OMG Congratulations! That's amazing and I'm legit tearing up because this must have been SO. TOUGH. for all of you, and how amazing it must feel to have reached this milestone! Cheers to all of you!
I got married on Friday and it was very fun. The courthouse was busy with marriages and doing them all outdoors so we can stand far away from each other. There were like 20 other couples, at least. We had no rings and a judge pulled two random ones out of her pocket because presumably she just has a jar full of gumball machine rings somewhere. Then we went to our favorite burger drive through and got food and went home. We watched Train to Busan while I sewed facemasks. What a day.
What a delight filled update! I am picturing Maya Rudolph as The Good Place Judge pulling out gumball machine rings and it fits. Hoping you have a wonderful homeymoon and can celebrate your marriage with friends and family soon!
MY DREAM WEDDING AND I LOATHE THE THINGS (bc My free labor subsidized countless in my 20’s of friends too broke to have 150 table top affairs but did anyway)
We also loath the things as well. Judging by the questions and comments from well-meaning family after the wedding, we would have had A LOT of input on what and how we should do things if we had a traditional wedding. This was perfect and way more relaxing.
It's my birthday today. 37! I actually find celebrating a little stressful, so I'm slightly relieved to have the excuse not to. My coworker dropped off a little bag with a slice of bundt cake and a card (she put it on my stoop, no human interaction required), which was extremely sweet of her. I keep wanting to cry but I think that's just because I'm on my period and it's a stressful time.
My great uncle passed away yesterday. He was really more of a grandfather, and a truly earnestly great man. All I want to do today is think about him and talk about him and read his favorite books.
He was a really tough old former bartender, scary Irish guy. He showed up to every dance and violin recital with a bouquet of flowers and he and I had a "secret sign language" way of telling each other we loved each other, by making a triangle with our fingers. He did it to me every time I got on stage, including my college graduation.
I have nearly finished knitting my second jumper of isolation. I knew spending the last decade hoarding yarn would pay off. I hope you're all keeping well and occupied and safe.
One was about 80% done and the other was in chunky yarn (also I own a haberdashery and yarn shop so it's literally my job!) But thank you! They are a great comfort to me right now.
HELLO all you lovelies. I seem to remember that a subset of y'all play D&D. Any chance we could get a group together on Zoom or Roll20 or whatever for a game or two?
In other developments, my sister delivered her baby on Saturday, doing a home birth with a midwife since she judged it unwise to go to the hospital, and I am so freaking proud of her (and utterly besotted with my new nephew) that I could pop. Moments of grace in an awful time.
We have 3 cats right now and are above the pet limit, so we're waiting to hear back from the complex before we move forward. I've been refreshing my email every 5 minutes, so anxiousss
I emailed my new landlord Friday trying to convince her to let us foster - our lease says "pets on approval" and my fingers and toes are all crossed for her response. I fostered dogs when I lived alone a few years ago and it is SO incredibly rewarding!
I am in self-quarantine from my husband, though hopefully by this weekend I can un-quarantine. Having the bedroom to myself means I'm working while laying down and watching TV, which feels very Nicole. I'm binging Elite, watering my plants, and generally just am delighted with a week in bed, despite the current circumstances. I have a dramatic red satin gown from Playful Promises, I've finished writing my second romance novel, and I'm generally just feeling very Edith Wharton about the whole thing.
I got laid off last Thursday and am feeling pretty devastated. But, on the upside, I’ve taken my ample free time and finally started working on my book. When life gives you lemons...
Also, I live in New Zealand and me and my partner have been away from each other for three weeks, which is really hard. So all of that is a thing. I hope y'all are all good.
I feel like I've been looking forward to this release my entire life (mostly because I've always wanted more since I first played the game 20+ years ago, and none of the other FF titles have hit the same way), and reading your review really reignited my excitement! And since I pre-ordered a while ago, I just realized that it's being released on what is (for me) the first day of a three-day weekend, so I'm super jazzed!
This is such good news! FFVII definitely kicked off my love of RPGs, and I've had plenty of others I've loved over the years (Neverwinter Nights, the Guild Wars world, Dragon Ages), but picking up FFVIII and other FF titles was always such a let down. I remember just dropping those games and playing FFVII again.
I know fuck-all about video games but I read it so you got my click! And I sent it to my video game designer son and asked him to explain it to me, so you will get his, too!
Hello friends! I have been doing a daily pep talk/affirmation for my Twitter followers like the end of Nicole's newsletter since I love it so much, and it's so great! It makes my friends feel better, it makes me feel better, it's a win win.
Here's today's, in case you're missing Nicole's: Good morning friends! We made it to Monday! I'm so proud of you. People miss seeing your gorgeous face in real life (I do!) but what you're doing is important and keeping people safe. Damn! We are so lucky to have friends and neighbors like you.
HELLO, DO YOU NEED/WANT FACE MASKS? I am making them and giving them away free to anyone who needs them, especially if you're in groceries/delivery or have elderly family or even if you just feel anxious without one. I can customize for adult vs kid sizes, filter pocket or no filter pocket, plain white or patterns, ties vs elastic (although there is an elastic shortage right now?? so I'm trying to shunt the elastic ones to kids or people who would have trouble tying their own ties.) I'm bnharrison over at the bird site. Don't put me on blast or anything but feel free to direct individual friends my way.
I ordered a bunch of cloth facemasks online yesterday hopefully they will get here soon. My husband is a pharmacist for walgreens and they’ve been given 1 face mask to use and I’m worried.
I can send you a couple just in case. People have told me there are big shipping delays. I'm hoping to get my first batch in the mail by the end of the week.
All my Kindle library books have been hitting my inbox early (I guess people are reading a lot in quarantine) so I zoomed through both Jessica Simpson's and Demi Moore's this week. Honestly I never knew much or cared about either of these ladies but I recommend both autobiographies. I admire their hard-won self awareness and how they've worked through their shit. What the entertainment industry does to young women is just harrowing. Also John Mayer is tool.
I'm not really familiar with her work (I'm too old) but I will check it out! The best celeb memoir of all time is Joan Crawford "My Way of Life" but I also have to give a shout-out to Rona Barrett's "How to Look Rich and Achieve Sexual Ecstasy" the paperback of which I bought in college and which recommended making love in a bathtub full of jello. Which I actually did do in my dorm bathroom, ahem. I bought the unflavored kind so we wouldn't get stained orange or lime. Reader, we are still married lo these 32 years later (no, we are not).
Yesterday was grey and chilly and I wept fiercely over the dissolution of the fabric of society and the travesty of the US federal govt disaster response. Today it's sunny and I'm excited about the garden, proud of my darling indoor cat becoming a fearsome mouser, grateful for my objectively optimal-considering-the-circumstances life situation...I'm emotionally solar-powered even when I have other means of self-regulation, but lately I feel completely at the weather's mercy.
Thank you to everyone who sent good thoughts for my grandpa in one of the last open threads. He made it back to Wisconsin from Florida safe and sound, as far as I know. It's one less thing weighing on my mind.
Also, I just found out yesterday that HBO Go is currently offering 500 free hours of streaming, so I spent all day watching Barry, which is as amazing as everyone had led me to believe. I have the last 2 episodes of season 2 left and I am very excited to reach dinner time tonight to watch them. Next up will be Succession, obviously. Any other recommendations on things I have been missing out on? Otherwise I will just rewatch Band of Brothers for the 500th time.
Rome! Sadly only 22 episodes (canceled because it was was apparently hella expensive), but thus full of lush ridiculous locations and production values, and an amazing cast that Game of Thrones and other would later raid.
It's definitely worth trying Avenue 5! From the creator of Veep, a dark comedy about a commercial space cruise gone wrong. Hugh Laurie stars--it's a little uneven but totally worth the amazing bits that work well if you get into it.
Thanks for reminding me of this! I'm going to watch My Brilliant Friend, the Elena Ferante Neapolitan novels adaptation! I think season 2 just premiered.
It’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m sad. I’m turning 40 and I was hoping the celebrate it with friends to offset some of the cultural bullshit about turning 40. 40!!!
I hope everyone is hanging in there and doing okay-ish. <3 I unlocked the quarantine achievement: baking bread this morning, so that's a highlight. Other than that, I quickly running out of recipes that I have stored in my brain and I can't leisurely stroll through a grocery store right now to get inspired bc every trip to the store is a freaking anxiety attack. Where do y'all get receipe inspirations?
Dried mushrooms! Chopped up while they're still dry. Last week I made my congee with a mix of red rice and jasmine rice. Soaked the rice and mushrooms in the veggie scrap stock* overnight. Added the ginger, garlic, and salt in the morning before turning on the instant pot. Topped with the roasted veggies, scallions, soy sauce, and sesame oil.
Previously I had tried cooking the root veggies in the congee. That batch turned out too beety for my taste.
*I have many bags in the freezer of scraps that can still be used. Stems from kale, spinach, parsley, cilantro for winter pesto. Apple cores destined to jelly. Corn cobs for corn stock. Other vegetable peels get boiled with spices for my veggie stock.
Smitten Kitchen, Serious Eats, Food 52. Bon Appetit and Saveur pre-COVID, with Saveur you barely have to change much (if at all). BA's pretty reliable too, at least for me.
