172 Comments

I just need some good vibes. I’m apartment hunting and not having a lot of luck so far, and I’m getting a bit discouraged. Thanks!

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I’m moving in with my girlfriend in two weeks! We’re very excited about it, we have a lot of plans, and we’ve found a lovely little apartment in a great location. But.....sometimes I’m sad that my single days are well and truly over (or you know....that’s the plan). My life has certainly improved since meeting my girlfriend, and she makes me really happy, but I liked being single! I didn’t date until my mid 20’s, I have a lot of good friendships...I was kind of setting into the idea of Barbara Pym-ing it forever. Also I always wanted to live alone, and I’ve never been able to afford to and now I’m kind of sad that maybe I never will. Also a little apprehensive about how sharing a one bedroom apartment will be. Any advice from fellow introverts/ fabulous spinsters who ended up coupled? My girlfriend and I are completely opposite in this area, I like to be alone quite a bit, she’d carry me around in her pocket if she could. We talk a lot, so these feelings aren’t news to her, but I’m just trying to find ways to process them and brainstorm ideas for how to maintain some feeling of independence while cohabitating.

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So, my youngest (8) was just officially diagnosed with autism. We knew, but now we KNOW. Also, dysgraphia and a visual processing disorder. This was all prompted by the fact that he's going to age out of his current IEP and we needed an official diagnosis for his new IEP, so we are going to meet with the school to talk through that. This might involve changing schools to one in the district that has more autism supports (and we'd take the opportunity to have him repeat a grade, since he's currently one of the youngest in his class). I'm just feeling...incredibly overwhelmed, and sad, and I just so desperately want to do the right thing and feel like I'm working in the dark. My kids are the thing in my life I most urgently want to not fuck up, and the thing I feel least qualified to do well. And at the same time, he's funny and smart and sweet and awesome, and I don't want to lose sight of that or crush any of the things that make him so great. Sigh. I'm just a mess.

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Reminder to (myself and) everyone who lives in northern climates: it might be time to start eating vitamin d again. It's 3 C / 37 F outside and it's going to icy rain/sleet/snow later today. Do not want!

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I am heading to a cabin in West Virginia tonight with a few good friends and hoping I can turn off my constant worry/gloom about the state of the world enough to enjoy the miracle that is having adult friendships.

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Skin care related PSA: I got .5ml of filler in my lips last week, they look amazing but I can no longer whistle

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Just had bloodwork done for my surgery on Tuesday (open myomectomy woo!) and the phlebotomist was the best I've had in terms of drawing blood. Just poke and blood! No moving around, no trying different angles, amazing! I'm pretty chill about this whole thing so far, but I'm worried about not being able or allowed to bring my phone with me. :<

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This week I paid the deposit on an apartment, where I will live alone for the first time. This is something I’ve been dreaming about for years, and the apartment is perfect: well-worn hardwood floors, an ivy-draped front porch, and close enough to walk to work and a plethora of restaurants, coffee shops, and bars. But my excitement is tinged with sadness, guilt, and anxiety.

The reason I’m moving into this apartment now is that my roommate of three years and best friend of over a decade can no longer bear living with me. Living with a friend is hard, and we did it for too long. My introversion and need for space at home triggered her insecurities, which set off my anxiety and caused me to withdraw more. It became a vicious cycle, and the atmosphere in our apartment grew more and more tense until finally, last weekend, she told me she’ll be moving out at the end of the month. I feel hurt but also relieved. I’m excited to finally live alone, but it’s not the triumphant graduation I had hoped for. I think this is what we both need and what our friendship needs, but the hurt on both sides goes so deep and I don’t know how to repair the damage.

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I'm so sad to not be able to come to Seattle! Sunday is my birthday, it would be such a fun way to spend it. BUT I am going to the mountains to go to a state park of hot springs and will soak and be by myself for a bit today (must choose best caftan to bring), and then tomorrow my husband is bringing the kids up and we can hang out together. There should be fall color and nice views and gorgeous stars and all that. In other news, I'm almost finished with my book manuscript. In other OTHER news, my mother-in-law is ill with cancer of a very similar type to what my husband almost died from (but not the same, just an extra cruel coincidence). I can't really talk about it on broader social media but if anyone here is up for sending-good-thoughts/prayers we could use them. My husband is going to see her for Canadian Thanksgiving and he is obviously pretty cut up about it all. In conclusion, life and middle age especially is a land of contrasts.

