Thursday!

a day before Friday

Today’s Featured Pet of the Day is Cardigan, which is SUCH a good cat name I can barely handle it?

Cardigan’s human companion, John: “Some facts: he is a true academic. We got him the day I started my PhD almost seven years ago, and any success I’ve had (I defended this year!) I attribute to his zen attitude.”

“He is so committed to hanging out with us that he covers his eyes each morning with his adorable little paw, so that he can continue to snooze with us after we’ve opened the blinds to have our coffee. These photos were all taken on different mornings.”

“He is a treasure, and I am honestly getting a bit teary as I think about all the ways he has contributed to our little family.”

Thank you so, so much for sharing Cardigan with us, John!

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Ask a Manager is magical in December, because it’s UPDATE SEASON. I have selected a few updates (good AND bad, bc life) to share with you at this time.

1. I ran into my new boss in the apartment of my one-night stand.

2. Our horrible HR manager tells lies, is rude and petty, and won’t do her job.

3. My coworker keeps butting into my conversations with higher-ups.

4. My business travel is full of exhausting layovers and cost-cutting.

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We all love a chonker:

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This newsletter supports Harry Styles unconditionally:

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NOT COOL, do not put friends in this position. Pay them back! I feel bad for this LW:

Dear Prudence,
A good friend of mine has quietly stopped paying me back for relatively small purchases, things like movie tickets. I’ve been poor most of my life and have only very recently started making the same kind of money she does. I know she has a family to support, and she and her husband both work full time. I don’t want to be a jerk who confronts their friends and demands they account for every last cent. I’m also generally conflict-averse, which is why I haven’t brought it up before.

On the other hand, $20 is still a lot of money for me. I can usually absorb the cost, but it’s not always easy, and it’s frustrating and hurtful when she says she’ll pay me back and then doesn’t. Recently I asked if she would get food for me before an event we were both going to and said I’d happily pay her back or we could call it even on something I’d bought for her at her request. Not only did she not do it at all, but she didn’t acknowledge that she still owed me for the other purchase. She has since made purchases in the same price range, or less, that I am expected to pay her back for, rather than even going, “How about I pay for this and we call it even on you paying for that?”

Is there a way to approach her about this without coming off as a petty asshole? Or should I just let it go and accept that sometimes you just spend money on your friends without any expectation of return?

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This 10-year-old interviewing John Mulaney about his WILDLY ANTICIPATED BY ME Christmas variety special is…magic:

A.B.: [Long pause; looks at list of questions] This is about Richard Kind.

J.M.: [Laughs] What a serious tone you took on! Like “Now, we really have to talk about your divorce.” “I would be remiss to not mention your arrest.” “We need to talk about Richard Kind.”

A.B.: Do you know if he got along with the girls in the “Girl Talk” segment?

J.M.: Yes. I can’t tell you how much [good stuff] we had to cut out. That was a pretty much improvised conversation.

[Dad, interjecting]: Entirely? Even when he kept addressing the three of them as “Girl Talk,” over and over?

J.M.: No — I told him, “Please begin or end every sentence with ‘Girl Talk.’” And there was one thing — I’d said, “Why don’t you talk about making ‘A Serious Man’ with the Coen brothers?” And at one point Richard says, “I was saying to Scott Rudin …,” and one of the girls says, “You said this to Rudin?” [All laugh.]

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Official Nicole Ruling: If you are a vegetarian or a vegan, you can absolutely choose not to have animal products at your own damn wedding and people can stop for a hot dog after if they so wish:

My fiancée and I are getting married this summer. We are both vegetarian for moral reasons. However, we have no issue with other people eating meat, would never frown upon what anyone else chooses to eat, and have no problem to sit at a table served with meat dishes.

We are in the process of organizing our wedding and choosing a caterer. We have talked about it and decided that we don’t want to serve meat, for a few reasons:

1. We would like to be able to taste everything served, and we won’t be able to if the dishes are non-vegetarian.

2. We don’t feel comfortable serving a mass amount of meat in a celebration of our love.

I talked to some friends of mine and my parents, and they claim that it’s a bit of an asshole move and that we should have at least one dish of meat, otherwise we are “punishing the guests”. In my opinion, it shouldn’t be such a big deal - we are inviting family and close friends, they all know we’re vegetarian... WIBTA if I only serve a variety of vegetarian dishes at my wedding?

