What Is Reddit Up To?

no good, as per usual

(There’s also some Ask a Manager content, it’s UPDATE SEASON!!!)

Your husband is correct (it always pains me to say this!), you need to pump your brakes on this:

Now my husband and I have been having issues in our marriage and while we are currently separated we have been going to couples counseling and seem to be on our way to reconciling. This has happened a year and a half ago only last time I initiated the separation, this time he did.

At the time of our separation we had been trying to conceive for about a year. This was after YEARS of me saying I did not want children but over time, especially after watching the kids at the studio grow up, I decided I was ready. Man, they do not joke around when they say your biological clock kicks in! Problem is I have been having a hard time conceiving naturally so I have (willingly) submitted myself to many many tests, dr appointments, endless amounts of tracking, peeing on sticks, crying in subs like r/TryingForABaby and r/infertility, the works.

When my husband initiated the separation he said he did not want children with me. We both have anger issues and I smoke more weed than I would like. These are things I’m actively changing and am going to individual therapy to address.

Yesterday in couples counseling he says he would like to wait for about 6 months to a year before trying to conceive again. Yes I know that in a perfect world that would make sense. I am 28 yrs old. That means I could be 29 by the time we start trying. Who knows how long we would have to try for? How old will I be? My uterine lining will only get worse. I have also wanted to look into adoption but that process also takes about 2 years and so we would have to get started NOW. I don’t want to be in my mid to late thirties with a toddler. I want to have the energy to do this stuff now.

I would like to start trying to conceive as soon as my husband moves back in which will be in a couple of weeks. I think we could do counseling and therapy IN PARALLEL to trying to make a baby.

This woman absolutely needs to be fired, but I’m sad to hear the LW talk about the fact her employee is in an abusive relationship as a character flaw or a marker of immaturity:

I’ve been keeping a log since the beginning of August of her scheduled hours and what has actually happened. Last week, I finally sat down and tabulated her attendance rate, and it turns out that in that period of time, there was a 1 in 5 chance that she would not come in, arrive late, or end up leaving early. Additionally, of the days that she was late or didn’t come, I received either no notice or less than an hour’s notice no less than 45% of the time. There have been zero instances where she made up the hours later, which would have helped mitigate my own stress.

I got all the data ready, wrote up a PIP, and prepared to demote her…and then guess what?

She got sick and was out most of the week. Because of course.

I am preparing to sit down with her and fill her in on the hard numbers, but it hasn’t happened yet. The game plan is to let her know what her numbers are, explain that this isn’t acceptable, and let her know that I can’t keep calling her an assistant manager, as she’s not acting like one. We’re going to start looking for an actual assistant manager shortly after that.

It appears that right now she’s living with the boyfriend again. She’s made comments about how it’s not a good situation, but at this point, there’s really nothing more I can do for her. I have two small children and my own personal dramas to contend with; if she can be at work, on time, and accept a demotion, then we can get along. If she can’t take the job under those terms, I suppose I’ll have to cut her loose. I want to be compassionate, but I also can’t hold the hand of a woman in her forties who won’t improve her own life.

this update to “my co-worker plays Christian rock all day long” is a million times better than I thought it would be:

So, I actually chickened out of talking to her about it for awhile after receiving that advice – sometimes I’m fine with confrontation, but other times I’m a total wuss, and this was one of the latter.  In fact, getting your email asking about an update was what nudged me into finally speaking up, so that I’d actually have an update to give – thank you for that!  I’m happy to report that Operation This Is An Office, Not A Church was a complete success.

This morning Lily had a particularly gospel-y playlist running, and it was early enough in the day that only she and I were around, so I realized I wasn’t going to get a better opening than this – with the behavior in question actively occurring at the time, and semi-privacy for a conversation if we needed one.  I was nervous, so I literally had the post on AAM open on my computer and used pretty much the exact phrasing you suggested (I didn’t quite read it off the screen at her, but almost).  Lily seemed a little surprised, but not as defensive as I’d worried about.  She actually proposed to switch to headphones instead – which I’m even happier about, to be honest – though she doesn’t have them in her purse today, so for now we’ve switched to a different playlist.  So I got pretty much the best possible outcome: not only am I free from the religious music that was putting my shoulders up around my ears, I get to reclaim the peace and quiet I was used to when I had my own office! 

dump him today:

I live with my boyfriend and our pets, sometimes I get home and I really dont want to cook and sometimes I'm not even that hungry. Ive been cooking predominantly for about a year and although he does help and cooks every so often, the problem is if I decide not to cook one day he wont make himself food and just become upset and fall asleep upset and hungry. I feel guilty about this and sometimes just give in and make food.

