Let’s share our prayer needs, our gratitude for prayers answered, and also be mad at God for the things you’re mad at God about. I personally believe all God wants is for you, deeply beloved child, to be in contact with Him/Her, and will always prefer transparency to faux-praise.
My surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic called me yesterday afternoon... himself. It’s just such shockingly bad news that I feel like now I’m grieving for everything I had hoped to have in my life - partner, children, blah, blah - and I’m totally adrift. Isn’t God supposed to want us to meet our helpmates (or whatever churchy term gets thrown around)?
Hi all -- my mom died early Thursday morning. I'm only 26; my little sister is 19. We've been praying like mad that we can all still feel her presence and that the reality in the kingdom of heaven is eternal life. Mom and I were very active (but not at all fundamentalist; growing up we all went to the doctor and had all our shots right on time, and mom she died in a medical hospice after years of intensive medical cancer treatment) Christian Scientists, a denomination I don't see here often but that means the world to me; do you know its one of (if not the only, I'm not sure) the only surviving religions/denominations founded by a woman? And that she founded the CSmonitor when she was like 92? Of course like anything the church org is still run by men which is ridiculous, also the Mother Church is way more conservative than many of the branch churches, but Anyway...we're having a memorial at my uncle's church, they're letting me write/edit the ceremony, which is very nice. I don't know...when she died the DNR was not at all clear and it came down to my Dad and we had all been up for 72 hours straight doing transfers to the hospital and back and...it was just not at all peaceful. I am afraid the rest of my family will by haunted by this forever, what we should have done. Anyway. Sorry for the downer, but have been so held in prayer these past few days that I really have been able to feel mom at times, and, I think, to express the qualities she held the most dear. I just can't hear anything for anyone that makes it sound like it was good that she died, you know? I think a lot of religious people, even ones who don't necessarily theologically believe it, can easily imply that and it just makes me so mad. It's such an important part of my theology: suffering is not good. We always said, God does not show with a hot poker. Praying to keep knowing that now, for my family and the world.
Marriage is so challenging in these little baby days (our first child is 4 months old) and I just wish I could fix it. I'm so broken in trying to give my whole heart to parenting, marriage, work, myself, friendships, and everything else. Most days I'm so afraid that I really am alone, isolated in this little muffled globe of new motherhood, and when I come out of it everyone will be gone, myself included. I'd just like God to put a little grace on the people I love, so they know I love them, and they don't run away from me as I figure out how to be a person in the world again, while caring for a new little person every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
I feel very silly about this but... I’m in a place where I’m ready for my husband. My career is finally heading in the directions I’ve always wanted and I’m grateful, but I am often consumed my loneliness. I’m in an industry where I don’t meet a lot of available men and my experience on the apps has been mediocre and unfulfilling. I love sharing my successes with my family and friends, but at night, I want loving arms around me and kisses on my neck. I’m 42. Maybe I’m supposed to be single forever, but that doesn’t feel right in my gut. My friends are great but most of them are at points in their lives where they warn me away from marriage or are dealing with relationship trauma or are fully enthralled with being single and getting all the play they want. So it’s hard for me to talk about my loneliness. Some of my friends are like “a man will distract you. You have your successes because there’s no man draining life from you. You don’t need a man!” But I feel incomplete. It seems like success would be even sweeter if I had my own special someone to say “congratulations, baby” and pipe me down with pride and love. But I feel silly praying to God for a husband. He’s done so much for me already. People have real problems and needs and here I am, wondering if I can ask God for love.
I went to a memorial service last night for a former student, a beautiful young man of 27 who died by suicide. Please keep Sam's heartbroken family and friends in your prayers.
Folks, I would appreciate it if some of you could pray for my husband? We just came back from a 12-day trip with his family and they were somehow even more abusive than usual. He's especially upset because his younger sister, who he's spent years emotionally/financially supporting, completely turned on him.
We're adopting a 10-year-old girl from foster care and she is amazing and it is amazing and oh my God I am so lost. The shift from civilian life to sudden motherhood has been so much more difficult than I anticipated. Holding all of the grief and fear she has from her abuse and her years in care is so hard, and shepherding her through the aftermath is so scary. I am doing it; we are doing it. It is worth it. But I never thought I'd feel so lost inside myself. I feel like someone has dumped a big pile of laundry on me and I'm trying to figure out where I am underneath the pile, and gosh that piece is hot and ugh those pieces are tangled and I'm sweaty under here and wait am I wearing that? I feel so selfish to even have these troubles—what looks like temporary burnout (sole breadwinner, which is actually great for our family in other ways), trouble caring for myself, being so exhausted, having my identity so rocked, being so scared on the inside. So...God, please help me find myself under the pile, and help me do this.
I’m really struggling with being single right now. I have a great life otherwise, lots of good friends, a meaningful job, family support but I really want that piece too. And as grateful as I am for all the great things in my life, I am so jealous of others who get to have a partnership. I got dumped by a dude i really really liked back in June and have started dating again and I just feel like there will never be a good fit again. (Coming off a very blah date last night.) Anyway, prayer request for peace in this time of loneliness, and praise and thankfulness for all the wonderful gifts I have in my life.
I am so grateful for the existence of my beautiful 4 month old daughter, who would not be here without the womb of an amazing woman who acted as our surrogate. I'm grateful for her more than words can express.
But my darling daughter was up for hours overnight because her little baby brain is growing so fast. And now she is asleep and I am thinking about the physical and emotional tasks that I need to accomplish today on an empty tank. A small request, but this tired person could use some patience and grace today.
Also, I am lifting you all up in prayer and I am so blessed by this little community of Nicolites walking together toward Jesus.
For those of you who are struggling with something you can't control, I wanted to pass along advice my spiritual advisor once gave me: get a little box/container (can be anything) which now represents your mailbox to God, write down whatever it is on your mind, and put it in your new God box. The physical act of handing something over to God to deal with can be such a relief. Praying for you all and so thankful for this space.
