds of muscle and terrier attitude), and so Addie and her siblings were separated from her mom and was bottle-fed. The lasting impact is that Addie has never figured out how to properly greet other dogs (lunging excitedly at necks doesn’t get the result she hopes for) but is curiously competent at greeting cats (she desperately wants one for a sibling but I am allergic).”

“To be completely trite, she is the one who rescued me. On the day Addie was born, I was packing up all of my belongings to leave the United Kingdom. I’d dreamed of living there my entire life (I’m from Colorado), had received my M.A. in Belfast and settled into a job I loved and community I never wanted to leave. Changes to immigration laws meant I was unable to renew my visa, and I suddenly ended up in my childhood bedroom, bereft of my dreams. I adopted Addie 3 months later and she’s been with me through 2 states, 5 apartments; and a continuing quest to find a new dream. Our favorite activities include touring Revolutionary War and Civil War battlefields, sunbathing, car rides, traveling together, and dealing with the dilemma of making friends when she prefers people and I prefer dogs.”

“She is the smartest and most opinionated dog I have ever had, and the best dog I’ve ever had. I tell her she’s has a little bit of all the dogs who came before and then a big heaping of her own hilarious personality. She HATES football (soccer to some) and will huff and storm out of the room when I put my beloved Liverpool on, but will tolerate wearing the jersey on game day. She is obsessed with hunting rodents but her only successful kill is scaring a squirrel into jumping off a cliff. She will only accept cuddles when she has asked for them and otherwise requires 5-7 feet of personal space (but do not leave her alone in the room). I get my fill of cuddles while she sleeps on the bed at night. Back DVDs were more of a thing, she figured out how to eject them so I’d pay more attention to her. She will always open the bathroom door on guests as her way on bonding with them.”

Thank you so much, Whitney & Addie!!!



yeah girl, you need to pay her back, and she does have legal recourse:

Back in I want to say 2015 or 2016, I bought a brand new Mitsubishi Mirage. My Dad's wife (girlfriend at the time) cosigned on the car with me since my Dad couldn't. I was 100% responsible for the car's payments, she was just there to get me a better APR. In May of that same year, a fire truck hit my car and totaled it. It took literal years but my GAP insurance and regular insurance finally paid the balance on the car. Yes, my credit got screwed and so did hers. The bank that loaned me the amount came out and said there's still a $1000 balance on the car after everything was said and done. I called all companies involved trying to get to the bottom of why and nobody could give me an answer. They just said they were showing the balance. I added up the amounts GAP paid & the amount my insurance paid and it was a perfect match to what was owed. The loaning bank sent us both something in the mail that said if we didn't pay the remainder, they would take us to court. I was perfectly fine with this. She wasn't. She paid the remaining $1000 without talking with me or asking me if that's okay when I specifically said before you do anything, talk to me about it first. I got a text from her on the 3rd of this month telling me I owe her money for it (and the phone bill) and that I will monthly by this just passed Friday. I didn't respond for 3 days because I was seeking out advice from someone and I was furious. I texted her back on Friday and sent her $30 for the phone bill but told her no, I didn't agree to this contract therefore I was not going to send her the money for the car on her terms. Here is where emotions get involved. My Dad is currently on disability from his job. He's been on it for about a month and still has yet to receive a check. He is struggling to pay his bills. Knowing this, I said I would pay next week when I had the money to help out as long as the money goes towards costs of his care/bills.

She refused the $30, said she was going to cut off my phone (I'm under my Dad's plan not hers but I assume she has accessibility to it) if I didn't pay the car amount, too. I told her to go ahead and that she will not force me into something I didn't agree to. She got upset and tried playing the sympathy card on me and said she's broke & trying to take care of my Dad. I said I understand but I don't have the money this week and I was willing to pay next even though you made this decision on your own. No response since then. I do know my grandmother (his Mom) gave them a check for $1,600 and that my Dad's wife has one month's mortgage in her bank account, so at the very least, they're fine for this month.

My sister told me she spoke with her yesterday & she told her she was so mad she threw her phone against the deck and broke it. My Dad texted me on the 7th and was pissed at me. I don't know if she told him everything but now he's refusing to talk to me and is telling my sister that they're trying to "deal with my bullshit" and that he's considering "taking his car back" from me. I drive his car (2003 Xterra) and he drives mine (2005 Chevy Impala). I bought the Impala with cash from a family member. It was her husband's whose now passed. He didn't sign the title over before he passed and so there is a court case involved to get it transferred. I don't know the current status of the case. My Dad was also trying to fix some issues it had before he gave it back to me.