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I’m a New Englander living in California, so of course I’ve been missing fall! Every year since moving here I’ve baked the Barefoot Contessa pumpkin cupcake recipe to try to bring the spirit of fall out here. I think this weekend will be pumpkin cupcake weekend and I’m very excited! What has everyone been baking? Fall inspired or not!

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I might take the plunge and buy a binder soon. I've been back and forth about it for a while and I'm not totally sure where I'm at gender wise right now, kind of leaning towards just "none of it, thank you," but this seems like a good way to help figure out some of it?? My main issue right now is I probably need someone to help me take measurements but I don't really want to ask my roommate even though we're close friends. The one friend I've been talking to about it who is also going through their own gender stuff right now lives back home like 1,000 miles away. I don't really want to wait until I see them next but I don't want to screw up by doing it myself or just guessing.

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Oh Seattle! I'll be close, but not close enough. I wish I could go, but this is usually around the time of year when I start thinking hard about whether it's worth traveling over the pass.

This weekend is my birthday, which I once read is a very common birthday, but I'm stoked. I'm going to make a chocolate cherry cake with cherry almond frosting. I bought luxardo for the frosting, it's gonna be dope.

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I am so tired this morning, but luckily, my weekend will be fairly light. However, I do have some editing to do on an article I'm hoping to publish. Might rewatch the Good Place. <3

It's lovely and cool here, perfectly autumnal. Come over and I'll make some hot apple cider for you!

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I know this is something that’s probably been beat to death on advice columns/etc, but how on earth do adult introverts make new friends?? I moved to a new city about a year ago and haven’t made any friends outside of coworkers. I’m sure “go to clubs/do things!” is the answer, but I’m so tired after work, both physically and mentally!!

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Just wanting to give a shout out to Nicole for embracing her equestrian life once more! Horses have always been a fascination of mine and you’re never too old to kick start that passion into high gear. I was 40 years old when I purchased my first horse and 12 years later, competed at my very first horse show with “Vincent”, an unflappable 6 year old Fjord horse. I came last in every class but I didn’t care, I was just thrilled that I was able to participate. I’m a nervous rider at best and hate crowds, but Vincent carried us through it all with a stoic dignity and I’m forever grateful for having him in my life.

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The person who does our payroll did it a day early this pay period, and without my time card, so I am looking at having -$96 (and counting!) in my bank account until the 15th. I have $40 in cash and no credit cards (probably for the best), so this might be a very interesting (read: sad) 10 days. BUT I have many other things to be thankful for, including a great but broke boyfriend and a good but broke mom who will make sure I don't starve or run out of gas!

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I am a Seattlite and am SO BUMMED to miss this on Sunday! I love Jasmine Guillory and obvs Nicole, but I have to go to Spokane for work that night. If anyone goes, have a blast!

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So I'm seeing a gynecologist for the first time today to hopefully get some insight on a Mysterious Pain my lower abdomen I've been having for the past eleven weeks (all the other tests so far have turned up several things that are totally unrelated to why that area would be hurting so now I'm doing various things like trying to cut down on sugar and raise my iron levels but the pain continues). I've never had, like, a pelvic exam or pap smear and I've never been sexually active so I'm a little worried it's gonna hurt. Does anybody have any tips for calming nerves and staying as comfortable as possible?

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Have fun in Seattle! I was last there 18 years ago as a kid, but still have very fond memories of Pikes Place Market.

Unrelated: another teacher just informed me via email that several of my students are copying all their English workbook exercises from an online Quizlet. It’s kind of a bummer— on the one hand, it’s not my circus not my monkey and if they want to copy and not learn the material, that’s their own dumb decision. On the other, it’s not like it’s very difficult work, and I give them plenty of time to do it, so it makes me sad and frustrated that they just choose to not put the work in. I know it’s indicative of the work ethic of the age group— 12- to 14-year-olds— but considering that their MO is to want me to spoon-feed them everything, it’s still a troubling pattern.

Just had to vent that frustration! Teenagers. I love them as much as they frustrate me.

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I am waiting to hear back about a job and cycling through desperately wanting it to get out of my currently clustery situation and feeling wildly unqualified for it with a dollop of "things aren't THAT bad here." I kind of think they must be in backgrounds with the other finalist or they would have told me I got it...and I'm trying to be okay with that. And also terrified they will call me and want to give me the job and I feel like I'm in a position to have to take it but can I do it if they do? So...I'm a normal human feeling lots of things and would appreciate any warm thoughts anyone has.