My 8-year-old son has sensory issues with his socks and shoes and we have bought new shoes twice this school year and countless new socks and nothing is working. I yelled at him this morning and I feel terrible about it. (I am also kind of triggered because a lot of my childhood revolved around similar things with my brother so my fuse gets short.) Please pray for us - I need to apologize to him this afternoon and I feel awful about our morning. And please send recommendations for your most successful socks for sensory kids. I wish he could just wear slides but then he couldn't do PE/playground and obviously he needs those things. Ugh what a mess.
My roommate/best friend has been waiting for a double organ transplant. This past weekend, we were out having possibly-not-doctor-sanctioned margaritas when she got the call that the organs she needed were available and that she had to report to the hospital for her transplant the next morning, her 30th birthday. It was so special to be with her when she got that call. She was more emotional than I've ever seen her. Elated that she would essentially be receiving a new life, devastated for the family of the donor, worried about her little sister who has a less severe form of the same condition. I started crying whenever I thought about the fact that she'd have her transplant on her birthday - it really felt like God saying "this is Me. I did this for you." We celebrated and wept and processed.
The next morning I went to the hospital with her. They ran tests and started getting her ready for surgery (including trying to place an IV for what felt like half an hour; it was excruciating). And then her surgeon came in and said she'd examined the donor organs and they weren't suitable for transplant. It was crushing. My roommate put a brave face on it but she said the hardest part was telling everyone she'd already told about the transplant "jk, it's not happening, back to waiting I guess."
So back to waiting I guess. I'm utterly baffled. I'm almost too confused at God to be mad at God. Almost! It's cruel of him to dangle such hope in front of my friend. For that matter, it's cruel to let her get sick in the first place. To let her spend two decades of her life fighting not to die. And then to seemingly set up this miracle, this birthday gift, and then to snatch it away. Idk you guys, I'm just struggling. I'm not talking to God right now but if you are please ask him for healing for my roommate and patience for me.
I'm Jewish but also right now I'm mad at God so I'm contributing to this thread, even though I probably shouldn't according to Jewish law on some level somewhere. I'm in my early 40s, I've never been married, and I very much want to have a kid. I met what seemed to be a great guy in May and we dated for a while, then he dumped me. This was after 3.5 years of being single. It was potentially EVEN MORE ANNOYING than just staying single in the first place. I only know of one guy who would be of interest romantically, but we cannot be involved romantically because of Things (and he's 100% right on this, in my opinion). Zero options, zero guy, zero kids, great annoyance with the Almighty.
I learned this week that someone called CPS on my sibling re: their one year old and I am so sad for them and their situation & as the only one who broke the poverty cycle in the family I feel a responsibility to them as well as a need to protect myself and my partner, and they keep asking us to borrow money which I have a little bit of but I don’t know how much is going to Baby needs or going to drugs (not the scariest kind but still) and it’s just so overwhelming and I’m several hours away and I do not know how to handle any of this. If you could give a little prayer for that sweet baby and for my sibling’s little family to get things on the right track and take care of themselves at this time. I just don’t know how to help them.
I've been procrastinating on going to counselling for anxiety and depression for, uh, about four years, but this week I actually made an appointment and it was last night and it was *really good.* I'm feeling hopeful about my brain stuff for the first time in a long time. Actually having a plan to talk to someone about things rather than my previous MO of "ignore it and maybe it will go away!" feels pretty good.
Hey all! Asking for prayers for my sister this week. She's 30, insanely creative, talented, and beautiful. She's also painfully, brutally insecure, anxious, and battling a life-long health issue (it's called a prolactinoma - non cancerous tumour but can still make your life hard). She's also single, and she desperately wants a partner and a family. And unfortunately, even the most progressive Christian spaces suck so badly at treating single people with the same value they do families and couples. So, she's just in a bad way. She really doesn't like herself, and she can't see the truth of all the good things about her and her life. All her worries about the future and herself just become this insurmountable tumbleweed of stress, and it makes every day really, really hard. SO, asking for prayers not just for God to give her the desires she so desperately wants (though that would be wonderful), but to give her calm and strength and hope while she waits.
I feel very lost and burnt out, both personally and professionally. My anxiety is through the roof all the time, and I haven’t slept well in months. It seems like I’m always screwing up, even though I’m trying harder than ever.
“Why” has been on my mind heavily. Why are these my crosses, my burdens? Where is this path taking me?
A monitoring ultrasound revealed some more issues with child to be (number two). I have a high risk doc appt in two weeks but I can’t help but be anxious in the meantime. I’m trying to let go and let God but I’m struggling. I pray that the child heals and that doctors are prepared to address the child’s needs whenever she arrives, which with some of the things we’re facing could be anytime.
Meanwhile we’re still seeing docs and specialists for child 1. I love him fiercely and seeing him struggle has really done a number on me. I pray that we are able to provide him with whatever supports and services he needs.
Sometimes it is hard to see God. Other days it isn’t. I struggle on the days that it is.
I'm waiting for the results of a liver biopsy that could be cancer, and it's so difficult. My mother died of cancer two years ago after being sick for seven years, and I'm struggling with so much fear at being in this position so soon afterward. I would appreciate very much any prayers anyone would be kind enough to make on my behalf.
Thank you for this Nicole. I'm really struggling to make ends meet and am afraid I have no idea how to find work that will allow me to have enough in my bank account for groceries and rent. I'm not sure if I believe in God quite the same way you do, but I believe in the universe. And any praying by anyone feels like it would much appreciated.
I literally don’t know where else to say any of this but here, so I will.
I have a very complicated relationship with Christianity. I grew up in a Southern church of Christ where I never felt like I could ever find any answers, and so I walked away as soon as I went off to college. Because of how arch-conservative my church experience is, I always feel awkward and out of place every time I try to find something new.