I can't get back and forth to work without a car. I'm concerned that she will turn this into a legal case, he'll take his car back & refuse to give me my car back and I'll be screwed. My question here, is do I have any legal footing? Can she sue me for not paying her, even though there is no agreement anywhere but based on the fact that she was a cosigner?

Open to answer any and all questions.



pseudocyesis is so sad and so difficult to treat and I’m glad her husband is sticking by her:

It has not been that long but i need again advice from you guys about the same topic.

(Original Post)

I called up our primary doctor and told him about the problem . He seemed very concerned and wanted us to come see him the next morning . He said it was important to be gentle but not feed into her delusions. I sat her down and we talked. All she wanted to talk about is when i would get the nursery started and that we were on a time crunch, and how she has found a perfect color for the room, how she wants me to be more involved in her pregnancy . I tried to be very calm but i was very perturbed by seeing her that way. I asked her to go to the doctor with me tommorow. She said yes, that she wanted to check on the babies either ways. Now i took some advice and words you gave me about being calm and asking a bit why she think she is pregnant without calling her delusional . So I did. She kept changing subjects or saying that " A mother just feels it. You wouldn't know how it is " then i said that i loved her really much that i would never think of leaving her but we needed to go to the doctor to confirm her "gut feeling ". She got very agitated and was crying telling me that if I wanted to leave her i should simply leave but I shouldn't call her a liar.

Somehow i managed to calm her down enough for her to go to sleep.

After she did i went on her computer. I do never snoop on her. But i remembered a commenter pointing out forums about cryptic pregnancy and so i went for the look out . Oh boy. She was in 2 facebook groups. One was a normal Mommy facebook group and the other was a group about women that believed they were pregnant. In the "normal" group she would post updates about her symptoms and pictures of her "belly" and her story about how she was almost not able to have children but thats to the "grace of god that kissed her tummy" the "gift of life was given to her " and how she was compensated for all this years of suffering with twins. in the other group the women were quite literally, and exuse me here , fucking insane. They were feeding in each others delusions. A woman said that she was almost 2 years pregnant and how sometimes it just takes longer. My wife would post there complaining about doctors that do not take her seriously and about me. So many women were making her fear that i would leave. Saying things like men can not stick to a woman . Many recounted their stories about how their marriages broke down because their spouses could not "handle the pregnancy".

I was really fucking scared. I researched phantom pregnancies and i read somewhere that that could also be a sign of schizophrenia. So to say the least i could not sleep. I was and am still very afraid of losing her. She woke up and I tried to act like nothing was wrong . We were going to the doctor. And it was as if nothing had happened yesterday. She was convinced that we were going to a pregnancy check up. Things got really bad when we began talking to the doctor. He was really tactful when talking to my wife. He tried to explain her that it was medically impossible that she was pregnant. We tried to show her tests, the ultrasound we did the day before but nothing. She got more agitated and began to cry and the scream at me for making her look like a crazy person . She began bouncing back and forth and holding her head with both hands . We could not calm her she went in on a full on panic attack . She could not breathe. The doctor laid her down and tried giving her some medicine for her to relax but it did not help as he didn't have the necessary tools to treat a panic attack that was that bad . She had to go to the hospital where they took care of her. Did an EKG to exclude that she was suffering a heart attack.

At that point i really had no other option than to inquire about Involuntary commit. So I could not do it myself . I needed my doctors statement that she was a danger to herself and others and he had to initiate the process of an involuntary examination of 72 hours . After that we will have to submit a written statement to the court to determine wether on not she can stay there "against her will". So far i have submitted all her posts in both facebook groups aswell as the test we did with timestamps when possible . My wife is 2 days in the 3 days examination and i have no contact to her. When i last her she was furious with me. She said i was taking away her freedom which I am. i fell horrible, dirty and useless. She is so mad at me. I feel like I am abandoning her and don't know how she will ever forgive me this. I love her with all my heart. I am afraid of what will happend if the courts decide that i can't commit her, how our life will be affected . I feel like i failed to protect her. At this point I am just rambeling . Sorry for the long post i guess i just need to vent because i have no one else to really turn to that just wants to listen . I feel judged by everyone and pittied ... i just hate it . Sorry for spelling mistakes

edit : I will not fuckin leave my wife you unempathetic dickheads! When I gave my vows I meant trough illness and bad times. I am not only on the ride for the good times. If you truly love somone you will do whatever it takes to see them healthy again. Would you leave your spouse if they went trough a severe physical illnes?? I am here to stay. I will not divorce her. She is not a "fucking psycho" she is sick. I hope no one of your loved ones ever has to go trough this because their support net will consist of cowardly dickheads.

