Should be back to normal posting schedule next week. If you are in Seattle on Sunday night, please come to hear me and Jasmine “The Best” Guillory discuss her newest (and in my opinion, best) book, Royal Holiday.
Envisioning you finding a fantastic place in your budget and being surprised and delighted by how quickly you’ve found your awesome new place (after all the previous headaches)! Hang in there!!
I’m moving in with my girlfriend in two weeks! We’re very excited about it, we have a lot of plans, and we’ve found a lovely little apartment in a great location. But.....sometimes I’m sad that my single days are well and truly over (or you know....that’s the plan). My life has certainly improved since meeting my girlfriend, and she makes me really happy, but I liked being single! I didn’t date until my mid 20’s, I have a lot of good friendships...I was kind of setting into the idea of Barbara Pym-ing it forever. Also I always wanted to live alone, and I’ve never been able to afford to and now I’m kind of sad that maybe I never will. Also a little apprehensive about how sharing a one bedroom apartment will be. Any advice from fellow introverts/ fabulous spinsters who ended up coupled? My girlfriend and I are completely opposite in this area, I like to be alone quite a bit, she’d carry me around in her pocket if she could. We talk a lot, so these feelings aren’t news to her, but I’m just trying to find ways to process them and brainstorm ideas for how to maintain some feeling of independence while cohabitating.
I'm not in quite the same situation (I've been living with my partner for many years), but I definitely have a big need for alone time. First, having slightly different work schedules helps a lot, though that's certainly not always possible. But I think the communication is key so you can get the time and space you need, while she's getting the attention she needs. Having specific times set aside for each is very helpful. I've also found it's not as hard as I would think to have "alone time" while my partner is also home. We can each be working on our own individual projects, have headphones in, etc. and for me that does the job just as well as being on my own, while still having a feeling of companionship. The most important thing is to just keep talking, take each others needs very seriously, and shift things as necessary! It'll probably take a least a few months to get comfortable, but it can absolutely be done.
Just wanted to echo what other people had said about it taking a while to get used to. Before my partner and I moved in together some friends had warned us that it would be "weird" for at least 6 month. It was great advice, not because it was necessarily weird for that long (it ended up being way easier than we expected) but because it made it okay to feel weird about and work through the weirdness without feeling like it meant anything about the relationship.
Also, if it is natural for your sleep schedule, I would highly recommend different bedtimes. Most nights I go to bed almost two hours earlier than my partner. It means I get 2 hours in the morning and he gets 2 hours in the evening of basically having the apartment to ourselves. But also I'm naturally an early riser and he's the nightest of night owls, so we lucked into that one. Just don't feel like you have to sync every routine if you don't want to.
The different bedtimes thing is great—I go to bed early but spend at least an hour messing around on my own, and that's really important for me to be able to wind down.
My husband and I are like this. One thing we've found that helps is "being alone together." Having him in the same room, even with headphones on, playing video games on his laptop or watching YouTube while I potter around my sewing room is enough for me to feel like I'm getting enough company. I can interrupt him if I need/want to or get an occasional hug. We also usually dedicate some time every night before bed to watch something together and cuddle. He feels like he gets plenty of solo time and I feel like I'm getting enough people time! Also, pets. If you like/can enjoy pets, it's so helpful for me to have two cats and a dog to expend some of my "BE IN MY POCKET" energy on.
Also, I realize this might make me sound like a bit of a mess, but I can totally be alone if I need to be, I just like to be around other people quite a bit. As far as I can tell, I have next to no "need" for alone time.
Had a very similar feeling moving in with my BF a few months ago! I'm very happy with the life we have together, but I did have to let go of some ideas about what my life would be like if I were single (mainly I would have a cat). One thing that was helpful to us was to identify that part of our job as partners was to protect each other's independence and support each other in our goals and dreams. So I do my best to help him make time for working on his creative projects and seeing old friends, and he does his best to make time for me to read and write uninterrupted when I want to work on a project or read for fun.
So, my youngest (8) was just officially diagnosed with autism. We knew, but now we KNOW. Also, dysgraphia and a visual processing disorder. This was all prompted by the fact that he's going to age out of his current IEP and we needed an official diagnosis for his new IEP, so we are going to meet with the school to talk through that. This might involve changing schools to one in the district that has more autism supports (and we'd take the opportunity to have him repeat a grade, since he's currently one of the youngest in his class). I'm just feeling...incredibly overwhelmed, and sad, and I just so desperately want to do the right thing and feel like I'm working in the dark. My kids are the thing in my life I most urgently want to not fuck up, and the thing I feel least qualified to do well. And at the same time, he's funny and smart and sweet and awesome, and I don't want to lose sight of that or crush any of the things that make him so great. Sigh. I'm just a mess.
I was that 8 year old! I have ASD, a visual spatial disorder and some other less relevant stuff. The best thing that my parents ever did for me regarding my disabilities was teach me how to advocate for myself. When they had to fight with my schools for the supports I needed (and unfortunately, you likely will have to fight), my mom would always explain to me that it was my RIGHT to have these accommodations, and people who try to take them away are setting me up to be unsuccessful. That might sound harsh, but I still carry that with me, and it's served me well. From the practical side, the National ADA Network has a pretty comprehensive guide to navigating the IEP/504 process, with lots of links, here: https://adata.org/factsheet/disability-rights-laws-public-primary-and-secondary-education-how-do-they-relate You clearly love your kids a lot, and that's the key to supporting them, in my opinion. Good luck with everything, you will be great!
You're doing great. Knowing what the issues are will help you tackle them and get him the help he needs. I know it's hard, I know it's scary, but these are all things that can be helped and managed. My brother in law has dysgraphia and yes, his spelling his terrible, but he's a successful engineer. Autism is such a wide ranging diagnosis, but it's a brain difference, not a death sentence, and I know that you will fight for him to get what he needs. You figured out what he needs extra help with, now you can get it. Don't forget to take time for YOU, too.
Hello! You are me with regards to my almost-four-year-old. We have our medical/official diagnosis appointment in two weeks, and I am surprised by how conflicted I feel about it. I know my kid needs additional support and I want to do everything we need to for them to receive it, but I worry about the diagnosis clouding out the ways in which they're amazing. You are doing what you need to do to advocate for your son, and the palpable level of your care and concern in your post is proof that you are not fucking up. Give yourself space to feel your feelings, and know that you are doing your absolute best.
I can't offer any help with this but trust that you're doing absolutely the best for your kid and what you're doing already is a lot. You clearly care about your kids so much, so you're not fucking anything up. I would suggest asking his doctor if they know of any support groups for parents or seeing if there's some support offered by the new school.
Reminder to (myself and) everyone who lives in northern climates: it might be time to start eating vitamin d again. It's 3 C / 37 F outside and it's going to icy rain/sleet/snow later today. Do not want!
Another Tennessean here chiming in to say we've apparently had 98 days over 90 degrees this year! Which is a record that brings me absolutely no joy! Really hoping fall weather heads our way soon :(
ooh I'll check and see if my multivitamin has it... we've definitely hit 'dark when you walk to work' time and I hate it (almost as much as I hate 'dark when you walk to work AND when you walk home from work')
I am heading to a cabin in West Virginia tonight with a few good friends and hoping I can turn off my constant worry/gloom about the state of the world enough to enjoy the miracle that is having adult friendships.
Just had bloodwork done for my surgery on Tuesday (open myomectomy woo!) and the phlebotomist was the best I've had in terms of drawing blood. Just poke and blood! No moving around, no trying different angles, amazing! I'm pretty chill about this whole thing so far, but I'm worried about not being able or allowed to bring my phone with me. :<
This week I paid the deposit on an apartment, where I will live alone for the first time. This is something I’ve been dreaming about for years, and the apartment is perfect: well-worn hardwood floors, an ivy-draped front porch, and close enough to walk to work and a plethora of restaurants, coffee shops, and bars. But my excitement is tinged with sadness, guilt, and anxiety.
The reason I’m moving into this apartment now is that my roommate of three years and best friend of over a decade can no longer bear living with me. Living with a friend is hard, and we did it for too long. My introversion and need for space at home triggered her insecurities, which set off my anxiety and caused me to withdraw more. It became a vicious cycle, and the atmosphere in our apartment grew more and more tense until finally, last weekend, she told me she’ll be moving out at the end of the month. I feel hurt but also relieved. I’m excited to finally live alone, but it’s not the triumphant graduation I had hoped for. I think this is what we both need and what our friendship needs, but the hurt on both sides goes so deep and I don’t know how to repair the damage.
What a tough situation! I really hope you can find boundaries and expectations around your time together that work for both of you, and maybe treat this move as a healthy re-set.
Even though the reason for it might not be ideal, congratulations on moving into your own space! Enjoy building your own peaceful place- I moved into my own apartment a little more than a year ago and it's been such a delight to make it into the retreat I always wanted.
I'm so sad to not be able to come to Seattle! Sunday is my birthday, it would be such a fun way to spend it. BUT I am going to the mountains to go to a state park of hot springs and will soak and be by myself for a bit today (must choose best caftan to bring), and then tomorrow my husband is bringing the kids up and we can hang out together. There should be fall color and nice views and gorgeous stars and all that. In other news, I'm almost finished with my book manuscript. In other OTHER news, my mother-in-law is ill with cancer of a very similar type to what my husband almost died from (but not the same, just an extra cruel coincidence). I can't really talk about it on broader social media but if anyone here is up for sending-good-thoughts/prayers we could use them. My husband is going to see her for Canadian Thanksgiving and he is obviously pretty cut up about it all. In conclusion, life and middle age especially is a land of contrasts.
