it's Thursday

Let’s get INTO IT, shall we? Let’s start with our Featured Pet(s) of the Day, Mab and Professor Fuzzy Ears.

This is Mab. As her human companion, Ruth, reports: “There is no good picture of the two of them together because they just look pissed if they’re within five feet of one another.”

“I adopted Mab six years ago from friends who were fostering her. Unbeknownst to me, they were thinking of keeping her but then let me have her since I was going through a breakup. I will be forever in their debt.”

This is Professor Fuzzy Ears, he belongs to Ruth’s boyfriend. His interests include shedding.

Thanks so much, Ruth and Mab and Professor Fuzzy Ears! And to everyone who sends in their pets, going through them is my favourite part of my “job.”


It is "my job," according to Bf, to get/make/decide dinner every night. (That's another post in itself) I asked tonight if he would please just come with me for the ride, never happens. He said he didn't want to, I said I didn't want to go by myself to get it either, he said "let's just not eat then." This was not a joke. I am very upset about this, is that justified? I know we need to talk about this, but I am curious to know if anyone else experiences this in their relationships?

this is so aggravatingly endemic (see also, who makes the coffee):

I’ve noticed in my office that nearly all of the holiday planning responsibilities fall to women. This is in a traditionally male-dominated industry where there has been progress in hiring/promoting women, but we’re still generally underrepresented. However, in the party planning efforts, usually all, or all but one, of the representatives are women.

This isn’t some vast management conspiracy. Usually what happens is a call for volunteers goes out, everyone ignores it, and each component organization either designates a representative or a woman volunteers. I don’t think it’s intentional in any way, but I can’t help but be frustrated that these types or roles always seem to fall to women.

Is this actually a problem? If so, whose responsibility is it to ensure a diverse representation in these things? How do they best do that? And how do I, as a low-level manager in this organization, approach it with my leadership?

In case you missed it, this glorious profile of the retired Tina Turner is truly life-affirming:

KÜSNACHT, Switzerland— There is a metal plaque on the gate to Tina Turner’s estate that says “Vor 12.00 Uhr nicht läuten, keine Lieferungen,” which I believe is German for “Do not even think about bothering Tina Turner before noon.”

She was the symbol of rock ’n’ roll stamina for 50 years. Her “Proud Mary” was 175 percent longer than the original, and John Fogerty didn’t even dance. She became a star with Ike Turner in her 20s, escaped his abuse in her 30s, fought her way up the pop charts in her 40s, toured the world through her 60s, and now she would like to sleep in.

So I arrived at 2. Erwin Bach, Turner’s lovely German husband, fetched me in his SUV and delivered me to the house, which is named — did you think Tina Turner’s house would not have a name? — the Chateau Algonquin. It has cartoon palace energy: ivy snaking up the walls, gardeners manicuring the shrubs, a life-size two-legged horse sculpture suspended from a domed ceiling, a framed rendering of Turner as an Egyptian queen, a room stuffed with gilded Louis XIV style sofas and, sprawled on one of them, Tina Turner herself.

if this is really what you want, he can deal or he can go:

so I have, what is known as, “tuberous breasts” where during puberty the breast tissue doesn’t develop like it should. the breasts develop droopy & the areolas are large & not proportional to the size of my breast. my plastic surgeon has confirmed this is what it is & told me that if I wanted to correct it, surgery is the only option. the surgery would include releasing the constricted tissue & then an implant will be placed above the muscle.

I am extremely insecure of my breasts, always have been. because I know they don’t look normal. I just want to be confident with my body & feel sexy when i take my shirt off.

I mentioned this procedure to my boyfriend & he immediately shot it down. he says he doesn’t want a girl with “fake boobs”. he won’t even listen to me when I tell him how gross my breasts make me feel.

I 100% plan on going through with the surgery. I told my doctor up front that I did not want large breasts, just full breasts & he told me that was absolutely achievable. boyfriend still does not agree. my appointment is in April, the day before mine & my bf’s anniversary & 3 days after my 22nd birthday.

please tell me if i’m doing the right thing. is there any way to explain to him how this makes me feel? any advice is appreciated.

you can ask people to wear pants in your home:

My stepson is 23, making a LOT of money and decided to move back home with myself and my husband in order to get a head start on saving $$ for a home a few months back.