Also, my favorite thing to make when I have no bandwidth to cook is a frittata. Pick two vegetables out of the fridge, gently fry or boil them (depending on vegetable), pour into frying pan, salt and pepper and any spice, add whisked eggs, let set (this is all low heat stuff), put in oven on 160 degrees celsius. Delicious, nutritious, infinitely variable if you just have eggs.
Cosigning for Smitten Kitchen, also always enjoy Ktchn & Food 52. If you have Hulu, Jamie's Quick & Easy is inspiring and very relaxing. I have the accompanying cookbook and use it constantly. Every recipe has just 5 ingredients (though some are little harder to find) and they're super easy.
My library offers lots of cookbooks on their digital app, so I've been checking out recipes that way. I especially recommend Ella Risbridger's Midnight Chicken (really lovely, soothing, and flexible) and Priya Krishna's Indian-ish (very delicious).
Samin's Home Cooking podcast for speaking to the current situation with love.
Perusing my cookbook shelf (or the libraries. Do they have digital access to cookbook shelves?), especially church/community cookbooks.
NY Times cooking section has gotten me hooked too.
Seconding, BA videos for comfort viewing videos.
Seconding, Budget Bytes for being enough like the way I cook by default that it's easy to direct to sous chefs who aren't as confident in the kitchen. (I love her dragon noodles.)
Other frequently referenced blogs that haven't come up: Pinch of Yum, Half Baked Harvest, Maangchi, Vanilla Garlic archives, Desert Candy archives.
I made Sour Cherry hand pies yesterday with vodka crust and they were the best pies I've ever made. (I don't bake a lot because we're trying to do lower-carb and bread things are our big addiction.) I'm browsing a lot of baking websites for inspiration. (this one was from the Big Food Big Love cookbook)
Today I had a lengthy conversation with my mom about my anxiety and depression. I've never been able to be so candid with her about it because she has always been fairly dismissive when I bring it up. I've been on medication for 4 years but struggling since middle school. But this entire pandemic situation has made her so anxious that it's like a light bulb went off for her. She apologized for not taking my mental health seriously in the past and promised to do better. I feel awful that she had to feel the same way in order to understand where I was coming from all these years, but I feel like it's only going to make our relationship stronger now that this elephant in the room is gone. Love to you all. Call your moms.
Does anyone else find themselves missing creativity? This is honestly such a minor thing (my family is healthy, we have flexible jobs) but between working and parenting I have no mental energy left for the hour max of free time I can find at the end of the day. Before all this started I was finally writing regularly again and doing some other personal side-projects, and that's gone.
Yep. I was 70% through a big novel revision and then just...stopped writing. Every so often I open my ms and stare and then close it again. I'm so stressed (I work in a grocery store kitchen, so it's both dull, since most of what we do isn't currently allowed, and terrifying, 'cause grocery store.) I just have nothing.
Oof, that's rough. I'm fantasizing about when this is all over being able to go to a coffee shop or a library and having two hours to at least stare at a text editor with no other obligations. (Maybe I'll even write something).
Is anybody else just... frozen? It's not that I'm expecting myself to be productive in self-isolation - it's that I can't make myself do ANYTHING except sit on my couch. I've stopped going for walks, stopped exercising in my living room, even going out for groceries is so terrifying I put it off for days. I'm worried.
I was stuck in this place for what felt like ages! I still visit it pretty often, tbh. It's frightening and lonely; my heart goes out to you.
I found that it was essential to recognize and give myself credit for the moments when I *wasn't* frozen: every time I successfully sent an email, texted a friend, took a shower, even made a cup of tea. Sometimes I make "to done" lists instead of "to do" lists: a list of everything I did that day, whatever it was. It helps me focus on "wins" instead of "losses", creates a sense of momentum, and generally helps me feel like I have some of my shit together. I think of it as counting Up From Zero instead of Down From One Hundred, because we never finish 100% of what we want to, anyway! And especially not now.
Also: I regret to report that going outside for brief stretches of fresh air and exercise really does help. I was anxious and sad and resentful every time someone suggested this to me, but they were right. Sometimes when I feel stuck, a little jerkish part of me *wants* to stay stuck, and I have to fight that impulse. So I pushed against my burgeoning agoraphobia and went for a walk, and it didn't suck.
I had a day or two like this-I really struggle when there's absolutely no structure and so many options. It's like a decision paralysis. I try to tell myself to just pick one thing and be ok with doing just that, but it doesn't always work. Usually when I can just do one thing it snaps me out of it, but it's so hard! All the sympathies.
I'm struggling with this right now. I was afraid to go outside for the first couple of weeks, which was really unlike me, and even though that has eased up, I'm still not doing a whole lot. I think the best thing for me has been to accept invitations to do things with friends and family over video chat -- my family did a 3 minute powerpoint party over Zoom, which is great. I hope you have people who can take on some of that activation energy for you; that's the main thing that has helped me. That, and doing tiny things like stretching for thirty seconds or organizing one bookshelf.
I hear you. I have been listening to a new podcast - Checking In with Susan David - that helps me. "Fear, boredom, grief, confusion—we're all feeling... a lot right now. How do we cope with our heightened emotions during this global pandemic? Susan David—a psychologist at Harvard Medical School—is here to offer us strategies. This show is an urgent response to an urgent moment—a support system, toolkit, and understanding voice during a time of great uncertainty." Maybe it can help you, too? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/checking-in-with-susan-david/id1504596643
100% this is me. I think I spent the first couple weeks of this mess just frozen in the fetal position on the couch scrolling my phone, subsisting on cheezits and whatever my boyfriend made. I think at a certain point my brain just couldn't take it anymore and I got a little bit better. I think this is probably a normal response to unprecedented trauma but is still very hard. Slowly I have been able to do things again like cooking or walking, but it still kills me when I see a post from someone saying that we should all be learning a new skill or being productive in this time - feels impossible!
On top of all this bs, I’ve found out my identity has been stolen and the person applied for two credit cards and blew through about $2k US money. In my country, identity theft is not a crime unless you’re the company who has been defrauded. So I’ve been calling banks today and crying and getting a credit report and calling again and crying more.
I made raid-the-fridge chocolate-coffee brownies (cocoa mix + instant coffee), with margarine instead of butter, and my God, I'm glad they lasted four days because I was on my period and really needed that chocolate.
I was going to tear a colleague's head off last week (summer is also in full swing where I'm from so it is hot) and then realized a) it's a pandemic, I would regret it if I said or did anything unkind, b) it's summer and the heat is a fucking pain, and c) I also feel like tearing people's heads off when I'm on my period so maybe it's that. And it was.
The one detail from my recipe that I use with all cookies now is that when baking you put your racks in the upper- and lower- middle positions, and halfway through the baking time you switch and rotate your sheets (so that the sheet on the bottom rack moves to the top rack spun around so that the cookies that were nearest your door are now at the back of the oven and vice versa).
I am very bad at growing plants, even though I think it’s fascinating, but I put some leek cuttings in water and that baby is GROWING. I am strangely proud and hope that my kids don’t destroy her in their daily quarantine wreckage of the house.
I've been furloughed for two months at my startup, and I have to apply for unemployment tomorrow, and I really hate doing forms of this kind because they set off all my authority stuff of "you have to do it perfectly but there may be ways of screwing it up that no one will tell you until you've already screwed them up and they punish you for it" and just, you know, please hold your thumbs for me, I'm so nervous I'm going to get turned down for some obscure reason and there will be nothing I can do about it because they're already overwhelmed with people needing to talk to someone.
Hi! I think I've commented here before, but I wanted to say hi again. It's been a long time since I joined a forum..... Anyway I live in Idaho, where very little happens, and if a year's worth of reading Nicole's newsletter is any indication this seems like a cool place to ride out the Spring Of Tedium.
My new job of four weeks laid me off temporarily while my city is under shelter-in-place order, so I filed for unemployment, and now my old toxic employer is sending me emails telling me I "can't" certify for benefits and "need" to call them and deal with them directly because the state sent them wrong paperwork - and CC'd the guy who is my reference on all the emails. Like 50% of the state is filing for unemployment, there are going to be mistakes! And what do they expect me to do about it?!
It sounds like your old employer doesn't understand that even though you left them voluntarily, because they were your employer within the past X months they still have to fill out paperwork now that you've involuntarily lost your employment elsewhere.
Don't stress out about this; there's nothing you NEED to do directly, and nothing you do would change what your state is going to ask of from them, which is to provide them with information to confirm your wages and dates of employment. It doesn't matter if they put up a stink with the state, the state has your application, and can see that they aren't the employer who furloughed you. If they get in contact with the state, the state will be able to tell them as much. If your past employer doesn't return the paperwork, that only gets them in trouble with the state and not you. However, if you are in a place (mentally and professionally) to contact the person at your old job who sent you these emails, I would recommend doing so, and referring them to direct their questions about the paperwork to the state, just to stop them from emailing you and your references again (which is awful, I'm so glad you're not there now). Also, did they send copies of the paperwork in their email? I ask because it likely has your SSN on it, so you might want to follow up with your reference to ask them to please delete and disregard.