I’m a New Englander living in California, so of course I’ve been missing fall! Every year since moving here I’ve baked the Barefoot Contessa pumpkin cupcake recipe to try to bring the spirit of fall out here. I think this weekend will be pumpkin cupcake weekend and I’m very excited! What has everyone been baking? Fall inspired or not!
Ooh, I’m in the southeast and it’s been so dry that I think our fall will be very uncolorful. I’m planning to make Smitten Kitchen’s apple cider caramels (so good! And I’m not even a huge caramel person! You definitely need cider to start though, not apple juice) and Deb also has a recent, intriguing looking recipe for a fall type loaf cake.
I am also in the southeast and I've been holding off on baking fall things until the heat breaks (fingers crossed for next week!) I think my first project is going to be smitten kitchen's apple and cheddar scones. I've been looking at the recipe lustily. :)
I've just picked up a can of pumpkin to try the BA test kitchen's pumpkin bread! I've been watching their recipe video on repeat while I wait for the weather to cool down and I'm so excited to finally try it.
Totally recommend Smitten Kitchen's pumpkin bread pudding, but it's still damned hot in Texas so I'm going to do Barefoot Contessa's puff pastry apple tarts, but glaze with apricot jam instead of cinnamon
I might take the plunge and buy a binder soon. I've been back and forth about it for a while and I'm not totally sure where I'm at gender wise right now, kind of leaning towards just "none of it, thank you," but this seems like a good way to help figure out some of it?? My main issue right now is I probably need someone to help me take measurements but I don't really want to ask my roommate even though we're close friends. The one friend I've been talking to about it who is also going through their own gender stuff right now lives back home like 1,000 miles away. I don't really want to wait until I see them next but I don't want to screw up by doing it myself or just guessing.
Hi there! I make all my clothes. You can measure yourself very accurately. Find some good directions (if it doesn't bother you to be on the sites, lots of indie bra sewing pattern companies like Cloth Habit and Orange Lingerie have extremely detailed instructions on how to do this on their websites). If you still don't feel comfortable, some areas have sewing groups specifically for queer folks. If by any chance at all you live in the DC area, it would be Sew Queer DC (you can find them on Insta). That would be a good place to find someone to help you with measuring if you're comfortable reaching out to them.
Thank you for the ideas and for being so considerate of my comfort! At this point I don't hate my boobs I just wish I could have them sometimes but not all the time? Like glasses vs. contacts or a fun scarf. I guess they're sort of like another accessory but since I can't *actually* remove them at will, binder seems the best option for now.
That totally makes sense! One of my fave sewing bloggers has detailed making binders for her wife, who used to sometimes wear them for similar reasons (she recently had the surgery). If you're interested, she details the process here: http://jasikanicole.com/a-homemade-bro-for-my-girl/
Also, totally not trying to push you into sewing/making your own or anything! Just that I know it's generally a pretty inclusive community of folks who are good at measuring people. I've been asked to measure/help folks with things like this a few times, so I know my sewing siblings can generally be pretty helpful. :)
It's possible to take your own measurements even if it is a little hard! I always do it when I am attempting to make my own clothes. The clothes don't always turn out but that's usually because of my poor sewing skills rather than bad measurements. Here's a video I found that will maybe help a little?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fJH0iTAk2g Good luck with everything, I know it can be really hard to figure out gender etc, and I hope you find happiness and wholeness! I'm rooting for you! :)
Hi! I wear the Frog bra from Title IX pretty much exclusively, for gender and comfort reasons--gender as in "I'd like to be binding" and comfort as in "I can't wear a fully restrictive binder all the time or I will be in too much pain." I recommend, esp if you (like me) have large-ish boobs.
Is there any sort of closed queer exchange/buy nothing group around you? The one I'm in has binders being offered for free/very little all the time. I just used a measuring tape and ordered online and it's been mostly fine but I kind of wish I had attempted to try some on in person first. Whatever you do I hope it goes well!
Oh Seattle! I'll be close, but not close enough. I wish I could go, but this is usually around the time of year when I start thinking hard about whether it's worth traveling over the pass.
This weekend is my birthday, which I once read is a very common birthday, but I'm stoked. I'm going to make a chocolate cherry cake with cherry almond frosting. I bought luxardo for the frosting, it's gonna be dope.
Happy birthday! This weekend is my son's first birthday, too. :) I am making vanilla cake with raspberry curd and raspberry frosting. And fancy sprinkles.
I am so tired this morning, but luckily, my weekend will be fairly light. However, I do have some editing to do on an article I'm hoping to publish. Might rewatch the Good Place. <3
It's lovely and cool here, perfectly autumnal. Come over and I'll make some hot apple cider for you!
I know this is something that’s probably been beat to death on advice columns/etc, but how on earth do adult introverts make new friends?? I moved to a new city about a year ago and haven’t made any friends outside of coworkers. I’m sure “go to clubs/do things!” is the answer, but I’m so tired after work, both physically and mentally!!
I hadn't made a new friend in my city for years, and then I started taking evening sign language classes. The structure of a class made it easier for me to talk with people ("do you know the answer to...?" "what did you think of the homework?" etc), and because it was a language class, we practiced by talking to each other about ourselves. I would highly recommend it!
(I also started meeting people after I got a dog, but I know their dogs' names better than theirs, so they're not quite "friends")
Oh and if I had stuck with a French conversation meet-up group I probably would've made friends that way, too :) Again, practicing another language makes it easier to take that step to talk to people where I would otherwise hang back silently in the corner, and it makes it surprisingly easier to make small talk because you're all focused on helping each other keep the conversation going.
beyond group fitness classes (which I have made friends in!) any activity you can go to regularly is helpful. seeing the same people every week or every other week or what have you builds community and then you have a common interest to springboard from. check out your local park district, or Meetup, or Yelp, and see what might be going on that's low-key and up your alley.
This isn’t really about making friends, but I’ve recently started babysitting/pet sitting again and have really enjoyed it as a way to meet some new people and have something else to plan to do. Also kids/pets love you really fast so even though they may not be friends, it can be some good socialization!
Volunteering (especially if you can do it semi-regularly at the same place) is a great way to meet people, too, and you have the advantage of having something immediate to talk about (the work you're doing, or why they're interested in the cause, or if they know any other places that do this kind of work). I will also say that I've found it takes a couple years to really establish a friend group in a new city; I think it was about 3 years before I felt settled in mine?
Could you volunteer as a marshal at your nearest Saturday morning parkrun? It's incredibly cheering and supportive and usually everyone goes for a coffee afterwards, and the whole ethos is about being welcoming, inclusive and supportive of everyone no matter their ability.
I don't know if this is an option, but most of the new friends I've made as an adult were via other friends / acquaintances: meet people they know, set up / attend events as a group, then hang out solo if you get along, repeat.
I moved this year and started Brazilian jiu-jitsu with my partner. It has been the absolute BEST in terms of making friends/forming a new routine, and if you can get to a place that does women's classes, that's even better!
If working out is your thing (totally fine if not!), and you have the means, joining some type of gym that does group classes is a fantastic way to meet people that isn't centered around drinking/drugs/being up til 2 am. For me, Crossfit has been a great way to meet people outside of work, but my friends who do Pure Barre say the same thing.
Not an option at the moment (currently figuring out treatment for an autoimmune disorder) but this sounds like a great idea!! Hopefully I’ll be able to try in the not-too-distant future!
Just wanting to give a shout out to Nicole for embracing her equestrian life once more! Horses have always been a fascination of mine and you’re never too old to kick start that passion into high gear. I was 40 years old when I purchased my first horse and 12 years later, competed at my very first horse show with “Vincent”, an unflappable 6 year old Fjord horse. I came last in every class but I didn’t care, I was just thrilled that I was able to participate. I’m a nervous rider at best and hate crowds, but Vincent carried us through it all with a stoic dignity and I’m forever grateful for having him in my life.
Thanks for this. I always think I'm too old/fat/(other brain telling me I'm not good enough thing) to do something new and scary so I appreciate this generalized encouragement, and as it relates to horses specifically.
The person who does our payroll did it a day early this pay period, and without my time card, so I am looking at having -$96 (and counting!) in my bank account until the 15th. I have $40 in cash and no credit cards (probably for the best), so this might be a very interesting (read: sad) 10 days. BUT I have many other things to be thankful for, including a great but broke boyfriend and a good but broke mom who will make sure I don't starve or run out of gas!
I am a Seattlite and am SO BUMMED to miss this on Sunday! I love Jasmine Guillory and obvs Nicole, but I have to go to Spokane for work that night. If anyone goes, have a blast!
So I'm seeing a gynecologist for the first time today to hopefully get some insight on a Mysterious Pain my lower abdomen I've been having for the past eleven weeks (all the other tests so far have turned up several things that are totally unrelated to why that area would be hurting so now I'm doing various things like trying to cut down on sugar and raise my iron levels but the pain continues). I've never had, like, a pelvic exam or pap smear and I've never been sexually active so I'm a little worried it's gonna hurt. Does anybody have any tips for calming nerves and staying as comfortable as possible?
I saw a new gynecologist about two months ago and it was really helpful to just sit on the table and tell her my entire list of things that I was worried or anxious about, and things that I did not want (i.e. "please don't tell me I'm doing a good job" or "can you tell me when you're about to touch me, even if it's just on the knee"). It was really helpful.
I'm a fan of listening to music while they're doing a pelvic exam. I also never do one "cold" - I gotta get some vibes on the doctor before allowing that. "Not on the first date" is what I joke but it's for real.
Deep breathing on the table help too. It's really hard to relax, especially the first time. Let yourself be ok about that, and tell your doctor what it would take to make you comfortable (I prefer them to be as fast as possible, but that's me!).