All of this to say I feel completely adrift in the ocean of life. I’m a profound failure as a husband and father, my career has no direction, I have a pretty serious depression that the medicine barely takes the edge off of most days and I generally just want to crawl in a hole and hide. I wish I had ever had whatever feeling it is all of you manage to have about faith and belief and something better and higher than this, but it doesn’t ever show up.
To quote one of my favorite Phantogram songs, “I wish I could believe.”
I am so overwhelmed today. I’m covering two jobs in my office because a co-worker was forced to resign after sexual harassment allegations. I’m trying to process that mess (I am SO ANGRY at my co-worker who is/was a close friend and I just don’t know how to handle that relationship going forward) while dealing with all of my stress-related health issues that are flaring up, and am really struggling to believe that God is here, in all of this, somehow. Prayers for peace and the strength to move through this would be so appreciated.
I've finally let myself admit that my levels of anxiety are way too high and that I'm needlessly suffering from postpartum anxiety (probably for 4+ years, but really amped in past 18mo). Once I allowed myself to see, it's been sort of like deciding for the epidural and then being forced to wait. My nerves feel raw, my rage spikes so quickly. Seeing a doctor and therapist tomorrow but asking for peace and grace, for myself, for my children.
Please pray for those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. All of the awareness and prevention posts this month can feel like an indictment of the things we did or didn’t do or say. The “if onlys” and “what ifs” come rushing back in. As the second anniversary of my husbands death approaches, It feels very raw.
I’m still unemployed and feeling even more useless after what’s now four months of searching. I’ve been rejected from my dream job (twice!), ghosted by interviewers, and just totally had my spirit broken by this whole process. My interview skills have improved so much, to the point where I no longer have panic attacks during them, so what am I doing wrong? I feel completely hopeless and, for lack of a better descriptor, dead inside. My faith vacillates in the best of situations, so you can probably imagine how I’m doing right now. Ugh. I’m so sad lol. I never thought I would be in this situation.
TW for suicide talk // gosh, I was hoping this would be a thread today. Yesterday, with JW and suicide prevention day and so forth, I realized that all of the people I trust and hold dear are or have been suicidal, and I haven't, and I don't know how or with whom to talk about that. I've been overwhelmed by dread and fear for my loved ones, and I wish I had just *one* friend I could talk about it with who wouldn't then inadvertently feel like a burden (because, obviously, none of this is any of my friends' faults, and their struggles are magnitudes more difficult and important).
This seems trivial compared to what others are sharing, but we've been struggling financially for years and I'm feeling pretty despondent about it. I feel like such a failure for not being where we need/want to be financially. We're trying so hard to pay things off and save a down payment for a house, but at this point that's probably 5-10 years away. This week especially I've felt so much despair and hopelessness over it.
I got some bad news last week. After finally deciding we're ready to try for a baby, my husband and I discovered that we're both carriers of a pretty nasty genetic mutation. Basically, if we conceive naturally, our child would have a 1 in 4 chance of having a disease that would likely kill them by age 3. Despite my sister's assurances that "there's still a 75% chance that everything will be fine," I just really hate those odds.
There are a handful of big, science-y options for us to try--and of course, I'm grateful that God gives humans the drive to learn and discover, which is what makes these kinds of innovations available to me--but I'm struggling under the weight of the risk of it all, and so crushed that this thing that should happen naturally is now 10 different types of complicated. I'm guessing that women who struggle with fertility can feel the same way.
Wow, this is a rough thread today. My heart is breaking for everyone who is posting their pain. I pray you all find peace and comfort and rest as needed, that your grief is soothed, that your fears and anxieties are eased, and that you feel the indwelling love that is our inheritance, whether you believe or not.
Please pray for my friend Corinne and her mom, Pat- Pat is having invasive brain surgery today because of a cranial aneurysm. It’s going to be a long day (and then the recovery!) for them all
My mom has had MS for 40 years. The disease has progressed to the point where she has chosen to die by euthanasia while she can still ask for it. It will happen this weekend. I fully support her decision and I am relieved her suffering will soon cease but I am deeply sad. I will soon be motherless. Please pray for her and our family if you are so inclined.
We’ve had an interesting week. My spouse has been exploring women’s clothing and presentations lately. So yesterday we spent a joyful couple hours dressing him in my clothing and talking about how each outfit made him feel. At the end of the night, he confessed that he’s been reading a lot about gender and is exploring how calling himself non-binary sounds in his mouth and in his body. I’m actually really elated for him (him is correct for now) and am just so grateful to be in a place where I can be supportive. What I need help and grace with is if/when we start going out in public together with his gender non-conforming presentation. I’ve always put too much weight into what other people think, and I need strength to publicly live the joy we felt together last night.
Two weeks ago I wrote that my partner was going through a lot of complicated medical tests for what looked like probably MS. The diagnosis has been confirmed. We're meeting with the neurologist today to talk about treatment plans and expectations, and I'm vacillating between being super on-edge and strangely optimistic, somehow. I don't know, y'all. This is scary.
I'm playing that game of, "Am I an overly anxious hypochondriac who is making a mountain out of a mole-hill, or is something going on with my body and I should listen to her?" I need peace and wisdom and answers. I fear going to the doctor because I don't want them to think I'm silly, but what if this is a real issue?
I've never in my life wanted kids, I love other people's kids and always thought they weren't for me, and my husband is in agreement but for the past little bit I've been starting to feel like maybe I do want kids? And it's so counter to what has been basically my identity for the past few years that its putting me on edge, so I'm praying for peace and clarity right now
I am a teacher at a Quaker school in the Philadelphia metro area. UPenn's director of student counseling died on Monday and it is being reported as suicide. Penn has had over 13 community members who have ended their own lives in the last five or so years. As someone who works with young people and sends lots of students to Penn, I am really having trouble processing this one. It's a helpless feeling.
We found out last week (the week before? honestly I can't recall anymore) that my MIL is dying. Its going to be a brutal next few weeks/months/however long she has as there is no known treatment or cause of this disease. It's tough! We are all so tired. We are all too young for this. Even just knowing people are praying for us will be a huge boost. I am so mentally exhausted flipping between work and hospital that I am worried about my ability to support my SO. Thank you all! I didn't expect this news letter to be a thing I looked forward to, but it has been a great comfort through all of this even if I am not as active.