This is amazing advice, Brooke, thank you. I basically ended up doing just this this morning, told them my application was accurate to the best of my knowledge and it would be best to refer their questions to the state directly. I also called my State Representative's office to be like "do I need to do anything?!" and the helpful guy there was like "no, if they're so worried they need to contact someone at the unemployment bureau, which they should have already done if they're not dumbasses."
Luckily the guy who is my reference send a conciliatory sort of "sorry you're unemployed" email at the tail end of all this so I think I can still count on him to not say mean things about me. Meanwhile I certified for benefits and am thanking my lucky stars I don't work there anymore.
I hit the sad and frustrated guess I am going to cry now wall yesterday. I know I have it so lucky right now but it doesn't make me feel any better or any more accepting.
I think my total work productivity was sending one email because all other work is currently blocked by one thing or another. Last week I was optimistic or at least productive, and now I just want to lie on my bed and cry.
Update: I spoke to my manager, which was a comfort that their read on the situation was the same as mine. So it's not just me being feeble, it is in fact The World As It Is.
Now I am listening to partner play the bass while muted on a conference call. I have taken to doing embroidery on mine.
My husband smart man started a category on time sheet called Covid Q productivity lost time for when he has to do house/family stuff since all stuck here. XO
I think I am doing ok. It's weird a lot of people in my office (my work situation being firmly in the "its complicated" but we're still paying everyone and no one has to go in) have developed this uber optimism which is so not my speed right now. And I know some people are taking comfort in like planning for when this is over, but given the uncertainties I have given up future plans really. EXCEPT for right before this I was interviewing for a job in Montreal that I really want and I think they really want me (they continue to regularly update me even throughout all this).
Also I had a virtual bday party for one of my friends and she's like SUPER into being productive rn, which is baffling to me because my normally amazing focus has been completely and utterly shot. I did recreate the knives out sweater in animal crossing and I am proud of that.
Really feeling the “formerly avid readers who can no longer read.” I would have thought I would read so much. But I’ve read one book towards the beginning of all this and now all I do is play Animal Crossing and have anxiety.
Ugh I am also in this boat. Making my way very, very slowly through Little Women right now, and trying some cozy-mystery-type audiobooks in hopes it'll catch my attention.
I'm the sucker who got The Mirror and the Light (700+ pages!!) out the library right before this all went down... I'm getting through it! But really slowly
I've finished a few books, mostly audiobooks but even that is iffy at best. I'm glad its a thing cause I normally read A TON. I do recommend the one book I really inhaled was Only Mostly Devasted, which is a gay YA book that loosely borrows the premise of Grease where summer romance ends and then one of them actually moves to town. Also got the audiobook to Hex (new book not the horror book by the Dutch guy) which is read by Jenny Slate, I haven't finished it yet but its short and I am very much hooked.
Can...can i just...post a comment? Just like that? I've been reading for weeks now and I talked all about you all and especially Nicky to my therapist today because the disordered eating thread really helped me recognize it was a learned brain pattern in response to anxiety and NOT the objective reality of what my body looks like or should be. Thank you! I hope you are all doing as ok as you possibly can and you're doing everything right no matter what that looks like for you.
I hit 4 gallons of blood and blood products donated this weekend. I am very proud of myself and hope those of you who are eligible under the regressive blood donation policy will consider helping the national blood supply during this time. If you have blood donation questions or questions about blood products like platelets and plasma feel free to ask me (US only). I hope you all are sheltered in place and not feeling too much strain.
Whole blood is a single needle process that takes about 45 minutes. Platelets or platelets and plasma is a double needle procedure that takes 2-2.5 hours. One needle goes into each arm and hooks you to an a phaeresis machine. Your blood is filtered by the machine to remove the platelets or platelets and plasma, and your red cells come back into your body through the second needle. Your body rebuilds its store of platelets in about 48 hours, so you can donate them as often as once a week - I give it two weeks based on personal experience. Because you keep your red cells, it's my experience that you are less drained and dizzy than whole blood. They have special beds for you so you don't get uncomfortable during the process and will usually provide some way to watch a movie so you don't get bored. Platelets are in constant demand because they are used for cancer patients and less people are willing to do something that takes that long. There's usually an a phaeresis coordinator for your region who can answer specific questions about your facilities. If you don't mind sitting still - and the nurses will scratch your nose or hold a drink for you - it's a great way to help out.
Good morning everyone! My partner and I finally made use of the exercise mats we ordered a few weeks ago and did some Brazilian jiu-jitsu, that was fun.
We also made brownies from the Ghirardelli brownie mix and agreed that they were just as good as, if different from, the Betty Crocker mix. (Any other boxed brands, feel free to recommend - I am tickled by the prospect of coming out of this period with a connoisseur's knowledge of the different brownie mixes on the market.)
If you have Costco access, they sell the Ghirardelli mix in a giant box with 6 packs of mix in it. (This is the only mix I can speak to because my partner has his mom or my mom pick one up whenever they offer to do Costco for us so I haven't eaten any other kind in years.)
Y'all-- have you been getting chain-mail type emails that are either "empowering words" or a recipe swap?? The kind where there are 2 names listed, you put yours as 1 of them, then BCC to like 40+ people?? I KEEP GETTING THEM and I literally do NOT have the bandwidth to participate. I feel horrible. But chain letters reallyyyyy trigger me. Do I reply back to the person who sent it and apologize for being a scrooge? I feel so guilty. Like, it's a 5-minute process, but I KEEP GETTING THEM....
What, no, just delete and never look back. You do not need to respond anymore than you need to send "decline with regrets" cards to pre-approved credit card offers.
If you're getting them from one specific person (I was) then I think it's worth a brief, cheerful reply that these aren't your thing so please don't send you any more, hope they're doing okay, etc. But if you're getting them from all sides, delete without looking back!!
I and some coworkers got these in our work inboxes - it's like we've reverted back to the high school chain emails of yore. I deleted mine and don't feel bad about it!
I've gotten the bulk of them at work-- 5 and counting (!!!) which is easier to blow off. But now their coming from friends, SIL, etc. and I'm just NOT GONNA PLAY
I ate an entire loaf of banana bread yesterday, whoops. My husband was kind of furloughed last week ("stay home til you hear otherwise" is literally all he was told) so now we're trying to figure out how to actually get any of the relief money that was authorized, so that should be fun.
I don't have that thread, but a key tip I remember from either that thread or a similar one is to ask for an itemized bill of all charges, because they always knock stuff like the $15 Tylenol off.
Unfortunately it’s just one blood test that her doctor told her she had to take at the beginning of her pregnancy, and her insurance won’t cover it so the lab is charging her $7000.
Kaiser Health News (separate org from the hospitals) has a really good series called Bill of the Month on high medical bills full of advice on how to negotiate them. They’ve had a few lately specifically on high lab costs, whether from your doctor sending your samples to an out of network lab or a test they won’t approve.
Good grief! They're asking $7k for a pregnancy test, aren't they? (You don't have to say.) But there may still be sub-items. LabCorp charges separately for the blood draw and for the actual test, for instance, and if they actually ran multiple tests (I feel like this happens a lot) it will show on an itemized bill and she might get them to knock some off.
The tip I remember is to ask for a discount for paying it right away (this is worth it to them because the alternative is to pay someone to hound you, or to sell the debt for pennies on the dollar to a medical debt collector, whom you can also ask for a discount.)
Nearly done with quarantine so I'm all set to move back in with my parents soon. I'm looking forward to seeing them for the first time in more than two years, but I'm also bracing myself for a lot of... issues coming up. I haven't been home for more than a two week visit since I was 18. Now I'll be living at home again indefinitely. It's going to take an effort not to regress to a teenage mindset under these conditions (and god, was I an irritating teenager).
Also, my dad is a nutcase who believes we should just let the virus run its course, ignoring the fact that, as a man in his mid-sixties who's been a chain smoker for fifty years, he's basically marked for death in that situation. He's not great at acknowledging governmental authority at the best of times. Lately - well, just a couple of days ago someone called the cops on him because he was burning brush despite a provincial fire ban and honestly it's a miracle he didn't mouth off and get himself arrested. Mom says he's been ranting about it all weekend. So yeah. Fun times ahead!
Sending you good luck and fortitude! I wish my parents (divorced, living alone) had someone else around, but there's just no way it's going to be me. If either of them gets sick I hope I can still win in arm-wrestling against my sister.
Nicole I think it's important that you know that I introduced my 4 year old to Hadestown this weekend. She was loving it, so I instantly ordered her a book of Greek mythology. My nerd heart is very pleased with this development.
The project managers who run my working life just changed the way our team allocates time and balances workloads to reflect the fact that one one is working as fast as normal, and that's fine. And it was the most humane thing, and made me sniffly after I got off our Monday morning meeting call.
Okay guys. Here's a problem that seemed like one Team Nicky could solve. We're all locked in our own apartments (appropriately) and not out and about meeting new people (of course). How do I find me a husband from inside my own apartment?
I started doing masks yesterday. The first one was very bad, the second one was decent, and the third one is actually pretty good! I'm actually looking forward to making more now that I've figured out a pattern.
