Let’s share our prayer needs, our gratitude for prayers answered, and also be mad at God for the things you’re mad at God about. I personally believe all God wants is for you, deeply beloved child, to be in contact with Him/Her, and will always prefer transparency to faux-praise.
My surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic called me yesterday afternoon... himself. It’s just such shockingly bad news that I feel like now I’m grieving for everything I had hoped to have in my life - partner, children, blah, blah - and I’m totally adrift. Isn’t God supposed to want us to meet our helpmates (or whatever churchy term gets thrown around)?
Follow-up to all, and especially those who have hearted and commented and prayed and vibed - thank you so much. I spent all of Wednesday close to tears or in tears, but on Thursday I woke up with an understanding of that churchy ~peace that passes understanding~ and I believe it’s because of your thoughts and prayers and vibes yesterday. Thank you all so much.
There are many ways to make a life of whatever quality and time one has, but you are so extremely entitled to time mired deeply in grief. I am so sorry for you pain and fear, and I hope knowing that some semi-strangers are holding you in your heart can take a few grams of that weight off. <3
I cannot imagine what that call was like. Churches are so bad about declaring neatly what God wants, when it is so hard to understand and see clearly. I will be praying intensely for you.
Oh no, I wish I could give you my biggest heart hugs. Since I'm too pagan to be helpful w the G-d questions, I hope for you that you can walk barefoot on the earth, feel all your feelings, know we are holding you in our thoughts, and find some release or peace. <3
Hi all -- my mom died early Thursday morning. I'm only 26; my little sister is 19. We've been praying like mad that we can all still feel her presence and that the reality in the kingdom of heaven is eternal life. Mom and I were very active (but not at all fundamentalist; growing up we all went to the doctor and had all our shots right on time, and mom she died in a medical hospice after years of intensive medical cancer treatment) Christian Scientists, a denomination I don't see here often but that means the world to me; do you know its one of (if not the only, I'm not sure) the only surviving religions/denominations founded by a woman? And that she founded the CSmonitor when she was like 92? Of course like anything the church org is still run by men which is ridiculous, also the Mother Church is way more conservative than many of the branch churches, but Anyway...we're having a memorial at my uncle's church, they're letting me write/edit the ceremony, which is very nice. I don't know...when she died the DNR was not at all clear and it came down to my Dad and we had all been up for 72 hours straight doing transfers to the hospital and back and...it was just not at all peaceful. I am afraid the rest of my family will by haunted by this forever, what we should have done. Anyway. Sorry for the downer, but have been so held in prayer these past few days that I really have been able to feel mom at times, and, I think, to express the qualities she held the most dear. I just can't hear anything for anyone that makes it sound like it was good that she died, you know? I think a lot of religious people, even ones who don't necessarily theologically believe it, can easily imply that and it just makes me so mad. It's such an important part of my theology: suffering is not good. We always said, God does not show with a hot poker. Praying to keep knowing that now, for my family and the world.
I’m so sorry. My dad always said that Christians sometimes skip right over the grave to get to the resurrection when confronted with the awful mystery of death. An understandable impulse, because death sucks, but he always said instead that we should look to Jesus’ example, who before resurrecting his friend, took the time to feel the loss of him, and cry for his death and the void it left behind. Hoping for sanctuary for you, in which to cry and feel this loss of your mother and the unpeaceful way it happened, and that you have people around you who will hold that space for you, and be with you in your suffering instead of trying to rush you through it.
Praying you are shielded from toxic theological platitudes and that you are able to feel and remember your mother in a way that honors her and brings you peace.
A prayer for you and your family. When my son died, I kept wishing to feel his presence too. Asking him to be with us all the time. As if he was an angel. It took me a while to figure out that I had to let him go and let him rest. It gave me so much peace to finally do this. Yet it was as if he died twice. Once from life, then from my head. I *do still feel his presence from time to time, but on his terms and time, not mine.
I hope in time, you can find peace. The grief will stay with you for a long time, though. There’s no getting away from that. 😞💔
My mom is terminally ill and I have had to deal with making decisions about a DNR while she was not able to speak for herself. Its so difficult. When I was tormented with difficult decisions, my dad (a doctor of clinical psychology, divorced from my mom) said something that I find deeply reassuring: in these hard decisions where it feels like every choice is "bad", your intuition will guide you.
You know in your bones what the "best" decision is and was to make... I'm sure you did the best and "right" you could in that horrible situation.
God speaks to me in whispers and colours - I wish sometimes I could hear it more clearly.
My mom has also told me not to worry about her "legacy" or making choices that some how "honour" her - she said "I will be having adventures and way too much fun in heaven to be worried about that stuff". I'm sure your mom is feeling relief and joy in heaven.
My reply to you is a bit all over the place here... but I feel a lot of empathy for your situation.
Keeping you in my thoughts. I lost my mom at 21 and it is unimaginably hard, but it's good to know you have been able to find some small comforts. If you'd like to talk at all more privately let me know.
I'm praying, too, for someone to just sit with you while you cry, and hold that suffering with you. I will hold it for you too. I lost my dad at 18, it is devastating, and yes, Jesus is there, but that grief runs deep. *hugs*
Marriage is so challenging in these little baby days (our first child is 4 months old) and I just wish I could fix it. I'm so broken in trying to give my whole heart to parenting, marriage, work, myself, friendships, and everything else. Most days I'm so afraid that I really am alone, isolated in this little muffled globe of new motherhood, and when I come out of it everyone will be gone, myself included. I'd just like God to put a little grace on the people I love, so they know I love them, and they don't run away from me as I figure out how to be a person in the world again, while caring for a new little person every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
Feeling this hard, and my oldest is 5. Motherhood can be very isolating, whether you stay home, work, or some other combination of the two. Sending you big time love. And a reminder that most people, if they really love you, will still be there when you exit the haze of early new parenthood. It's so, so hard, but you are not alone. Also: if you have anyone in your life that has ever offered in passing to drop by and hold the baby, or watch the baby while you take a walk, or give you a break so you can grocery shop...do not be ashamed to take them up on it. We are so programmed in this culture to feel like failures if we aren't 100% self-sufficient, but humans just are NOT wired that way. You might also find that those babysitters become better friends/closer family than you had imagined.
It's so hard. I feel like my husband and I have been in survival mode for the past 18 months and it's so hard. It's hard to even remember who I am or who I want to be, who he is, who he used to be, what I love about him, what I love about myself. I am not trying to center myself, just attempting to say I understand and I am here with you. Hugs to you.
Just wanted to say-- I feel this, too, and I'm sorry it feels so overwhelming. All the advice is like "take time for yourself", and I'm like a) literally when????? b) what would I even do with that time, because by default I find myself drifting towards doing that next load of laundry, etc, and justifying it by telling myself I'm less stressed when things are done and the house is clean. Except the list is never done, and the house is never pre-baby clean.
Holding you in my thoughts. It's such a tough time and I remember basically the entire first year thinking, "Jeez, isn't it supposed to be easier by now?" I felt like I was allowed to struggle in the first three months but after that it was suddenly supposed to get easier?
Anyway, I promise you are still there, underneath everything, and I hope you can be gentle with yourself.
Also, I don't know you or your marriage, but what really helped us was not worrying so much about what was "fair" or "equal" but just speaking to our own needs. When we were doing the former it was easy to get trapped constantly bookkeeping or getting defensive, when we were able to let that go and just say, "I can't right now, can you?" really really helped our relationship as a couple and as parents/teammates.
Oh, I remember this so so well! And meanwhile, the husband is trying not to resent the breastfeeding bond and so there's just a heavy fog of mutual resentment over the whole thing and, like, it's really really really hard to be gracious and generous and empathetic when you're sleep deprived and stressed.
One last little bit of unsolicited advice (sorry! feel free to ignore, and also YMMV, and I understand everyone's situation and schedule and logisitcs are different): Can you pick a time frame in which it's his job to get baby out of the crib and to you and change the diaper, so all you need to do is struggle into a semi-upright/compatible with breastfeeding position and then hand baby back? or if you're co-sleeping or some other situation, he handles the diaper changes? It's easy to think "I'm already up, so I might as well", but I remember nights where I felt like if I had to do one more thing I was going to completely lose it. Obviously only I could do breastfeeding, but having *everything else* be his job from 10-2 really really helped me feel more rested and reduce the resentment.
That is hard. Try to be as honest as you can with those around you - you don't need to dump every thought you're having, but when a friend wants your time, it's okay to say that you're really overwhelmed. Friends want to help, even if that means sitting in your messy living room and holding the baby for you so you can drink a hot cup of coffee. You don't have to handle it all, including your feelings, alone.
As a mother with grown children (age 27/25) I am sending a hug from the “other side” to let you know that everything you are feeling is ‘normal’, common and okay. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to do it all, to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, daughter—that we often forget to be gentle and loving to ourselves. You will find a balance that works for you & your family, And as you adjust to this new family dynamic you will find it easier even if it actually is not. One piece of advice, try to nap when your child does—don’t use that time to clean the house or do laundry, etc. It’s amazing what a little sleep can do!
I feel very silly about this but... I’m in a place where I’m ready for my husband. My career is finally heading in the directions I’ve always wanted and I’m grateful, but I am often consumed my loneliness. I’m in an industry where I don’t meet a lot of available men and my experience on the apps has been mediocre and unfulfilling. I love sharing my successes with my family and friends, but at night, I want loving arms around me and kisses on my neck. I’m 42. Maybe I’m supposed to be single forever, but that doesn’t feel right in my gut. My friends are great but most of them are at points in their lives where they warn me away from marriage or are dealing with relationship trauma or are fully enthralled with being single and getting all the play they want. So it’s hard for me to talk about my loneliness. Some of my friends are like “a man will distract you. You have your successes because there’s no man draining life from you. You don’t need a man!” But I feel incomplete. It seems like success would be even sweeter if I had my own special someone to say “congratulations, baby” and pipe me down with pride and love. But I feel silly praying to God for a husband. He’s done so much for me already. People have real problems and needs and here I am, wondering if I can ask God for love.
Prayers for you! I'm with you re: working in a mostly-female industry and having mediocre experiences on the apps.
This is where the image of God as a father is helpful to me, because like, when I'm visiting my parents I don't even think twice about asking my dad to make me a coffee or whatever else it's in his power to give me, and he's happy for me to ask, so how much more is our heavenly father happy to listen to our requests? He's infinite, he's not going to run out of time or attention span to listen to his children.
I’m right there with you. I feel vapid for longing for a husband this badly but I do!!! I’m praying for you, and I don’t know whether this is a comfort but you certainly are not alone. And your concern is valid! God hears us even when we don’t ask him directly, we can’t hide from him even when we want to. ❤️
Maybe just a Catholic viewpoint, but I think God loves marriage and love. I don't think its a silly or vapid thing to pray for at all! I hope we both find our husbands.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm right there too--I want love, to share life with someone, to cheer each other on, to look forward to seeing someone. And the thing I'm saying to myself, over and over until it sticks, is that God wants that for me too. God has the time and resources, God IS the time and resources! If you want love, God wants love for you.
A really super helpful thing I've found is Amy Young Coaching, who you can follow on insta. She's awesome. She has coaching programs, and a cute little online dating program, and she's so real and great and inspiring.
I had a dating coach once, who I paid $$$. She got me 0 dates and in fact made me feel worse about my dating prospects. So I'm out of that game. Also I really hate it when people do things like, I'm sure this thing can fix your problem! Thanks for understanding why that's super annoying. I've spent the past 15 years trying to find a partner, I've tried a lot of things and I don't need suggestions, I need sympathy.
what I like about amy young is she has good content on insta that you don't have to pay for. as someone who can't afford a big investment right now, it's perfect for me--and hopefully helpful to nichole, too!
This isn't sympathy, this is trying to say what to do to 'fix' things. Bad news: you can't necessarily 'fix' finding someone to date. I don't take from this thread that she wants things fixed and I do take that she has put in a lot of time and effort into her search. I do take from this thread that she wants sympathy.
Nichole very expressly asked in her comment if it's okay to pray to God to help heal one of the most painful parts of her life and you responded by suggesting a dating coach.
Nah, pray to God for a husband, it's fine. And it's fine to admit to yourself that this is as important as--or maybe even more important than--the career and everything else you have worked so hard to achieve. But unfortunately, it's not only you involved with this achievement and that's what makes it so frustrating. No matter how much you try, you may not be rewarded for your effort.
Don't feel silly, this like 20% of what the old testament is about- finding people spouses! And Christian Culture (if you're a part of that) is just swimming in "get married to be a full person" vibes. But also, you are complete, you are wonderful, you are loved as you are right now.
Please don't feel silly about this. I am going through the same thing right now. I am 39 and am happy with my career, but I want a husband and a baby. Back in my 20s when I was unhappy with my job, I prayed to find the right job for me and thought I could give up marriage and a family for this. I now know that I was wrong. I live in a large small town and work a public facing job where online dating is not an option. I have no idea how to meet men besides church where there is no single man in my age bracket.
Praying for you! Don't feel any shame for wanting what you want. It doesn't diminish your success in any way to want to share it. I shared below my sister is in such a similar spot. I really wish there were a way for all you women who are dealing with this to connect on a more regular basis. Is there any kind of Facebook group where wonderful single Christian gals like yourself to connect with each other? If not, there should be.
This isn't silly! People say things like this about being ready for a new career, the next big purchase (home, car, etc.), and various other changes and new life paths -- so why not a healthy, happy marriage? Praying for you to joyfully meet your match, sooner rather than later :)
I went to a memorial service last night for a former student, a beautiful young man of 27 who died by suicide. Please keep Sam's heartbroken family and friends in your prayers.
Folks, I would appreciate it if some of you could pray for my husband? We just came back from a 12-day trip with his family and they were somehow even more abusive than usual. He's especially upset because his younger sister, who he's spent years emotionally/financially supporting, completely turned on him.