Seconding listening to music! (Although the first time I did this the song that started playing was Allison Krauss ‘Let Me Touch You For a While’ bahhhhhhhh.) Also i take an anti anxiety med. Good luck!
1. Everyone tells you "it will be uncomfortable but it shouldn't hurt", and I guess if you're lucky that will be true, but that's not the case for me and for a lot of other women. So if it IS a little painful, do not worry that there's something wrong. That being said, the painful part is over in less than 30 seconds, and in my experience you will just feel "off" for a little while (like less than half an hour, probably closer to 10-15 minutes), but it's not a lasting pain.
2. Before I had my first ever appointment, I called the office and asked if they could tell me exactly what to expect because I was really nervous. The nurse I spoke with was amazing- she was sooo specific even with minor details ("A nurse will take you into an exam room. She will show you the paper garment you will need to put on. She will leave and shut the door" etc.). So if knowing exactly what to expect will help you, I'd recommend doing this -- but obviously if you're the kind of person who gets more nervous when you know what to expect, ignore this!
Good luck -- it's really not that bad all things considered and I have gone yearly ever since my first visit about 5 years ago!
They suggested I take ibuprofen before I got my IUD inserted and I imagine that might help for a pelvic exam as well. Generally, being fully comfortable is pretty impossible during a gyn visit, but the exam is short and will be over quickly!
If you do meditation or any kind of mindfulness, do that beforehand. Deep breaths. Take a muscle relaxing pain reliever like ibuprofen 20 mins before, and always ask for a smaller speculum than the default one. Most importantly, focus on the fact that it'll be over soon. Good luck!
If you’re worried about it hurting your hymen, ask the dr if they have a child-size speculum. They often do and it can help a little. It is not comfortable, especially if you’re not used to the sensations, but should be over quickly. It should not hurt afterward at all. If you’re worried about pain, take a couple Advil half an hour before your apptmt. Hope they will do a pelvic ultrasound to rule out endometriosis or a severe cyst. I would push for that if they can do it in the office. It is a probe and might be slightly uncomfortable while inserted, but gyn ultrasound techs are experts and use lubrication. So sorry you have to go through that; hope you’re able to get some answers! I have severe endo/infertility so I’ve had pretty much every test done lots of times, and surgeries—if you have any questions after!
The first time I ever went she could tell I was nervous because I also have never been sexually active and was all around just probably throwing off waves of anxiety. She started first with the wand thing?? which was very cold and did hurt. But then I got so tense she asked if I would feel more comfortable if she used just her hand. It still wasn't the best time I've ever had but it did hurt marginally less. I'm not sure if that will be an option for you if they're checking for specific things but something to keep in mind. Also, I had to go a lot earlier this year trying to figure out if my occasional insanely painful period cramps are because of anything or I'm just lucky ((spoiler alert: just luck)) and they usually do a urine test but may also do an ultrasound so try to drink some stuff before hand just in case. I had to sit in the waiting room for like 45 minutes chugging water before they could do the ultrasound on me.
I agree that some ibuprofen couldn't hurt, but unless you have specific vaginal/vulvar pain I wouldn't expect it to hurt much. It might be a bit uncomfortable depending on your own familiarity with your bits. Simone mentioned an IUD and I have to say that my IUD insertion was about 25x more painful than any pelvic exam.
Also, hopefully your gynecologist will be kind and gentle but you can certainly ask them to tell you what they're about to do before they do it.
Thanks for the tips, everyone! I didn't actually need to use any of them because apparently three months of consistent pain doesn't warrant any kind of closer physical examination (okay, my ultrasound two months ago was clear but SERIOUSLY PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME) and I just get to take another urine test. The gyno says apparently ovaries just sometimes...... do stuff like this. I might have to take birth control. Anyway, follow up in two weeks so............................................................................ yay.
Have fun in Seattle! I was last there 18 years ago as a kid, but still have very fond memories of Pikes Place Market.
Unrelated: another teacher just informed me via email that several of my students are copying all their English workbook exercises from an online Quizlet. It’s kind of a bummer— on the one hand, it’s not my circus not my monkey and if they want to copy and not learn the material, that’s their own dumb decision. On the other, it’s not like it’s very difficult work, and I give them plenty of time to do it, so it makes me sad and frustrated that they just choose to not put the work in. I know it’s indicative of the work ethic of the age group— 12- to 14-year-olds— but considering that their MO is to want me to spoon-feed them everything, it’s still a troubling pattern.
Just had to vent that frustration! Teenagers. I love them as much as they frustrate me.
As a former intelligent but lazy teen, I often found things like workbook exercises to be a waste of time and meaningless. Are there ways you can make the work seem more meaningful or useful?
I am waiting to hear back about a job and cycling through desperately wanting it to get out of my currently clustery situation and feeling wildly unqualified for it with a dollop of "things aren't THAT bad here." I kind of think they must be in backgrounds with the other finalist or they would have told me I got it...and I'm trying to be okay with that. And also terrified they will call me and want to give me the job and I feel like I'm in a position to have to take it but can I do it if they do? So...I'm a normal human feeling lots of things and would appreciate any warm thoughts anyone has.
This reads as sort of humblebraggy, but I look young for my age and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’m a 31 year old woman, but people typically assume I’m 23-25. This isn’t the worst thing, but I find that it leads to people assuming that I’m naive or don’t know my mind.
Anyway, the process of buying a car recently brought this annoyance to the forefront, though I eventually found a really great dealership and saleswoman who treated me like a reasonable grown up human. Weirdly young looking folks: how do you deal?
I am a Seattleite and very excited to come hear you and Jasmine! My name is Jennifer and while I don't have a caftan, I'd love to say hello. Big fan of her novels and of your writing too.
Anyone here live in Houston? My beautiful friend's sweet pup slipped out of his collar while on a walk with a dog-walker and has been missing ever since. She's devastated, as probably most of you can understand. Last seen at Wichita and Caroline St, he is a 6 year old black and tan Chihuaua Mix (bigger than what I think of a typical chihuaua) and friendly with strangers, but can be shy. If you see him, please do not chase him. Here's the link with more information: https://www.pawboost.com/landing/pet/nWAJf7Hh94B809QtIEb7Lhar89yQxu0a/lost-freddie-houston-tx-77087?utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=photo_post_link
I just typed a long question about skin care and lost it, but basically: I am an Old Mom of young kids and it feels like almost overnight my skin is way more wrinkled and dull. I am 41, I don't get enough sleep and I am still breastfeeding so I can't use retinols. What's out there that actually works?? My usual skin care routine is just mild cleanser and sunscreen and I have fairly sensitive, oily skin. I feel so bad about this, which I know is silly because we all get older and maybe I just have to get over it but HELP!!
I use the glow boost essence! I really like it, a couple drops goes a long way. My skin is sensitive and I haven't reacted at all. I put it on at night and then add a little Regenerist unscented serum.
I’m almost 41. I have dry skin. But would suggest a vit c. I really like the Sunday Riley CEO Brightening Serum. I also use the Tarte knock out tingle toner, it’s an acid toner and I think it helps my skin look more vibrant. Otherwise I use a couple of oils and moisturizes afterwards to keep my skin hydrated and looking bright and dewy.
I love using Vitamin C to combat dullness. Unfortunately, the serums I used to use would start to oxidize faster than I could use it. I recently switched the L-Ascorbic Acid Powder from The Ordinary at night (you can use it during the day, but I have dark skin and worry about my face looking powdery). I just mix it with toner in the palm of my hand and then apply it to my face before moisturizing. So far so good!
I also have sensitive, oily skin. I've found Azelaic Acid is a good replacement for retinols (retinols are way better, to be clear, for when you're done having children and breastfeeding, but for when you can't use them). I also like a BHA (I use Paula's Choice), but I can only use it every other day. Masks can also be great -- I like Origins Rose Clay on the regular, but this is a good place to get samples as you can.
Finally, though my skin is oily, I've found that good moisturizing maybe helps the most. I use a thin Hyaluronic Acid "solution" (I use Hada Labo brand) both day and night and then layer Squalane oil over it at night.
Most of this stuff can be found at a pretty good price -- The Ordinary has good prices, and there are a number of good, cheap brands from Korea and Japan.
My wife's birthday is coming up, and I wanted to get her some nicer skincare stuff. She has sensitive skin (eczema), but really likes the Drunk Elephant eye cream and moisturizer. There was a lot of talk on Twitter a few weeks ago about Sunday Riley Good Genes - would that make a good gift? She doesn't currently use any kind of acid treatment like that. Any alternate suggestions?
I also have eczema and used to use goo genes. It never irritated my skin but everyone is different. Maybe get it with the set that comes with the Luna oil so she can try that out?
Does anyone have any recommendations for children's books by Filipino-American authors? A friend of mine is having her first baby in December and she's looking for suggestions. If you have 'em, don't hesitate to share.
"Hand over hand" is a beautiful, sweet (and feminist!) picture book about a young Filipino girl and her Lolo. A bit old for a baby, but wonderful for toddler/preschool!
A few others that look good: "Cora cooks Pancit"; "Pan de Sal Saves the Day"; "My First Book of Tagalog Words: An ABC Rhyming Book of Filipino Language and Culture" -- and, while not Filipino, Yuyi Morales' "Dreamers" is a lovely book that has won a ton of awards.
If you haven't already, and if you can, check with your local library! A public library will probably have a better handle on giving readers advisory type help (e.g., if you like this then you'll like that or finding a topic/reading level of interest) but if there's a public college nearby (especially if they have an education or library/information program) you might be able to get help from their library's reference service even if you're not a student/employee there. And if you're not comfortable going and asking in person, there's often ways to ask your question by email/chat/text. If you're having trouble finding the email/chat option on a library's website try looking for something like the phrase "Ask us" or "Ask a Librarian."