I was very pleased to have him back as we get on very well and I missed him when he initially moved out. Maybe this is my own fault, but the boy who went off to college was a sensitive quiet individual and the person who he is now is loud, reckless, arrogant, and cocky to live with. He’s changed a lot since college / the short time he was living on his own. He fights with his dad all the time. and only listens to me I believe because I’m pretty much like his mom.

I know he’s young and successful and I know he’ll take time to calm down because he’s riding a high but one of the things that I just can’t get behind is him traipsing around the house practically naked (I’m talking just in his ck’s)

I host many wine and film evenings with my friends, or book club meetings, we do frequent meet ups at my house and at the risk of sounding like a prude, my friends and I are all older women and some of our group are religious and conform to ideas of modesty. I myself don’t think it’s appropriate he wonders around naked.

I spoke to him privately about this and he said that he gets really hot in the house because I always have the heater turned on (true, I guess) and that it’s no big deal especially since my husband does the same. The difference is, my husband won’t wonder past the the lounge where all my friends can see him, and he certainly won’t wonder into the kitchen to get a drink when we are baking etc.

Last night my friends were over again because we were discussing the Halloween party that we are planning and going over decor- this boy came in nearly ass naked again and my friend Mary told me afterwards that she’ll have to stop coming because it’s uncomfortable to see him wondering around the place like that.

I apologized and offered to stop hosting at my place but it’s convenient for most of us so they said no. I think I’ll have to threaten my stepson with eviction if this keeps up because frankly it’s my house and my rules and if he doesn’t listen he knows where the door is. at the same time, he’s my boy and I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive because at the end of the day I guess it’s just pants- maybe it’s something normal for young people and I’m too old!

pay them, I guess, but they are being truly ridiculous:

My sixteen year old son and I went to a wedding. When we got the invitation, we both chose to order chicken for the main course. There was an option to select a kid's meal version of each dish, but I never considered ordering one for my son because he is too old for kid's meals. I sent in the RSVP card with our meal selections and never heard anything about it.

At the wedding, my son and I got our food, but the table was one chicken meal short. The waiter had a small plate of chicken fingers and fries, but everyone at the table told him it must be a mistake because we didn't have any kids sitting with us. The waiters were able to put together an extra chicken plate for the person who didn't get one, and it seemed all was well.

I later got a call from the bride's parents, who told me that the chicken fingers had been for my son, and that I had caused the caterer to charge them for the extra adult chicken meal. I told them my son had asked for the adult meal, but they said he should have had the kid's meal because he's under eighteen. They said I should have known he was meant to have a kid's meal and that I should have asked for clarification if I wasn't sure. But I wasn't unsure, I never thought for a second that my son would have a kid's meal. Ten and under I would think would have kid's meals and eleven to thirteen is questionable, but fourteen and up I would never think would have a kid's meal. The bride's parents told me it's normal for anyone under eighteen to get a kid's meal, but I've never heard of eighteen being the cutoff. I think it's rude to feed a sixteen year old a meal meant for a six year old.

WIBTA if I refused to pay for the extra meal and told them it was their mistake for changing my son's order? I know wedding meals are expensive, but I think this was their mistake.

this is probably bacterial vaginosis and you should be polite and straightforward and suggest she sees a doctor bc “your smell has changed”:

I'm autistic, and I struggle with how to approach things sensitively, so I could use help. Also, we are both women.

My partner is extremely fastidious and washes herself quite well, and takes pride in her hygiene. However, as of a few weeks ago, her vagina has smelled.............. downright rancid, to put it bluntly. It's a rotten smell, not just a funky smell, like a fish that's been left in the sun, if that helps narrow down what it could be. If she has been sitting in a chair in jeans and underwear, when she gets up, the chair will smell for hours. It's really bad, and I'm not sure what it could be.

And, no, she doesn't have any STDs.

I don't know how to bring this up to her. I haven't gone down on her in weeks because of it, though, and have just had to say I'm not "in the mood" but I know eventually she is going to catch on and I need to know what to say.

TL;DR My rather clean, fastidious partner's vagina smells rotten and I don't know what to say.

I love you all so much. You are very dear to me.