You and your husband are absolutely in my prayers, but can I also gently suggest counseling if he hasn't already considered it? It sounds like there is a lot to unpack there.
We're adopting a 10-year-old girl from foster care and she is amazing and it is amazing and oh my God I am so lost. The shift from civilian life to sudden motherhood has been so much more difficult than I anticipated. Holding all of the grief and fear she has from her abuse and her years in care is so hard, and shepherding her through the aftermath is so scary. I am doing it; we are doing it. It is worth it. But I never thought I'd feel so lost inside myself. I feel like someone has dumped a big pile of laundry on me and I'm trying to figure out where I am underneath the pile, and gosh that piece is hot and ugh those pieces are tangled and I'm sweaty under here and wait am I wearing that? I feel so selfish to even have these troubles—what looks like temporary burnout (sole breadwinner, which is actually great for our family in other ways), trouble caring for myself, being so exhausted, having my identity so rocked, being so scared on the inside. So...God, please help me find myself under the pile, and help me do this.
What you are doing is amazing, and you are being the clear and indisputable love of God to this kiddo. I am in awe of you, and will be praying for your strength, clarity of thought and purpose, and that she will be able to *rest* in your home.
I’m really struggling with being single right now. I have a great life otherwise, lots of good friends, a meaningful job, family support but I really want that piece too. And as grateful as I am for all the great things in my life, I am so jealous of others who get to have a partnership. I got dumped by a dude i really really liked back in June and have started dating again and I just feel like there will never be a good fit again. (Coming off a very blah date last night.) Anyway, prayer request for peace in this time of loneliness, and praise and thankfulness for all the wonderful gifts I have in my life.
Praying for you. I just posted a request for prayers for my sister, who is in the exact same place as you. Singleness in Christian circles is particularly hard, and people really don't understand how hard it can be.
I feel so “other” at church. All the Sunday school descriptions talk about “couples” or “parents” and i feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Thanks for your prayers and I’ll be praying for your sister too ❤️
I am so grateful for the existence of my beautiful 4 month old daughter, who would not be here without the womb of an amazing woman who acted as our surrogate. I'm grateful for her more than words can express.
But my darling daughter was up for hours overnight because her little baby brain is growing so fast. And now she is asleep and I am thinking about the physical and emotional tasks that I need to accomplish today on an empty tank. A small request, but this tired person could use some patience and grace today.
Also, I am lifting you all up in prayer and I am so blessed by this little community of Nicolites walking together toward Jesus.
Praying for you, and wanted to second the last paragraph--great way to put it, "walking together toward Jesus." These Wednesdays with y'all are so good for my heart (even when they're heavy).
For those of you who are struggling with something you can't control, I wanted to pass along advice my spiritual advisor once gave me: get a little box/container (can be anything) which now represents your mailbox to God, write down whatever it is on your mind, and put it in your new God box. The physical act of handing something over to God to deal with can be such a relief. Praying for you all and so thankful for this space.
My 8-year-old son has sensory issues with his socks and shoes and we have bought new shoes twice this school year and countless new socks and nothing is working. I yelled at him this morning and I feel terrible about it. (I am also kind of triggered because a lot of my childhood revolved around similar things with my brother so my fuse gets short.) Please pray for us - I need to apologize to him this afternoon and I feel awful about our morning. And please send recommendations for your most successful socks for sensory kids. I wish he could just wear slides but then he couldn't do PE/playground and obviously he needs those things. Ugh what a mess.
This might not be any help at all but I grew up with a sibling with sensory issues and it seemed like all authorities and parents dealt with were the tantrums and not the sensory causes and overstimulation. I'm really proud of you for trying to work with him. I know it's hard. I hope you get some good ideas.
This was my first born. Finding socks without seams is impossible!!!! She ended up wearing them inside out and that helped tremendously.
Forgive yourself. This stuff—the daily grind of never a peaceful morning—could break the Dali Lama. I yelled many a time. She’s 20 now and remembers all my mistakes it seems (20 year olds can be assholes) but not this! :-)
Apologizing to him is setting a fantastic example. Everyone makes mistakes and says things they wish they hadn't, and he will too. Modeling how to handle that, and showing that you respect him is great parenting.
I realize that shoes may also be a problem for him, but what about those knit "sockless" sneakers I'm seeing so much of? Allbirds is an expensive brand but there are other options. Not sure if they come in kid sizes but maybe a small women's size would do?
You might be able to find some bamboo-knit seamless socks at Winners/TJ Maxx - that's where I've found some of my smoothest, least bunchy socks. If slick/smooth material is preferable, that is!
I can totally relate to a lack of patience dealing with someone's sensory or processing issues - my wife has some combo of autism and adhd and there are times where she's not able to respond to very basic questions and I've been known to lose it. Of course, that doesn't make it ok, but you're super not alone. <3
This sounds so hard. School mornings are rough enough. I did my fair share of yelling at my kindergartner who woke me up at 5:30, hungry, but then refused to eat ☹️. Can your son handle shoes without socks, if it's still warm enough? A friend with a sensitive kiddo has had good luck with those native rubber sneakers.
I will look into the rubber ones, thank you! We have tried letting him go without socks but the insole gets sweaty and then bunches up so it ends up being ok in the morning but not in the afternoon. The first day of school he went sockless and had just taken off his shoes by the end of the day. Also his feet get so smelly but I could deal with that if it was working, you know? Ugh.
My daughter has incredibly stinky feet and the great thing about the Natives, if they end up working for your son, is that you can give them a good scrubbing with a brush in the sink, and they smell fine again. I hope you find a shoe/sock combo that works for you guys soon.
Seconding both inside-out (I had a LOT of trouble with socks and shoes when I was little and my parents were at their wits’ end and inside-out saved me!) and allbirds if you can spring for them. Love you, friend. You are a good mother and the apologizing matters so so much in building trust.
I don't have any advice, but I can totally relate. Every parent has these moments. I know it's hard when we react in way we wish we hadn't. But when we go back and apologize and ask for forgiveness for messing up, we're modeling good stuff for our kids. Even adults mess up! You obviously love your son, and that will cover over a rough morning.
It's also *totally* okay to require respect and kindness from your kiddo when he expresses his discomfort. Overstimulation sucks, but learning how to express that with kindness to the people around you is a needed lifeskill (I'm HSP myself, and I've really had to work on this, myself).
My roommate/best friend has been waiting for a double organ transplant. This past weekend, we were out having possibly-not-doctor-sanctioned margaritas when she got the call that the organs she needed were available and that she had to report to the hospital for her transplant the next morning, her 30th birthday. It was so special to be with her when she got that call. She was more emotional than I've ever seen her. Elated that she would essentially be receiving a new life, devastated for the family of the donor, worried about her little sister who has a less severe form of the same condition. I started crying whenever I thought about the fact that she'd have her transplant on her birthday - it really felt like God saying "this is Me. I did this for you." We celebrated and wept and processed.
The next morning I went to the hospital with her. They ran tests and started getting her ready for surgery (including trying to place an IV for what felt like half an hour; it was excruciating). And then her surgeon came in and said she'd examined the donor organs and they weren't suitable for transplant. It was crushing. My roommate put a brave face on it but she said the hardest part was telling everyone she'd already told about the transplant "jk, it's not happening, back to waiting I guess."
So back to waiting I guess. I'm utterly baffled. I'm almost too confused at God to be mad at God. Almost! It's cruel of him to dangle such hope in front of my friend. For that matter, it's cruel to let her get sick in the first place. To let her spend two decades of her life fighting not to die. And then to seemingly set up this miracle, this birthday gift, and then to snatch it away. Idk you guys, I'm just struggling. I'm not talking to God right now but if you are please ask him for healing for my roommate and patience for me.
I'm Jewish but also right now I'm mad at God so I'm contributing to this thread, even though I probably shouldn't according to Jewish law on some level somewhere. I'm in my early 40s, I've never been married, and I very much want to have a kid. I met what seemed to be a great guy in May and we dated for a while, then he dumped me. This was after 3.5 years of being single. It was potentially EVEN MORE ANNOYING than just staying single in the first place. I only know of one guy who would be of interest romantically, but we cannot be involved romantically because of Things (and he's 100% right on this, in my opinion). Zero options, zero guy, zero kids, great annoyance with the Almighty.
I for one welcome you on this thread, Jewish, Christian, whatever. I think all prayers and good thoughts should be welcomed. We’re all in this together. I pray you find your person soon.
I learned this week that someone called CPS on my sibling re: their one year old and I am so sad for them and their situation & as the only one who broke the poverty cycle in the family I feel a responsibility to them as well as a need to protect myself and my partner, and they keep asking us to borrow money which I have a little bit of but I don’t know how much is going to Baby needs or going to drugs (not the scariest kind but still) and it’s just so overwhelming and I’m several hours away and I do not know how to handle any of this. If you could give a little prayer for that sweet baby and for my sibling’s little family to get things on the right track and take care of themselves at this time. I just don’t know how to help them.
I apologize if this is not helpful, but are you able to purchase/order baby things to be delivered to them, instead of just sending money? That might help you if you want to do something but are concerned about how money might be spent. Thinking of you and your family <3
I've been procrastinating on going to counselling for anxiety and depression for, uh, about four years, but this week I actually made an appointment and it was last night and it was *really good.* I'm feeling hopeful about my brain stuff for the first time in a long time. Actually having a plan to talk to someone about things rather than my previous MO of "ignore it and maybe it will go away!" feels pretty good.
Yay!!! I've been seeing my therapist for mostly anxiety for a couple years, and I can literally tell a difference in the ways I think and process. I hope you have a great experience.
Hey all! Asking for prayers for my sister this week. She's 30, insanely creative, talented, and beautiful. She's also painfully, brutally insecure, anxious, and battling a life-long health issue (it's called a prolactinoma - non cancerous tumour but can still make your life hard). She's also single, and she desperately wants a partner and a family. And unfortunately, even the most progressive Christian spaces suck so badly at treating single people with the same value they do families and couples. So, she's just in a bad way. She really doesn't like herself, and she can't see the truth of all the good things about her and her life. All her worries about the future and herself just become this insurmountable tumbleweed of stress, and it makes every day really, really hard. SO, asking for prayers not just for God to give her the desires she so desperately wants (though that would be wonderful), but to give her calm and strength and hope while she waits.
Hello my dear! One resource for dating that I love is Amy Young Coaching on insta because she is so encouraging about all things dating and making connections and learning to see yourself as the prize you are--even if you don't pay for her coaching! It has made such a big difference for me on a daily basis, plus it's on insta so extremely accessible. Sending your sister love and light, and to you for loving her so well. <3
I feel very lost and burnt out, both personally and professionally. My anxiety is through the roof all the time, and I haven’t slept well in months. It seems like I’m always screwing up, even though I’m trying harder than ever.
All of the things others say. But, for me this helped a bit. Start making a list of wins/dones. Get a pretty notebook. Do it at lunch and bedtime. If you do something multiple times, make hashmarks. Wins that totally count: Went to bed on time, did my skincare routine, turned in minor assignment on time, e-mailed back annoying e-mail thing, cooked a meal, ate a meal, flossed, turned in daily/weekly work paperwork, turned in assignment that was accepted, engaged with pet, did dishes. . .
I found that I noticed everything I screwed up, and didn't count anything I did just fine. A "done list" gave me something for my executive brain to over-rule my anxiety/failure focused brain. I did do something today, I didn't fail at it. I did a ton of things successfully this week. Build yourself up!
I’m in the same place right now. Sending you solidarity. The cruelty of our systems is the point, so if you can, try not to feel bad about feeling bad about that.
This is where I was about a year ago, and after a term off of work for mental health (yes, huge privilege most people do NOT get!) I made some big choices and now I'm wondering if those big choices were right! But at the same time... I'm sleeping at night again. Even though I'm scared. My prayer for you is that God leads you to a choice that helps you change your life for the better, and that you get some relief from these feelings.
In the meantime, I highly highly suggest asking a doctor/clinician for a small amount of low-dose Zopiclone, which is a very inexpensive and effective sleep medication that made my most chronic anxiety/insomnia nights almost entirely a thing of the past. They are very habit forming but if you're careful not to take them more than a few nights a week, they can truly be a lifesaver. Not to dump capital-A Advice onto you! But there's more than one magic little blue pill out there. ;)
I feel this way a lot too. When it was at its worst last year I went and saw a counselor. While I wasn’t thrilled with my experience, I did learn how to cope with my anxiety and whatnot. I’m just 4 sessions I decided to stop going, but I quickly realized when at my worst I did know how to handle it a little better. Maybe go to just one session with somebody to see if you like it and can continue to go. Learning to control it even a little bit is a very freeing feeling.
“Why” has been on my mind heavily. Why are these my crosses, my burdens? Where is this path taking me?
A monitoring ultrasound revealed some more issues with child to be (number two). I have a high risk doc appt in two weeks but I can’t help but be anxious in the meantime. I’m trying to let go and let God but I’m struggling. I pray that the child heals and that doctors are prepared to address the child’s needs whenever she arrives, which with some of the things we’re facing could be anytime.
Meanwhile we’re still seeing docs and specialists for child 1. I love him fiercely and seeing him struggle has really done a number on me. I pray that we are able to provide him with whatever supports and services he needs.
Sometimes it is hard to see God. Other days it isn’t. I struggle on the days that it is.
I'm waiting for the results of a liver biopsy that could be cancer, and it's so difficult. My mother died of cancer two years ago after being sick for seven years, and I'm struggling with so much fear at being in this position so soon afterward. I would appreciate very much any prayers anyone would be kind enough to make on my behalf.
Thank you for this Nicole. I'm really struggling to make ends meet and am afraid I have no idea how to find work that will allow me to have enough in my bank account for groceries and rent. I'm not sure if I believe in God quite the same way you do, but I believe in the universe. And any praying by anyone feels like it would much appreciated.
I literally don’t know where else to say any of this but here, so I will.