I'm pretty pissed at God. My dad has ALS which I've come to accept. He lives with me, so it's a part of my life. I invite death to dinner every night. It's a part of the conversation. I am doing well with it, and I'm kind of proud of it. Then yesterday I took my cat to the vet and spent an obscene amount of money to find out my cat has inoperable cancer. Ok. You're gonna take my dad but now you're coming for my cat, too??
My company is circling the drain and I found out yesterday that I was the only one on my team on the layoff list. My boss said he told them they were making a mistake and they needed to keep me (bless him) but today is the day where we get offers with the company buying us and I'm worried. What happens happens, but I am our primary earner so I am nervous.
I was raised Catholic and stopped believing in God and left the Church when I was 18. In the past couple of years, I've been feeling the need for some kind of spiritual practice, though I don't think I'll ever believe in God and the supernatural in the way I once did. I pray because it helps me feel better about stuff, not because I think anyone is there to answer my prayers, and because when I actively stopped myself from doing it, that made me sad. I went to a Quaker meeting on Sunday - looking for answers I suppose? I liked it, but I'm still not sure about it. I'll keep going, but I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to find something that feels right.
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone after my comment last week about my wisdom tooth surgery. It went well, they didn't have to do the extra expensive procedure, and I'm currently trying to make it through the same plate of pancakes I've been working on since Monday. Feeling good about this today, though. I think the bottom right stitches are fully out and the top might follow soon. The left side has been giving me more trouble & pain but I'm just telling myself that's its healing process and it will all be for the best. I've been working from home this week and while I'm not looking forward to fully going back to work tomorrow I am grateful for a job that has let me recover without having to use up all my time off.
Hi. My youngest sibling, A, cut off all contact with our dad a few months ago, and it's been really hard for my family. I don't think it was the right thing for them to do, but I'm praying to find compassion for them and acceptance that they are doing what they feel is best for them, even though I disagree. And I am praying for wisdom in how to support my mom and dad, for whom this decision has been very painful. I hope that God can be in all of our lives to help us love each other.
I am at a place right now where I feel vulnerable and lost and I hate it. I hate being in a workplace that looks down on me. I hate that I haven't finished school already. I hate that my father is not a good person. I hate that my head tells me the worst things about myself.
I feel like I’ve been job searching every day since 11/8/16 with no progress. I’m repeatedly second choice, so I go through the whole process but don’t get the job. I’ve also been admitted to grad school but would need a part time job to make it work, and I asked grad school for help they suggested I look on idealist.org. Friends, I get an email every day with all the idealist openings in my city. I have been doing that for three years. I am so frustrated and don’t know what to do and feel stuck and feel like I’ll be stuck forever. Yesterday I just broke down and cried in a bathroom stall at my temp job and I don’t see any way out.
I am struggling with some work stuff. Some of it is routine new bosses who don’t know my work and I don’t know theirs and we just seem to be on different frequencies which is frustrating us both. But then the more existential why am I doing this job at all thing is in the background (life and bills and kids and the desire to be able to retire with some form of existence is the obvious answer). Also if you could spare a thought for one of my dogs. She’s 13 and has a large mass and I’m hoping it’s just an old dog fatty growth but it has grown rapidly and it is making me worry. She’s at the vet today for a teeth cleaning and to have the mass checked out. She is a bossy corgi mix and we love her a lot.
I am praying this week for Eva - the seven year old daughter of "Lindsay Letters." She was in a freak accident - fell off a golf cart and hit her head and has been in a coma for about a month. She could use some prayers.
I've been church shopping in Madison WI and I went to a Lutheran church (thanks to Nadia Bolz-Weber) recently where I was uncomfortably fat for the hard narrow pew, and it's an old church building that already tends to be musty that is also used as a men's shelter at night so it has a...smell...and I was like, "hmmm, ugh." And then the pastor talked about centering the marginalized like Jesus did, and quoted Martin Luther, "we are all mere beggars telling other beggars where to find bread" and a light ignited in my heart a little bit and I got the message. So, I'll be trying that church again, because for the first time in my church shopping, I felt God's presence. If you're like me and struggling to find community where you can seek God in fellowship with others, I know it suuuuucks. It sucks getting up and leaving the house on Sunday, it sucks feeling alien and new, and it sucks when it's a disappointment. But I think it's possible. It's not impossible. I'm grateful to God for bringing me to that place. Now I'll see what else they have planned for me!
My friend J just got diagnosed with lymphoma, after also getting diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease AND a staph infection. He’s been fatigued and sick for months and now starts chemo. He’s married with 3 kids, and is only 45. And I live two time zones away. Just prayers please to whatever version of God you got. I will be praying for y’all.
My partner has been struggling with ongoing effects from a concussion earlier in the year. It’s been rough for us, and we are waiting to hear if his workplace will accept the accommodations his new doc has requested. He really wants to keep working, and has some good ideas of how he can get ahead on a project even if he is only part time. Any thoughts and prayers for his ongoing healing and work success would be gratefully accepted.
I'm really struggling with the Bible. I haven't been an avid Bible-reader since maybe college? It's "the weakest part of my faith life" to use Christianese. I've been trying to read Ecclesiastes, which used to be a fave (and I maaay have been accused of having "an Ecclesiastes heart" a time or two). But I keep checking different translations and there are so many wildly different interpretations of weird, small things, and it's all just throwing me.
I was talking to someone about RHE and they said one thing they loved about her is that she really loved scripture and also understanding it in its original context and in ours today, and I just want to feel all that, I want to love it and understand it, and it feels really out of reach.
This is not, like, a Real Problem in the grand scheme, and I'm not in faith crisis territory or anything, but I would appreciate some prayers about it anyway. (And if anyone has thoughts about a favorite translation/version of the Bible, maybe? Part of my frustration is I don't even know what to trust if I wanted to just pick one, ha.)
My surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic called me yesterday afternoon... himself. It’s just such shockingly bad news that I feel like now I’m grieving for everything I had hoped to have in my life - partner, children, blah, blah - and I’m totally adrift. Isn’t God supposed to want us to meet our helpmates (or whatever churchy term gets thrown around)?
Hi all -- my mom died early Thursday morning. I'm only 26; my little sister is 19. We've been praying like mad that we can all still feel her presence and that the reality in the kingdom of heaven is eternal life. Mom and I were very active (but not at all fundamentalist; growing up we all went to the doctor and had all our shots right on time, and mom she died in a medical hospice after years of intensive medical cancer treatment) Christian Scientists, a denomination I don't see here often but that means the world to me; do you know its one of (if not the only, I'm not sure) the only surviving religions/denominations founded by a woman? And that she founded the CSmonitor when she was like 92? Of course like anything the church org is still run by men which is ridiculous, also the Mother Church is way more conservative than many of the branch churches, but Anyway...we're having a memorial at my uncle's church, they're letting me write/edit the ceremony, which is very nice. I don't know...when she died the DNR was not at all clear and it came down to my Dad and we had all been up for 72 hours straight doing transfers to the hospital and back and...it was just not at all peaceful. I am afraid the rest of my family will by haunted by this forever, what we should have done. Anyway. Sorry for the downer, but have been so held in prayer these past few days that I really have been able to feel mom at times, and, I think, to express the qualities she held the most dear. I just can't hear anything for anyone that makes it sound like it was good that she died, you know? I think a lot of religious people, even ones who don't necessarily theologically believe it, can easily imply that and it just makes me so mad. It's such an important part of my theology: suffering is not good. We always said, God does not show with a hot poker. Praying to keep knowing that now, for my family and the world.
Marriage is so challenging in these little baby days (our first child is 4 months old) and I just wish I could fix it. I'm so broken in trying to give my whole heart to parenting, marriage, work, myself, friendships, and everything else. Most days I'm so afraid that I really am alone, isolated in this little muffled globe of new motherhood, and when I come out of it everyone will be gone, myself included. I'd just like God to put a little grace on the people I love, so they know I love them, and they don't run away from me as I figure out how to be a person in the world again, while caring for a new little person every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
I feel very silly about this but... I’m in a place where I’m ready for my husband. My career is finally heading in the directions I’ve always wanted and I’m grateful, but I am often consumed my loneliness. I’m in an industry where I don’t meet a lot of available men and my experience on the apps has been mediocre and unfulfilling. I love sharing my successes with my family and friends, but at night, I want loving arms around me and kisses on my neck. I’m 42. Maybe I’m supposed to be single forever, but that doesn’t feel right in my gut. My friends are great but most of them are at points in their lives where they warn me away from marriage or are dealing with relationship trauma or are fully enthralled with being single and getting all the play they want. So it’s hard for me to talk about my loneliness. Some of my friends are like “a man will distract you. You have your successes because there’s no man draining life from you. You don’t need a man!” But I feel incomplete. It seems like success would be even sweeter if I had my own special someone to say “congratulations, baby” and pipe me down with pride and love. But I feel silly praying to God for a husband. He’s done so much for me already. People have real problems and needs and here I am, wondering if I can ask God for love.
I went to a memorial service last night for a former student, a beautiful young man of 27 who died by suicide. Please keep Sam's heartbroken family and friends in your prayers.
Folks, I would appreciate it if some of you could pray for my husband? We just came back from a 12-day trip with his family and they were somehow even more abusive than usual. He's especially upset because his younger sister, who he's spent years emotionally/financially supporting, completely turned on him.
We're adopting a 10-year-old girl from foster care and she is amazing and it is amazing and oh my God I am so lost. The shift from civilian life to sudden motherhood has been so much more difficult than I anticipated. Holding all of the grief and fear she has from her abuse and her years in care is so hard, and shepherding her through the aftermath is so scary. I am doing it; we are doing it. It is worth it. But I never thought I'd feel so lost inside myself. I feel like someone has dumped a big pile of laundry on me and I'm trying to figure out where I am underneath the pile, and gosh that piece is hot and ugh those pieces are tangled and I'm sweaty under here and wait am I wearing that? I feel so selfish to even have these troubles—what looks like temporary burnout (sole breadwinner, which is actually great for our family in other ways), trouble caring for myself, being so exhausted, having my identity so rocked, being so scared on the inside. So...God, please help me find myself under the pile, and help me do this.
I’m really struggling with being single right now. I have a great life otherwise, lots of good friends, a meaningful job, family support but I really want that piece too. And as grateful as I am for all the great things in my life, I am so jealous of others who get to have a partnership. I got dumped by a dude i really really liked back in June and have started dating again and I just feel like there will never be a good fit again. (Coming off a very blah date last night.) Anyway, prayer request for peace in this time of loneliness, and praise and thankfulness for all the wonderful gifts I have in my life.
I am so grateful for the existence of my beautiful 4 month old daughter, who would not be here without the womb of an amazing woman who acted as our surrogate. I'm grateful for her more than words can express.
But my darling daughter was up for hours overnight because her little baby brain is growing so fast. And now she is asleep and I am thinking about the physical and emotional tasks that I need to accomplish today on an empty tank. A small request, but this tired person could use some patience and grace today.
Also, I am lifting you all up in prayer and I am so blessed by this little community of Nicolites walking together toward Jesus.
For those of you who are struggling with something you can't control, I wanted to pass along advice my spiritual advisor once gave me: get a little box/container (can be anything) which now represents your mailbox to God, write down whatever it is on your mind, and put it in your new God box. The physical act of handing something over to God to deal with can be such a relief. Praying for you all and so thankful for this space.