I had That Moment last night, of "Someone I know directly has it" (friend/former coworker)- fortunately it was from him taking to FB to post "it REALLY sucked, but HAI I'm not dead". And it keeps popping in and out of my brain. I know there must have been letters and remote communications like that during previous pandemic, but the technological aspect is still surreal to me.
This is definitely worse because I haven't slept well for the last few nights, but work is really on my last nerve today. We have a big deadline at the end of the month, non-negotiable, and it is always a stressful and frustrating time and I have to assume it's only going to be worse than ever this month since we're all working from home. No one else seems concerned, which concerns me >.<
I watched Troop Zero yesterday on Amazon Prime, and apparently it came out months ago, but I just wanted to tell you all because I'd never heard of it until stumbling over the trailer this weekend, and it's 100% exactly the kind of movie I've been in the mood for lately. It's about a little girl with a one-track mind (on outer space), who finds out that a Birdie Troop is going to get to record a greeting to aliens on NASA's Golden Record, and when the Birdie Troop in town won't let her join them, she puts together her own with a rag-tag group of kids. I cried abundantly.
I haven't managed to work out or go outside yet (we're allowed here), but I have read seven chapters of a Georgette Heyer novel and had both breakfast and lunch, so, small win despite being stuck on the couch and so tired. (Tell me to get off the couch and work out, it always helps.)
Also (this is so dumb), but I keep fixating on a girl in my choir who is ghosting me since the time four weeks ago when I suggested getting together on video instead of IRL. (It was after the order to work from home came in in Stockholm.) She has kids, they are in school, my sister is giving birth in three weeks (this, I suspect, is what I'm actually worried about) and I'm basically self isolating so that if they need help, I can help them.
I too am failing to work out but reading a Georgette Heyer novel (slowly)...without routine my willpower is just non existent and I'm trying to let that be what it is. But go outside if you can! :) (I also fail at that mostly, but in NYC and it's so dense that I worry it's irresponsible).
I had to go to a med appt today and was probably exposed to the virus on the bus. Someone brought FIVE children onto the bus, no one had masks, they all swarmed around me before i could get away, and then another gentleman coughed right onto me. I stepped directly into a scalding shower when I got home and have spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out what to do, as my partner is very at risk for complications if he contracts the virus and our apartment is too tiny to properly distance. There's an airbnb a couple blocks away where I can go stay for the next couple weeks - expensive, but I would be within walking distance of home incase of anything. Or I could go stay with my friend, who lives quite a ways away, but would be free at least (although she doesn't have much space either).
I just hate this. I hate making these impossible decisions where the wrong choice can mean someone dies or gets very sick. Is anyone else experiencing the stress of living with someone who you are absolutely terrified of getting sick?
Because I’m this kind of person, the enforced inactivity of pandemic time has made me chaff to be *doing something* (though without the restraint I am a merrily slothful and indolent reader of books and connoisseur of couches), and one of my focuses/worries recently has been the upcoming American election, and how we’re going to do it.
The rational and sensible thing of endorsing and putting together national vote by mail is a political hot potato (one side has always benefited from fewer people turning out to vote, and doesn't want a "national by mail" movement), which will leave it up to individual states, who CAN be lobbied, but - and there’s a big but - the Post Office. Which is in dire financial straits. Which it always is, because the dark side of politics have been starving and restricting it for years hoping to cause it to fail so they can give their private package CEO buddies the corpse to divide up.
So some friends and I (and I am a massive introvert so that’s a very small number) have tried (in a tiny, modest way) to encourage other people online (Twitter, which is the only online I do) to be aware of this, and that we need the post office (worthy in itself, regardless of vote-by-mail), and that it would be a small gesture with a few of our dollars, but a helpful thing, to buy some stamps online from them (postal workers deliver them with your mail! And then you can send more mail! And isolated people would love a postcard or a letter! Think how cheering personal mail would be now!)
And so: if you, gentle fellow readers, share my concern for the Post Office (struggling along valiantly in the face of way less volume of mail because of business shut downs), and my desire to make a tiny gesture, and have a few dollars to buy a roll of stamps - maybe do that? And REALLY, REALLY - send a post card to someone you love, too. Think about how happy you were the last time you got a piece of personal mail - let's spread that in out isolation! And tell your friends, and they tell their friends, and so on, and so on (as the commercials used to say).
And if your state doesn't already do Vote-By-Mail, I bet there's a movement online you can find that's lobbying for it. Indivisible.org is a good place to start. Anyway - thanks, you guys!
(and if anyone wants to say something to me not-here, my Twitter is @DaemonAAc)
My husband is defending his dissertation this morning! Over Zoom :( Please everyone send good tech vibes for 9:30 AM EST
He's a doctor! (Or, as our five year old says, "just a book doctor.") Doing it over Zoom sucked but what can you do.
Congrats to Mr. Dr. M-T! And Congrates to you for seeing him through!
OMG Congratulations! That's amazing and I'm legit tearing up because this must have been SO. TOUGH. for all of you, and how amazing it must feel to have reached this milestone! Cheers to all of you!
Yay! CONGRATS to whole M-T family!
Congratulations!!!!
Congrats to the family!
I got married on Friday and it was very fun. The courthouse was busy with marriages and doing them all outdoors so we can stand far away from each other. There were like 20 other couples, at least. We had no rings and a judge pulled two random ones out of her pocket because presumably she just has a jar full of gumball machine rings somewhere. Then we went to our favorite burger drive through and got food and went home. We watched Train to Busan while I sewed facemasks. What a day.
Congratulations! I love the prepared judge with the random rings.
What a delight filled update! I am picturing Maya Rudolph as The Good Place Judge pulling out gumball machine rings and it fits. Hoping you have a wonderful homeymoon and can celebrate your marriage with friends and family soon!
I wish you so many years together! What a wonderful thing to do.
MY DREAM WEDDING AND I LOATHE THE THINGS (bc My free labor subsidized countless in my 20’s of friends too broke to have 150 table top affairs but did anyway)
We also loath the things as well. Judging by the questions and comments from well-meaning family after the wedding, we would have had A LOT of input on what and how we should do things if we had a traditional wedding. This was perfect and way more relaxing.
My deepest well wishes for you both. It’s always wonderful despite everything Hard about paired life to have a safe harbor in the storm.
Mine too. I mostly hate weddings. Outside by judge in spring sounds lovely. ( I was married in a little chapel in Tahoe)
Congratulations!
Congrats! That's so sweet!!
Congratulations you crazy kids!
It's my birthday today. 37! I actually find celebrating a little stressful, so I'm slightly relieved to have the excuse not to. My coworker dropped off a little bag with a slice of bundt cake and a card (she put it on my stoop, no human interaction required), which was extremely sweet of her. I keep wanting to cry but I think that's just because I'm on my period and it's a stressful time.
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Congrats on having such a thoughtful coworker too!
Thanks! And yeah, she is an absolute delight.
Happy birthday! That is so sweet!
My great uncle passed away yesterday. He was really more of a grandfather, and a truly earnestly great man. All I want to do today is think about him and talk about him and read his favorite books.
I'm so sorry for your loss. What were some of his favorite books?
What is your favorite little memory of him?
He was a really tough old former bartender, scary Irish guy. He showed up to every dance and violin recital with a bouquet of flowers and he and I had a "secret sign language" way of telling each other we loved each other, by making a triangle with our fingers. He did it to me every time I got on stage, including my college graduation.
I'm not sure your special configuration, but I just threw one up for you both <3
Ahh that is so sweet, thank you.
I'm sorry. Tell us about his favorite books please.
I've just started reading Master and Commander in his honor. He loved Tana French and Jasper Fforde and... so much more. He was a voracious reader.
O'Brian and Tana French are favorites of mine too.
I'm so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry, Alice.
I need to thank Nicole for including the day of the week in these newsletters, because otherwise, some days, I wouldn't know.
I have nearly finished knitting my second jumper of isolation. I knew spending the last decade hoarding yarn would pay off. I hope you're all keeping well and occupied and safe.
Wow! That's really impressive. :)
One was about 80% done and the other was in chunky yarn (also I own a haberdashery and yarn shop so it's literally my job!) But thank you! They are a great comfort to me right now.
Your business sounds cooler that all other businesses
HELLO all you lovelies. I seem to remember that a subset of y'all play D&D. Any chance we could get a group together on Zoom or Roll20 or whatever for a game or two?
In other developments, my sister delivered her baby on Saturday, doing a home birth with a midwife since she judged it unwise to go to the hospital, and I am so freaking proud of her (and utterly besotted with my new nephew) that I could pop. Moments of grace in an awful time.
Congratulations to your sister and her baby!!! <3
Congratulations to your family! Welcome to the world, new baby!!
Yay!! So for anyone interested please to be emailing me at onherwings at gmail dot com and we’ll go from there with coordination and such.
I AM SO IN.
That sounds fun!
I would love to join!
I'd be in!
Count me in!
After much discussion with the hubs, we are getting a puppy!
YES!!! Our landlord finally caved and OK'd us on fostering a dog.
I'm so EXCITED!!