I have a very complicated relationship with Christianity. I grew up in a Southern church of Christ where I never felt like I could ever find any answers, and so I walked away as soon as I went off to college. Because of how arch-conservative my church experience is, I always feel awkward and out of place every time I try to find something new.
All of this to say I feel completely adrift in the ocean of life. I’m a profound failure as a husband and father, my career has no direction, I have a pretty serious depression that the medicine barely takes the edge off of most days and I generally just want to crawl in a hole and hide. I wish I had ever had whatever feeling it is all of you manage to have about faith and belief and something better and higher than this, but it doesn’t ever show up.
To quote one of my favorite Phantogram songs, “I wish I could believe.”
You belong here. I'm glad you said this; I have a very complicated relationship as well (also grew up in the South, also had unsatisfactory answers and discouraged questions.)
Flannery O'Connor said in a letter, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief'... is the most natural and most human and most agonizing prayer in the gospels, and I think it is the foundation prayer of faith.” I cling to that even when I'm not any good at the "I believe" part. I hope you find an island you can rest on while you figure things out.
My husband has depression, and he also feels that he is a failure as a husband and in his career. ...He isn't. He is wonderful and kind and generous and compassionate...but he literally cannot see or believe that because of his depression.
I don't know all of your story, but I do know that depression lies. You are not a failure, even if you have failed at things (even important things!). I am so so sorry you are carrying this particular hurt. I am praying that this burden will either be lifted from you, or that you will be able to develop the strength needed to carry it.
You matter. You are welcome here. You are a unique representation of the infinity of God, and you are needed on this earth. Love to you.
I feel the same way you do in a lot of ways -- my father was a Baptist minister when I was growing up, and I was raised in a fairly fundamentalist household. Then that all imploded when he had an affair with a married woman in our church, and my parents divorced. I feel like I've been adrift since then -- I can't get comfortable in a new church, because I find it very difficult to trust the pastors. And I can't figure out how to pray, because it just doesn't feel like anyone's listening. I really, really wish I had the sort of faith that folks here have, but I just can't seem to find it. I haven't lost my faith that God exists, I just find it very difficult to believe that He/She cares at all.
This quote from Spencer Hall kinda of sums up how it feels at least some of the time:
“You will have to accept that you are bad firewood walking: wooden, a puppet guided by strings pulling you in directions you can't always understand or accept. You'll have to accept, in one form or another, that God's away on business, and you will have to take care of this yourself no matter how long you have to run.”
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hope typing it out gives you at least a little solace. Even if you don't believe in God, there are people out there who will listen and care about you. You can find them in all kinds of places. I hope you do.
I'm depressed too, and it just hurts. It's so hard. So I hear where you're coming from.
I said it above but I don’t really have religious faith but have always admired people that do. I wish I could believe like they do. So you’re not alone in that, at least.
I’m pretty sure even the most dedicated souls feel this way at times. The beauty of it is even when we’re lost, we can eventually find...something. It may not always be perfect but it doesn’t have to be.
I pray that your burdens are eased and you find some peace.
This is a sort of facile answer to a deep question, but have you ever checked out any Disciples of Christ/Christian Churches? It’s hit the miss, but some can be really progressive while also retaining somebody of the familiarity of the better parts of coC traditions (emphasis on community, strong musical traditions, strong personal relationship w/ scripture).
Obviously this isn’t a full solution to the deeper existential stuff in your note, but if you’re looking to connect to a church community that has some familiarity it could be a decent option.
(Signed, someone who should be an Episcopalian on paper but feels like a space alien in a lot of progressive religious communities.)
"Show me where the Apostles had a jazz combo! It's not in there!"
I've witnessed deep theological debates over the NIV not being divinely inspired and whether or not a pitch-pipe is a musical instrument. Every time I walk in a church and see a preacher in robes and a drum kit and guitar it's almost unsettling.
I am so overwhelmed today. I’m covering two jobs in my office because a co-worker was forced to resign after sexual harassment allegations. I’m trying to process that mess (I am SO ANGRY at my co-worker who is/was a close friend and I just don’t know how to handle that relationship going forward) while dealing with all of my stress-related health issues that are flaring up, and am really struggling to believe that God is here, in all of this, somehow. Prayers for peace and the strength to move through this would be so appreciated.
I've finally let myself admit that my levels of anxiety are way too high and that I'm needlessly suffering from postpartum anxiety (probably for 4+ years, but really amped in past 18mo). Once I allowed myself to see, it's been sort of like deciding for the epidural and then being forced to wait. My nerves feel raw, my rage spikes so quickly. Seeing a doctor and therapist tomorrow but asking for peace and grace, for myself, for my children.
Yay you for getting help. It took me three years post partum (from my third kid) to figure out I had PPA. Getting meds and therapy has been life saving
thank you! And I'm so happy to hear about your success. I think (even though i like doing therapy and am very supportive of people getting help for mental health) I thought I was out of the woods when I felt 'fine' 6 months out. People need to know this is ongoing. Like...years ongoing. And my kid has started talking about her own 'bad thoughts' that are clearly anxious intrusive thoughts, so now I'm worried about HER but getting my own oxygen mask on first...
Please pray for those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. All of the awareness and prevention posts this month can feel like an indictment of the things we did or didn’t do or say. The “if onlys” and “what ifs” come rushing back in. As the second anniversary of my husbands death approaches, It feels very raw.
I feel this deeply; the constant posts and even positive messages make the what if’s get so loud. I’m praying for you; I’ve lost students to suicide but a husband...you carry so much.
I’m still unemployed and feeling even more useless after what’s now four months of searching. I’ve been rejected from my dream job (twice!), ghosted by interviewers, and just totally had my spirit broken by this whole process. My interview skills have improved so much, to the point where I no longer have panic attacks during them, so what am I doing wrong? I feel completely hopeless and, for lack of a better descriptor, dead inside. My faith vacillates in the best of situations, so you can probably imagine how I’m doing right now. Ugh. I’m so sad lol. I never thought I would be in this situation.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong; sometimes it's just the way things are. You're building a valuable skill and getting closer to the day something turns up. I pray that you'll find something soon.
Oof, this is just so tough. It’s hard not to be discouraged, and I’ll be holding you in the light during your job search. (On a practical note, I find Alison at the Ask a Manager website has so much great advice, so that might be a good resource for you!)
TW for suicide talk // gosh, I was hoping this would be a thread today. Yesterday, with JW and suicide prevention day and so forth, I realized that all of the people I trust and hold dear are or have been suicidal, and I haven't, and I don't know how or with whom to talk about that. I've been overwhelmed by dread and fear for my loved ones, and I wish I had just *one* friend I could talk about it with who wouldn't then inadvertently feel like a burden (because, obviously, none of this is any of my friends' faults, and their struggles are magnitudes more difficult and important).
I’ve felt a similar weight. Keep looking. You’ll finding that person you can lean on, and even if it’s just for one good convo or cry, it’ll make the weight seem lighter.
This seems trivial compared to what others are sharing, but we've been struggling financially for years and I'm feeling pretty despondent about it. I feel like such a failure for not being where we need/want to be financially. We're trying so hard to pay things off and save a down payment for a house, but at this point that's probably 5-10 years away. This week especially I've felt so much despair and hopelessness over it.
I got some bad news last week. After finally deciding we're ready to try for a baby, my husband and I discovered that we're both carriers of a pretty nasty genetic mutation. Basically, if we conceive naturally, our child would have a 1 in 4 chance of having a disease that would likely kill them by age 3. Despite my sister's assurances that "there's still a 75% chance that everything will be fine," I just really hate those odds.
There are a handful of big, science-y options for us to try--and of course, I'm grateful that God gives humans the drive to learn and discover, which is what makes these kinds of innovations available to me--but I'm struggling under the weight of the risk of it all, and so crushed that this thing that should happen naturally is now 10 different types of complicated. I'm guessing that women who struggle with fertility can feel the same way.
Please pray for my friend Corinne and her mom, Pat- Pat is having invasive brain surgery today because of a cranial aneurysm. It’s going to be a long day (and then the recovery!) for them all
My mom has had MS for 40 years. The disease has progressed to the point where she has chosen to die by euthanasia while she can still ask for it. It will happen this weekend. I fully support her decision and I am relieved her suffering will soon cease but I am deeply sad. I will soon be motherless. Please pray for her and our family if you are so inclined.
Oh, my dear, this is so hard. One of my oldest friends lost their mother to MS four years ago after 25+ years of relentless progression, and even though, EVEN THOUGH it was an end to her suffering and a reconciliation with her beloved God, there was still so much grief and pain for those that loved her. You can hold two disparate feelings in each hand, and know that both are very true--this is the right thing, and it is the hardest thing. So much love to you and yours throughout this time.
We’ve had an interesting week. My spouse has been exploring women’s clothing and presentations lately. So yesterday we spent a joyful couple hours dressing him in my clothing and talking about how each outfit made him feel. At the end of the night, he confessed that he’s been reading a lot about gender and is exploring how calling himself non-binary sounds in his mouth and in his body. I’m actually really elated for him (him is correct for now) and am just so grateful to be in a place where I can be supportive. What I need help and grace with is if/when we start going out in public together with his gender non-conforming presentation. I’ve always put too much weight into what other people think, and I need strength to publicly live the joy we felt together last night.
I'm with you in spirit and thought. My partner fully transitioned starting in 2015, after we'd been together since 2008. It's been at times beautiful and at times so utterly warping of my own ideas about being a woman and a caregiver. The other people part was and remains the hardest for me. I almost got physical on some lads who laughed at her outside of a pub. Don't forget yourself in these times in the service of being "the right kind of woke partner" if you find yourself having reservations. Therapy helped. Love helps the most. I love my wife very dearly, but it definitely would've been a smoother ride if she had been cis.
Two weeks ago I wrote that my partner was going through a lot of complicated medical tests for what looked like probably MS. The diagnosis has been confirmed. We're meeting with the neurologist today to talk about treatment plans and expectations, and I'm vacillating between being super on-edge and strangely optimistic, somehow. I don't know, y'all. This is scary.
It is scary, but now you know what you are facing. And the best thing for your partner is that they have a supportive partner! I deal with chronic illness and having my partner's support during the lengthy diagnosis process was very comforting.
I've been through that with a partner and it was so scary, but also such a relief to finally get answers for all the things she'd known were 'off'. It's so much to take in all at once.
For what it's worth, in her case, a lot of little things got easier once there was a name and explanation. Realizing that the heat wore her out meant we knew we just needed to find a restaurant with A/C.
I'm playing that game of, "Am I an overly anxious hypochondriac who is making a mountain out of a mole-hill, or is something going on with my body and I should listen to her?" I need peace and wisdom and answers. I fear going to the doctor because I don't want them to think I'm silly, but what if this is a real issue?
I've never in my life wanted kids, I love other people's kids and always thought they weren't for me, and my husband is in agreement but for the past little bit I've been starting to feel like maybe I do want kids? And it's so counter to what has been basically my identity for the past few years that its putting me on edge, so I'm praying for peace and clarity right now
I am a teacher at a Quaker school in the Philadelphia metro area. UPenn's director of student counseling died on Monday and it is being reported as suicide. Penn has had over 13 community members who have ended their own lives in the last five or so years. As someone who works with young people and sends lots of students to Penn, I am really having trouble processing this one. It's a helpless feeling.
It's heartbreaking to see it in the news, and I don't have the personal connection you do. I am so sorry. I am so glad you are out there doing the important work of being a caring teacher.
We found out last week (the week before? honestly I can't recall anymore) that my MIL is dying. Its going to be a brutal next few weeks/months/however long she has as there is no known treatment or cause of this disease. It's tough! We are all so tired. We are all too young for this. Even just knowing people are praying for us will be a huge boost. I am so mentally exhausted flipping between work and hospital that I am worried about my ability to support my SO. Thank you all! I didn't expect this news letter to be a thing I looked forward to, but it has been a great comfort through all of this even if I am not as active.
I'm pretty pissed at God. My dad has ALS which I've come to accept. He lives with me, so it's a part of my life. I invite death to dinner every night. It's a part of the conversation. I am doing well with it, and I'm kind of proud of it. Then yesterday I took my cat to the vet and spent an obscene amount of money to find out my cat has inoperable cancer. Ok. You're gonna take my dad but now you're coming for my cat, too??
My company is circling the drain and I found out yesterday that I was the only one on my team on the layoff list. My boss said he told them they were making a mistake and they needed to keep me (bless him) but today is the day where we get offers with the company buying us and I'm worried. What happens happens, but I am our primary earner so I am nervous.
Welp, it wasn't great. The biggest issue is that some vp from back east doesn't like that nearly everyone here works an early shift and demands that we all work 8-5. I can deal with the other trash aspects of the offer, but I have to leave by 4 to get my kids from school and daycare, and honestly it doesn't bode well for the company that they would be so rigid (its not a coverage issue or anything, so just thinks it's unprofessional to work 7:30 to 4). sigh
How unfair, especially for people with families. I wonder if you could write into Ask A Manager and find out if there’s something to be done? Good luck to you...
I was raised Catholic and stopped believing in God and left the Church when I was 18. In the past couple of years, I've been feeling the need for some kind of spiritual practice, though I don't think I'll ever believe in God and the supernatural in the way I once did. I pray because it helps me feel better about stuff, not because I think anyone is there to answer my prayers, and because when I actively stopped myself from doing it, that made me sad. I went to a Quaker meeting on Sunday - looking for answers I suppose? I liked it, but I'm still not sure about it. I'll keep going, but I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to find something that feels right.
I deeply, deeply relate to this. I attended Catholic school my entire life and grew up in a very devout Roman Catholic family, but after a deep depression in my early teens triggered by my environment, I begged my parents to be allowed to attend any high school that was NOT Catholic. We compromised with Quaker. I loved it. But it took some time! What helped was understanding not only the modern Quaker POV on the light within (I struggled sooo much with their modern idea of what Jesus is [or isn't, really]) but also the origins of Quakerism, Shakerism, faith through the body, spiritual awakening through mindfulness and repetition, etc. Through Quakerism, I was able to rediscover the things that I DID love about Catholicism–– mysticism, saints, the rosary, the incorporation of movement in ritual. It's been a journey and, to be frank, I haven't been to a Quaker meeting in 10 years. But the SPICES have stayed with me all these years, making me a softer and more compassionate adult! Holding you in the light as your journey continues.