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This reads as sort of humblebraggy, but I look young for my age and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’m a 31 year old woman, but people typically assume I’m 23-25. This isn’t the worst thing, but I find that it leads to people assuming that I’m naive or don’t know my mind.

Anyway, the process of buying a car recently brought this annoyance to the forefront, though I eventually found a really great dealership and saleswoman who treated me like a reasonable grown up human. Weirdly young looking folks: how do you deal?

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I am a Seattleite and very excited to come hear you and Jasmine! My name is Jennifer and while I don't have a caftan, I'd love to say hello. Big fan of her novels and of your writing too.

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Anyone here live in Houston? My beautiful friend's sweet pup slipped out of his collar while on a walk with a dog-walker and has been missing ever since. She's devastated, as probably most of you can understand. Last seen at Wichita and Caroline St, he is a 6 year old black and tan Chihuaua Mix (bigger than what I think of a typical chihuaua) and friendly with strangers, but can be shy. If you see him, please do not chase him. Here's the link with more information: https://www.pawboost.com/landing/pet/nWAJf7Hh94B809QtIEb7Lhar89yQxu0a/lost-freddie-houston-tx-77087?utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=photo_post_link

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I just typed a long question about skin care and lost it, but basically: I am an Old Mom of young kids and it feels like almost overnight my skin is way more wrinkled and dull. I am 41, I don't get enough sleep and I am still breastfeeding so I can't use retinols. What's out there that actually works?? My usual skin care routine is just mild cleanser and sunscreen and I have fairly sensitive, oily skin. I feel so bad about this, which I know is silly because we all get older and maybe I just have to get over it but HELP!!

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My wife's birthday is coming up, and I wanted to get her some nicer skincare stuff. She has sensitive skin (eczema), but really likes the Drunk Elephant eye cream and moisturizer. There was a lot of talk on Twitter a few weeks ago about Sunday Riley Good Genes - would that make a good gift? She doesn't currently use any kind of acid treatment like that. Any alternate suggestions?

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Have fun in Seattle, Nicole!

Does anyone have any recommendations for children's books by Filipino-American authors? A friend of mine is having her first baby in December and she's looking for suggestions. If you have 'em, don't hesitate to share.

Happy Friday!

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Speak to me of Sunday Riley! I bought a 5ml tube of Good Genes on eBay to see what the fuss is about and I'm currently using it at night, alternating with a retinoid. I think it's doing good things. But it's only once I'd bought it that I realised the EU version is reformulated with glycolic acid. (A 10% lactic acid isn't allowed? Although The Ordinary sell a 10% lactic acid solution still. I don't really get it).

Has anyone tried both? Is the glycolic reformulation as good as the original? Realistically I can't actually afford to spend the money on a full sized bottle so it may be a moot point, but I still want to know! (Also, is the aforementioned The Ordinary lactic acid an effective substitute?)

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I have been obsessed with this video of the celebrations of the opening of the Gotthard Base Tunnel for days now: https://youtu.be/koQZt019P8g

You can really go down a rabbit hole with this one. But like even if it’s not some high strangeness... what????? Why?? Just cut a ribbon, shake some hands and call it a day! This is unnecessary!

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Nicole, I am coming on Sunday, and I will be bearing chocolate for you both!

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Succession poll!

1. Who's your favorite character?

2. Who's your least favorite character?

3. Which one of those monsters do you have a weird crush on?

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skin care q -- has anyone had under-eye fillers done? I'm 26 but have congenital dark circles and really pale skin, which I think might just make me more hollow-eyed as I get older. My dermatologist indicated that they might be a solution. Really tired of people asking me if I'm feeling OK if they see me with no makeup.

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Does anyone have any recommendations for books that are deliciously good, but also funny and/or have a happy-ish ending? I would say a happy book, but it doesn’t need to be happy the whole way through?

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I have a question for the married/long term relationship people in the room: How many inside jokes would you say you have with your spouse? Like, a word or phrase that you both understand the context of or sends you into gales of laughter? Would you say "none", "not many" "quite a few" or "we don't actually speak in complete sentences to each other anymore"?

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A month or so ago a commenter here wanted a LL referral - well, now’s the time!

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