Sorry for the rant. But if you want to say something line divorce that nut don't even bother. I understand people that make the choice to leave if the situation when it Beginns to mess with their mental health and I respect that but I won't do that.


ABSOLUTE UNIT, LIGER EDITION:


you need to let this go:

So my ex and I split 5 years ago. We have a 12 year old daughter together. I have custody but she spends her summers with her dad and his new wife (married 5 months ago). She now has two step sisters (teens) as well.

While I’m on okayish terms with my ex I do not get along with his wife at all, for reasons I’d rather not blather on about here. Anyways the issue is this: she’s half Chinese and is teaching her daughters Chinese during the summers. When my daughter lived there these past few months, she’s been learning alongside them.

I’ve tolerated it in the beginning but it’s become something that’s grown to bother me a lot. For one thing, my daughter has been learning Spanish since she was in 2nd grade. She now wants to drop this language altogether for Chinese (they offer this class starting in 7th grade) as soon as she can. This really bothers me because I speak Spanish fluently (learned in schools, not native) and I was looking forward to sharing this language with her.

She now wants to chat in broken Chinese to her step sisters who she looks up to because they’re “cool teenaged girls” who go to parties and all that. Which makes me think this is all just a phase. Furthermore I just don’t think Chinese should take over the Spanish she’s been learning already. We live in Georgia. Spanish will be FAR more useful to her here than Chinese ever will.

I haven’t outright forbid her from learning but I have been vocal in my disappointment. My daughter apparently told her step sisters and my ex as well, and now he’s furious at me for “driving a wedge between her and everyone else because I’m jealous.” I’m not jealous at all, but I feel like no one else really gets where I’m coming from and thinks it’s a non-issue.



your house, your yoga:

My sister and her husband recently got jobs in said city and I offered to let them stay here until they can find a place to live. We have an arrangement, basically free for a few months then I charge em rent.

Anyway, I do yoga, almost every day. My stuff is setup in the living room because that's the only place we got room. She wants me to either wear something else or not do it when her husband is around.

We both get off at around the same time and are home around 5. He watches TV and cooks (same room basically) and I do yoga. She got upset the first time she saw me doing it while her husband is in the room. My opinion is he should just not look (I don't think he is anyway) and that she's just being unreasonable and it's my place!

AITA here?



sweet merciful lord:

I’ve been reading your site for a while, but I’ve not seen anything that will help me address this particular issue — when a coworker who’s your peer feels entitled to all your technical expertise, time, and other resources.

Our department had about 20 of us PhD students start at the same time. I’m one of the oldest, having returned to academia after several years working in industry. The youngest has had a very sheltered upbringing as an only child with indulgent parents, never held an actual job, and has glommed on to me as a substitute big sister. She gives the general impression that everyone else is an extra in her movie and our job is to help her succeed.

If I have a skill or resource she wants, she feels entitled to it. And I don’t mean small things. She complains about money all the time (we all get paid exactly the same in our program) and is saving to buy a house in her hometown, so her “solution” to this was to tell me she wanted to move in with me (in a one-bedroom flat) so she wouldn’t have to pay rent. When I told her that wouldn’t work, and even if she moved to my town, we couldn’t carpool because I stop on the way home to take care of my horse, she replied that that’s no problem, she’d always wanted to learn to ride but it was too expensive!

This kind of thing is also happening in the office. She’s repeatedly promised people things that will make her look good but expected the actual content to come from me (like taking over the department website but telling others they needed to write the blog for her) or told our department head, without asking me first, that I had volunteered to be the “guest lecturer” for a lecture series she signed up to give but didn’t know enough about. (And then she told me that she’d already printed the posters with only her name on them, but that wouldn’t be an issue for me, right?)

We ended up teaching a class together that was an absolute disaster because she ignored the structure we’d worked out together, overloaded the students with far too much coursework and confusing, contraditctory instructions, then marked their work extra harshly to show that she was not a pushover. It made me look bad and I don’t want to do it again.

For the coming academic year, she wants to teach another class and has given a syllabus that covers things I’m an expert in and she is not. I’ve declined to teach with her when she asked, but she’s gone to our head of department to complain that I’m refusing to do collaborative work as is required in our contract. I’m now being pressured by him to do this again, because having a good class on this would be genuinely useful. It’s complicated by the fact that her PhD supervisor is the head of the department, while mine is in a different department that is in direct competition for funding, so politics come into it.

How do I get out of this? And how do I communicate that “even if I’m the person that could solve your problem, that doesn’t mean I have to do it”?


Love you especially today. Today, I love each of you with an extra verve.

xooxo

n