It's just that sometimes I just really really dont want to cook or eat and if he's in the house all day when I get from work he will often tell me he hasnt eaten anything all day so now I either cook or feel like an absolute asshole. Its not like theres no food, theres just no quick snacks most of the time.


So my friend I have known since kindergarten ( I’m almost 40) married my wife’s sister. Over the past year he has developed what we perceive as an infatuation with my daughter. She is 3. Examples: calls her “my Betsy”, refers to himself as your uncle all creepily, a picture of her on his dash board, his phone screen saver is her, coming over just to see her and basically ignoring all the adults, trying to face time just to see her everyday, seriously every day. The way he just focused solely on her creeped me out.We have slowly been distancing ourselves from him. Well this weekend my wife and I had to leave town for the day and we found out he made plans with my mother in law to come over after we left to spend time with my daughter(MIL was baby sitting). I only found out because I heard him call and ask MIL if we were still there, we left late.. So he’s basically going behind our backs to see her. Also over the past year his hygiene has gotten awful. He smells so bad he literally ruined my couch and when he would hug my daughter it would leave his BO smell on her. It’s just fucking strange. So I called him out for his creepy behavior and going behind our backs to see my daughter and he got immediately got defensive and went to the extreme of saying I was accusing him of being a child molester. Sister in law freaked out and says she won’t talk to us anymore. My wife is pretty upset because she might lose her sister over this. I confided in one friend that’s known him just as long about his behavior and he agreed it was not appropriate. Well AITA? Should I have kept my mouth shut?

you need to chill the fuck OUT and also ask for a copy of the curriculum, which I strongly suspect will allay a lot of your concerns:

oh, I'm fired up


I’m watching this horror movie, BACKCOUNTRY, and I hate the male lead character so much I could STAB A PERSON




okay so this (admittedly kinda hot) guy has dragged his almost too-beautiful girlfriend, played by the spectacularly lovely Missy Peregrym, who I have been in love with for YEARS, and also would have been perfect casting for Kristy in the Babysitters Club like twenty years ago, into the wilds of Canada for a romantic backpacking trip

and there’s this, like, random interlude with a creeper dude they encounter which is neither here nor there, I wasn’t going to get distracted by it, because there’s a big fuckin bear in the trailer and I knew that he was going to eat at least one of them so let’s not even waste our time on that guy

ANYWAY, they’re absolutely out in the middle of nowhere and he’s like “here we are, the beautiful lake I promised!” and it’s just like, a sea of trees, bc this fucking shithead has gotten them COMPLETELY LOST and clearly they are going to die

and so Missy starts digging in her backpack for her phone, and shithead says

“It’s not in there.”


“I took it out.”


“I didn’t want you playing with it during the whole trip”

so missy is like “well, listen son, I only now noticed it was missing and also where is it”


so missy, showing what I believe to be a GREAT deal of restraint, calls him a fucking loser


and he says

(brace yourself)

“I was going to propose to you”


“I’m so sorry”

and he says “it’s okay”

I just needed you to know about this right now before I give you the next Reddit roundup

thank you

Post-Holiday Reddit

It's a wild wild world!

Are we all mostly recovered? Good. Let’s do this.

Just a great title, no need to link:

Way to double down, kid:

People talking about their signature party dish!

uhh I don’t know what this boss’ game is but it’s not on the up and up:

I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die.

I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k.

I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal.

Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us.


Now we genuinely only had a few minor rules per say when he moved in, the most important being no firearms in the house. At the time he grumbled a wee bit, but ultimately organized to keep his gun safe at a hunting buddies place. No drama.

Or so we thought...

Now I'm no lawyer, but my understanding at the time was he had strict rules about notifying the local police that he had moved cities, what guns he had and where/how they would be stored.

Our house was not the listed location, nor do we have a gun safe on site, so my understanding was that on top of our request, absolutely no guns should be stored at our house full stop.

Fast forward around 3 months, Father in-law had a hunting trip planned and given the early start, decided he would keep his guns under his bed over night. No incident on that occasion, other than a discussion about respecting our wishes. At this point, while my better half and I are unanimous on the rule, she feels I'm being a little unreasonable as it was just over night.

The guns would have been dropped back off and safety locked up at the aforementioned hunting buddies house, except my Father in-law seemly decided to keep a rifle under his bed.