I've always been drawn to mysticism - I read Julian of Norwich periodically when I need to feel calm - and it feels like just sitting silently in a room with a bunch of people THINKING is one way to access that mode.
I’m not religious at all (mainly read these threads because I am curious about folks that are), but maybe give the Unitarians a try? I’ve only dealt with them casually but every time I’ve chatted with a UU pastor, I’ve always felt like “yes these are good people doing good spiritual work”
I've thought about UU in the past but they don't really speak to me. I know this an unfair stereotype, but they seem a bit wishy-washy - their principles of belief don't really seem to offer me anything I wouldn't get from secular sources. I've been drawn to the Quakers because they have very clearly defined values which I share - particularly their peace activism.
I grew up in a non-religious household and ended up finding Quakerism in college. It’s wonderful! I love being in a community of seekers who ask thoughtful questions. I’ve actually been struggling to get to Meeting itself these days due to some sleep issues, but do hope to get back there. And I hope you find the right space for your journey.
I am so floored by the openness and courage it takes to follow your yearning and search this way. I am religious and do think prayers are listened to, but I also think that if they’re not what harm does it do, and if they are but we don’t believe it, what does that matter for the hearing? May you find in this search blessing and welcome.
Same, same! Raised Catholic and was super atheist for a time and now I just kind of am. I don’t want religion to dictate my ethics - I don’t want any part of purity culture etc but I like thinking the world has more forces than those we understand scientifically. So now I just kind of float about happy to consider prayers as a form of contemplation and hoping maybe putting things out there for myself and other does good
I have been in your shoes - looking for answers. My thought is that trying to understand the divine aspect of the religion is beside the point and counterproductive. It’s the message Jesus preached that remains important. Be good to people. Be humble. Act in service. Don’t get bogged down in what ‘God’ is because we will never understand it anyway.
And yes, pray. Prayer focuses your own mind to help you deal with your challenges. Pray out loud because people who seek to act out the will of God will hear those prayers and help.
Be open to hearing what God has to say. It might come in the subtlest way or it might hit you over the head. Maybe it comes in a Quaker meeting, but maybe it comes if you go back to a Catholic Church. I found a church with an open, warm, progressive priest. I have now followed him to two other churches in my town after he was reassigned.
Read the bible. My bible app gives me a verse of the day, and it helps to give me something to reflect on. I think that if I keep trying to be better, and learn more, then those reflections will be part of it.
Last, connect with others in the same boat. Accept that you will never have all the answers and that your relationship with spirituality will frustrate you from time to time. We are a messy species, humans, and really we are all just muddling through. Some people just know how to fake it better than others!
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone after my comment last week about my wisdom tooth surgery. It went well, they didn't have to do the extra expensive procedure, and I'm currently trying to make it through the same plate of pancakes I've been working on since Monday. Feeling good about this today, though. I think the bottom right stitches are fully out and the top might follow soon. The left side has been giving me more trouble & pain but I'm just telling myself that's its healing process and it will all be for the best. I've been working from home this week and while I'm not looking forward to fully going back to work tomorrow I am grateful for a job that has let me recover without having to use up all my time off.
So glad for improvements!! But do monitor the left side—a friend just had his out and had complications, so if it doesn’t improve your doctor should look at it.
Hi. My youngest sibling, A, cut off all contact with our dad a few months ago, and it's been really hard for my family. I don't think it was the right thing for them to do, but I'm praying to find compassion for them and acceptance that they are doing what they feel is best for them, even though I disagree. And I am praying for wisdom in how to support my mom and dad, for whom this decision has been very painful. I hope that God can be in all of our lives to help us love each other.
I am at a place right now where I feel vulnerable and lost and I hate it. I hate being in a workplace that looks down on me. I hate that I haven't finished school already. I hate that my father is not a good person. I hate that my head tells me the worst things about myself.
I'm so sorry. I can identify with a lot of these things - they're hard and they suck. Sending you love and I hope you find ways to both be angry and upset but still find moments of grace and light in the midst of them.
I feel like I’ve been job searching every day since 11/8/16 with no progress. I’m repeatedly second choice, so I go through the whole process but don’t get the job. I’ve also been admitted to grad school but would need a part time job to make it work, and I asked grad school for help they suggested I look on idealist.org. Friends, I get an email every day with all the idealist openings in my city. I have been doing that for three years. I am so frustrated and don’t know what to do and feel stuck and feel like I’ll be stuck forever. Yesterday I just broke down and cried in a bathroom stall at my temp job and I don’t see any way out.
I am struggling with some work stuff. Some of it is routine new bosses who don’t know my work and I don’t know theirs and we just seem to be on different frequencies which is frustrating us both. But then the more existential why am I doing this job at all thing is in the background (life and bills and kids and the desire to be able to retire with some form of existence is the obvious answer). Also if you could spare a thought for one of my dogs. She’s 13 and has a large mass and I’m hoping it’s just an old dog fatty growth but it has grown rapidly and it is making me worry. She’s at the vet today for a teeth cleaning and to have the mass checked out. She is a bossy corgi mix and we love her a lot.
I am praying this week for Eva - the seven year old daughter of "Lindsay Letters." She was in a freak accident - fell off a golf cart and hit her head and has been in a coma for about a month. She could use some prayers.
My friend J just got diagnosed with lymphoma, after also getting diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease AND a staph infection. He’s been fatigued and sick for months and now starts chemo. He’s married with 3 kids, and is only 45. And I live two time zones away. Just prayers please to whatever version of God you got. I will be praying for y’all.
My partner has been struggling with ongoing effects from a concussion earlier in the year. It’s been rough for us, and we are waiting to hear if his workplace will accept the accommodations his new doc has requested. He really wants to keep working, and has some good ideas of how he can get ahead on a project even if he is only part time. Any thoughts and prayers for his ongoing healing and work success would be gratefully accepted.
I'm really struggling with the Bible. I haven't been an avid Bible-reader since maybe college? It's "the weakest part of my faith life" to use Christianese. I've been trying to read Ecclesiastes, which used to be a fave (and I maaay have been accused of having "an Ecclesiastes heart" a time or two). But I keep checking different translations and there are so many wildly different interpretations of weird, small things, and it's all just throwing me.
I was talking to someone about RHE and they said one thing they loved about her is that she really loved scripture and also understanding it in its original context and in ours today, and I just want to feel all that, I want to love it and understand it, and it feels really out of reach.
This is not, like, a Real Problem in the grand scheme, and I'm not in faith crisis territory or anything, but I would appreciate some prayers about it anyway. (And if anyone has thoughts about a favorite translation/version of the Bible, maybe? Part of my frustration is I don't even know what to trust if I wanted to just pick one, ha.)
The NRSV is kind of clinical in places but it’s the academic standard (source: [gestures broadly at degrees]), which can be helpful for figuring out where to start or comparing to versions with warmer language. The Common English Bible is GREAT for being more readable without moving into the realm of paraphrase and interpretation as some other very-colloquial translations can. NIV and ESV are good for readability but bad on gender, especially the ESV, which seem to have had some real hardliners on its committee. And, when you see weird small (or large) disagreements in interpretation, it’s because the original text is ambiguous or hard to parse, so finding the discrepancies is a way to find knots in the original. This got long but truly I love the Bible and I hope you find a good way to get closer to it. What keeps me despite everything is that it’s our first best witness to generations of experience of God: it shows us what to look for. :)
Thank you so, so much. I've been switching between the CEB and the NASB, NASB because someone I know loves it though I can't even remember who, and CEB because, as you said, it's readable but not as folksy as, say, the message, which is just a little much for me. I didn't know the NRSV was the academic standard and that info has already made me feel much lighter!!! (And temporarily quieted the "you should probably just get a theology degree!" voice in my head.) I appreciate your words so much!
You’re welcome!! If you’re an edition collector or want to get closer still to the language behind things, you might check the JPS Tanakh translation (of the Hebrew Bible) and Robert Alter’s translation as well, and for the NT, David Bentley Hart’s translation is very interesting. Also for study purposes, you might check out the Harper Collins Study Bible, which has LOTS of footnotes and margin notes for learning more about language and history!!
Honestly, I'd go with the one I find most readable (I'm most used to NIV, CEV, and NLT, so I personally go with one of those) and get contextual information from commentaries. A good commentary can go a really long way in elucidating meaning that the original audience would have taken for granted.
It is probably time to invest in a commentary. I think it would get close to what I'm looking for without having to jump into a theology program :) Thank you!
Sometimes when I’m struggling with this I’ll just try to start small. Like find a bible study book and spread it out over months instead of weeks. I also find the psalms the easiest to read when I’m struggling to concentrate because they’re so beautiful read aloud. Thinking and praying for you ❤️
Thank you!! I do find myself more and more drawn to Bible study books/faith memoirs/idk what you'd call books like Brian Zahnd's or Rob Bell's, Christian nonfiction...? Have read a lot of RHE and Sarah Bessey and those folks. I get a lot out of those books but feel like I'm looking for a way to find the same enthusiasm for, you know, the actual Bible. Not at all a fundamentalist, but still, it's the book God gave us, right? Anyway, this really is helpful. Thank you. Also more heart emojis keep appearing as I'm typing, which is funny and kind of comforting.
She Reads Truth also has really pretty bible studies that are just the text. I don’t agree with them theologically but they don’t have commentary so it works for me.
My church uses something called The Inclusive Bible:The First Egalitarian Translation. I like it! I am not in a place of reading the Bible a lot these days, but I also like the NET Bible because it has a lot of explanatory footnotes, which give some insight into translation decisions.
I have a job interview on Friday which is exciting, but I'm am very much overthinking it and trying to account for all possible outcomes... But I'm also grateful for the old friend who stopped by on a whim on the weekend. I have been feeling lonely and disconnected and she came at just the right time to sit with some wine and talk. I've been craving a conversation deeper that 'how was the weekend'!
I’m angry that my cousin is in jail and that my younger brother is probably going to prison next month. I’m angry that that means all of my brothers will have been to jail, and my dad, too. Im struggling to feel like the people I love and care about are protected, and that the family I’m creating won’t fall victim to the same things the family I came from has.
I’m grateful that I was able to reconnect with my cousin just days before she was arrested due to the miracle trip to nc. I feel really lucky a lot of the time, even as I’m struggling, because support seems to find me when I ask for it, and I feel affirmed and tended to by God/ my angels regularly. But I also feel angry that I seem to be fortunate and the people I care about don’t have a similar experience. I want what I have for all of us. I also am really tired and want an extended period of ease but don’t we all.
I’m so sorry your family has this going on. It’s clear that you are a supportive and loving person to your family. I’m praying that your family can come to a better place and that everyone can have freedom and peace. ❤️
My surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic called me yesterday afternoon... himself. It’s just such shockingly bad news that I feel like now I’m grieving for everything I had hoped to have in my life - partner, children, blah, blah - and I’m totally adrift. Isn’t God supposed to want us to meet our helpmates (or whatever churchy term gets thrown around)?
Follow-up to all, and especially those who have hearted and commented and prayed and vibed - thank you so much. I spent all of Wednesday close to tears or in tears, but on Thursday I woke up with an understanding of that churchy ~peace that passes understanding~ and I believe it’s because of your thoughts and prayers and vibes yesterday. Thank you all so much.
Glad to hear. It will probably ebb and flow and I hope you continue to share/vent/update here during future Jesus Wednesday threads.
You have been and continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
There are many ways to make a life of whatever quality and time one has, but you are so extremely entitled to time mired deeply in grief. I am so sorry for you pain and fear, and I hope knowing that some semi-strangers are holding you in your heart can take a few grams of that weight off. <3
Thank you, it truly means so much to me
I cannot imagine what that call was like. Churches are so bad about declaring neatly what God wants, when it is so hard to understand and see clearly. I will be praying intensely for you.
I'm so sorry. Praying for peace and strength for you.
Holding you in the light.
Oh, goodness. Sending some peace and space and healing your way.
I’m sorry and will pray that God is with you during what I can only imagine is an incredibly difficult time.
I'm so sorry. Sending you love.
I’m praying for you ❤️ I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Lifting you up.
I'm so sorry. That sounds unbelievably hard.
Oh no, I wish I could give you my biggest heart hugs. Since I'm too pagan to be helpful w the G-d questions, I hope for you that you can walk barefoot on the earth, feel all your feelings, know we are holding you in our thoughts, and find some release or peace. <3
Thank you so much. That’s a beautiful sentiment, and I am going to make an effort to do that
Hi all -- my mom died early Thursday morning. I'm only 26; my little sister is 19. We've been praying like mad that we can all still feel her presence and that the reality in the kingdom of heaven is eternal life. Mom and I were very active (but not at all fundamentalist; growing up we all went to the doctor and had all our shots right on time, and mom she died in a medical hospice after years of intensive medical cancer treatment) Christian Scientists, a denomination I don't see here often but that means the world to me; do you know its one of (if not the only, I'm not sure) the only surviving religions/denominations founded by a woman? And that she founded the CSmonitor when she was like 92? Of course like anything the church org is still run by men which is ridiculous, also the Mother Church is way more conservative than many of the branch churches, but Anyway...we're having a memorial at my uncle's church, they're letting me write/edit the ceremony, which is very nice. I don't know...when she died the DNR was not at all clear and it came down to my Dad and we had all been up for 72 hours straight doing transfers to the hospital and back and...it was just not at all peaceful. I am afraid the rest of my family will by haunted by this forever, what we should have done. Anyway. Sorry for the downer, but have been so held in prayer these past few days that I really have been able to feel mom at times, and, I think, to express the qualities she held the most dear. I just can't hear anything for anyone that makes it sound like it was good that she died, you know? I think a lot of religious people, even ones who don't necessarily theologically believe it, can easily imply that and it just makes me so mad. It's such an important part of my theology: suffering is not good. We always said, God does not show with a hot poker. Praying to keep knowing that now, for my family and the world.