My 8-year-old son has sensory issues with his socks and shoes and we have bought new shoes twice this school year and countless new socks and nothing is working. I yelled at him this morning and I feel terrible about it. (I am also kind of triggered because a lot of my childhood revolved around similar things with my brother so my fuse gets short.) Please pray for us - I need to apologize to him this afternoon and I feel awful about our morning. And please send recommendations for your most successful socks for sensory kids. I wish he could just wear slides but then he couldn't do PE/playground and obviously he needs those things. Ugh what a mess.
My roommate/best friend has been waiting for a double organ transplant. This past weekend, we were out having possibly-not-doctor-sanctioned margaritas when she got the call that the organs she needed were available and that she had to report to the hospital for her transplant the next morning, her 30th birthday. It was so special to be with her when she got that call. She was more emotional than I've ever seen her. Elated that she would essentially be receiving a new life, devastated for the family of the donor, worried about her little sister who has a less severe form of the same condition. I started crying whenever I thought about the fact that she'd have her transplant on her birthday - it really felt like God saying "this is Me. I did this for you." We celebrated and wept and processed.
The next morning I went to the hospital with her. They ran tests and started getting her ready for surgery (including trying to place an IV for what felt like half an hour; it was excruciating). And then her surgeon came in and said she'd examined the donor organs and they weren't suitable for transplant. It was crushing. My roommate put a brave face on it but she said the hardest part was telling everyone she'd already told about the transplant "jk, it's not happening, back to waiting I guess."
So back to waiting I guess. I'm utterly baffled. I'm almost too confused at God to be mad at God. Almost! It's cruel of him to dangle such hope in front of my friend. For that matter, it's cruel to let her get sick in the first place. To let her spend two decades of her life fighting not to die. And then to seemingly set up this miracle, this birthday gift, and then to snatch it away. Idk you guys, I'm just struggling. I'm not talking to God right now but if you are please ask him for healing for my roommate and patience for me.
I'm Jewish but also right now I'm mad at God so I'm contributing to this thread, even though I probably shouldn't according to Jewish law on some level somewhere. I'm in my early 40s, I've never been married, and I very much want to have a kid. I met what seemed to be a great guy in May and we dated for a while, then he dumped me. This was after 3.5 years of being single. It was potentially EVEN MORE ANNOYING than just staying single in the first place. I only know of one guy who would be of interest romantically, but we cannot be involved romantically because of Things (and he's 100% right on this, in my opinion). Zero options, zero guy, zero kids, great annoyance with the Almighty.
I learned this week that someone called CPS on my sibling re: their one year old and I am so sad for them and their situation & as the only one who broke the poverty cycle in the family I feel a responsibility to them as well as a need to protect myself and my partner, and they keep asking us to borrow money which I have a little bit of but I don’t know how much is going to Baby needs or going to drugs (not the scariest kind but still) and it’s just so overwhelming and I’m several hours away and I do not know how to handle any of this. If you could give a little prayer for that sweet baby and for my sibling’s little family to get things on the right track and take care of themselves at this time. I just don’t know how to help them.
I've been procrastinating on going to counselling for anxiety and depression for, uh, about four years, but this week I actually made an appointment and it was last night and it was *really good.* I'm feeling hopeful about my brain stuff for the first time in a long time. Actually having a plan to talk to someone about things rather than my previous MO of "ignore it and maybe it will go away!" feels pretty good.
Hey all! Asking for prayers for my sister this week. She's 30, insanely creative, talented, and beautiful. She's also painfully, brutally insecure, anxious, and battling a life-long health issue (it's called a prolactinoma - non cancerous tumour but can still make your life hard). She's also single, and she desperately wants a partner and a family. And unfortunately, even the most progressive Christian spaces suck so badly at treating single people with the same value they do families and couples. So, she's just in a bad way. She really doesn't like herself, and she can't see the truth of all the good things about her and her life. All her worries about the future and herself just become this insurmountable tumbleweed of stress, and it makes every day really, really hard. SO, asking for prayers not just for God to give her the desires she so desperately wants (though that would be wonderful), but to give her calm and strength and hope while she waits.
I feel very lost and burnt out, both personally and professionally. My anxiety is through the roof all the time, and I haven’t slept well in months. It seems like I’m always screwing up, even though I’m trying harder than ever.
“Why” has been on my mind heavily. Why are these my crosses, my burdens? Where is this path taking me?
A monitoring ultrasound revealed some more issues with child to be (number two). I have a high risk doc appt in two weeks but I can’t help but be anxious in the meantime. I’m trying to let go and let God but I’m struggling. I pray that the child heals and that doctors are prepared to address the child’s needs whenever she arrives, which with some of the things we’re facing could be anytime.
Meanwhile we’re still seeing docs and specialists for child 1. I love him fiercely and seeing him struggle has really done a number on me. I pray that we are able to provide him with whatever supports and services he needs.
Sometimes it is hard to see God. Other days it isn’t. I struggle on the days that it is.
I'm waiting for the results of a liver biopsy that could be cancer, and it's so difficult. My mother died of cancer two years ago after being sick for seven years, and I'm struggling with so much fear at being in this position so soon afterward. I would appreciate very much any prayers anyone would be kind enough to make on my behalf.
Thank you for this Nicole. I'm really struggling to make ends meet and am afraid I have no idea how to find work that will allow me to have enough in my bank account for groceries and rent. I'm not sure if I believe in God quite the same way you do, but I believe in the universe. And any praying by anyone feels like it would much appreciated.
I literally don’t know where else to say any of this but here, so I will.
I have a very complicated relationship with Christianity. I grew up in a Southern church of Christ where I never felt like I could ever find any answers, and so I walked away as soon as I went off to college. Because of how arch-conservative my church experience is, I always feel awkward and out of place every time I try to find something new.
All of this to say I feel completely adrift in the ocean of life. I’m a profound failure as a husband and father, my career has no direction, I have a pretty serious depression that the medicine barely takes the edge off of most days and I generally just want to crawl in a hole and hide. I wish I had ever had whatever feeling it is all of you manage to have about faith and belief and something better and higher than this, but it doesn’t ever show up.