Evidently this rifle never made it back to the gun safe and around 3 months after the hunting trip, somewhere along the line, our 15month old wandered into his room (off the lounge, not uncommon for the doors to be left open in an otherwise well baby proofed home) where he came across the rifle butt sticking out from under the bed. Upon following him into the bedroom we were shocked to find he had pulled the rifle out from under the bed and was inquisitively playing with the business end of the rifle.

As any parent could attest, we were most upset and ultimately furious with my Father in-law, who not only didn't see what the problem was but had the nerve to then lecture us about how unreasonable our gun rule was in the first place...

A wonderful update to “can my boss demand my DNA to see if I am the mystery shitter?”:

TL;DR: My purity of essence is preserved: Supervisor was going rogue - no one in a professional context wants my precious bodily fluids. I have a temporary new supervisor who encouraged me to apply for another position within the uni with higher pay and more interesting responsibility when I brought him up to speed on what I was working on. (And worst case I’m certain my current job is secure) Also managed to "accidentally" reveal some policy violations while bringing new supervisor up to speed.

yeah this is pretty outrageous snooping, she’s in the wrong:

So, from the title I’d imagine you’re thinking “yes you are an asshole, you’ve obviously been caught cheating”.

Here’s the thing, I haven’t cheated. She unlocked my phone, read my texts and then scrolled back like 4 weeks into a group chat, that’s active every day, and got pissed off with me because I said that a random girl someone sent a photo of had some bangers on her (big boobies if you will).

That’s it. She got super pissed off with me for a throwaway comment like that.

When I brought up the fact that going through my phone without my consent is a sign that she doesn’t trust me, she got even more pissed off.

Please can someone tell me who’s in the wrong here because I feel like I’m losing my mind.


I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago, we decided to stay friends and text. We didn’t see each other often and it was kinda weird but kinda working. A couple months post breakup I decided I was going to ask them if they wanted to start a FWB situation but before I got the chance they asked to get back together. I decided it was best we don’t talk for a while. It’s been about 2 months since they asked to get back together and I reached out to explain that I decided to go no contact with them because I was planning on asking to start a FWB situation. During this conversation I told them I was only open to a friendship if sex was involved because I’m too sexually attracted to them to not try to have sex with them but I was not interested in a relationship. They did not take that well. AITA?

sorry about the wrongful arrest, here is your bill for your time in jail:

Due to police error, a friend was mistakenly arrested at home for a very serious crime which he did not commit (they confused him with another person sharing the same name). He was bailed out by family after a few hours, hired a lawyer to fight this, but everything was dropped about a week later once the police realized their error. The lawyer is a family friend and was nice enough to refund him his fees in full.

My friend was more than willing to let all this go without much complaint, despite being pretty upset, because he's an easy going guy and realized mistakes happen. But he just received a bill in the mail for his time in the county jail (3-4 hours). It's not a huge bill, but this is sort of the straw that broke the camel's back for him.

Does he have to pay this bill? If they do try to make him pay, does he have any legal recourse against the city/police? Should he be suing them for wrongful arrest (or whatever the proper term would be here)? Appreciate any input.



everyone's fav

Hi all! Let’s get right into it, shall we?

First, as per usual, here is my latest Slate column, filled with bon mots and wisdom. Here is Friday’s as well. A sample!

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I split up last year, and we have joint legal custody of our 13- and 15-year-old daughters. When they’re at their dad’s house, he lets them watch TV shows I believe are inappropriate for them: Sex and the CityMindhunter, and Game of Thrones. He refuses to discuss this with me. What are my options?

—Let Kids Be Kids

Y’all are watching Mindhunter, right? When is season two dropping!! I want her daughters to come hang out with me, stat.

not even linking to this:

I need this guy DEAD:

Hi I’m a 16 year old female from Maine and I work at a grocery store. My manager is an adult male probably around 35 or 40. He’s always acted kind of sexual towards me ever since I started working here about 8 months ago. His wife works as a manager in a different dept and she has also been kind of sexual towards me too. My manager constantly makes sexual comments about my boobs and butt and stuff, after he first started doing this he asked if it was ok for him to say stuff like that to me and I said it was fine, I don’t know why I said it was ok but I guess I just like the attention sometimes. He also asks me a lot of sexual questions like if I’m a virgin or how much I masterbate and stuff and I’ve answered some of his questions before and he’s also asked me if it’s ok for him to say those things and I said yes also. He sometimes talks about his sex life and he tells me probably at least once a week that he’s about to go jerk off in his office and that I can come watch if I want. I never went to go watch him but he still tells me about it a lot.

yeah that’s a no from me (and the law):

Last night when I was on the way home there was no street parking so I parked down the alley. In my city there are normally signs that explicitly state where you can or cannot park, and since I didn't see a sign I figured it was fine. I wake up the next morning to go to the store and find a sign locked around my front tire with a bike lock that says because I am parked on private property I need to give the property owner $20 to remove it. I needed to leave quickly so I coughed up the $20. He lectured me about how he should have had me towed. Is it legal for him to self "impound" my car and demand I give him money? He did this instead of just having me towed. I am located in Washington, United States. Can I get my money back? I'm a college student who can't afford this!

it’s her house, so skip the booze for one night:

AITA for serving wine at Thanksgiving with a recovering alcoholic present?