I’m so sorry. My dad always said that Christians sometimes skip right over the grave to get to the resurrection when confronted with the awful mystery of death. An understandable impulse, because death sucks, but he always said instead that we should look to Jesus’ example, who before resurrecting his friend, took the time to feel the loss of him, and cry for his death and the void it left behind. Hoping for sanctuary for you, in which to cry and feel this loss of your mother and the unpeaceful way it happened, and that you have people around you who will hold that space for you, and be with you in your suffering instead of trying to rush you through it.
Praying you are shielded from toxic theological platitudes and that you are able to feel and remember your mother in a way that honors her and brings you peace.
A prayer for you and your family. When my son died, I kept wishing to feel his presence too. Asking him to be with us all the time. As if he was an angel. It took me a while to figure out that I had to let him go and let him rest. It gave me so much peace to finally do this. Yet it was as if he died twice. Once from life, then from my head. I *do still feel his presence from time to time, but on his terms and time, not mine.
I hope in time, you can find peace. The grief will stay with you for a long time, though. There’s no getting away from that. 😞💔
Deep prayers for you, your family and your mom.
My mom is terminally ill and I have had to deal with making decisions about a DNR while she was not able to speak for herself. Its so difficult. When I was tormented with difficult decisions, my dad (a doctor of clinical psychology, divorced from my mom) said something that I find deeply reassuring: in these hard decisions where it feels like every choice is "bad", your intuition will guide you.
You know in your bones what the "best" decision is and was to make... I'm sure you did the best and "right" you could in that horrible situation.
God speaks to me in whispers and colours - I wish sometimes I could hear it more clearly.
My mom has also told me not to worry about her "legacy" or making choices that some how "honour" her - she said "I will be having adventures and way too much fun in heaven to be worried about that stuff". I'm sure your mom is feeling relief and joy in heaven.
My reply to you is a bit all over the place here... but I feel a lot of empathy for your situation.
Keeping you in my thoughts. I lost my mom at 21 and it is unimaginably hard, but it's good to know you have been able to find some small comforts. If you'd like to talk at all more privately let me know.
Holding you and your sister in the light.
Praying for y’all. Give yourself time and space and permission to feel how you feel. ❤️
I'm praying, too, for someone to just sit with you while you cry, and hold that suffering with you. I will hold it for you too. I lost my dad at 18, it is devastating, and yes, Jesus is there, but that grief runs deep. *hugs*
Love to you in this hard time.
Prayers for you and your family. Those well-meaning platitudes can be painful. Praying that you can feel the light and peace in these days.
That she may rest well, that you may be uplifted throughout this time, that you may keep knowing. This I pray.
beautifully said, and I am glad you can feel her with you <3
Marriage is so challenging in these little baby days (our first child is 4 months old) and I just wish I could fix it. I'm so broken in trying to give my whole heart to parenting, marriage, work, myself, friendships, and everything else. Most days I'm so afraid that I really am alone, isolated in this little muffled globe of new motherhood, and when I come out of it everyone will be gone, myself included. I'd just like God to put a little grace on the people I love, so they know I love them, and they don't run away from me as I figure out how to be a person in the world again, while caring for a new little person every waking and sleeping moment of my life.
Feeling this hard, and my oldest is 5. Motherhood can be very isolating, whether you stay home, work, or some other combination of the two. Sending you big time love. And a reminder that most people, if they really love you, will still be there when you exit the haze of early new parenthood. It's so, so hard, but you are not alone. Also: if you have anyone in your life that has ever offered in passing to drop by and hold the baby, or watch the baby while you take a walk, or give you a break so you can grocery shop...do not be ashamed to take them up on it. We are so programmed in this culture to feel like failures if we aren't 100% self-sufficient, but humans just are NOT wired that way. You might also find that those babysitters become better friends/closer family than you had imagined.
It's so hard. I feel like my husband and I have been in survival mode for the past 18 months and it's so hard. It's hard to even remember who I am or who I want to be, who he is, who he used to be, what I love about him, what I love about myself. I am not trying to center myself, just attempting to say I understand and I am here with you. Hugs to you.
Just wanted to say-- I feel this, too, and I'm sorry it feels so overwhelming. All the advice is like "take time for yourself", and I'm like a) literally when????? b) what would I even do with that time, because by default I find myself drifting towards doing that next load of laundry, etc, and justifying it by telling myself I'm less stressed when things are done and the house is clean. Except the list is never done, and the house is never pre-baby clean.
I believe in you-- you can make it through.
Holding you in my thoughts. It's such a tough time and I remember basically the entire first year thinking, "Jeez, isn't it supposed to be easier by now?" I felt like I was allowed to struggle in the first three months but after that it was suddenly supposed to get easier?
Anyway, I promise you are still there, underneath everything, and I hope you can be gentle with yourself.
Oh, I'm feeling this so hard right now. Thank you.
Also, I don't know you or your marriage, but what really helped us was not worrying so much about what was "fair" or "equal" but just speaking to our own needs. When we were doing the former it was easy to get trapped constantly bookkeeping or getting defensive, when we were able to let that go and just say, "I can't right now, can you?" really really helped our relationship as a couple and as parents/teammates.
This is beautiful advice. I am struggling with sleep resentment (he gets it, I do not -- damn breastfeeding!), and this is helpful.
Oh, I remember this so so well! And meanwhile, the husband is trying not to resent the breastfeeding bond and so there's just a heavy fog of mutual resentment over the whole thing and, like, it's really really really hard to be gracious and generous and empathetic when you're sleep deprived and stressed.
One last little bit of unsolicited advice (sorry! feel free to ignore, and also YMMV, and I understand everyone's situation and schedule and logisitcs are different): Can you pick a time frame in which it's his job to get baby out of the crib and to you and change the diaper, so all you need to do is struggle into a semi-upright/compatible with breastfeeding position and then hand baby back? or if you're co-sleeping or some other situation, he handles the diaper changes? It's easy to think "I'm already up, so I might as well", but I remember nights where I felt like if I had to do one more thing I was going to completely lose it. Obviously only I could do breastfeeding, but having *everything else* be his job from 10-2 really really helped me feel more rested and reduce the resentment.
You are wise and we are already having Papa do all diapers, as it should be :) The baby has just stopped needing diaper changes throughout the night!
That is hard. Try to be as honest as you can with those around you - you don't need to dump every thought you're having, but when a friend wants your time, it's okay to say that you're really overwhelmed. Friends want to help, even if that means sitting in your messy living room and holding the baby for you so you can drink a hot cup of coffee. You don't have to handle it all, including your feelings, alone.
Motherhood is so very isolating. Praying for you.
I feel this. Praying for you and all those you love.
We are in similar places. You're still in there. I'm sending some love and strength your way.
Thinking of you! ❤️
As a mother with grown children (age 27/25) I am sending a hug from the “other side” to let you know that everything you are feeling is ‘normal’, common and okay. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to do it all, to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, daughter—that we often forget to be gentle and loving to ourselves. You will find a balance that works for you & your family, And as you adjust to this new family dynamic you will find it easier even if it actually is not. One piece of advice, try to nap when your child does—don’t use that time to clean the house or do laundry, etc. It’s amazing what a little sleep can do!
I feel very silly about this but... I’m in a place where I’m ready for my husband. My career is finally heading in the directions I’ve always wanted and I’m grateful, but I am often consumed my loneliness. I’m in an industry where I don’t meet a lot of available men and my experience on the apps has been mediocre and unfulfilling. I love sharing my successes with my family and friends, but at night, I want loving arms around me and kisses on my neck. I’m 42. Maybe I’m supposed to be single forever, but that doesn’t feel right in my gut. My friends are great but most of them are at points in their lives where they warn me away from marriage or are dealing with relationship trauma or are fully enthralled with being single and getting all the play they want. So it’s hard for me to talk about my loneliness. Some of my friends are like “a man will distract you. You have your successes because there’s no man draining life from you. You don’t need a man!” But I feel incomplete. It seems like success would be even sweeter if I had my own special someone to say “congratulations, baby” and pipe me down with pride and love. But I feel silly praying to God for a husband. He’s done so much for me already. People have real problems and needs and here I am, wondering if I can ask God for love.
Prayers for you! I'm with you re: working in a mostly-female industry and having mediocre experiences on the apps.
This is where the image of God as a father is helpful to me, because like, when I'm visiting my parents I don't even think twice about asking my dad to make me a coffee or whatever else it's in his power to give me, and he's happy for me to ask, so how much more is our heavenly father happy to listen to our requests? He's infinite, he's not going to run out of time or attention span to listen to his children.
I’m right there with you. I feel vapid for longing for a husband this badly but I do!!! I’m praying for you, and I don’t know whether this is a comfort but you certainly are not alone. And your concern is valid! God hears us even when we don’t ask him directly, we can’t hide from him even when we want to. ❤️
Maybe just a Catholic viewpoint, but I think God loves marriage and love. I don't think its a silly or vapid thing to pray for at all! I hope we both find our husbands.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm right there too--I want love, to share life with someone, to cheer each other on, to look forward to seeing someone. And the thing I'm saying to myself, over and over until it sticks, is that God wants that for me too. God has the time and resources, God IS the time and resources! If you want love, God wants love for you.
A really super helpful thing I've found is Amy Young Coaching, who you can follow on insta. She's awesome. She has coaching programs, and a cute little online dating program, and she's so real and great and inspiring.
I had a dating coach once, who I paid $$$. She got me 0 dates and in fact made me feel worse about my dating prospects. So I'm out of that game. Also I really hate it when people do things like, I'm sure this thing can fix your problem! Thanks for understanding why that's super annoying. I've spent the past 15 years trying to find a partner, I've tried a lot of things and I don't need suggestions, I need sympathy.
what I like about amy young is she has good content on insta that you don't have to pay for. as someone who can't afford a big investment right now, it's perfect for me--and hopefully helpful to nichole, too!
This isn't sympathy, this is trying to say what to do to 'fix' things. Bad news: you can't necessarily 'fix' finding someone to date. I don't take from this thread that she wants things fixed and I do take that she has put in a lot of time and effort into her search. I do take from this thread that she wants sympathy.
i hear that what you want is sympathy, in which case you have mine.
Nichole very expressly asked in her comment if it's okay to pray to God to help heal one of the most painful parts of her life and you responded by suggesting a dating coach.
Nah, pray to God for a husband, it's fine. And it's fine to admit to yourself that this is as important as--or maybe even more important than--the career and everything else you have worked so hard to achieve. But unfortunately, it's not only you involved with this achievement and that's what makes it so frustrating. No matter how much you try, you may not be rewarded for your effort.
Don't feel silly, this like 20% of what the old testament is about- finding people spouses! And Christian Culture (if you're a part of that) is just swimming in "get married to be a full person" vibes. But also, you are complete, you are wonderful, you are loved as you are right now.
a) hug b) same, what a suckfest
Please don't feel silly about this. I am going through the same thing right now. I am 39 and am happy with my career, but I want a husband and a baby. Back in my 20s when I was unhappy with my job, I prayed to find the right job for me and thought I could give up marriage and a family for this. I now know that I was wrong. I live in a large small town and work a public facing job where online dating is not an option. I have no idea how to meet men besides church where there is no single man in my age bracket.
Praying for you! Don't feel any shame for wanting what you want. It doesn't diminish your success in any way to want to share it. I shared below my sister is in such a similar spot. I really wish there were a way for all you women who are dealing with this to connect on a more regular basis. Is there any kind of Facebook group where wonderful single Christian gals like yourself to connect with each other? If not, there should be.
This isn't silly! People say things like this about being ready for a new career, the next big purchase (home, car, etc.), and various other changes and new life paths -- so why not a healthy, happy marriage? Praying for you to joyfully meet your match, sooner rather than later :)
I went to a memorial service last night for a former student, a beautiful young man of 27 who died by suicide. Please keep Sam's heartbroken family and friends in your prayers.
Folks, I would appreciate it if some of you could pray for my husband? We just came back from a 12-day trip with his family and they were somehow even more abusive than usual. He's especially upset because his younger sister, who he's spent years emotionally/financially supporting, completely turned on him.
You and your husband are absolutely in my prayers, but can I also gently suggest counseling if he hasn't already considered it? It sounds like there is a lot to unpack there.
I’m praying for you and him!
We're adopting a 10-year-old girl from foster care and she is amazing and it is amazing and oh my God I am so lost. The shift from civilian life to sudden motherhood has been so much more difficult than I anticipated. Holding all of the grief and fear she has from her abuse and her years in care is so hard, and shepherding her through the aftermath is so scary. I am doing it; we are doing it. It is worth it. But I never thought I'd feel so lost inside myself. I feel like someone has dumped a big pile of laundry on me and I'm trying to figure out where I am underneath the pile, and gosh that piece is hot and ugh those pieces are tangled and I'm sweaty under here and wait am I wearing that? I feel so selfish to even have these troubles—what looks like temporary burnout (sole breadwinner, which is actually great for our family in other ways), trouble caring for myself, being so exhausted, having my identity so rocked, being so scared on the inside. So...God, please help me find myself under the pile, and help me do this.
So many prayers. The apostle James says that true religion is just this: caring for the parentless. May blessings be with you in this work!
What you are doing is amazing, and you are being the clear and indisputable love of God to this kiddo. I am in awe of you, and will be praying for your strength, clarity of thought and purpose, and that she will be able to *rest* in your home.
I’m really struggling with being single right now. I have a great life otherwise, lots of good friends, a meaningful job, family support but I really want that piece too. And as grateful as I am for all the great things in my life, I am so jealous of others who get to have a partnership. I got dumped by a dude i really really liked back in June and have started dating again and I just feel like there will never be a good fit again. (Coming off a very blah date last night.) Anyway, prayer request for peace in this time of loneliness, and praise and thankfulness for all the wonderful gifts I have in my life.