Speak to me of Sunday Riley! I bought a 5ml tube of Good Genes on eBay to see what the fuss is about and I'm currently using it at night, alternating with a retinoid. I think it's doing good things. But it's only once I'd bought it that I realised the EU version is reformulated with glycolic acid. (A 10% lactic acid isn't allowed? Although The Ordinary sell a 10% lactic acid solution still. I don't really get it).
Has anyone tried both? Is the glycolic reformulation as good as the original? Realistically I can't actually afford to spend the money on a full sized bottle so it may be a moot point, but I still want to know! (Also, is the aforementioned The Ordinary lactic acid an effective substitute?)
I have been obsessed with this video of the celebrations of the opening of the Gotthard Base Tunnel for days now: https://youtu.be/koQZt019P8g
You can really go down a rabbit hole with this one. But like even if it’s not some high strangeness... what????? Why?? Just cut a ribbon, shake some hands and call it a day! This is unnecessary!
I have never commented on a thread before but I gave this some serious thought and had to share this very genuine assessment:
1. Tom
2. Somehow also Tom??
3. And yes, ALSO TOM!!
Perhaps... perhaps I just adore watching Matthew MacFayden act?? Like obviously Tom is awful and pathetic, and yet I am always delighted when he's in a scene.
ALL TOM! I think it tells us about ourselves. I aspire to Gerri’s competence, relate uncomfortably to Tom’s desperation to belong, and am unhealthily attracted to Roman’s wit and meanness. So…all Tom, huh? ;)
Agree on McFayden’s acting. That can’t POSSIBLY be Darcy.
1. So hard to choose! I'll go with Connor. I may love other characters more, but Conner probably makes me the happiest. I don't ever worry about or stress over him. I can just enjoy his presence.
skin care q -- has anyone had under-eye fillers done? I'm 26 but have congenital dark circles and really pale skin, which I think might just make me more hollow-eyed as I get older. My dermatologist indicated that they might be a solution. Really tired of people asking me if I'm feeling OK if they see me with no makeup.
Does anyone have any recommendations for books that are deliciously good, but also funny and/or have a happy-ish ending? I would say a happy book, but it doesn’t need to be happy the whole way through?
I just finished rereading Jane Austen's Persuasion and it was delightful (I don't know what it is about autumn that makes me want to read 19th century lit).
Red White and Royal Blue is an absolute delight. Just the best. If you haven’t read all of Jasmine Guillory she is also amazing. In the non romance genre recent reads I’ve loved that ended on a high note A Long Way To A Small Angry Planet, The Lady’s Astronaut series, The Seven Husbands of Elenor Hugo, The Gilded Wolves was fantastic escape kind of reading.... I could go on :)
Seconding A Long Way To A Small Angry Planet. It took me a while to get into because even though it follows the same characters the whole way it feels more like small vignettes than a traditional story structure. Or at least it did to me. But once I got used to the style and all that I really did love it.
Honestly so glad to hear someone else needed time to get into it. I feel like I saw nothing but praise and "You'll love this from the word go!!" and then I was like... wait is it just me?? But I'm so glad I got into it because I adore the characters and world building.
LOVE Becky Chambers. She has two other books set in the same universe: A Closed and Common Orbit and Record of a Spaceborn Few. They are all excellent.
Yes I just read the first earlier this year and have been wanting to get my hands on the others. I've been trying to find them used though so its always hit or miss.
I third Red, White and Royal Blue and everything by the best Jasmine! Though I lovedlovedloved The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and would recommend it to anyone and the ending is, I guess, happyish, I also sobbed through the last 30 or so minutes of the audiobook. So, uh, happyish but with reservations.
I have recently become a romance novel convert and think many of the books I’ve read lately would count. Basically anything by Jasmine Guillory (though I particularly loved the Wedding Party), the unhoneymooners, Red White and Royal Blue, and Pride Prejudice and Other Flavors.
I read Linda Holmes' Evvie Drake Starts Over in one sitting. I don't think I'd done that since my Harry Potter Days. It's funny and lovely and not happy all the way through but definitely a real, hard won, happy ending.
Be Frank With Me, The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend, Where'd You Go Bernadette. They were all funny, all heartbreaking in different ways, and really enjoyable reads.
I think any Terry Pratchett Discworld book is guaranteed to be pretty funny, you can read them in any order, and some of them stand alone, like Monstrous Regiment. Any Kelly Bowen, Alyssa Cole, or Alisha Rai romance. "Less" by Andrew Sean Greer is extremely relatable and anxious but ends happily.
I have a question for the married/long term relationship people in the room: How many inside jokes would you say you have with your spouse? Like, a word or phrase that you both understand the context of or sends you into gales of laughter? Would you say "none", "not many" "quite a few" or "we don't actually speak in complete sentences to each other anymore"?
I’ve been married 12 years together 15 (these facts seem wild to me how was 2004 so long ago?!) and we have a few. Specifically our dog’s voice is one we do when we’re together and the dog is 15 and I imagine we will use the Chester Voice long after he is gone.
Quite a few after 9 years, but they're mostly from clips we've sent each other rather than things that happened in the wild, and we do silly voices for different pets in our lives. I really recommend SNL's "Mafia Meeting" for a truly unflinching Peter Dinklage shouting about his space pants. One of us yells "Space Pants!" at least daily.
First date in 1989, quite a few for sure! (One of the joys of having kids, for us, is that now all of us have inside jokes together! But we still have some that are ours alone)
Quite a few, and also a tendency to make the exact same joke/reference (to the point where that's become a meta-inside-joke). FWIW, at least half the time it's not an old inside joke -- we're both Online in similar ways, so the jokes tend to be references to a recent tweet or current event reference.
We've been married almost 12 years and together almost 16 and we have a *lot* of inside jokes and common references. They're not all just for us (I know a lot of people who can quote Toy Story for hours) but yeah, we have a lot.
Not that many! It's more that we tend to find exactly the same things worthy of an eyebrow raise, or remember certain events with the same air of exasperation or absurdity, but we don't actually have a personal lexicon of jokes and secret phrases. I used to worry it meant we weren't a "real" couple but, uh, all evidence to the contrary at this point.
Quite a few after 8 years together. Though now that our toddler is starting to say actual phrases and repeating things we say, we've realized we can't remember how some of them started. Somehow still funny though!
I already sent my referral for this coming season, but if people what to email me at thujaplicata at the gmails, I can send referrals in future seasons
I am jumping on this bandwagon also! My daily crossword habit just doesn't scratch the same trivia itch. I would love a LL referral if anyone still has some to give away!
If you still need one I will check back in a few hours. I only have one and I do want to see if the original asker shows up! But it sounds like there are other llamas here that may be able to help
I just need some good vibes. I’m apartment hunting and not having a lot of luck so far, and I’m getting a bit discouraged. Thanks!
Envisioning you finding a fantastic place in your budget and being surprised and delighted by how quickly you’ve found your awesome new place (after all the previous headaches)! Hang in there!!
sending them your way!
I’m moving in with my girlfriend in two weeks! We’re very excited about it, we have a lot of plans, and we’ve found a lovely little apartment in a great location. But.....sometimes I’m sad that my single days are well and truly over (or you know....that’s the plan). My life has certainly improved since meeting my girlfriend, and she makes me really happy, but I liked being single! I didn’t date until my mid 20’s, I have a lot of good friendships...I was kind of setting into the idea of Barbara Pym-ing it forever. Also I always wanted to live alone, and I’ve never been able to afford to and now I’m kind of sad that maybe I never will. Also a little apprehensive about how sharing a one bedroom apartment will be. Any advice from fellow introverts/ fabulous spinsters who ended up coupled? My girlfriend and I are completely opposite in this area, I like to be alone quite a bit, she’d carry me around in her pocket if she could. We talk a lot, so these feelings aren’t news to her, but I’m just trying to find ways to process them and brainstorm ideas for how to maintain some feeling of independence while cohabitating.
I'm not in quite the same situation (I've been living with my partner for many years), but I definitely have a big need for alone time. First, having slightly different work schedules helps a lot, though that's certainly not always possible. But I think the communication is key so you can get the time and space you need, while she's getting the attention she needs. Having specific times set aside for each is very helpful. I've also found it's not as hard as I would think to have "alone time" while my partner is also home. We can each be working on our own individual projects, have headphones in, etc. and for me that does the job just as well as being on my own, while still having a feeling of companionship. The most important thing is to just keep talking, take each others needs very seriously, and shift things as necessary! It'll probably take a least a few months to get comfortable, but it can absolutely be done.
Just wanted to echo what other people had said about it taking a while to get used to. Before my partner and I moved in together some friends had warned us that it would be "weird" for at least 6 month. It was great advice, not because it was necessarily weird for that long (it ended up being way easier than we expected) but because it made it okay to feel weird about and work through the weirdness without feeling like it meant anything about the relationship.
Also, if it is natural for your sleep schedule, I would highly recommend different bedtimes. Most nights I go to bed almost two hours earlier than my partner. It means I get 2 hours in the morning and he gets 2 hours in the evening of basically having the apartment to ourselves. But also I'm naturally an early riser and he's the nightest of night owls, so we lucked into that one. Just don't feel like you have to sync every routine if you don't want to.
The different bedtimes thing is great—I go to bed early but spend at least an hour messing around on my own, and that's really important for me to be able to wind down.