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ONE MORE CHONK:

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Listen to Captain Awkward. Leave M alone:

Here is my dilemma:

I am currently in my second year of college. At the beginning of last school year, I became friends with a girl [M] and we both hit it off. We instantly became best friends and spent a lot of time together, including with my family (I live close to school). We grew close and so I decided to shoot my shot and ask her out. I was politely turned down and said she wanted to just be friends. She was really cool about it and never made me feel uncomfortable about the situation.
Over the course of the last year we got extremely close to each other and were inseparable. I never really did lose feelings for her and that became a problem eventually.

She was in a relationship with someone from back home, but they were constantly on the rocks and had even been on-and-off over the year. This left me with the slightest bit of hope that things might change. That being said, I was always respectful of [M] and her relationship. I rarely asked about the situation or pry into her relationship — I always let her bring it up.

She went away for the summer (abroad) and I was ok with the distance — a lot better than I thought I would be. So when we came back from summer break, I tried to pursue other people (romantically), but I never felt the same connection I had with [M], with anyone else. I then talked to her about it and that led me to telling her my feelings, to which she had no response other than being gracious for my kind words. Things were seemingly normal for the next couple of days, and we made no mention of the discussion.

After a few days, she did not talk to me or text me. This was not normal at all.

Once I talked to her (a whole two weeks later), she let me know that she felt uncomfortable about what I said and that I had crossed a line, “Something a friend doesn’t do.” Noting how her relationship with her boyfriend was rocky but was committed to him. I apologized profusely, admitted I made a mistake and crossed a line. She accepted and said that she was unsure how to proceed with our friendship and need time/space. Especially since I knew that she had a boyfriend and already turned me down previous.l I agreed and admitted that I put myself in an emotionally unhealthy situation, by spending so much time with her if she was never going to be interested in anything more than a friendship.

Since then, we have not spoken to each other beyond a greeting and in class we don’t say hello to each other (she sits in front of me in class). We go to a small college and have a class together, but it was as though we had never known each other. When we pass each other around campus, a greeting is barely shared. This has left me confused, hurt, and sad.

I am not delusional and expect us to become best friends again, but I don’t think we have to ignore each other and pretend we don’t exist. I feel like I have no closure about the situation which hurts the most.

I have no idea what to do. I want to at least talk to her and see what she was to say about the situation, now that it has been over a month since we last talked — at all.
Do I try to talk to her or let things be and just try to get over it?

Thanks for reading, any help is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
— S.

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You are awesome, you are not an asshole:

I hate some of my Dad’s friends. One guy in particular is my Dad’s former carpenter. He’s a super Uber Christian and is a raging homophobe. I don’t mean like “oooo I disagree with gays politically no gay marriage sanctities of marriage.” He literally talks about gay people dying and burning in hell gleefully. He has mentioned how gay marriage will lead to sex with children and animals, and has said Russia has the right idea with the gay bashing’s. I have expressed to both my parents how much I HATE this guy and his homophobe wife, but they continue to invite these people to our house and force me to interact with them.

So Carpenter pulls me into a conversation I don’t really want to have at the party. I told him about college apps and going to Cape Cod this summer with my friends. He commented “oh, God hasn’t burned that place down or thrown it into the ocean yet?” I was super mad so I responded, “Guess I didn’t notice, I was too busy having sex with other girls!” I apparently was really loud, because a lot of people looked over. My Dad immediately ran up and started doing damage control mostly “ohhh teenagers say the darndest things lol how silly!!!” But both Carpenter and his wife were mad at the “disrespect” and left. Now both of my parents are super mad at me but I’m mad at them for forcing me to play nice with this guy for so long, even though they’ve known I’m a lesbian for years.

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Classic:

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Tremendous love for all of you. You are the true heroes. I love each and every one of you. I hope you have a thrilling day, filled with successes both personal and professional.

xoxoxo

n