Praying for you. I just posted a request for prayers for my sister, who is in the exact same place as you. Singleness in Christian circles is particularly hard, and people really don't understand how hard it can be.
I feel so “other” at church. All the Sunday school descriptions talk about “couples” or “parents” and i feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Thanks for your prayers and I’ll be praying for your sister too ❤️
Praying for you.
I hear you. I pray that you find that peace; it's so hard when you feel like something is missing.
I am so grateful for the existence of my beautiful 4 month old daughter, who would not be here without the womb of an amazing woman who acted as our surrogate. I'm grateful for her more than words can express.
But my darling daughter was up for hours overnight because her little baby brain is growing so fast. And now she is asleep and I am thinking about the physical and emotional tasks that I need to accomplish today on an empty tank. A small request, but this tired person could use some patience and grace today.
Also, I am lifting you all up in prayer and I am so blessed by this little community of Nicolites walking together toward Jesus.
Praying for you, and wanted to second the last paragraph--great way to put it, "walking together toward Jesus." These Wednesdays with y'all are so good for my heart (even when they're heavy).
Glad to be walking toward Jesus with you.
For those of you who are struggling with something you can't control, I wanted to pass along advice my spiritual advisor once gave me: get a little box/container (can be anything) which now represents your mailbox to God, write down whatever it is on your mind, and put it in your new God box. The physical act of handing something over to God to deal with can be such a relief. Praying for you all and so thankful for this space.
Thank you so much for this.
This is an awesome idea. Thank you.
Love this. Thanks for sharing.
I read about this in Anne Lamott’s HELP THANKS WOW. Taking physical action is powerful.
My 8-year-old son has sensory issues with his socks and shoes and we have bought new shoes twice this school year and countless new socks and nothing is working. I yelled at him this morning and I feel terrible about it. (I am also kind of triggered because a lot of my childhood revolved around similar things with my brother so my fuse gets short.) Please pray for us - I need to apologize to him this afternoon and I feel awful about our morning. And please send recommendations for your most successful socks for sensory kids. I wish he could just wear slides but then he couldn't do PE/playground and obviously he needs those things. Ugh what a mess.
This might not be any help at all but I grew up with a sibling with sensory issues and it seemed like all authorities and parents dealt with were the tantrums and not the sensory causes and overstimulation. I'm really proud of you for trying to work with him. I know it's hard. I hope you get some good ideas.
Well, I feel like a total failure this morning but we are generally trying to help him deal so I appreciate you saying that.
This was my first born. Finding socks without seams is impossible!!!! She ended up wearing them inside out and that helped tremendously.
Forgive yourself. This stuff—the daily grind of never a peaceful morning—could break the Dali Lama. I yelled many a time. She’s 20 now and remembers all my mistakes it seems (20 year olds can be assholes) but not this! :-)
Apologizing to him is setting a fantastic example. Everyone makes mistakes and says things they wish they hadn't, and he will too. Modeling how to handle that, and showing that you respect him is great parenting.
I realize that shoes may also be a problem for him, but what about those knit "sockless" sneakers I'm seeing so much of? Allbirds is an expensive brand but there are other options. Not sure if they come in kid sizes but maybe a small women's size would do?
Thank you! He's getting close to adult women's sizes so I will look into that as well.
You might be able to find some bamboo-knit seamless socks at Winners/TJ Maxx - that's where I've found some of my smoothest, least bunchy socks. If slick/smooth material is preferable, that is!
I can totally relate to a lack of patience dealing with someone's sensory or processing issues - my wife has some combo of autism and adhd and there are times where she's not able to respond to very basic questions and I've been known to lose it. Of course, that doesn't make it ok, but you're super not alone. <3
Another thought: you could try turning the socks inside out? My mom can’t stand to feel the seam on her toes and has done this my whole life!
Thank you! I am grateful for a new set of ideas because each time we think we have figured it out, we end up having another setback.
This sounds so hard. School mornings are rough enough. I did my fair share of yelling at my kindergartner who woke me up at 5:30, hungry, but then refused to eat ☹️. Can your son handle shoes without socks, if it's still warm enough? A friend with a sensitive kiddo has had good luck with those native rubber sneakers.
I will look into the rubber ones, thank you! We have tried letting him go without socks but the insole gets sweaty and then bunches up so it ends up being ok in the morning but not in the afternoon. The first day of school he went sockless and had just taken off his shoes by the end of the day. Also his feet get so smelly but I could deal with that if it was working, you know? Ugh.
My daughter has incredibly stinky feet and the great thing about the Natives, if they end up working for your son, is that you can give them a good scrubbing with a brush in the sink, and they smell fine again. I hope you find a shoe/sock combo that works for you guys soon.
Seconding both inside-out (I had a LOT of trouble with socks and shoes when I was little and my parents were at their wits’ end and inside-out saved me!) and allbirds if you can spring for them. Love you, friend. You are a good mother and the apologizing matters so so much in building trust.
I don't have any advice, but I can totally relate. Every parent has these moments. I know it's hard when we react in way we wish we hadn't. But when we go back and apologize and ask for forgiveness for messing up, we're modeling good stuff for our kids. Even adults mess up! You obviously love your son, and that will cover over a rough morning.
Ooof, that's rough. :(
It's also *totally* okay to require respect and kindness from your kiddo when he expresses his discomfort. Overstimulation sucks, but learning how to express that with kindness to the people around you is a needed lifeskill (I'm HSP myself, and I've really had to work on this, myself).
My roommate/best friend has been waiting for a double organ transplant. This past weekend, we were out having possibly-not-doctor-sanctioned margaritas when she got the call that the organs she needed were available and that she had to report to the hospital for her transplant the next morning, her 30th birthday. It was so special to be with her when she got that call. She was more emotional than I've ever seen her. Elated that she would essentially be receiving a new life, devastated for the family of the donor, worried about her little sister who has a less severe form of the same condition. I started crying whenever I thought about the fact that she'd have her transplant on her birthday - it really felt like God saying "this is Me. I did this for you." We celebrated and wept and processed.
The next morning I went to the hospital with her. They ran tests and started getting her ready for surgery (including trying to place an IV for what felt like half an hour; it was excruciating). And then her surgeon came in and said she'd examined the donor organs and they weren't suitable for transplant. It was crushing. My roommate put a brave face on it but she said the hardest part was telling everyone she'd already told about the transplant "jk, it's not happening, back to waiting I guess."
So back to waiting I guess. I'm utterly baffled. I'm almost too confused at God to be mad at God. Almost! It's cruel of him to dangle such hope in front of my friend. For that matter, it's cruel to let her get sick in the first place. To let her spend two decades of her life fighting not to die. And then to seemingly set up this miracle, this birthday gift, and then to snatch it away. Idk you guys, I'm just struggling. I'm not talking to God right now but if you are please ask him for healing for my roommate and patience for me.
That is horrible and insanely discouraging. My heart is hurting with you, and I am praying for you and your roommate.
I'm Jewish but also right now I'm mad at God so I'm contributing to this thread, even though I probably shouldn't according to Jewish law on some level somewhere. I'm in my early 40s, I've never been married, and I very much want to have a kid. I met what seemed to be a great guy in May and we dated for a while, then he dumped me. This was after 3.5 years of being single. It was potentially EVEN MORE ANNOYING than just staying single in the first place. I only know of one guy who would be of interest romantically, but we cannot be involved romantically because of Things (and he's 100% right on this, in my opinion). Zero options, zero guy, zero kids, great annoyance with the Almighty.
I for one welcome you on this thread, Jewish, Christian, whatever. I think all prayers and good thoughts should be welcomed. We’re all in this together. I pray you find your person soon.
big #urgh of I feel you completely...
Co-sign with “More annoying than staying single.” That sucks, and I am sorry.
You are welcome here. I am so sorry your heart is annoyed and hurting, and I am praying that your hurt will be healed.
I learned this week that someone called CPS on my sibling re: their one year old and I am so sad for them and their situation & as the only one who broke the poverty cycle in the family I feel a responsibility to them as well as a need to protect myself and my partner, and they keep asking us to borrow money which I have a little bit of but I don’t know how much is going to Baby needs or going to drugs (not the scariest kind but still) and it’s just so overwhelming and I’m several hours away and I do not know how to handle any of this. If you could give a little prayer for that sweet baby and for my sibling’s little family to get things on the right track and take care of themselves at this time. I just don’t know how to help them.
I apologize if this is not helpful, but are you able to purchase/order baby things to be delivered to them, instead of just sending money? That might help you if you want to do something but are concerned about how money might be spent. Thinking of you and your family <3
I've been procrastinating on going to counselling for anxiety and depression for, uh, about four years, but this week I actually made an appointment and it was last night and it was *really good.* I'm feeling hopeful about my brain stuff for the first time in a long time. Actually having a plan to talk to someone about things rather than my previous MO of "ignore it and maybe it will go away!" feels pretty good.
Good for you!
Yay!!! I've been seeing my therapist for mostly anxiety for a couple years, and I can literally tell a difference in the ways I think and process. I hope you have a great experience.
That's a HUGE step! Counseling literally saved my life. So glad you're finding help and hope.
It took my husband about the same amount of time to seek help, too--it's normal, and I pray that you will *thrive* in therapy.
Hey all! Asking for prayers for my sister this week. She's 30, insanely creative, talented, and beautiful. She's also painfully, brutally insecure, anxious, and battling a life-long health issue (it's called a prolactinoma - non cancerous tumour but can still make your life hard). She's also single, and she desperately wants a partner and a family. And unfortunately, even the most progressive Christian spaces suck so badly at treating single people with the same value they do families and couples. So, she's just in a bad way. She really doesn't like herself, and she can't see the truth of all the good things about her and her life. All her worries about the future and herself just become this insurmountable tumbleweed of stress, and it makes every day really, really hard. SO, asking for prayers not just for God to give her the desires she so desperately wants (though that would be wonderful), but to give her calm and strength and hope while she waits.
Hello my dear! One resource for dating that I love is Amy Young Coaching on insta because she is so encouraging about all things dating and making connections and learning to see yourself as the prize you are--even if you don't pay for her coaching! It has made such a big difference for me on a daily basis, plus it's on insta so extremely accessible. Sending your sister love and light, and to you for loving her so well. <3
Thanks so much - I'll pass along her name!
I have so much empathy for this. May she find rest and a place to stand.
Thank you, truly <3
I love Christena Cleveland's Liberation Theology for single people. You could share that with her: https://www.patreon.com/posts/liberation-for-26613238
I feel very lost and burnt out, both personally and professionally. My anxiety is through the roof all the time, and I haven’t slept well in months. It seems like I’m always screwing up, even though I’m trying harder than ever.
I have been dancing around this feeling, too. I pray you will find ways to step back and rest, first.
All of the things others say. But, for me this helped a bit. Start making a list of wins/dones. Get a pretty notebook. Do it at lunch and bedtime. If you do something multiple times, make hashmarks. Wins that totally count: Went to bed on time, did my skincare routine, turned in minor assignment on time, e-mailed back annoying e-mail thing, cooked a meal, ate a meal, flossed, turned in daily/weekly work paperwork, turned in assignment that was accepted, engaged with pet, did dishes. . .
I found that I noticed everything I screwed up, and didn't count anything I did just fine. A "done list" gave me something for my executive brain to over-rule my anxiety/failure focused brain. I did do something today, I didn't fail at it. I did a ton of things successfully this week. Build yourself up!
I’m in the same place right now. Sending you solidarity. The cruelty of our systems is the point, so if you can, try not to feel bad about feeling bad about that.
This is where I was about a year ago, and after a term off of work for mental health (yes, huge privilege most people do NOT get!) I made some big choices and now I'm wondering if those big choices were right! But at the same time... I'm sleeping at night again. Even though I'm scared. My prayer for you is that God leads you to a choice that helps you change your life for the better, and that you get some relief from these feelings.
In the meantime, I highly highly suggest asking a doctor/clinician for a small amount of low-dose Zopiclone, which is a very inexpensive and effective sleep medication that made my most chronic anxiety/insomnia nights almost entirely a thing of the past. They are very habit forming but if you're careful not to take them more than a few nights a week, they can truly be a lifesaver. Not to dump capital-A Advice onto you! But there's more than one magic little blue pill out there. ;)
I feel this way a lot too. When it was at its worst last year I went and saw a counselor. While I wasn’t thrilled with my experience, I did learn how to cope with my anxiety and whatnot. I’m just 4 sessions I decided to stop going, but I quickly realized when at my worst I did know how to handle it a little better. Maybe go to just one session with somebody to see if you like it and can continue to go. Learning to control it even a little bit is a very freeing feeling.
Anxiety is an all encompassing awful state. I pray you fine peace.
“Why” has been on my mind heavily. Why are these my crosses, my burdens? Where is this path taking me?
A monitoring ultrasound revealed some more issues with child to be (number two). I have a high risk doc appt in two weeks but I can’t help but be anxious in the meantime. I’m trying to let go and let God but I’m struggling. I pray that the child heals and that doctors are prepared to address the child’s needs whenever she arrives, which with some of the things we’re facing could be anytime.
Meanwhile we’re still seeing docs and specialists for child 1. I love him fiercely and seeing him struggle has really done a number on me. I pray that we are able to provide him with whatever supports and services he needs.
Sometimes it is hard to see God. Other days it isn’t. I struggle on the days that it is.
That sounds so hard and scary. Praying for you and your family.
I'm waiting for the results of a liver biopsy that could be cancer, and it's so difficult. My mother died of cancer two years ago after being sick for seven years, and I'm struggling with so much fear at being in this position so soon afterward. I would appreciate very much any prayers anyone would be kind enough to make on my behalf.
You have them from me today. I am so sorry for this.
Praying for you.