We have 3 cats right now and are above the pet limit, so we're waiting to hear back from the complex before we move forward. I've been refreshing my email every 5 minutes, so anxiousss
3 cats!! Is it possible to post pictures on this here thread?
(We have one cat with a... shall we say fear-based incontinence issue. We approach pet coexistence with some trepidation.)
Prozac. It really helps with spraying, and works quickly.
I emailed my new landlord Friday trying to convince her to let us foster - our lease says "pets on approval" and my fingers and toes are all crossed for her response. I fostered dogs when I lived alone a few years ago and it is SO incredibly rewarding!
I am in self-quarantine from my husband, though hopefully by this weekend I can un-quarantine. Having the bedroom to myself means I'm working while laying down and watching TV, which feels very Nicole. I'm binging Elite, watering my plants, and generally just am delighted with a week in bed, despite the current circumstances. I have a dramatic red satin gown from Playful Promises, I've finished writing my second romance novel, and I'm generally just feeling very Edith Wharton about the whole thing.
Congratulations on your book! I finished one but I’ve let it languish, I submitted out of fear. We should all have a dramatic red satin gown!
I am feeling much better and my spouse has not gotten sick. Hooray!
I got laid off last Thursday and am feeling pretty devastated. But, on the upside, I’ve taken my ample free time and finally started working on my book. When life gives you lemons...
Sending you digital support!!
That sucks, I'm sorry. The fact that you're able to write is pretty badass, though!
I'm sorry! But also I wish you happy writing!
I'm so sorry.
Hello! So a piece I wrote about a video game that I've waited for for five years got published today and not lots of people read it. It's here (https://thespinoff.co.nz/games/06-04-2020/review-the-final-fantasy-vii-remake-is-the-definitive-version-of-final-fantasy-vii/) and I worked hard on it, and it feels so trivial that I'm feeling a bit bad about it not being read;
Also, I live in New Zealand and me and my partner have been away from each other for three weeks, which is really hard. So all of that is a thing. I hope y'all are all good.
I feel like I've been looking forward to this release my entire life (mostly because I've always wanted more since I first played the game 20+ years ago, and none of the other FF titles have hit the same way), and reading your review really reignited my excitement! And since I pre-ordered a while ago, I just realized that it's being released on what is (for me) the first day of a three-day weekend, so I'm super jazzed!
You're going to have such a great time playing this one! It's basically the original game, but more!
This is such good news! FFVII definitely kicked off my love of RPGs, and I've had plenty of others I've loved over the years (Neverwinter Nights, the Guild Wars world, Dragon Ages), but picking up FFVIII and other FF titles was always such a let down. I remember just dropping those games and playing FFVII again.
I know fuck-all about video games but I read it so you got my click! And I sent it to my video game designer son and asked him to explain it to me, so you will get his, too!
Hey, Spinoff! Love your work!
I'm so excited for the release! I loved your piece, I'm looked forward to it even more now
I wasn't planning on picking it up, but I'm reconsidering now. Great piece!
I've also started relearning how to cook and made masala lamb tonight!
I'm not a gamer, but I found your analysis of the challenges they faced with approaching a reboot fascinating!
Hello friends! I have been doing a daily pep talk/affirmation for my Twitter followers like the end of Nicole's newsletter since I love it so much, and it's so great! It makes my friends feel better, it makes me feel better, it's a win win.
Here's today's, in case you're missing Nicole's: Good morning friends! We made it to Monday! I'm so proud of you. People miss seeing your gorgeous face in real life (I do!) but what you're doing is important and keeping people safe. Damn! We are so lucky to have friends and neighbors like you.
HELLO, DO YOU NEED/WANT FACE MASKS? I am making them and giving them away free to anyone who needs them, especially if you're in groceries/delivery or have elderly family or even if you just feel anxious without one. I can customize for adult vs kid sizes, filter pocket or no filter pocket, plain white or patterns, ties vs elastic (although there is an elastic shortage right now?? so I'm trying to shunt the elastic ones to kids or people who would have trouble tying their own ties.) I'm bnharrison over at the bird site. Don't put me on blast or anything but feel free to direct individual friends my way.
I ordered a bunch of cloth facemasks online yesterday hopefully they will get here soon. My husband is a pharmacist for walgreens and they’ve been given 1 face mask to use and I’m worried.
I can send you a couple just in case. People have told me there are big shipping delays. I'm hoping to get my first batch in the mail by the end of the week.
I have five adults in the house who could all use a mask (the children are not going anywhere). I can contribute. I will ping you on the bird.
I found you! Send me DMs!
What beautiful generosity!
All my Kindle library books have been hitting my inbox early (I guess people are reading a lot in quarantine) so I zoomed through both Jessica Simpson's and Demi Moore's this week. Honestly I never knew much or cared about either of these ladies but I recommend both autobiographies. I admire their hard-won self awareness and how they've worked through their shit. What the entertainment industry does to young women is just harrowing. Also John Mayer is tool.
I just finished Jessica Simpson's book (I did audio) and it was SO GOOD. I laughed, I cried, I hated John Mayer more :D
Bruce Willis yelling out a limo window with a joint behind his ear is just so cute.
Idk if you're looking for any recommendations, but I really enjoyed Busy Philipps's memoir!
I'm not really familiar with her work (I'm too old) but I will check it out! The best celeb memoir of all time is Joan Crawford "My Way of Life" but I also have to give a shout-out to Rona Barrett's "How to Look Rich and Achieve Sexual Ecstasy" the paperback of which I bought in college and which recommended making love in a bathtub full of jello. Which I actually did do in my dorm bathroom, ahem. I bought the unflavored kind so we wouldn't get stained orange or lime. Reader, we are still married lo these 32 years later (no, we are not).
Haha thank you!! I will definitely add these to my ever-growing to-read list :)
Yesterday was grey and chilly and I wept fiercely over the dissolution of the fabric of society and the travesty of the US federal govt disaster response. Today it's sunny and I'm excited about the garden, proud of my darling indoor cat becoming a fearsome mouser, grateful for my objectively optimal-considering-the-circumstances life situation...I'm emotionally solar-powered even when I have other means of self-regulation, but lately I feel completely at the weather's mercy.
Thank you to everyone who sent good thoughts for my grandpa in one of the last open threads. He made it back to Wisconsin from Florida safe and sound, as far as I know. It's one less thing weighing on my mind.
Also, I just found out yesterday that HBO Go is currently offering 500 free hours of streaming, so I spent all day watching Barry, which is as amazing as everyone had led me to believe. I have the last 2 episodes of season 2 left and I am very excited to reach dinner time tonight to watch them. Next up will be Succession, obviously. Any other recommendations on things I have been missing out on? Otherwise I will just rewatch Band of Brothers for the 500th time.
Rome! Sadly only 22 episodes (canceled because it was was apparently hella expensive), but thus full of lush ridiculous locations and production values, and an amazing cast that Game of Thrones and other would later raid.
It's definitely worth trying Avenue 5! From the creator of Veep, a dark comedy about a commercial space cruise gone wrong. Hugh Laurie stars--it's a little uneven but totally worth the amazing bits that work well if you get into it.
Thanks for reminding me of this! I'm going to watch My Brilliant Friend, the Elena Ferante Neapolitan novels adaptation! I think season 2 just premiered.
do it!! Have you seen Season 1 yet? I can't speak highly enough about the novels and the TV show.
It’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m sad. I’m turning 40 and I was hoping the celebrate it with friends to offset some of the cultural bullshit about turning 40. 40!!!
Happy birthday! Mine is today (37). Everyone I know in their 40s says that this is the happiest they've ever been--may it be so for you as well.
Welcome, welcome to being 40! The world keeps turning and we are so happy you are here on it, learning and loving and doing cool shit.
The forties are the best. Congratulations!
For real, 40s have been my best decade so far. Happy birthday for tomorrow (which is today here in Australia).
It's not easy, I'm sorry! I hope you can celebrate belatedly with a blowout party.
That sucks, I am sorry.
I hope everyone is hanging in there and doing okay-ish. <3 I unlocked the quarantine achievement: baking bread this morning, so that's a highlight. Other than that, I quickly running out of recipes that I have stored in my brain and I can't leisurely stroll through a grocery store right now to get inspired bc every trip to the store is a freaking anxiety attack. Where do y'all get receipe inspirations?
I’m not the cook in my family, but my husband swears by seriouseats.com
Smitten Kitchen is a great blog with loads of really interesting and tasty recipes!
Seconding Smitten Kitchen! Also Joy the Baker - not entirely baking projects but a lot of good ones!
I really like Budget Bytes, which has lots of tasty stuff with price breakdowns on ingredients.
Yesss Budget Bytes is so great! I'm partial to her greek turkey rice skillet and instant pot congee.
Yay cooking buddies! I've been making a vegetarian version of the instant pot congee topped with her balsamic roasted veggies.
Wow that sounds so good! I gotta try that. What do you use for the savory flavor in the porridge when you're leaving out the chicken?
Dried mushrooms! Chopped up while they're still dry. Last week I made my congee with a mix of red rice and jasmine rice. Soaked the rice and mushrooms in the veggie scrap stock* overnight. Added the ginger, garlic, and salt in the morning before turning on the instant pot. Topped with the roasted veggies, scallions, soy sauce, and sesame oil.