My mother seems to think that me brining wine to her home on Thanksgiving is NOT okay, for the sole reason that my uncle is a recovering alcoholic. AITA for taking issue with this? One out of fourteen adult guests has a problem with alcohol and I just don’t think it’s fair to not serve wine for that one person!

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, lady, no you should not be sending your sister a list of reasons not to get a pit bull:

A few weeks pass and me and my mother are sitting in the living room chatting and the topic about the list comes up, I agree somewhat reluctantly to send the whole thing to my sister and perhaps predictably, she blocked me without even replying. Mother messaged sister's S.O, a wonderful, smart and compassionate guy, and he explained that my sister is pretty upset and considering not coming to the christmas dinner unless we stopped criticizing her dog

My Father and brother are both telling me to leave her alone and let her have her dog, however I think the impact that the dog would have on herself and others is too big to just turn the other cheek to, and would end up damaging her in the long term. My brother and father are both very sensible and reasonable people so I'm afraid that might be the asshole.

uhhh I don’t think this necessarily makes you an asshole but it may have real consequences for your relationship, my man:

Why do we take people at their word for the largest decision in our life, to raise a child? My GF never gave one iota of suspicion about her fidelity. That being said, I always told her I wanted a paternity test for any of my children. I believe paternity test should be included in the prenatal care package and everyone at least given the option to find for 100% if the child is of their lineage.

During the prenatal screening they discuss possible health issues based on the parents family health. But they do this counseling without any scientific proof you are the father. Why should only the woman know 100% the baby is hers? Because society deems me an asshole for wanting that certainty?


I am so into r/ChoosingBeggars right now:

you started off as not the asshole but oh boy you finished strong:

My wife and I run a mechanic shop. We have for a while. Most of the people I deal with are pleasant people, but the other day I had a less than perfect experience.

So a young lady comes in who only speaks Spanish. We can’t understand her. She seems upset, so I walked outside and looked at her car but didn’t see any obvious issues.

I come back in and try to explain to her that I can’t understand her, but she starts getting mad at me. Eventually, she gets on the phone and starts raising her voice. About 15 minutes later, a man shows up ( I think her boyfriend) speaking broken English telling me to “respect his Sahel” or whatever the hell he was trying to say.

At this point, I lost my cool and made them both leave. He refused at first but then I told him I assumed he wasn’t a legal immigrant and unless he wants ICE called, he better leave. I also informed him that he should learn to speak English before he invades our country.

I know the last part seems harsh, but he was way out of line talking to me. I don’t care who it is, if you can’t respect me I can’t respect you.

Edit: I realize that saying that wasn’t the most professional thing to do, but when I said it they immediately left without any further trouble.

wow that’s some solid entitlement:


I’ve been hooking up with a girl I met on a dating app for like 4 months and she’s been nice to me always, I even took her virginity. The problem is she can get a little clingy and wants to hang out with me almost every weekend.

Well she hadn’t spoken to me in over a month, but she comes over the next day after asking if we could meet up. She’s a little shy, so I just hold minimal conversation with her but say fuck it and just get right to business. I didn’t last long the first round but I went at it again for the second time. Unfortunately I started losing my erection so we cuddle for a bit until I ask her to suck my dick so I can get hard again. She does then we fuck and I finally finish and leave the room.

I’m expecting her to already be dressed because I just wanna be left alone after I cum so when I came in I told her I didn’t mean to be rude but I needed to hit the gym ( I didn’t) in a few minutes. She doesn’t say anything and quietly gets off the bed and starts getting dressed. At this point I can tell by her face that I hurt her feelings so I try to make small talk and she’s receptive to it like she talked back and everything. Fast forward to a couple days, later she texts me and asks if we can see each other soon and I tell her that we can and I’ll talk to her in a couple days to let her know. By the time it came for me to text her, I realized I had something to do the next day so I just texted her anyway and said hello then I left her on read so she wouldn’t remember that we were supposed to hang out.

yeah, you’re a turd:

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