Thank you for this Nicole. I'm really struggling to make ends meet and am afraid I have no idea how to find work that will allow me to have enough in my bank account for groceries and rent. I'm not sure if I believe in God quite the same way you do, but I believe in the universe. And any praying by anyone feels like it would much appreciated.
I literally don’t know where else to say any of this but here, so I will.
I have a very complicated relationship with Christianity. I grew up in a Southern church of Christ where I never felt like I could ever find any answers, and so I walked away as soon as I went off to college. Because of how arch-conservative my church experience is, I always feel awkward and out of place every time I try to find something new.
All of this to say I feel completely adrift in the ocean of life. I’m a profound failure as a husband and father, my career has no direction, I have a pretty serious depression that the medicine barely takes the edge off of most days and I generally just want to crawl in a hole and hide. I wish I had ever had whatever feeling it is all of you manage to have about faith and belief and something better and higher than this, but it doesn’t ever show up.
To quote one of my favorite Phantogram songs, “I wish I could believe.”
You belong here. I'm glad you said this; I have a very complicated relationship as well (also grew up in the South, also had unsatisfactory answers and discouraged questions.)
Flannery O'Connor said in a letter, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief'... is the most natural and most human and most agonizing prayer in the gospels, and I think it is the foundation prayer of faith.” I cling to that even when I'm not any good at the "I believe" part. I hope you find an island you can rest on while you figure things out.
^O'Connor's letters were a form of prayer for me for about a year.
My husband has depression, and he also feels that he is a failure as a husband and in his career. ...He isn't. He is wonderful and kind and generous and compassionate...but he literally cannot see or believe that because of his depression.
I don't know all of your story, but I do know that depression lies. You are not a failure, even if you have failed at things (even important things!). I am so so sorry you are carrying this particular hurt. I am praying that this burden will either be lifted from you, or that you will be able to develop the strength needed to carry it.
You matter. You are welcome here. You are a unique representation of the infinity of God, and you are needed on this earth. Love to you.
Just want to repeat, as someone who has been there: DEPRESSION LIES.
I feel the same way you do in a lot of ways -- my father was a Baptist minister when I was growing up, and I was raised in a fairly fundamentalist household. Then that all imploded when he had an affair with a married woman in our church, and my parents divorced. I feel like I've been adrift since then -- I can't get comfortable in a new church, because I find it very difficult to trust the pastors. And I can't figure out how to pray, because it just doesn't feel like anyone's listening. I really, really wish I had the sort of faith that folks here have, but I just can't seem to find it. I haven't lost my faith that God exists, I just find it very difficult to believe that He/She cares at all.
This quote from Spencer Hall kinda of sums up how it feels at least some of the time:
“You will have to accept that you are bad firewood walking: wooden, a puppet guided by strings pulling you in directions you can't always understand or accept. You'll have to accept, in one form or another, that God's away on business, and you will have to take care of this yourself no matter how long you have to run.”
I’m just getting so tired of running.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hope typing it out gives you at least a little solace. Even if you don't believe in God, there are people out there who will listen and care about you. You can find them in all kinds of places. I hope you do.
I'm depressed too, and it just hurts. It's so hard. So I hear where you're coming from.
I said it above but I don’t really have religious faith but have always admired people that do. I wish I could believe like they do. So you’re not alone in that, at least.
I’m pretty sure even the most dedicated souls feel this way at times. The beauty of it is even when we’re lost, we can eventually find...something. It may not always be perfect but it doesn’t have to be.
I pray that your burdens are eased and you find some peace.
This is a sort of facile answer to a deep question, but have you ever checked out any Disciples of Christ/Christian Churches? It’s hit the miss, but some can be really progressive while also retaining somebody of the familiarity of the better parts of coC traditions (emphasis on community, strong musical traditions, strong personal relationship w/ scripture).
Obviously this isn’t a full solution to the deeper existential stuff in your note, but if you’re looking to connect to a church community that has some familiarity it could be a decent option.
(Signed, someone who should be an Episcopalian on paper but feels like a space alien in a lot of progressive religious communities.)
Ugh, typing on my phone, autocorrect is the worst
"Show me where the Apostles had a jazz combo! It's not in there!"
I've witnessed deep theological debates over the NIV not being divinely inspired and whether or not a pitch-pipe is a musical instrument. Every time I walk in a church and see a preacher in robes and a drum kit and guitar it's almost unsettling.
Are you TRULY church of Christ if you capitalize the c in church, though?!?! (I kid, in love.)
I am so overwhelmed today. I’m covering two jobs in my office because a co-worker was forced to resign after sexual harassment allegations. I’m trying to process that mess (I am SO ANGRY at my co-worker who is/was a close friend and I just don’t know how to handle that relationship going forward) while dealing with all of my stress-related health issues that are flaring up, and am really struggling to believe that God is here, in all of this, somehow. Prayers for peace and the strength to move through this would be so appreciated.
Praying for peace for you. The stress of the extra work plus the personal anger at your [former] coworker/friend sounds like so much to deal with.
Praying for peace in the midst of the chaos, Marie. That must be so devasting for your workplace.
I've finally let myself admit that my levels of anxiety are way too high and that I'm needlessly suffering from postpartum anxiety (probably for 4+ years, but really amped in past 18mo). Once I allowed myself to see, it's been sort of like deciding for the epidural and then being forced to wait. My nerves feel raw, my rage spikes so quickly. Seeing a doctor and therapist tomorrow but asking for peace and grace, for myself, for my children.
Praying for you!
Yay you for getting help. It took me three years post partum (from my third kid) to figure out I had PPA. Getting meds and therapy has been life saving
thank you! And I'm so happy to hear about your success. I think (even though i like doing therapy and am very supportive of people getting help for mental health) I thought I was out of the woods when I felt 'fine' 6 months out. People need to know this is ongoing. Like...years ongoing. And my kid has started talking about her own 'bad thoughts' that are clearly anxious intrusive thoughts, so now I'm worried about HER but getting my own oxygen mask on first...
Sending you love and prayers for peace and grace.
Please pray for those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. All of the awareness and prevention posts this month can feel like an indictment of the things we did or didn’t do or say. The “if onlys” and “what ifs” come rushing back in. As the second anniversary of my husbands death approaches, It feels very raw.
I feel this deeply; the constant posts and even positive messages make the what if’s get so loud. I’m praying for you; I’ve lost students to suicide but a husband...you carry so much.
I’m still unemployed and feeling even more useless after what’s now four months of searching. I’ve been rejected from my dream job (twice!), ghosted by interviewers, and just totally had my spirit broken by this whole process. My interview skills have improved so much, to the point where I no longer have panic attacks during them, so what am I doing wrong? I feel completely hopeless and, for lack of a better descriptor, dead inside. My faith vacillates in the best of situations, so you can probably imagine how I’m doing right now. Ugh. I’m so sad lol. I never thought I would be in this situation.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong; sometimes it's just the way things are. You're building a valuable skill and getting closer to the day something turns up. I pray that you'll find something soon.
Interviewing can be so hard! The fact that you keep trying is something to be proud of. I pray that you will get some relief and meaningful work.
Oof, this is just so tough. It’s hard not to be discouraged, and I’ll be holding you in the light during your job search. (On a practical note, I find Alison at the Ask a Manager website has so much great advice, so that might be a good resource for you!)
Oh yes, Ask A Manager has been a godsend through this process! It’s helped sooooo much.
TW for suicide talk // gosh, I was hoping this would be a thread today. Yesterday, with JW and suicide prevention day and so forth, I realized that all of the people I trust and hold dear are or have been suicidal, and I haven't, and I don't know how or with whom to talk about that. I've been overwhelmed by dread and fear for my loved ones, and I wish I had just *one* friend I could talk about it with who wouldn't then inadvertently feel like a burden (because, obviously, none of this is any of my friends' faults, and their struggles are magnitudes more difficult and important).
If you have the means or access, therapy is so important for those of us who are supporting someone who is struggling. Helped me so much.
Gah, I know. Financially it's not in the cards right now, but it's on my to-do list for when (if) I have some more leeway.
Totally understand. For what it’s worth, I hear you. You’re not alone.
I’ve felt a similar weight. Keep looking. You’ll finding that person you can lean on, and even if it’s just for one good convo or cry, it’ll make the weight seem lighter.
This seems trivial compared to what others are sharing, but we've been struggling financially for years and I'm feeling pretty despondent about it. I feel like such a failure for not being where we need/want to be financially. We're trying so hard to pay things off and save a down payment for a house, but at this point that's probably 5-10 years away. This week especially I've felt so much despair and hopelessness over it.
I got some bad news last week. After finally deciding we're ready to try for a baby, my husband and I discovered that we're both carriers of a pretty nasty genetic mutation. Basically, if we conceive naturally, our child would have a 1 in 4 chance of having a disease that would likely kill them by age 3. Despite my sister's assurances that "there's still a 75% chance that everything will be fine," I just really hate those odds.
There are a handful of big, science-y options for us to try--and of course, I'm grateful that God gives humans the drive to learn and discover, which is what makes these kinds of innovations available to me--but I'm struggling under the weight of the risk of it all, and so crushed that this thing that should happen naturally is now 10 different types of complicated. I'm guessing that women who struggle with fertility can feel the same way.
Please pray for my friend Corinne and her mom, Pat- Pat is having invasive brain surgery today because of a cranial aneurysm. It’s going to be a long day (and then the recovery!) for them all
My mom has had MS for 40 years. The disease has progressed to the point where she has chosen to die by euthanasia while she can still ask for it. It will happen this weekend. I fully support her decision and I am relieved her suffering will soon cease but I am deeply sad. I will soon be motherless. Please pray for her and our family if you are so inclined.
Oh, my dear, this is so hard. One of my oldest friends lost their mother to MS four years ago after 25+ years of relentless progression, and even though, EVEN THOUGH it was an end to her suffering and a reconciliation with her beloved God, there was still so much grief and pain for those that loved her. You can hold two disparate feelings in each hand, and know that both are very true--this is the right thing, and it is the hardest thing. So much love to you and yours throughout this time.
Your words touched my heart. Thank you so much for your comment
Absolutely. May you be surrounded by kindness and love.
Prayers for peace
We’ve had an interesting week. My spouse has been exploring women’s clothing and presentations lately. So yesterday we spent a joyful couple hours dressing him in my clothing and talking about how each outfit made him feel. At the end of the night, he confessed that he’s been reading a lot about gender and is exploring how calling himself non-binary sounds in his mouth and in his body. I’m actually really elated for him (him is correct for now) and am just so grateful to be in a place where I can be supportive. What I need help and grace with is if/when we start going out in public together with his gender non-conforming presentation. I’ve always put too much weight into what other people think, and I need strength to publicly live the joy we felt together last night.
I'm with you in spirit and thought. My partner fully transitioned starting in 2015, after we'd been together since 2008. It's been at times beautiful and at times so utterly warping of my own ideas about being a woman and a caregiver. The other people part was and remains the hardest for me. I almost got physical on some lads who laughed at her outside of a pub. Don't forget yourself in these times in the service of being "the right kind of woke partner" if you find yourself having reservations. Therapy helped. Love helps the most. I love my wife very dearly, but it definitely would've been a smoother ride if she had been cis.
Love love love love love and patience.
thank you so much for this <3
Two weeks ago I wrote that my partner was going through a lot of complicated medical tests for what looked like probably MS. The diagnosis has been confirmed. We're meeting with the neurologist today to talk about treatment plans and expectations, and I'm vacillating between being super on-edge and strangely optimistic, somehow. I don't know, y'all. This is scary.
It is scary, but now you know what you are facing. And the best thing for your partner is that they have a supportive partner! I deal with chronic illness and having my partner's support during the lengthy diagnosis process was very comforting.
Thank you, Courtney! And I'm so glad your partner is supportive.
I've been through that with a partner and it was so scary, but also such a relief to finally get answers for all the things she'd known were 'off'. It's so much to take in all at once.
For what it's worth, in her case, a lot of little things got easier once there was a name and explanation. Realizing that the heat wore her out meant we knew we just needed to find a restaurant with A/C.
I'll keep you both in my thoughts. ❤️
Thanks, Kathryne. It means a lot to me.
I remember your post. Prayers for you and your partner.
Thank you -- they're very much appreciated
I'm playing that game of, "Am I an overly anxious hypochondriac who is making a mountain out of a mole-hill, or is something going on with my body and I should listen to her?" I need peace and wisdom and answers. I fear going to the doctor because I don't want them to think I'm silly, but what if this is a real issue?
I've never in my life wanted kids, I love other people's kids and always thought they weren't for me, and my husband is in agreement but for the past little bit I've been starting to feel like maybe I do want kids? And it's so counter to what has been basically my identity for the past few years that its putting me on edge, so I'm praying for peace and clarity right now
I am a teacher at a Quaker school in the Philadelphia metro area. UPenn's director of student counseling died on Monday and it is being reported as suicide. Penn has had over 13 community members who have ended their own lives in the last five or so years. As someone who works with young people and sends lots of students to Penn, I am really having trouble processing this one. It's a helpless feeling.
It's heartbreaking to see it in the news, and I don't have the personal connection you do. I am so sorry. I am so glad you are out there doing the important work of being a caring teacher.
I am so sorry for you and the community. That is so very hard. Praying for peace and positive change.
We found out last week (the week before? honestly I can't recall anymore) that my MIL is dying. Its going to be a brutal next few weeks/months/however long she has as there is no known treatment or cause of this disease. It's tough! We are all so tired. We are all too young for this. Even just knowing people are praying for us will be a huge boost. I am so mentally exhausted flipping between work and hospital that I am worried about my ability to support my SO. Thank you all! I didn't expect this news letter to be a thing I looked forward to, but it has been a great comfort through all of this even if I am not as active.