My husband and I are like this. One thing we've found that helps is "being alone together." Having him in the same room, even with headphones on, playing video games on his laptop or watching YouTube while I potter around my sewing room is enough for me to feel like I'm getting enough company. I can interrupt him if I need/want to or get an occasional hug. We also usually dedicate some time every night before bed to watch something together and cuddle. He feels like he gets plenty of solo time and I feel like I'm getting enough people time! Also, pets. If you like/can enjoy pets, it's so helpful for me to have two cats and a dog to expend some of my "BE IN MY POCKET" energy on.
Also, I realize this might make me sound like a bit of a mess, but I can totally be alone if I need to be, I just like to be around other people quite a bit. As far as I can tell, I have next to no "need" for alone time.
Had a very similar feeling moving in with my BF a few months ago! I'm very happy with the life we have together, but I did have to let go of some ideas about what my life would be like if I were single (mainly I would have a cat). One thing that was helpful to us was to identify that part of our job as partners was to protect each other's independence and support each other in our goals and dreams. So I do my best to help him make time for working on his creative projects and seeing old friends, and he does his best to make time for me to read and write uninterrupted when I want to work on a project or read for fun.
So, my youngest (8) was just officially diagnosed with autism. We knew, but now we KNOW. Also, dysgraphia and a visual processing disorder. This was all prompted by the fact that he's going to age out of his current IEP and we needed an official diagnosis for his new IEP, so we are going to meet with the school to talk through that. This might involve changing schools to one in the district that has more autism supports (and we'd take the opportunity to have him repeat a grade, since he's currently one of the youngest in his class). I'm just feeling...incredibly overwhelmed, and sad, and I just so desperately want to do the right thing and feel like I'm working in the dark. My kids are the thing in my life I most urgently want to not fuck up, and the thing I feel least qualified to do well. And at the same time, he's funny and smart and sweet and awesome, and I don't want to lose sight of that or crush any of the things that make him so great. Sigh. I'm just a mess.
I was that 8 year old! I have ASD, a visual spatial disorder and some other less relevant stuff. The best thing that my parents ever did for me regarding my disabilities was teach me how to advocate for myself. When they had to fight with my schools for the supports I needed (and unfortunately, you likely will have to fight), my mom would always explain to me that it was my RIGHT to have these accommodations, and people who try to take them away are setting me up to be unsuccessful. That might sound harsh, but I still carry that with me, and it's served me well. From the practical side, the National ADA Network has a pretty comprehensive guide to navigating the IEP/504 process, with lots of links, here: https://adata.org/factsheet/disability-rights-laws-public-primary-and-secondary-education-how-do-they-relate You clearly love your kids a lot, and that's the key to supporting them, in my opinion. Good luck with everything, you will be great!
You're doing great. Knowing what the issues are will help you tackle them and get him the help he needs. I know it's hard, I know it's scary, but these are all things that can be helped and managed. My brother in law has dysgraphia and yes, his spelling his terrible, but he's a successful engineer. Autism is such a wide ranging diagnosis, but it's a brain difference, not a death sentence, and I know that you will fight for him to get what he needs. You figured out what he needs extra help with, now you can get it. Don't forget to take time for YOU, too.
Hello! You are me with regards to my almost-four-year-old. We have our medical/official diagnosis appointment in two weeks, and I am surprised by how conflicted I feel about it. I know my kid needs additional support and I want to do everything we need to for them to receive it, but I worry about the diagnosis clouding out the ways in which they're amazing. You are doing what you need to do to advocate for your son, and the palpable level of your care and concern in your post is proof that you are not fucking up. Give yourself space to feel your feelings, and know that you are doing your absolute best.
I can't offer any help with this but trust that you're doing absolutely the best for your kid and what you're doing already is a lot. You clearly care about your kids so much, so you're not fucking anything up. I would suggest asking his doctor if they know of any support groups for parents or seeing if there's some support offered by the new school.
You are totally doing the right thing. This stuff is really hard to navigate!
Reminder to (myself and) everyone who lives in northern climates: it might be time to start eating vitamin d again. It's 3 C / 37 F outside and it's going to icy rain/sleet/snow later today. Do not want!
I would LOVE to trade with you -- yesterday was over 90 in TN for what feels like the millionth day in a row :(
Another Tennessean here chiming in to say we've apparently had 98 days over 90 degrees this year! Which is a record that brings me absolutely no joy! Really hoping fall weather heads our way soon :(
The Olly lemon-flavored ones are almost too delicious, and Target has them!
ooh I'll check and see if my multivitamin has it... we've definitely hit 'dark when you walk to work' time and I hate it (almost as much as I hate 'dark when you walk to work AND when you walk home from work')
Thanks for the reminder! I have a feeling they'll help me, but I keep forgetting to take them.
I am heading to a cabin in West Virginia tonight with a few good friends and hoping I can turn off my constant worry/gloom about the state of the world enough to enjoy the miracle that is having adult friendships.
Skin care related PSA: I got .5ml of filler in my lips last week, they look amazing but I can no longer whistle
Weird questions: is that .5 per lip or for both, and which type was it? I'm maybe looking into getting it done and I'm curious.
Just had bloodwork done for my surgery on Tuesday (open myomectomy woo!) and the phlebotomist was the best I've had in terms of drawing blood. Just poke and blood! No moving around, no trying different angles, amazing! I'm pretty chill about this whole thing so far, but I'm worried about not being able or allowed to bring my phone with me. :<
This week I paid the deposit on an apartment, where I will live alone for the first time. This is something I’ve been dreaming about for years, and the apartment is perfect: well-worn hardwood floors, an ivy-draped front porch, and close enough to walk to work and a plethora of restaurants, coffee shops, and bars. But my excitement is tinged with sadness, guilt, and anxiety.
The reason I’m moving into this apartment now is that my roommate of three years and best friend of over a decade can no longer bear living with me. Living with a friend is hard, and we did it for too long. My introversion and need for space at home triggered her insecurities, which set off my anxiety and caused me to withdraw more. It became a vicious cycle, and the atmosphere in our apartment grew more and more tense until finally, last weekend, she told me she’ll be moving out at the end of the month. I feel hurt but also relieved. I’m excited to finally live alone, but it’s not the triumphant graduation I had hoped for. I think this is what we both need and what our friendship needs, but the hurt on both sides goes so deep and I don’t know how to repair the damage.
What a tough situation! I really hope you can find boundaries and expectations around your time together that work for both of you, and maybe treat this move as a healthy re-set.
Even though the reason for it might not be ideal, congratulations on moving into your own space! Enjoy building your own peaceful place- I moved into my own apartment a little more than a year ago and it's been such a delight to make it into the retreat I always wanted.
I'm so sad to not be able to come to Seattle! Sunday is my birthday, it would be such a fun way to spend it. BUT I am going to the mountains to go to a state park of hot springs and will soak and be by myself for a bit today (must choose best caftan to bring), and then tomorrow my husband is bringing the kids up and we can hang out together. There should be fall color and nice views and gorgeous stars and all that. In other news, I'm almost finished with my book manuscript. In other OTHER news, my mother-in-law is ill with cancer of a very similar type to what my husband almost died from (but not the same, just an extra cruel coincidence). I can't really talk about it on broader social media but if anyone here is up for sending-good-thoughts/prayers we could use them. My husband is going to see her for Canadian Thanksgiving and he is obviously pretty cut up about it all. In conclusion, life and middle age especially is a land of contrasts.
I’m a New Englander living in California, so of course I’ve been missing fall! Every year since moving here I’ve baked the Barefoot Contessa pumpkin cupcake recipe to try to bring the spirit of fall out here. I think this weekend will be pumpkin cupcake weekend and I’m very excited! What has everyone been baking? Fall inspired or not!
Ooh, I’m in the southeast and it’s been so dry that I think our fall will be very uncolorful. I’m planning to make Smitten Kitchen’s apple cider caramels (so good! And I’m not even a huge caramel person! You definitely need cider to start though, not apple juice) and Deb also has a recent, intriguing looking recipe for a fall type loaf cake.
I once gave myself carpal tunnel making those four times in two weeks AND THEY WERE WORTH IT.
Ooh sorry about the carpal tunnel but yay caramels!
Ahhhhhh I just looked up that caramel recipe and it looks amazing! I'm going to try it tomorrow! Happy fall!
Yay! Hope they come out very well :)
I am also in the southeast and I've been holding off on baking fall things until the heat breaks (fingers crossed for next week!) I think my first project is going to be smitten kitchen's apple and cheddar scones. I've been looking at the recipe lustily. :)
I've just picked up a can of pumpkin to try the BA test kitchen's pumpkin bread! I've been watching their recipe video on repeat while I wait for the weather to cool down and I'm so excited to finally try it.
Totally recommend Smitten Kitchen's pumpkin bread pudding, but it's still damned hot in Texas so I'm going to do Barefoot Contessa's puff pastry apple tarts, but glaze with apricot jam instead of cinnamon
I might take the plunge and buy a binder soon. I've been back and forth about it for a while and I'm not totally sure where I'm at gender wise right now, kind of leaning towards just "none of it, thank you," but this seems like a good way to help figure out some of it?? My main issue right now is I probably need someone to help me take measurements but I don't really want to ask my roommate even though we're close friends. The one friend I've been talking to about it who is also going through their own gender stuff right now lives back home like 1,000 miles away. I don't really want to wait until I see them next but I don't want to screw up by doing it myself or just guessing.
Hi there! I make all my clothes. You can measure yourself very accurately. Find some good directions (if it doesn't bother you to be on the sites, lots of indie bra sewing pattern companies like Cloth Habit and Orange Lingerie have extremely detailed instructions on how to do this on their websites). If you still don't feel comfortable, some areas have sewing groups specifically for queer folks. If by any chance at all you live in the DC area, it would be Sew Queer DC (you can find them on Insta). That would be a good place to find someone to help you with measuring if you're comfortable reaching out to them.