To quote one of my favorite Phantogram songs, “I wish I could believe.”
I am so overwhelmed today. I’m covering two jobs in my office because a co-worker was forced to resign after sexual harassment allegations. I’m trying to process that mess (I am SO ANGRY at my co-worker who is/was a close friend and I just don’t know how to handle that relationship going forward) while dealing with all of my stress-related health issues that are flaring up, and am really struggling to believe that God is here, in all of this, somehow. Prayers for peace and the strength to move through this would be so appreciated.
I've finally let myself admit that my levels of anxiety are way too high and that I'm needlessly suffering from postpartum anxiety (probably for 4+ years, but really amped in past 18mo). Once I allowed myself to see, it's been sort of like deciding for the epidural and then being forced to wait. My nerves feel raw, my rage spikes so quickly. Seeing a doctor and therapist tomorrow but asking for peace and grace, for myself, for my children.
Please pray for those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. All of the awareness and prevention posts this month can feel like an indictment of the things we did or didn’t do or say. The “if onlys” and “what ifs” come rushing back in. As the second anniversary of my husbands death approaches, It feels very raw.
I’m still unemployed and feeling even more useless after what’s now four months of searching. I’ve been rejected from my dream job (twice!), ghosted by interviewers, and just totally had my spirit broken by this whole process. My interview skills have improved so much, to the point where I no longer have panic attacks during them, so what am I doing wrong? I feel completely hopeless and, for lack of a better descriptor, dead inside. My faith vacillates in the best of situations, so you can probably imagine how I’m doing right now. Ugh. I’m so sad lol. I never thought I would be in this situation.
TW for suicide talk // gosh, I was hoping this would be a thread today. Yesterday, with JW and suicide prevention day and so forth, I realized that all of the people I trust and hold dear are or have been suicidal, and I haven't, and I don't know how or with whom to talk about that. I've been overwhelmed by dread and fear for my loved ones, and I wish I had just *one* friend I could talk about it with who wouldn't then inadvertently feel like a burden (because, obviously, none of this is any of my friends' faults, and their struggles are magnitudes more difficult and important).
This seems trivial compared to what others are sharing, but we've been struggling financially for years and I'm feeling pretty despondent about it. I feel like such a failure for not being where we need/want to be financially. We're trying so hard to pay things off and save a down payment for a house, but at this point that's probably 5-10 years away. This week especially I've felt so much despair and hopelessness over it.
I got some bad news last week. After finally deciding we're ready to try for a baby, my husband and I discovered that we're both carriers of a pretty nasty genetic mutation. Basically, if we conceive naturally, our child would have a 1 in 4 chance of having a disease that would likely kill them by age 3. Despite my sister's assurances that "there's still a 75% chance that everything will be fine," I just really hate those odds.
There are a handful of big, science-y options for us to try--and of course, I'm grateful that God gives humans the drive to learn and discover, which is what makes these kinds of innovations available to me--but I'm struggling under the weight of the risk of it all, and so crushed that this thing that should happen naturally is now 10 different types of complicated. I'm guessing that women who struggle with fertility can feel the same way.
Wow, this is a rough thread today. My heart is breaking for everyone who is posting their pain. I pray you all find peace and comfort and rest as needed, that your grief is soothed, that your fears and anxieties are eased, and that you feel the indwelling love that is our inheritance, whether you believe or not.
Please pray for my friend Corinne and her mom, Pat- Pat is having invasive brain surgery today because of a cranial aneurysm. It’s going to be a long day (and then the recovery!) for them all
My mom has had MS for 40 years. The disease has progressed to the point where she has chosen to die by euthanasia while she can still ask for it. It will happen this weekend. I fully support her decision and I am relieved her suffering will soon cease but I am deeply sad. I will soon be motherless. Please pray for her and our family if you are so inclined.
We’ve had an interesting week. My spouse has been exploring women’s clothing and presentations lately. So yesterday we spent a joyful couple hours dressing him in my clothing and talking about how each outfit made him feel. At the end of the night, he confessed that he’s been reading a lot about gender and is exploring how calling himself non-binary sounds in his mouth and in his body. I’m actually really elated for him (him is correct for now) and am just so grateful to be in a place where I can be supportive. What I need help and grace with is if/when we start going out in public together with his gender non-conforming presentation. I’ve always put too much weight into what other people think, and I need strength to publicly live the joy we felt together last night.
Two weeks ago I wrote that my partner was going through a lot of complicated medical tests for what looked like probably MS. The diagnosis has been confirmed. We're meeting with the neurologist today to talk about treatment plans and expectations, and I'm vacillating between being super on-edge and strangely optimistic, somehow. I don't know, y'all. This is scary.
I'm playing that game of, "Am I an overly anxious hypochondriac who is making a mountain out of a mole-hill, or is something going on with my body and I should listen to her?" I need peace and wisdom and answers. I fear going to the doctor because I don't want them to think I'm silly, but what if this is a real issue?
I've never in my life wanted kids, I love other people's kids and always thought they weren't for me, and my husband is in agreement but for the past little bit I've been starting to feel like maybe I do want kids? And it's so counter to what has been basically my identity for the past few years that its putting me on edge, so I'm praying for peace and clarity right now
I am a teacher at a Quaker school in the Philadelphia metro area. UPenn's director of student counseling died on Monday and it is being reported as suicide. Penn has had over 13 community members who have ended their own lives in the last five or so years. As someone who works with young people and sends lots of students to Penn, I am really having trouble processing this one. It's a helpless feeling.
We found out last week (the week before? honestly I can't recall anymore) that my MIL is dying. Its going to be a brutal next few weeks/months/however long she has as there is no known treatment or cause of this disease. It's tough! We are all so tired. We are all too young for this. Even just knowing people are praying for us will be a huge boost. I am so mentally exhausted flipping between work and hospital that I am worried about my ability to support my SO. Thank you all! I didn't expect this news letter to be a thing I looked forward to, but it has been a great comfort through all of this even if I am not as active.