So sad to hear this. Praying for all of you.
praying for you
I'm pretty pissed at God. My dad has ALS which I've come to accept. He lives with me, so it's a part of my life. I invite death to dinner every night. It's a part of the conversation. I am doing well with it, and I'm kind of proud of it. Then yesterday I took my cat to the vet and spent an obscene amount of money to find out my cat has inoperable cancer. Ok. You're gonna take my dad but now you're coming for my cat, too??
That is so shitty. I’m so very sorry!
Oh no. No no. You are allowed to be angry and hurt. I honour these feelings in you and wish you so much peace.
My company is circling the drain and I found out yesterday that I was the only one on my team on the layoff list. My boss said he told them they were making a mistake and they needed to keep me (bless him) but today is the day where we get offers with the company buying us and I'm worried. What happens happens, but I am our primary earner so I am nervous.
Welp, it wasn't great. The biggest issue is that some vp from back east doesn't like that nearly everyone here works an early shift and demands that we all work 8-5. I can deal with the other trash aspects of the offer, but I have to leave by 4 to get my kids from school and daycare, and honestly it doesn't bode well for the company that they would be so rigid (its not a coverage issue or anything, so just thinks it's unprofessional to work 7:30 to 4). sigh
How unfair, especially for people with families. I wonder if you could write into Ask A Manager and find out if there’s something to be done? Good luck to you...
I thought of AaM, lol. It's perfectly legal to change schedules, just a really crappy way to treat people.
I’m so sorry. Keeping my fingers crossed that this turns into something positive for you.
I was raised Catholic and stopped believing in God and left the Church when I was 18. In the past couple of years, I've been feeling the need for some kind of spiritual practice, though I don't think I'll ever believe in God and the supernatural in the way I once did. I pray because it helps me feel better about stuff, not because I think anyone is there to answer my prayers, and because when I actively stopped myself from doing it, that made me sad. I went to a Quaker meeting on Sunday - looking for answers I suppose? I liked it, but I'm still not sure about it. I'll keep going, but I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to find something that feels right.
I deeply, deeply relate to this. I attended Catholic school my entire life and grew up in a very devout Roman Catholic family, but after a deep depression in my early teens triggered by my environment, I begged my parents to be allowed to attend any high school that was NOT Catholic. We compromised with Quaker. I loved it. But it took some time! What helped was understanding not only the modern Quaker POV on the light within (I struggled sooo much with their modern idea of what Jesus is [or isn't, really]) but also the origins of Quakerism, Shakerism, faith through the body, spiritual awakening through mindfulness and repetition, etc. Through Quakerism, I was able to rediscover the things that I DID love about Catholicism–– mysticism, saints, the rosary, the incorporation of movement in ritual. It's been a journey and, to be frank, I haven't been to a Quaker meeting in 10 years. But the SPICES have stayed with me all these years, making me a softer and more compassionate adult! Holding you in the light as your journey continues.
I've always been drawn to mysticism - I read Julian of Norwich periodically when I need to feel calm - and it feels like just sitting silently in a room with a bunch of people THINKING is one way to access that mode.
Padre Pio has some good writing re: mysticism. Also St. John of the Cross.
I’m not religious at all (mainly read these threads because I am curious about folks that are), but maybe give the Unitarians a try? I’ve only dealt with them casually but every time I’ve chatted with a UU pastor, I’ve always felt like “yes these are good people doing good spiritual work”
I've thought about UU in the past but they don't really speak to me. I know this an unfair stereotype, but they seem a bit wishy-washy - their principles of belief don't really seem to offer me anything I wouldn't get from secular sources. I've been drawn to the Quakers because they have very clearly defined values which I share - particularly their peace activism.
I grew up in a non-religious household and ended up finding Quakerism in college. It’s wonderful! I love being in a community of seekers who ask thoughtful questions. I’ve actually been struggling to get to Meeting itself these days due to some sleep issues, but do hope to get back there. And I hope you find the right space for your journey.
I am so floored by the openness and courage it takes to follow your yearning and search this way. I am religious and do think prayers are listened to, but I also think that if they’re not what harm does it do, and if they are but we don’t believe it, what does that matter for the hearing? May you find in this search blessing and welcome.
Same, same! Raised Catholic and was super atheist for a time and now I just kind of am. I don’t want religion to dictate my ethics - I don’t want any part of purity culture etc but I like thinking the world has more forces than those we understand scientifically. So now I just kind of float about happy to consider prayers as a form of contemplation and hoping maybe putting things out there for myself and other does good
I have been in your shoes - looking for answers. My thought is that trying to understand the divine aspect of the religion is beside the point and counterproductive. It’s the message Jesus preached that remains important. Be good to people. Be humble. Act in service. Don’t get bogged down in what ‘God’ is because we will never understand it anyway.
And yes, pray. Prayer focuses your own mind to help you deal with your challenges. Pray out loud because people who seek to act out the will of God will hear those prayers and help.
Be open to hearing what God has to say. It might come in the subtlest way or it might hit you over the head. Maybe it comes in a Quaker meeting, but maybe it comes if you go back to a Catholic Church. I found a church with an open, warm, progressive priest. I have now followed him to two other churches in my town after he was reassigned.
Read the bible. My bible app gives me a verse of the day, and it helps to give me something to reflect on. I think that if I keep trying to be better, and learn more, then those reflections will be part of it.
Last, connect with others in the same boat. Accept that you will never have all the answers and that your relationship with spirituality will frustrate you from time to time. We are a messy species, humans, and really we are all just muddling through. Some people just know how to fake it better than others!
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone after my comment last week about my wisdom tooth surgery. It went well, they didn't have to do the extra expensive procedure, and I'm currently trying to make it through the same plate of pancakes I've been working on since Monday. Feeling good about this today, though. I think the bottom right stitches are fully out and the top might follow soon. The left side has been giving me more trouble & pain but I'm just telling myself that's its healing process and it will all be for the best. I've been working from home this week and while I'm not looking forward to fully going back to work tomorrow I am grateful for a job that has let me recover without having to use up all my time off.
So glad for improvements!! But do monitor the left side—a friend just had his out and had complications, so if it doesn’t improve your doctor should look at it.
Yay!
Hi. My youngest sibling, A, cut off all contact with our dad a few months ago, and it's been really hard for my family. I don't think it was the right thing for them to do, but I'm praying to find compassion for them and acceptance that they are doing what they feel is best for them, even though I disagree. And I am praying for wisdom in how to support my mom and dad, for whom this decision has been very painful. I hope that God can be in all of our lives to help us love each other.
Thank you.
I am at a place right now where I feel vulnerable and lost and I hate it. I hate being in a workplace that looks down on me. I hate that I haven't finished school already. I hate that my father is not a good person. I hate that my head tells me the worst things about myself.
I'm so sorry. I can identify with a lot of these things - they're hard and they suck. Sending you love and I hope you find ways to both be angry and upset but still find moments of grace and light in the midst of them.
I feel like I’ve been job searching every day since 11/8/16 with no progress. I’m repeatedly second choice, so I go through the whole process but don’t get the job. I’ve also been admitted to grad school but would need a part time job to make it work, and I asked grad school for help they suggested I look on idealist.org. Friends, I get an email every day with all the idealist openings in my city. I have been doing that for three years. I am so frustrated and don’t know what to do and feel stuck and feel like I’ll be stuck forever. Yesterday I just broke down and cried in a bathroom stall at my temp job and I don’t see any way out.
That is a long-ass time and I’m sorry you have to I deal with that. ❤️
I am struggling with some work stuff. Some of it is routine new bosses who don’t know my work and I don’t know theirs and we just seem to be on different frequencies which is frustrating us both. But then the more existential why am I doing this job at all thing is in the background (life and bills and kids and the desire to be able to retire with some form of existence is the obvious answer). Also if you could spare a thought for one of my dogs. She’s 13 and has a large mass and I’m hoping it’s just an old dog fatty growth but it has grown rapidly and it is making me worry. She’s at the vet today for a teeth cleaning and to have the mass checked out. She is a bossy corgi mix and we love her a lot.
Vet just called and my pup Chloe is all good! It was just a fatty mass that grew quickly and it’s all removed and she will be 100%!
Work stuff can be so tricky! And transition periods can be especially draining. Peace and love to you and your doggo!
I am praying this week for Eva - the seven year old daughter of "Lindsay Letters." She was in a freak accident - fell off a golf cart and hit her head and has been in a coma for about a month. She could use some prayers.
My friend J just got diagnosed with lymphoma, after also getting diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease AND a staph infection. He’s been fatigued and sick for months and now starts chemo. He’s married with 3 kids, and is only 45. And I live two time zones away. Just prayers please to whatever version of God you got. I will be praying for y’all.
My partner has been struggling with ongoing effects from a concussion earlier in the year. It’s been rough for us, and we are waiting to hear if his workplace will accept the accommodations his new doc has requested. He really wants to keep working, and has some good ideas of how he can get ahead on a project even if he is only part time. Any thoughts and prayers for his ongoing healing and work success would be gratefully accepted.
I'm really struggling with the Bible. I haven't been an avid Bible-reader since maybe college? It's "the weakest part of my faith life" to use Christianese. I've been trying to read Ecclesiastes, which used to be a fave (and I maaay have been accused of having "an Ecclesiastes heart" a time or two). But I keep checking different translations and there are so many wildly different interpretations of weird, small things, and it's all just throwing me.
I was talking to someone about RHE and they said one thing they loved about her is that she really loved scripture and also understanding it in its original context and in ours today, and I just want to feel all that, I want to love it and understand it, and it feels really out of reach.
This is not, like, a Real Problem in the grand scheme, and I'm not in faith crisis territory or anything, but I would appreciate some prayers about it anyway. (And if anyone has thoughts about a favorite translation/version of the Bible, maybe? Part of my frustration is I don't even know what to trust if I wanted to just pick one, ha.)
The NRSV is kind of clinical in places but it’s the academic standard (source: [gestures broadly at degrees]), which can be helpful for figuring out where to start or comparing to versions with warmer language. The Common English Bible is GREAT for being more readable without moving into the realm of paraphrase and interpretation as some other very-colloquial translations can. NIV and ESV are good for readability but bad on gender, especially the ESV, which seem to have had some real hardliners on its committee. And, when you see weird small (or large) disagreements in interpretation, it’s because the original text is ambiguous or hard to parse, so finding the discrepancies is a way to find knots in the original. This got long but truly I love the Bible and I hope you find a good way to get closer to it. What keeps me despite everything is that it’s our first best witness to generations of experience of God: it shows us what to look for. :)
Thank you so, so much. I've been switching between the CEB and the NASB, NASB because someone I know loves it though I can't even remember who, and CEB because, as you said, it's readable but not as folksy as, say, the message, which is just a little much for me. I didn't know the NRSV was the academic standard and that info has already made me feel much lighter!!! (And temporarily quieted the "you should probably just get a theology degree!" voice in my head.) I appreciate your words so much!
You’re welcome!! If you’re an edition collector or want to get closer still to the language behind things, you might check the JPS Tanakh translation (of the Hebrew Bible) and Robert Alter’s translation as well, and for the NT, David Bentley Hart’s translation is very interesting. Also for study purposes, you might check out the Harper Collins Study Bible, which has LOTS of footnotes and margin notes for learning more about language and history!!
Honestly, I'd go with the one I find most readable (I'm most used to NIV, CEV, and NLT, so I personally go with one of those) and get contextual information from commentaries. A good commentary can go a really long way in elucidating meaning that the original audience would have taken for granted.
It is probably time to invest in a commentary. I think it would get close to what I'm looking for without having to jump into a theology program :) Thank you!
Sometimes when I’m struggling with this I’ll just try to start small. Like find a bible study book and spread it out over months instead of weeks. I also find the psalms the easiest to read when I’m struggling to concentrate because they’re so beautiful read aloud. Thinking and praying for you ❤️
Thank you!! I do find myself more and more drawn to Bible study books/faith memoirs/idk what you'd call books like Brian Zahnd's or Rob Bell's, Christian nonfiction...? Have read a lot of RHE and Sarah Bessey and those folks. I get a lot out of those books but feel like I'm looking for a way to find the same enthusiasm for, you know, the actual Bible. Not at all a fundamentalist, but still, it's the book God gave us, right? Anyway, this really is helpful. Thank you. Also more heart emojis keep appearing as I'm typing, which is funny and kind of comforting.
I like the CEB. ITs new so it’s supposed to be both accurate and readable. (I don’t find the NRSV to be readable.)
I do like the CEB. Thank you!
She Reads Truth also has really pretty bible studies that are just the text. I don’t agree with them theologically but they don’t have commentary so it works for me.
My church uses something called The Inclusive Bible:The First Egalitarian Translation. I like it! I am not in a place of reading the Bible a lot these days, but I also like the NET Bible because it has a lot of explanatory footnotes, which give some insight into translation decisions.
Ooh, I hadn't heard of either of these. Thank you!
I have a job interview on Friday which is exciting, but I'm am very much overthinking it and trying to account for all possible outcomes... But I'm also grateful for the old friend who stopped by on a whim on the weekend. I have been feeling lonely and disconnected and she came at just the right time to sit with some wine and talk. I've been craving a conversation deeper that 'how was the weekend'!
I’m angry that my cousin is in jail and that my younger brother is probably going to prison next month. I’m angry that that means all of my brothers will have been to jail, and my dad, too. Im struggling to feel like the people I love and care about are protected, and that the family I’m creating won’t fall victim to the same things the family I came from has.
I’m grateful that I was able to reconnect with my cousin just days before she was arrested due to the miracle trip to nc. I feel really lucky a lot of the time, even as I’m struggling, because support seems to find me when I ask for it, and I feel affirmed and tended to by God/ my angels regularly. But I also feel angry that I seem to be fortunate and the people I care about don’t have a similar experience. I want what I have for all of us. I also am really tired and want an extended period of ease but don’t we all.
I’m so sorry your family has this going on. It’s clear that you are a supportive and loving person to your family. I’m praying that your family can come to a better place and that everyone can have freedom and peace. ❤️
Those are perfectly reasonable feelings. My heart grieves with you, and I am praying for you.