Previously I had tried cooking the root veggies in the congee. That batch turned out too beety for my taste.
*I have many bags in the freezer of scraps that can still be used. Stems from kale, spinach, parsley, cilantro for winter pesto. Apple cores destined to jelly. Corn cobs for corn stock. Other vegetable peels get boiled with spices for my veggie stock.
I also want to know this please!
Once you find out that bread isn't actually very hard it's hard to stop making it tbh! For baking I like King Arthur Flour's recipes especially.
Smitten Kitchen, Serious Eats, Food 52. Bon Appetit and Saveur pre-COVID, with Saveur you barely have to change much (if at all). BA's pretty reliable too, at least for me.
Also, my favorite thing to make when I have no bandwidth to cook is a frittata. Pick two vegetables out of the fridge, gently fry or boil them (depending on vegetable), pour into frying pan, salt and pepper and any spice, add whisked eggs, let set (this is all low heat stuff), put in oven on 160 degrees celsius. Delicious, nutritious, infinitely variable if you just have eggs.
James Wong's cookbooks are a delight, I also love buying a weird vegetable I don't know and working out what to do with them.
Cosigning for Smitten Kitchen, also always enjoy Ktchn & Food 52. If you have Hulu, Jamie's Quick & Easy is inspiring and very relaxing. I have the accompanying cookbook and use it constantly. Every recipe has just 5 ingredients (though some are little harder to find) and they're super easy.
My library offers lots of cookbooks on their digital app, so I've been checking out recipes that way. I especially recommend Ella Risbridger's Midnight Chicken (really lovely, soothing, and flexible) and Priya Krishna's Indian-ish (very delicious).
Yes Midnight Chicken! There blog is less complete, but also lovely.
Seconding/thirding all the recs listed above, plus for Chinese food, Woks of Life every time.
Foodgawker to see lots of pictures.
Samin's Home Cooking podcast for speaking to the current situation with love.
Perusing my cookbook shelf (or the libraries. Do they have digital access to cookbook shelves?), especially church/community cookbooks.
NY Times cooking section has gotten me hooked too.
Seconding, BA videos for comfort viewing videos.
Seconding, Budget Bytes for being enough like the way I cook by default that it's easy to direct to sous chefs who aren't as confident in the kitchen. (I love her dragon noodles.)
Other frequently referenced blogs that haven't come up: Pinch of Yum, Half Baked Harvest, Maangchi, Vanilla Garlic archives, Desert Candy archives.
Seconding Serious Eats! Also relied heavily on Recipe Tin Eats when I worked as a station cook. And David Leibowitz is great for a fancy dessert.
Adding to these great reccos: Damn Delicious and Gimme Some Oven (their Best Chicken Enchiladas Ever are actually... the best chicken enchiladas ever)
I made Sour Cherry hand pies yesterday with vodka crust and they were the best pies I've ever made. (I don't bake a lot because we're trying to do lower-carb and bread things are our big addiction.) I'm browsing a lot of baking websites for inspiration. (this one was from the Big Food Big Love cookbook)
I want to second all these cooking recommendations and add another. Simply Recipes is a great site.
Serious Eats is my first go-to, and The Kitchn is great too. The Bon Appetit videos are generally delightful too.
I only cook Chinese food and recommend Omnivore's Cookbook; my husband does most of the day to day cooking and loves Food Wishes.
Today I had a lengthy conversation with my mom about my anxiety and depression. I've never been able to be so candid with her about it because she has always been fairly dismissive when I bring it up. I've been on medication for 4 years but struggling since middle school. But this entire pandemic situation has made her so anxious that it's like a light bulb went off for her. She apologized for not taking my mental health seriously in the past and promised to do better. I feel awful that she had to feel the same way in order to understand where I was coming from all these years, but I feel like it's only going to make our relationship stronger now that this elephant in the room is gone. Love to you all. Call your moms.
Does anyone else find themselves missing creativity? This is honestly such a minor thing (my family is healthy, we have flexible jobs) but between working and parenting I have no mental energy left for the hour max of free time I can find at the end of the day. Before all this started I was finally writing regularly again and doing some other personal side-projects, and that's gone.
Yep. I was 70% through a big novel revision and then just...stopped writing. Every so often I open my ms and stare and then close it again. I'm so stressed (I work in a grocery store kitchen, so it's both dull, since most of what we do isn't currently allowed, and terrifying, 'cause grocery store.) I just have nothing.
Oof, that's rough. I'm fantasizing about when this is all over being able to go to a coffee shop or a library and having two hours to at least stare at a text editor with no other obligations. (Maybe I'll even write something).
Is anybody else just... frozen? It's not that I'm expecting myself to be productive in self-isolation - it's that I can't make myself do ANYTHING except sit on my couch. I've stopped going for walks, stopped exercising in my living room, even going out for groceries is so terrifying I put it off for days. I'm worried.
I was stuck in this place for what felt like ages! I still visit it pretty often, tbh. It's frightening and lonely; my heart goes out to you.
I found that it was essential to recognize and give myself credit for the moments when I *wasn't* frozen: every time I successfully sent an email, texted a friend, took a shower, even made a cup of tea. Sometimes I make "to done" lists instead of "to do" lists: a list of everything I did that day, whatever it was. It helps me focus on "wins" instead of "losses", creates a sense of momentum, and generally helps me feel like I have some of my shit together. I think of it as counting Up From Zero instead of Down From One Hundred, because we never finish 100% of what we want to, anyway! And especially not now.
Also: I regret to report that going outside for brief stretches of fresh air and exercise really does help. I was anxious and sad and resentful every time someone suggested this to me, but they were right. Sometimes when I feel stuck, a little jerkish part of me *wants* to stay stuck, and I have to fight that impulse. So I pushed against my burgeoning agoraphobia and went for a walk, and it didn't suck.
Good luck to you.
I had a day or two like this-I really struggle when there's absolutely no structure and so many options. It's like a decision paralysis. I try to tell myself to just pick one thing and be ok with doing just that, but it doesn't always work. Usually when I can just do one thing it snaps me out of it, but it's so hard! All the sympathies.
I'm struggling with this right now. I was afraid to go outside for the first couple of weeks, which was really unlike me, and even though that has eased up, I'm still not doing a whole lot. I think the best thing for me has been to accept invitations to do things with friends and family over video chat -- my family did a 3 minute powerpoint party over Zoom, which is great. I hope you have people who can take on some of that activation energy for you; that's the main thing that has helped me. That, and doing tiny things like stretching for thirty seconds or organizing one bookshelf.
I hear you. I have been listening to a new podcast - Checking In with Susan David - that helps me. "Fear, boredom, grief, confusion—we're all feeling... a lot right now. How do we cope with our heightened emotions during this global pandemic? Susan David—a psychologist at Harvard Medical School—is here to offer us strategies. This show is an urgent response to an urgent moment—a support system, toolkit, and understanding voice during a time of great uncertainty." Maybe it can help you, too? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/checking-in-with-susan-david/id1504596643
100% this is me. I think I spent the first couple weeks of this mess just frozen in the fetal position on the couch scrolling my phone, subsisting on cheezits and whatever my boyfriend made. I think at a certain point my brain just couldn't take it anymore and I got a little bit better. I think this is probably a normal response to unprecedented trauma but is still very hard. Slowly I have been able to do things again like cooking or walking, but it still kills me when I see a post from someone saying that we should all be learning a new skill or being productive in this time - feels impossible!
On top of all this bs, I’ve found out my identity has been stolen and the person applied for two credit cards and blew through about $2k US money. In my country, identity theft is not a crime unless you’re the company who has been defrauded. So I’ve been calling banks today and crying and getting a credit report and calling again and crying more.
oh my god... that's terrible, I'm so so sorry
That's awful, I'm so sorry. >:-[
I made raid-the-fridge chocolate-coffee brownies (cocoa mix + instant coffee), with margarine instead of butter, and my God, I'm glad they lasted four days because I was on my period and really needed that chocolate.
Instant coffee also enhances delicious chocolate pudding or pot d’creme. Thanks for the reminder. Period due any day. Peak irritation.
I was going to tear a colleague's head off last week (summer is also in full swing where I'm from so it is hot) and then realized a) it's a pandemic, I would regret it if I said or did anything unkind, b) it's summer and the heat is a fucking pain, and c) I also feel like tearing people's heads off when I'm on my period so maybe it's that. And it was.
My favorite chocolate-chocolate-chip cookies recipe (from The New Best Recipe Cookbook) also uses instant coffee, and they're the dreamiest.
Is the recipe online as well?
Not that I can suss out, but this one has the spirit of the recipe in slightly different measure. (The recipe I use calls for baking powder, not soda, and vanilla extract.) https://food52.com/recipes/1172-double-chocolate-espresso-cookies
The one detail from my recipe that I use with all cookies now is that when baking you put your racks in the upper- and lower- middle positions, and halfway through the baking time you switch and rotate your sheets (so that the sheet on the bottom rack moves to the top rack spun around so that the cookies that were nearest your door are now at the back of the oven and vice versa).