I'm pretty pissed at God. My dad has ALS which I've come to accept. He lives with me, so it's a part of my life. I invite death to dinner every night. It's a part of the conversation. I am doing well with it, and I'm kind of proud of it. Then yesterday I took my cat to the vet and spent an obscene amount of money to find out my cat has inoperable cancer. Ok. You're gonna take my dad but now you're coming for my cat, too??
My company is circling the drain and I found out yesterday that I was the only one on my team on the layoff list. My boss said he told them they were making a mistake and they needed to keep me (bless him) but today is the day where we get offers with the company buying us and I'm worried. What happens happens, but I am our primary earner so I am nervous.
I was raised Catholic and stopped believing in God and left the Church when I was 18. In the past couple of years, I've been feeling the need for some kind of spiritual practice, though I don't think I'll ever believe in God and the supernatural in the way I once did. I pray because it helps me feel better about stuff, not because I think anyone is there to answer my prayers, and because when I actively stopped myself from doing it, that made me sad. I went to a Quaker meeting on Sunday - looking for answers I suppose? I liked it, but I'm still not sure about it. I'll keep going, but I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to find something that feels right.
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone after my comment last week about my wisdom tooth surgery. It went well, they didn't have to do the extra expensive procedure, and I'm currently trying to make it through the same plate of pancakes I've been working on since Monday. Feeling good about this today, though. I think the bottom right stitches are fully out and the top might follow soon. The left side has been giving me more trouble & pain but I'm just telling myself that's its healing process and it will all be for the best. I've been working from home this week and while I'm not looking forward to fully going back to work tomorrow I am grateful for a job that has let me recover without having to use up all my time off.
Hi. My youngest sibling, A, cut off all contact with our dad a few months ago, and it's been really hard for my family. I don't think it was the right thing for them to do, but I'm praying to find compassion for them and acceptance that they are doing what they feel is best for them, even though I disagree. And I am praying for wisdom in how to support my mom and dad, for whom this decision has been very painful. I hope that God can be in all of our lives to help us love each other.
Thank you.
I am at a place right now where I feel vulnerable and lost and I hate it. I hate being in a workplace that looks down on me. I hate that I haven't finished school already. I hate that my father is not a good person. I hate that my head tells me the worst things about myself.
I feel like I’ve been job searching every day since 11/8/16 with no progress. I’m repeatedly second choice, so I go through the whole process but don’t get the job. I’ve also been admitted to grad school but would need a part time job to make it work, and I asked grad school for help they suggested I look on idealist.org. Friends, I get an email every day with all the idealist openings in my city. I have been doing that for three years. I am so frustrated and don’t know what to do and feel stuck and feel like I’ll be stuck forever. Yesterday I just broke down and cried in a bathroom stall at my temp job and I don’t see any way out.
I am struggling with some work stuff. Some of it is routine new bosses who don’t know my work and I don’t know theirs and we just seem to be on different frequencies which is frustrating us both. But then the more existential why am I doing this job at all thing is in the background (life and bills and kids and the desire to be able to retire with some form of existence is the obvious answer). Also if you could spare a thought for one of my dogs. She’s 13 and has a large mass and I’m hoping it’s just an old dog fatty growth but it has grown rapidly and it is making me worry. She’s at the vet today for a teeth cleaning and to have the mass checked out. She is a bossy corgi mix and we love her a lot.
I am praying this week for Eva - the seven year old daughter of "Lindsay Letters." She was in a freak accident - fell off a golf cart and hit her head and has been in a coma for about a month. She could use some prayers.
I've been church shopping in Madison WI and I went to a Lutheran church (thanks to Nadia Bolz-Weber) recently where I was uncomfortably fat for the hard narrow pew, and it's an old church building that already tends to be musty that is also used as a men's shelter at night so it has a...smell...and I was like, "hmmm, ugh." And then the pastor talked about centering the marginalized like Jesus did, and quoted Martin Luther, "we are all mere beggars telling other beggars where to find bread" and a light ignited in my heart a little bit and I got the message. So, I'll be trying that church again, because for the first time in my church shopping, I felt God's presence. If you're like me and struggling to find community where you can seek God in fellowship with others, I know it suuuuucks. It sucks getting up and leaving the house on Sunday, it sucks feeling alien and new, and it sucks when it's a disappointment. But I think it's possible. It's not impossible. I'm grateful to God for bringing me to that place. Now I'll see what else they have planned for me!
My friend J just got diagnosed with lymphoma, after also getting diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease AND a staph infection. He’s been fatigued and sick for months and now starts chemo. He’s married with 3 kids, and is only 45. And I live two time zones away. Just prayers please to whatever version of God you got. I will be praying for y’all.
My partner has been struggling with ongoing effects from a concussion earlier in the year. It’s been rough for us, and we are waiting to hear if his workplace will accept the accommodations his new doc has requested. He really wants to keep working, and has some good ideas of how he can get ahead on a project even if he is only part time. Any thoughts and prayers for his ongoing healing and work success would be gratefully accepted.
I'm really struggling with the Bible. I haven't been an avid Bible-reader since maybe college? It's "the weakest part of my faith life" to use Christianese. I've been trying to read Ecclesiastes, which used to be a fave (and I maaay have been accused of having "an Ecclesiastes heart" a time or two). But I keep checking different translations and there are so many wildly different interpretations of weird, small things, and it's all just throwing me.
I was talking to someone about RHE and they said one thing they loved about her is that she really loved scripture and also understanding it in its original context and in ours today, and I just want to feel all that, I want to love it and understand it, and it feels really out of reach.
This is not, like, a Real Problem in the grand scheme, and I'm not in faith crisis territory or anything, but I would appreciate some prayers about it anyway. (And if anyone has thoughts about a favorite translation/version of the Bible, maybe? Part of my frustration is I don't even know what to trust if I wanted to just pick one, ha.)