Thank you for the ideas and for being so considerate of my comfort! At this point I don't hate my boobs I just wish I could have them sometimes but not all the time? Like glasses vs. contacts or a fun scarf. I guess they're sort of like another accessory but since I can't *actually* remove them at will, binder seems the best option for now.
That totally makes sense! One of my fave sewing bloggers has detailed making binders for her wife, who used to sometimes wear them for similar reasons (she recently had the surgery). If you're interested, she details the process here: http://jasikanicole.com/a-homemade-bro-for-my-girl/
Also, totally not trying to push you into sewing/making your own or anything! Just that I know it's generally a pretty inclusive community of folks who are good at measuring people. I've been asked to measure/help folks with things like this a few times, so I know my sewing siblings can generally be pretty helpful. :)
It's possible to take your own measurements even if it is a little hard! I always do it when I am attempting to make my own clothes. The clothes don't always turn out but that's usually because of my poor sewing skills rather than bad measurements. Here's a video I found that will maybe help a little?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fJH0iTAk2g Good luck with everything, I know it can be really hard to figure out gender etc, and I hope you find happiness and wholeness! I'm rooting for you! :)
Thank you so much!!!! <3
I'm a big fan of gc2b binders so definitely look them up and see if they offer specific measurement guidance.
Hi! I wear the Frog bra from Title IX pretty much exclusively, for gender and comfort reasons--gender as in "I'd like to be binding" and comfort as in "I can't wear a fully restrictive binder all the time or I will be in too much pain." I recommend, esp if you (like me) have large-ish boobs.
I will definitely look into this, thank you!
Is there any sort of closed queer exchange/buy nothing group around you? The one I'm in has binders being offered for free/very little all the time. I just used a measuring tape and ordered online and it's been mostly fine but I kind of wish I had attempted to try some on in person first. Whatever you do I hope it goes well!
I live in NYC so I have to think there's something out there. I will definitely look into this, thank you for the suggestion!!!
A twitter friend introduced me to r/egg_irl and I deeply relate to “none of it”. Every meme i see I’m just like “I hate this... *upvote*”
Oh why did you have to tell me about this, I still have work to do today
Oh Seattle! I'll be close, but not close enough. I wish I could go, but this is usually around the time of year when I start thinking hard about whether it's worth traveling over the pass.
This weekend is my birthday, which I once read is a very common birthday, but I'm stoked. I'm going to make a chocolate cherry cake with cherry almond frosting. I bought luxardo for the frosting, it's gonna be dope.
Happy birthday! This weekend is my son's first birthday, too. :) I am making vanilla cake with raspberry curd and raspberry frosting. And fancy sprinkles.
On the bright side you are closer to cougar gold, and thus closer to God
I am so tired this morning, but luckily, my weekend will be fairly light. However, I do have some editing to do on an article I'm hoping to publish. Might rewatch the Good Place. <3
It's lovely and cool here, perfectly autumnal. Come over and I'll make some hot apple cider for you!
I know this is something that’s probably been beat to death on advice columns/etc, but how on earth do adult introverts make new friends?? I moved to a new city about a year ago and haven’t made any friends outside of coworkers. I’m sure “go to clubs/do things!” is the answer, but I’m so tired after work, both physically and mentally!!
I hadn't made a new friend in my city for years, and then I started taking evening sign language classes. The structure of a class made it easier for me to talk with people ("do you know the answer to...?" "what did you think of the homework?" etc), and because it was a language class, we practiced by talking to each other about ourselves. I would highly recommend it!
(I also started meeting people after I got a dog, but I know their dogs' names better than theirs, so they're not quite "friends")
Have to chuckle because I totally only met some of my neighbors because of our dog, and I definitely know the dogs' names better than the people.
Oh and if I had stuck with a French conversation meet-up group I probably would've made friends that way, too :) Again, practicing another language makes it easier to take that step to talk to people where I would otherwise hang back silently in the corner, and it makes it surprisingly easier to make small talk because you're all focused on helping each other keep the conversation going.
beyond group fitness classes (which I have made friends in!) any activity you can go to regularly is helpful. seeing the same people every week or every other week or what have you builds community and then you have a common interest to springboard from. check out your local park district, or Meetup, or Yelp, and see what might be going on that's low-key and up your alley.
This isn’t really about making friends, but I’ve recently started babysitting/pet sitting again and have really enjoyed it as a way to meet some new people and have something else to plan to do. Also kids/pets love you really fast so even though they may not be friends, it can be some good socialization!
Volunteering (especially if you can do it semi-regularly at the same place) is a great way to meet people, too, and you have the advantage of having something immediate to talk about (the work you're doing, or why they're interested in the cause, or if they know any other places that do this kind of work). I will also say that I've found it takes a couple years to really establish a friend group in a new city; I think it was about 3 years before I felt settled in mine?
Could you volunteer as a marshal at your nearest Saturday morning parkrun? It's incredibly cheering and supportive and usually everyone goes for a coffee afterwards, and the whole ethos is about being welcoming, inclusive and supportive of everyone no matter their ability.
Book club? Check your local library and/or book store. I know this does involve a club meeting, but it attracts plenty of introverts!
I don't know if this is an option, but most of the new friends I've made as an adult were via other friends / acquaintances: meet people they know, set up / attend events as a group, then hang out solo if you get along, repeat.
I moved this year and started Brazilian jiu-jitsu with my partner. It has been the absolute BEST in terms of making friends/forming a new routine, and if you can get to a place that does women's classes, that's even better!
If working out is your thing (totally fine if not!), and you have the means, joining some type of gym that does group classes is a fantastic way to meet people that isn't centered around drinking/drugs/being up til 2 am. For me, Crossfit has been a great way to meet people outside of work, but my friends who do Pure Barre say the same thing.
Not an option at the moment (currently figuring out treatment for an autoimmune disorder) but this sounds like a great idea!! Hopefully I’ll be able to try in the not-too-distant future!
Also any sort of hobby! One of my friends just moved to DC and joined a cross-stitching group that meets up and stitches together over dinner!
I also live in DC and I am intrigued!
Just wanting to give a shout out to Nicole for embracing her equestrian life once more! Horses have always been a fascination of mine and you’re never too old to kick start that passion into high gear. I was 40 years old when I purchased my first horse and 12 years later, competed at my very first horse show with “Vincent”, an unflappable 6 year old Fjord horse. I came last in every class but I didn’t care, I was just thrilled that I was able to participate. I’m a nervous rider at best and hate crowds, but Vincent carried us through it all with a stoic dignity and I’m forever grateful for having him in my life.
Thanks for this. I always think I'm too old/fat/(other brain telling me I'm not good enough thing) to do something new and scary so I appreciate this generalized encouragement, and as it relates to horses specifically.
The person who does our payroll did it a day early this pay period, and without my time card, so I am looking at having -$96 (and counting!) in my bank account until the 15th. I have $40 in cash and no credit cards (probably for the best), so this might be a very interesting (read: sad) 10 days. BUT I have many other things to be thankful for, including a great but broke boyfriend and a good but broke mom who will make sure I don't starve or run out of gas!
I’m so sorry. Do you have Venmo? I can send you $5 if it helps. Maybe others can help chip in too. Hugs.
I am a Seattlite and am SO BUMMED to miss this on Sunday! I love Jasmine Guillory and obvs Nicole, but I have to go to Spokane for work that night. If anyone goes, have a blast!
So I'm seeing a gynecologist for the first time today to hopefully get some insight on a Mysterious Pain my lower abdomen I've been having for the past eleven weeks (all the other tests so far have turned up several things that are totally unrelated to why that area would be hurting so now I'm doing various things like trying to cut down on sugar and raise my iron levels but the pain continues). I've never had, like, a pelvic exam or pap smear and I've never been sexually active so I'm a little worried it's gonna hurt. Does anybody have any tips for calming nerves and staying as comfortable as possible?
I saw a new gynecologist about two months ago and it was really helpful to just sit on the table and tell her my entire list of things that I was worried or anxious about, and things that I did not want (i.e. "please don't tell me I'm doing a good job" or "can you tell me when you're about to touch me, even if it's just on the knee"). It was really helpful.
I'm a fan of listening to music while they're doing a pelvic exam. I also never do one "cold" - I gotta get some vibes on the doctor before allowing that. "Not on the first date" is what I joke but it's for real.
Deep breathing on the table help too. It's really hard to relax, especially the first time. Let yourself be ok about that, and tell your doctor what it would take to make you comfortable (I prefer them to be as fast as possible, but that's me!).
Hang in there. You can do this.
I hope you get a diagnosis! <3
Seconding listening to music! (Although the first time I did this the song that started playing was Allison Krauss ‘Let Me Touch You For a While’ bahhhhhhhh.) Also i take an anti anxiety med. Good luck!
1. Everyone tells you "it will be uncomfortable but it shouldn't hurt", and I guess if you're lucky that will be true, but that's not the case for me and for a lot of other women. So if it IS a little painful, do not worry that there's something wrong. That being said, the painful part is over in less than 30 seconds, and in my experience you will just feel "off" for a little while (like less than half an hour, probably closer to 10-15 minutes), but it's not a lasting pain.
2. Before I had my first ever appointment, I called the office and asked if they could tell me exactly what to expect because I was really nervous. The nurse I spoke with was amazing- she was sooo specific even with minor details ("A nurse will take you into an exam room. She will show you the paper garment you will need to put on. She will leave and shut the door" etc.). So if knowing exactly what to expect will help you, I'd recommend doing this -- but obviously if you're the kind of person who gets more nervous when you know what to expect, ignore this!