Oh that is a pretty handy tip!
I am very bad at growing plants, even though I think it’s fascinating, but I put some leek cuttings in water and that baby is GROWING. I am strangely proud and hope that my kids don’t destroy her in their daily quarantine wreckage of the house.
I have been eating so many leeks, and while I've been doing this with scallions, I forgot that leeks are basically giant scallions! Thank you!!!
I've been furloughed for two months at my startup, and I have to apply for unemployment tomorrow, and I really hate doing forms of this kind because they set off all my authority stuff of "you have to do it perfectly but there may be ways of screwing it up that no one will tell you until you've already screwed them up and they punish you for it" and just, you know, please hold your thumbs for me, I'm so nervous I'm going to get turned down for some obscure reason and there will be nothing I can do about it because they're already overwhelmed with people needing to talk to someone.
*thumbs held*
Hi! I think I've commented here before, but I wanted to say hi again. It's been a long time since I joined a forum..... Anyway I live in Idaho, where very little happens, and if a year's worth of reading Nicole's newsletter is any indication this seems like a cool place to ride out the Spring Of Tedium.
My new job of four weeks laid me off temporarily while my city is under shelter-in-place order, so I filed for unemployment, and now my old toxic employer is sending me emails telling me I "can't" certify for benefits and "need" to call them and deal with them directly because the state sent them wrong paperwork - and CC'd the guy who is my reference on all the emails. Like 50% of the state is filing for unemployment, there are going to be mistakes! And what do they expect me to do about it?!
It sounds like your old employer doesn't understand that even though you left them voluntarily, because they were your employer within the past X months they still have to fill out paperwork now that you've involuntarily lost your employment elsewhere.
Don't stress out about this; there's nothing you NEED to do directly, and nothing you do would change what your state is going to ask of from them, which is to provide them with information to confirm your wages and dates of employment. It doesn't matter if they put up a stink with the state, the state has your application, and can see that they aren't the employer who furloughed you. If they get in contact with the state, the state will be able to tell them as much. If your past employer doesn't return the paperwork, that only gets them in trouble with the state and not you. However, if you are in a place (mentally and professionally) to contact the person at your old job who sent you these emails, I would recommend doing so, and referring them to direct their questions about the paperwork to the state, just to stop them from emailing you and your references again (which is awful, I'm so glad you're not there now). Also, did they send copies of the paperwork in their email? I ask because it likely has your SSN on it, so you might want to follow up with your reference to ask them to please delete and disregard.
This is amazing advice, Brooke, thank you. I basically ended up doing just this this morning, told them my application was accurate to the best of my knowledge and it would be best to refer their questions to the state directly. I also called my State Representative's office to be like "do I need to do anything?!" and the helpful guy there was like "no, if they're so worried they need to contact someone at the unemployment bureau, which they should have already done if they're not dumbasses."
Luckily the guy who is my reference send a conciliatory sort of "sorry you're unemployed" email at the tail end of all this so I think I can still count on him to not say mean things about me. Meanwhile I certified for benefits and am thanking my lucky stars I don't work there anymore.
I'm so glad this worked out so quickly for you! Life is stressful enough right now without all the nonsense the old employer was piling on top of you.
I hit the sad and frustrated guess I am going to cry now wall yesterday. I know I have it so lucky right now but it doesn't make me feel any better or any more accepting.
I think my total work productivity was sending one email because all other work is currently blocked by one thing or another. Last week I was optimistic or at least productive, and now I just want to lie on my bed and cry.
Update: I spoke to my manager, which was a comfort that their read on the situation was the same as mine. So it's not just me being feeble, it is in fact The World As It Is.
Now I am listening to partner play the bass while muted on a conference call. I have taken to doing embroidery on mine.
You're doing all that you can do. I hope you can find some peace tomorrow.
My husband smart man started a category on time sheet called Covid Q productivity lost time for when he has to do house/family stuff since all stuck here. XO
I think this week we are getting to the "fuck off, I hate you" portion of #StayHome, so that should be fun.
I think I am doing ok. It's weird a lot of people in my office (my work situation being firmly in the "its complicated" but we're still paying everyone and no one has to go in) have developed this uber optimism which is so not my speed right now. And I know some people are taking comfort in like planning for when this is over, but given the uncertainties I have given up future plans really. EXCEPT for right before this I was interviewing for a job in Montreal that I really want and I think they really want me (they continue to regularly update me even throughout all this).
Also I had a virtual bday party for one of my friends and she's like SUPER into being productive rn, which is baffling to me because my normally amazing focus has been completely and utterly shot. I did recreate the knives out sweater in animal crossing and I am proud of that.
SAME. I've lost the ability to focus for more than 5 minutes at a time.
I can focus on some things. actually I've been reading a lot of poetry being one of the many formerly avid readers who no longer can read
Really feeling the “formerly avid readers who can no longer read.” I would have thought I would read so much. But I’ve read one book towards the beginning of all this and now all I do is play Animal Crossing and have anxiety.
Ugh I am also in this boat. Making my way very, very slowly through Little Women right now, and trying some cozy-mystery-type audiobooks in hopes it'll catch my attention.
I'm the sucker who got The Mirror and the Light (700+ pages!!) out the library right before this all went down... I'm getting through it! But really slowly
I've finished a few books, mostly audiobooks but even that is iffy at best. I'm glad its a thing cause I normally read A TON. I do recommend the one book I really inhaled was Only Mostly Devasted, which is a gay YA book that loosely borrows the premise of Grease where summer romance ends and then one of them actually moves to town. Also got the audiobook to Hex (new book not the horror book by the Dutch guy) which is read by Jenny Slate, I haven't finished it yet but its short and I am very much hooked.
Can...can i just...post a comment? Just like that? I've been reading for weeks now and I talked all about you all and especially Nicky to my therapist today because the disordered eating thread really helped me recognize it was a learned brain pattern in response to anxiety and NOT the objective reality of what my body looks like or should be. Thank you! I hope you are all doing as ok as you possibly can and you're doing everything right no matter what that looks like for you.
Thanks for joining us! It sounds like you're doing hard, brave work right now. I'm in awe of you :)
I hit 4 gallons of blood and blood products donated this weekend. I am very proud of myself and hope those of you who are eligible under the regressive blood donation policy will consider helping the national blood supply during this time. If you have blood donation questions or questions about blood products like platelets and plasma feel free to ask me (US only). I hope you all are sheltered in place and not feeling too much strain.
I have given blood several times, but never given platelets or plasma or anything. What is it like to give that and does it take more out of you?
Whole blood is a single needle process that takes about 45 minutes. Platelets or platelets and plasma is a double needle procedure that takes 2-2.5 hours. One needle goes into each arm and hooks you to an a phaeresis machine. Your blood is filtered by the machine to remove the platelets or platelets and plasma, and your red cells come back into your body through the second needle. Your body rebuilds its store of platelets in about 48 hours, so you can donate them as often as once a week - I give it two weeks based on personal experience. Because you keep your red cells, it's my experience that you are less drained and dizzy than whole blood. They have special beds for you so you don't get uncomfortable during the process and will usually provide some way to watch a movie so you don't get bored. Platelets are in constant demand because they are used for cancer patients and less people are willing to do something that takes that long. There's usually an a phaeresis coordinator for your region who can answer specific questions about your facilities. If you don't mind sitting still - and the nurses will scratch your nose or hold a drink for you - it's a great way to help out.
Good morning everyone! My partner and I finally made use of the exercise mats we ordered a few weeks ago and did some Brazilian jiu-jitsu, that was fun.
We also made brownies from the Ghirardelli brownie mix and agreed that they were just as good as, if different from, the Betty Crocker mix. (Any other boxed brands, feel free to recommend - I am tickled by the prospect of coming out of this period with a connoisseur's knowledge of the different brownie mixes on the market.)
If you have Costco access, they sell the Ghirardelli mix in a giant box with 6 packs of mix in it. (This is the only mix I can speak to because my partner has his mom or my mom pick one up whenever they offer to do Costco for us so I haven't eaten any other kind in years.)
Y'all-- have you been getting chain-mail type emails that are either "empowering words" or a recipe swap?? The kind where there are 2 names listed, you put yours as 1 of them, then BCC to like 40+ people?? I KEEP GETTING THEM and I literally do NOT have the bandwidth to participate. I feel horrible. But chain letters reallyyyyy trigger me. Do I reply back to the person who sent it and apologize for being a scrooge? I feel so guilty. Like, it's a 5-minute process, but I KEEP GETTING THEM....
What, no, just delete and never look back. You do not need to respond anymore than you need to send "decline with regrets" cards to pre-approved credit card offers.
Ahhh haha that was the best comparison... thank you!!
If you're getting them from one specific person (I was) then I think it's worth a brief, cheerful reply that these aren't your thing so please don't send you any more, hope they're doing okay, etc. But if you're getting them from all sides, delete without looking back!!
YASS
I and some coworkers got these in our work inboxes - it's like we've reverted back to the high school chain emails of yore. I deleted mine and don't feel bad about it!