Good luck -- it's really not that bad all things considered and I have gone yearly ever since my first visit about 5 years ago!
They suggested I take ibuprofen before I got my IUD inserted and I imagine that might help for a pelvic exam as well. Generally, being fully comfortable is pretty impossible during a gyn visit, but the exam is short and will be over quickly!
If you do meditation or any kind of mindfulness, do that beforehand. Deep breaths. Take a muscle relaxing pain reliever like ibuprofen 20 mins before, and always ask for a smaller speculum than the default one. Most importantly, focus on the fact that it'll be over soon. Good luck!
If you’re worried about it hurting your hymen, ask the dr if they have a child-size speculum. They often do and it can help a little. It is not comfortable, especially if you’re not used to the sensations, but should be over quickly. It should not hurt afterward at all. If you’re worried about pain, take a couple Advil half an hour before your apptmt. Hope they will do a pelvic ultrasound to rule out endometriosis or a severe cyst. I would push for that if they can do it in the office. It is a probe and might be slightly uncomfortable while inserted, but gyn ultrasound techs are experts and use lubrication. So sorry you have to go through that; hope you’re able to get some answers! I have severe endo/infertility so I’ve had pretty much every test done lots of times, and surgeries—if you have any questions after!
The first time I ever went she could tell I was nervous because I also have never been sexually active and was all around just probably throwing off waves of anxiety. She started first with the wand thing?? which was very cold and did hurt. But then I got so tense she asked if I would feel more comfortable if she used just her hand. It still wasn't the best time I've ever had but it did hurt marginally less. I'm not sure if that will be an option for you if they're checking for specific things but something to keep in mind. Also, I had to go a lot earlier this year trying to figure out if my occasional insanely painful period cramps are because of anything or I'm just lucky ((spoiler alert: just luck)) and they usually do a urine test but may also do an ultrasound so try to drink some stuff before hand just in case. I had to sit in the waiting room for like 45 minutes chugging water before they could do the ultrasound on me.
I agree that some ibuprofen couldn't hurt, but unless you have specific vaginal/vulvar pain I wouldn't expect it to hurt much. It might be a bit uncomfortable depending on your own familiarity with your bits. Simone mentioned an IUD and I have to say that my IUD insertion was about 25x more painful than any pelvic exam.
Also, hopefully your gynecologist will be kind and gentle but you can certainly ask them to tell you what they're about to do before they do it.
If you have a topical steroid cream around, you can use that for any exterior discomfort afterward! I hope you find answers.
Thanks for the tips, everyone! I didn't actually need to use any of them because apparently three months of consistent pain doesn't warrant any kind of closer physical examination (okay, my ultrasound two months ago was clear but SERIOUSLY PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME) and I just get to take another urine test. The gyno says apparently ovaries just sometimes...... do stuff like this. I might have to take birth control. Anyway, follow up in two weeks so............................................................................ yay.
Have fun in Seattle! I was last there 18 years ago as a kid, but still have very fond memories of Pikes Place Market.
Unrelated: another teacher just informed me via email that several of my students are copying all their English workbook exercises from an online Quizlet. It’s kind of a bummer— on the one hand, it’s not my circus not my monkey and if they want to copy and not learn the material, that’s their own dumb decision. On the other, it’s not like it’s very difficult work, and I give them plenty of time to do it, so it makes me sad and frustrated that they just choose to not put the work in. I know it’s indicative of the work ethic of the age group— 12- to 14-year-olds— but considering that their MO is to want me to spoon-feed them everything, it’s still a troubling pattern.
Just had to vent that frustration! Teenagers. I love them as much as they frustrate me.
As a former intelligent but lazy teen, I often found things like workbook exercises to be a waste of time and meaningless. Are there ways you can make the work seem more meaningful or useful?
I am waiting to hear back about a job and cycling through desperately wanting it to get out of my currently clustery situation and feeling wildly unqualified for it with a dollop of "things aren't THAT bad here." I kind of think they must be in backgrounds with the other finalist or they would have told me I got it...and I'm trying to be okay with that. And also terrified they will call me and want to give me the job and I feel like I'm in a position to have to take it but can I do it if they do? So...I'm a normal human feeling lots of things and would appreciate any warm thoughts anyone has.
This reads as sort of humblebraggy, but I look young for my age and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I’m a 31 year old woman, but people typically assume I’m 23-25. This isn’t the worst thing, but I find that it leads to people assuming that I’m naive or don’t know my mind.
Anyway, the process of buying a car recently brought this annoyance to the forefront, though I eventually found a really great dealership and saleswoman who treated me like a reasonable grown up human. Weirdly young looking folks: how do you deal?
I am a Seattleite and very excited to come hear you and Jasmine! My name is Jennifer and while I don't have a caftan, I'd love to say hello. Big fan of her novels and of your writing too.
Anyone here live in Houston? My beautiful friend's sweet pup slipped out of his collar while on a walk with a dog-walker and has been missing ever since. She's devastated, as probably most of you can understand. Last seen at Wichita and Caroline St, he is a 6 year old black and tan Chihuaua Mix (bigger than what I think of a typical chihuaua) and friendly with strangers, but can be shy. If you see him, please do not chase him. Here's the link with more information: https://www.pawboost.com/landing/pet/nWAJf7Hh94B809QtIEb7Lhar89yQxu0a/lost-freddie-houston-tx-77087?utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=photo_post_link
I just typed a long question about skin care and lost it, but basically: I am an Old Mom of young kids and it feels like almost overnight my skin is way more wrinkled and dull. I am 41, I don't get enough sleep and I am still breastfeeding so I can't use retinols. What's out there that actually works?? My usual skin care routine is just mild cleanser and sunscreen and I have fairly sensitive, oily skin. I feel so bad about this, which I know is silly because we all get older and maybe I just have to get over it but HELP!!
To combat dullness, I love vitamin c serum and hyaluronic acid. My favorite essence combines the two: https://www.lumene.com/us/skincare/collections/nordic-c-valo/nordiccvalo/glow-boost-essence-30ml-80225.html?cgid=skincare_collections_valo_nordic_c#start=1
Going to get this! Looks good!
I use the glow boost essence! I really like it, a couple drops goes a long way. My skin is sensitive and I haven't reacted at all. I put it on at night and then add a little Regenerist unscented serum.
I’m almost 41. I have dry skin. But would suggest a vit c. I really like the Sunday Riley CEO Brightening Serum. I also use the Tarte knock out tingle toner, it’s an acid toner and I think it helps my skin look more vibrant. Otherwise I use a couple of oils and moisturizes afterwards to keep my skin hydrated and looking bright and dewy.
I use a vitamin c/squalane/hyaluronic combo, and so does my husband! https://www.sephora.com/product/vine-activ-glow-activating-anti-wrinkle-serum-P417119
I also really like the CosRX Rice Overnight Mask for when I just need some plumping and hydration, I just use it as normal moisturizer.
I love using Vitamin C to combat dullness. Unfortunately, the serums I used to use would start to oxidize faster than I could use it. I recently switched the L-Ascorbic Acid Powder from The Ordinary at night (you can use it during the day, but I have dark skin and worry about my face looking powdery). I just mix it with toner in the palm of my hand and then apply it to my face before moisturizing. So far so good!
I also have sensitive, oily skin. I've found Azelaic Acid is a good replacement for retinols (retinols are way better, to be clear, for when you're done having children and breastfeeding, but for when you can't use them). I also like a BHA (I use Paula's Choice), but I can only use it every other day. Masks can also be great -- I like Origins Rose Clay on the regular, but this is a good place to get samples as you can.
Finally, though my skin is oily, I've found that good moisturizing maybe helps the most. I use a thin Hyaluronic Acid "solution" (I use Hada Labo brand) both day and night and then layer Squalane oil over it at night.
Most of this stuff can be found at a pretty good price -- The Ordinary has good prices, and there are a number of good, cheap brands from Korea and Japan.
Has anyone tried The Ordinary's 10% Azelaic Acid? It's a silicone suspension so I was a little worried about that.
I have. I didn’t hate it, but regret to say that I do prefer the Paula’s Choice.
I would like to second Paula's Choice BHA. I use the 2%, it is gentle but effective and comes in a really big bottle.
My wife's birthday is coming up, and I wanted to get her some nicer skincare stuff. She has sensitive skin (eczema), but really likes the Drunk Elephant eye cream and moisturizer. There was a lot of talk on Twitter a few weeks ago about Sunday Riley Good Genes - would that make a good gift? She doesn't currently use any kind of acid treatment like that. Any alternate suggestions?
This is a nice set: https://www.sephora.com/product/sunday-riley-power-trio-lactic-acid-retinol-vitamin-c-bundle-P444468?icid2=products%20grid:p444468
Or this https://www.sephora.com/product/power-couple-lactic-acid-retinol-kit-P402718?skuId=1739192
I also have eczema and used to use goo genes. It never irritated my skin but everyone is different. Maybe get it with the set that comes with the Luna oil so she can try that out?
If you buy from Sephora, you can return it, too.
Have fun in Seattle, Nicole!
Does anyone have any recommendations for children's books by Filipino-American authors? A friend of mine is having her first baby in December and she's looking for suggestions. If you have 'em, don't hesitate to share.
Happy Friday!
"Hand over hand" is a beautiful, sweet (and feminist!) picture book about a young Filipino girl and her Lolo. A bit old for a baby, but wonderful for toddler/preschool!
A few others that look good: "Cora cooks Pancit"; "Pan de Sal Saves the Day"; "My First Book of Tagalog Words: An ABC Rhyming Book of Filipino Language and Culture" -- and, while not Filipino, Yuyi Morales' "Dreamers" is a lovely book that has won a ton of awards.
(I am a reference librarian working a (slow) reference desk shift right now. Like Janeice suggested -- I always recommend asking a librarian! ;) )
If you haven't already, and if you can, check with your local library! A public library will probably have a better handle on giving readers advisory type help (e.g., if you like this then you'll like that or finding a topic/reading level of interest) but if there's a public college nearby (especially if they have an education or library/information program) you might be able to get help from their library's reference service even if you're not a student/employee there. And if you're not comfortable going and asking in person, there's often ways to ask your question by email/chat/text. If you're having trouble finding the email/chat option on a library's website try looking for something like the phrase "Ask us" or "Ask a Librarian."
This might not be helpful since they’re for middle-grade readers, but Erin Entrada Kelly’s books are just incredible.
I'll pass it along to her, thanks! Anything is appreciated.
Speak to me of Sunday Riley! I bought a 5ml tube of Good Genes on eBay to see what the fuss is about and I'm currently using it at night, alternating with a retinoid. I think it's doing good things. But it's only once I'd bought it that I realised the EU version is reformulated with glycolic acid. (A 10% lactic acid isn't allowed? Although The Ordinary sell a 10% lactic acid solution still. I don't really get it).
Has anyone tried both? Is the glycolic reformulation as good as the original? Realistically I can't actually afford to spend the money on a full sized bottle so it may be a moot point, but I still want to know! (Also, is the aforementioned The Ordinary lactic acid an effective substitute?)
I personally prefer the glycolic but I am a delicate flower with very thin skin, and I used to use the Peter Thomas Roth 10% glycolic.
I have been obsessed with this video of the celebrations of the opening of the Gotthard Base Tunnel for days now: https://youtu.be/koQZt019P8g
You can really go down a rabbit hole with this one. But like even if it’s not some high strangeness... what????? Why?? Just cut a ribbon, shake some hands and call it a day! This is unnecessary!
Nicole, I am coming on Sunday, and I will be bearing chocolate for you both!
Succession poll!
1. Who's your favorite character?
2. Who's your least favorite character?
3. Which one of those monsters do you have a weird crush on?
I have never commented on a thread before but I gave this some serious thought and had to share this very genuine assessment:
1. Tom
2. Somehow also Tom??
3. And yes, ALSO TOM!!
Perhaps... perhaps I just adore watching Matthew MacFayden act?? Like obviously Tom is awful and pathetic, and yet I am always delighted when he's in a scene.
ALL TOM! I think it tells us about ourselves. I aspire to Gerri’s competence, relate uncomfortably to Tom’s desperation to belong, and am unhealthily attracted to Roman’s wit and meanness. So…all Tom, huh? ;)
Agree on McFayden’s acting. That can’t POSSIBLY be Darcy.
oh mann
1. greg (who among us is not an anxious soul who moves through the corporate world going solely off what they know from movies!)
2. logan obv
3. kendall and shiv, yikes, but also willa’s perfect nose
Oh wow, well I guess I'd say
1. Gerri, but Marcia made a surprise leap toward the top last week
2. Logan with Tom a close second
3. *whispers* Roman, god help me
1. So hard to choose! I'll go with Connor. I may love other characters more, but Conner probably makes me the happiest. I don't ever worry about or stress over him. I can just enjoy his presence.
2. Uncle Mo
3. Kendall and Shiv, God help me
Ooh nice! Mine are
1. Gerri
2. Tom
3. Roman, god help me as well
1. Tom
2. Logan
3. Gerri and Marcia, the meanest mommies
The things they’d say in bed…rawr
skin care q -- has anyone had under-eye fillers done? I'm 26 but have congenital dark circles and really pale skin, which I think might just make me more hollow-eyed as I get older. My dermatologist indicated that they might be a solution. Really tired of people asking me if I'm feeling OK if they see me with no makeup.
Does anyone have any recommendations for books that are deliciously good, but also funny and/or have a happy-ish ending? I would say a happy book, but it doesn’t need to be happy the whole way through?
I just finished rereading Jane Austen's Persuasion and it was delightful (I don't know what it is about autumn that makes me want to read 19th century lit).
Otherwise, what are you looking for beyond that?
Red White and Royal Blue is an absolute delight. Just the best. If you haven’t read all of Jasmine Guillory she is also amazing. In the non romance genre recent reads I’ve loved that ended on a high note A Long Way To A Small Angry Planet, The Lady’s Astronaut series, The Seven Husbands of Elenor Hugo, The Gilded Wolves was fantastic escape kind of reading.... I could go on :)
Seconding A Long Way To A Small Angry Planet. It took me a while to get into because even though it follows the same characters the whole way it feels more like small vignettes than a traditional story structure. Or at least it did to me. But once I got used to the style and all that I really did love it.
It took me a while to get into as well, but once I did it was just so comforting, even if some of the ending bits made me cry a bit.
Honestly so glad to hear someone else needed time to get into it. I feel like I saw nothing but praise and "You'll love this from the word go!!" and then I was like... wait is it just me?? But I'm so glad I got into it because I adore the characters and world building.
LOVE Becky Chambers. She has two other books set in the same universe: A Closed and Common Orbit and Record of a Spaceborn Few. They are all excellent.
My library hold is so close for the second book!
Yes I just read the first earlier this year and have been wanting to get my hands on the others. I've been trying to find them used though so its always hit or miss.
I third Red, White and Royal Blue and everything by the best Jasmine! Though I lovedlovedloved The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and would recommend it to anyone and the ending is, I guess, happyish, I also sobbed through the last 30 or so minutes of the audiobook. So, uh, happyish but with reservations.
Agree it Hugo isn’t super happy but also it’s so good and didn’t make me feel badly about the world
I came here to say this
Yesssssss Red White and Royal
Blue!!! Also The Royal We!
Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett is so great and hilarious. It has a pretty dark vibe overall but ends on an up note.
I have recently become a romance novel convert and think many of the books I’ve read lately would count. Basically anything by Jasmine Guillory (though I particularly loved the Wedding Party), the unhoneymooners, Red White and Royal Blue, and Pride Prejudice and Other Flavors.
oh i loved Pride Prejudice and Other Flavors!!
I read Linda Holmes' Evvie Drake Starts Over in one sitting. I don't think I'd done that since my Harry Potter Days. It's funny and lovely and not happy all the way through but definitely a real, hard won, happy ending.
Be Frank With Me, The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend, Where'd You Go Bernadette. They were all funny, all heartbreaking in different ways, and really enjoyable reads.
I think any Terry Pratchett Discworld book is guaranteed to be pretty funny, you can read them in any order, and some of them stand alone, like Monstrous Regiment. Any Kelly Bowen, Alyssa Cole, or Alisha Rai romance. "Less" by Andrew Sean Greer is extremely relatable and anxious but ends happily.
I have a question for the married/long term relationship people in the room: How many inside jokes would you say you have with your spouse? Like, a word or phrase that you both understand the context of or sends you into gales of laughter? Would you say "none", "not many" "quite a few" or "we don't actually speak in complete sentences to each other anymore"?
I’ve been married 12 years together 15 (these facts seem wild to me how was 2004 so long ago?!) and we have a few. Specifically our dog’s voice is one we do when we’re together and the dog is 15 and I imagine we will use the Chester Voice long after he is gone.
Quite a few after 9 years, but they're mostly from clips we've sent each other rather than things that happened in the wild, and we do silly voices for different pets in our lives. I really recommend SNL's "Mafia Meeting" for a truly unflinching Peter Dinklage shouting about his space pants. One of us yells "Space Pants!" at least daily.
First date in 1989, quite a few for sure! (One of the joys of having kids, for us, is that now all of us have inside jokes together! But we still have some that are ours alone)
We have a few--not a ton--after 15 years. They aren't really "jokes," per se but more like references.
Quite a few, and also a tendency to make the exact same joke/reference (to the point where that's become a meta-inside-joke). FWIW, at least half the time it's not an old inside joke -- we're both Online in similar ways, so the jokes tend to be references to a recent tweet or current event reference.
We've been married almost 12 years and together almost 16 and we have a *lot* of inside jokes and common references. They're not all just for us (I know a lot of people who can quote Toy Story for hours) but yeah, we have a lot.
Not that many! It's more that we tend to find exactly the same things worthy of an eyebrow raise, or remember certain events with the same air of exasperation or absurdity, but we don't actually have a personal lexicon of jokes and secret phrases. I used to worry it meant we weren't a "real" couple but, uh, all evidence to the contrary at this point.
Quite a few after 8 years together. Though now that our toddler is starting to say actual phrases and repeating things we say, we've realized we can't remember how some of them started. Somehow still funny though!
*spouse or partner
A month or so ago a commenter here wanted a LL referral - well, now’s the time!
I already sent my referral for this coming season, but if people what to email me at thujaplicata at the gmails, I can send referrals in future seasons
that should be thujaplicatamt at gmail sheesh, I need more coffee on this first Friday of October
I would love one! I have wanted to play for YEARS. I'm kellystopsworryingATgmail if someone has one to spare this time or in the future.
Kelly, hi! I wondered if you got my friend matchmaking email?
I am jumping on this bandwagon also! My daily crossword habit just doesn't scratch the same trivia itch. I would love a LL referral if anyone still has some to give away!
Interested if there are any left!
If you still need one I will check back in a few hours. I only have one and I do want to see if the original asker shows up! But it sounds like there are other llamas here that may be able to help
If there are any more floating around, I would love to pick one up!
I would also be interested, if there are any extras hanging around!
I can submit two, so hit me up at the email below and I'll get you in, too.
I'll offer a second one, if someone else wants a referral!
If you don’t mind
Sure, shoot me an email and I'll get you set up: brienc at gmail