I've gotten the bulk of them at work-- 5 and counting (!!!) which is easier to blow off. But now their coming from friends, SIL, etc. and I'm just NOT GONNA PLAY
Thank you for breaking the cycle, honestly. Chain emails are so annoying.
THANK YOU for saying this it feels like such a minor thing in the midst of everything but they've really been stressing me out??
I ate an entire loaf of banana bread yesterday, whoops. My husband was kind of furloughed last week ("stay home til you hear otherwise" is literally all he was told) so now we're trying to figure out how to actually get any of the relief money that was authorized, so that should be fun.
Jeez, that sucks. Not the banana bread (good choice!) but the rest. Best of luck.
Did anyone save Nicole’s tweet thread on how to barter down a medical bill? Had a friend get slammed with an unexpected bill during this crisis.
I don't have that thread, but a key tip I remember from either that thread or a similar one is to ask for an itemized bill of all charges, because they always knock stuff like the $15 Tylenol off.
Unfortunately it’s just one blood test that her doctor told her she had to take at the beginning of her pregnancy, and her insurance won’t cover it so the lab is charging her $7000.
Kaiser Health News (separate org from the hospitals) has a really good series called Bill of the Month on high medical bills full of advice on how to negotiate them. They’ve had a few lately specifically on high lab costs, whether from your doctor sending your samples to an out of network lab or a test they won’t approve.
Ah this is great, thank you!
Good grief! They're asking $7k for a pregnancy test, aren't they? (You don't have to say.) But there may still be sub-items. LabCorp charges separately for the blood draw and for the actual test, for instance, and if they actually ran multiple tests (I feel like this happens a lot) it will show on an itemized bill and she might get them to knock some off.
That's a good suggestion, I passed it along, thanks!
The tip I remember is to ask for a discount for paying it right away (this is worth it to them because the alternative is to pay someone to hound you, or to sell the debt for pennies on the dollar to a medical debt collector, whom you can also ask for a discount.)
Thank you!
Nearly done with quarantine so I'm all set to move back in with my parents soon. I'm looking forward to seeing them for the first time in more than two years, but I'm also bracing myself for a lot of... issues coming up. I haven't been home for more than a two week visit since I was 18. Now I'll be living at home again indefinitely. It's going to take an effort not to regress to a teenage mindset under these conditions (and god, was I an irritating teenager).
Also, my dad is a nutcase who believes we should just let the virus run its course, ignoring the fact that, as a man in his mid-sixties who's been a chain smoker for fifty years, he's basically marked for death in that situation. He's not great at acknowledging governmental authority at the best of times. Lately - well, just a couple of days ago someone called the cops on him because he was burning brush despite a provincial fire ban and honestly it's a miracle he didn't mouth off and get himself arrested. Mom says he's been ranting about it all weekend. So yeah. Fun times ahead!
Sending you good luck and fortitude! I wish my parents (divorced, living alone) had someone else around, but there's just no way it's going to be me. If either of them gets sick I hope I can still win in arm-wrestling against my sister.
Nicole I think it's important that you know that I introduced my 4 year old to Hadestown this weekend. She was loving it, so I instantly ordered her a book of Greek mythology. My nerd heart is very pleased with this development.
Love that soundtrack. Especially right now, it feels so appropriate.
The project managers who run my working life just changed the way our team allocates time and balances workloads to reflect the fact that one one is working as fast as normal, and that's fine. And it was the most humane thing, and made me sniffly after I got off our Monday morning meeting call.
Okay guys. Here's a problem that seemed like one Team Nicky could solve. We're all locked in our own apartments (appropriately) and not out and about meeting new people (of course). How do I find me a husband from inside my own apartment?
I made some masks for my husband who is still working and it was satisfying - I like sewing. And we had a FaceTime cocktail party with friends.
I started doing masks yesterday. The first one was very bad, the second one was decent, and the third one is actually pretty good! I'm actually looking forward to making more now that I've figured out a pattern.
I had That Moment last night, of "Someone I know directly has it" (friend/former coworker)- fortunately it was from him taking to FB to post "it REALLY sucked, but HAI I'm not dead". And it keeps popping in and out of my brain. I know there must have been letters and remote communications like that during previous pandemic, but the technological aspect is still surreal to me.
This is definitely worse because I haven't slept well for the last few nights, but work is really on my last nerve today. We have a big deadline at the end of the month, non-negotiable, and it is always a stressful and frustrating time and I have to assume it's only going to be worse than ever this month since we're all working from home. No one else seems concerned, which concerns me >.<
I watched Troop Zero yesterday on Amazon Prime, and apparently it came out months ago, but I just wanted to tell you all because I'd never heard of it until stumbling over the trailer this weekend, and it's 100% exactly the kind of movie I've been in the mood for lately. It's about a little girl with a one-track mind (on outer space), who finds out that a Birdie Troop is going to get to record a greeting to aliens on NASA's Golden Record, and when the Birdie Troop in town won't let her join them, she puts together her own with a rag-tag group of kids. I cried abundantly.
I haven't managed to work out or go outside yet (we're allowed here), but I have read seven chapters of a Georgette Heyer novel and had both breakfast and lunch, so, small win despite being stuck on the couch and so tired. (Tell me to get off the couch and work out, it always helps.)
Also (this is so dumb), but I keep fixating on a girl in my choir who is ghosting me since the time four weeks ago when I suggested getting together on video instead of IRL. (It was after the order to work from home came in in Stockholm.) She has kids, they are in school, my sister is giving birth in three weeks (this, I suspect, is what I'm actually worried about) and I'm basically self isolating so that if they need help, I can help them.
I too am failing to work out but reading a Georgette Heyer novel (slowly)...without routine my willpower is just non existent and I'm trying to let that be what it is. But go outside if you can! :) (I also fail at that mostly, but in NYC and it's so dense that I worry it's irresponsible).
Would anyone be interested in an "Unorthodox" watch party? I'm currently on the equivalent of Eastern US time and of course my schedule is flexible.
On Wednesday at 8 pm Eastern US time I'll post the watch party link here (on today's newsletter) and on my Twitter feed at @AmyEBrown3.
I'm down! My sister spoke very highly about this show yesterday (:
great! See reply to my original comment for day and time info.
I'm down! Not sure if Netflix Party works for more than 2 people...?
It def works for more than 2!
Tentative viewing day and time for Ep 1: this Wednesday at 8 pm. I'll post the link here (today's newsletter) and on my Twitter feed at @AmyEBrown3.
Oh no oh no John Prine
I had to go to a med appt today and was probably exposed to the virus on the bus. Someone brought FIVE children onto the bus, no one had masks, they all swarmed around me before i could get away, and then another gentleman coughed right onto me. I stepped directly into a scalding shower when I got home and have spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out what to do, as my partner is very at risk for complications if he contracts the virus and our apartment is too tiny to properly distance. There's an airbnb a couple blocks away where I can go stay for the next couple weeks - expensive, but I would be within walking distance of home incase of anything. Or I could go stay with my friend, who lives quite a ways away, but would be free at least (although she doesn't have much space either).
I just hate this. I hate making these impossible decisions where the wrong choice can mean someone dies or gets very sick. Is anyone else experiencing the stress of living with someone who you are absolutely terrified of getting sick?
Thread Peeps!
Because I’m this kind of person, the enforced inactivity of pandemic time has made me chaff to be *doing something* (though without the restraint I am a merrily slothful and indolent reader of books and connoisseur of couches), and one of my focuses/worries recently has been the upcoming American election, and how we’re going to do it.
The rational and sensible thing of endorsing and putting together national vote by mail is a political hot potato (one side has always benefited from fewer people turning out to vote, and doesn't want a "national by mail" movement), which will leave it up to individual states, who CAN be lobbied, but - and there’s a big but - the Post Office. Which is in dire financial straits. Which it always is, because the dark side of politics have been starving and restricting it for years hoping to cause it to fail so they can give their private package CEO buddies the corpse to divide up.
So some friends and I (and I am a massive introvert so that’s a very small number) have tried (in a tiny, modest way) to encourage other people online (Twitter, which is the only online I do) to be aware of this, and that we need the post office (worthy in itself, regardless of vote-by-mail), and that it would be a small gesture with a few of our dollars, but a helpful thing, to buy some stamps online from them (postal workers deliver them with your mail! And then you can send more mail! And isolated people would love a postcard or a letter! Think how cheering personal mail would be now!)
And so: if you, gentle fellow readers, share my concern for the Post Office (struggling along valiantly in the face of way less volume of mail because of business shut downs), and my desire to make a tiny gesture, and have a few dollars to buy a roll of stamps - maybe do that? And REALLY, REALLY - send a post card to someone you love, too. Think about how happy you were the last time you got a piece of personal mail - let's spread that in out isolation! And tell your friends, and they tell their friends, and so on, and so on (as the commercials used to say).
The link to the USPS postal store is : https://store.usps.com/store/results/stamps/_/N-9y93lv?_requestid=1739843
And if your state doesn't already do Vote-By-Mail, I bet there's a movement online you can find that's lobbying for it. Indivisible.org is a good place to start. Anyway - thanks, you guys!
(and if anyone wants to say something to me not-here, my Twitter is @DaemonAAc)
Cheers!