I’m going on my family trip to NYC now! I am probably already awake too early, because I never sleep well before flights where I also have to control a child.
Do you have a long weekend? Today is no school bc of parent-teacher conferences and on Monday my kids’ school celebrates Indigenous Peoples’ Day, so it’s a very very long weekend ‘round these parts.
On Saturday I'm going to become a parent for the first time via delivering my twin girls! I'm staying in the hospital being monitored for now but C-section is scheduled Sat morning. I'm pretty terrified so if anyone has positive stories about the process or tips for going through it or taking care of newborn twins that would be great!
No twins here, but I have had a c-section. :-) Do all the things they tell you - get up and moving ASAP (but gently), stay on top of the pain meds, take your stool softeners, wear high-waisted underwear/pants, wear your binder if you find it comfortable, and the biggest thing (which I did not know and no one told me until I lost it complaining to my OB at my six-week checkup) is please, please, remember your body just built TWO (!) people, it will eventually feel more normal but it takes a while! And congrats!! You're going to be awesome.
I had two C-sections and honestly they were a breeze. I had a long and difficult labor with kid #1 and the eventual C was so great and easy that I insisted on the procedure for #2 as well. I think people try to scare women about them too much. There is a hilarious little curtain they erect in front of your stomach so you can't glimpse them manipulating your giblets, but if you want to see (they'll ask) you can watch in a mirror. I suggest you don't look--you've got enough going on! There is no pain, just slight pressure as they yank out your children. The healing was swift for (take lots of vitamin C) and unlike many of my friends whose nethers ripped during vaginal birth, I don't pee every time I laugh. AND since yours is scheduled and not an emergency, it will be over swiftly and you'll have your baby girls in your arms in no time. Congratulations on the start of this new adventure! You're going to do great!
I had a C-section for #1 and a VBAC for #2 and let me assure you the C-section was a much more positive experience! Take the good pain pills and stay on top of the pain, and make sure you are taking Colace as soon as the procedure is over. You got this!
My sister had an emergency c-section earlier this year after about 48 hours of labor. It was a complicated lead-up but I just had this deep-heart knowledge the whole time that no matter what, the baby would be born and everything would be fine. And that's what happened! You have your plan in place, your girls are so ready to meet you, and you are going to do so great. I helped a friend take care of her very premature twin girls for a while and my biggest advice is to take advantage of help if it is offered! Sending you love and good wishes for a smooth delivery.
I have only had singles but I will be thinking of you! Ask for help, be patient and kind with yourself and listen to the doctors (or push them if they aren’t listening to you!)
Also my c section was an emergency c section have 23 hours of induced labor. The 8 hours of labor without an epidural was far, far worse than the c section. Also, recovery has been really smooth. Take it easy and accept lots of help but really, you get to meet your babies tomorrow! How wonderful!
That was my big fear, I had the choice between induction and c-section but I was afraid I would labor for hours or days and then still have to do an emergency c-section. I'd rather not stress the babies out either so this seemed like the safest and quickest choice. And yeah it's so surreal that I'll be meeting them TOMORROW. So crazy!
I had a semi-elective c section (did not want assisted delivery) and it was a great experience. I had duramorph in my epidural and was up and walking at 9 am the next morning and didn’t need any other opioid pain meds. I have twin nephews and they are a lot, but it’s happy chaos. Congratulations! Exciting times!
Sending you lots of good birth vibes. My BFFL has had 3 c sections and is a huge fan. Totally removes the unpredictability, and (hers at least) it's pretty speedy. Oh, and twin magic is real, so embrace it!
Wait I just saw this one too! Yay to more J! contestants! I was on ~2.5 years ago. Welcome! If you are on FB, join the contestants group, it's worth it, I swear.
This week I went public with my Jeopardy! news (that I’ll be on the show 10/18), and the anxiety and impostor syndrome have been no joke! But today I’m having trouble not dissociating bc my biological dad is coming to visit this weekend. We have only seen each other twice in the last 10 years, and he’s never met one of my kids. My parents were divorced, but both involved when I was growing up. We had a good relationship, but he remarried, moved, and adopted young kids and didn’t really have time for us beyond a distant cordial relationship. It’s been hard because I lost my mom to cancer 8 years ago. Thankfully I have some surrogate parents who have been more there for us. And I’m grateful for therapy! Anyway, I am sure it’ll be awkward and though I feel healthy overall about what our relationship is, I always feel uncomfortable with house guests and feeling like we aren’t entertaining enough to hold his attention. So hopefully I can feel chill and content, despite the stress.
Welcome to the family- we’re a bunch of delightful weirdos. Even when real life fam is... complicated, we’re great for talking about the latest world capitals to move!
I've been at my mom's for a week and a half now, trying to keep my 7yo up on her schoolwork. My stepfather is in renal failure and had the beginnings of the uremic frost yesterday, so he's not expected to last more than 24-48 hours. It's beyond stressful, I have many complicated feelings, and the longer I'm here the more and more I'm letting my real life lie fallow. My dog is going to think she's been abandoned at the kennel. My cats are hiding from everyone who comes over, and one locked himself in my daughter's room for at least a couple days and had to relieve himself in there. I'm racking up charges at airlines and hotels trying to get the rest of my family here, and I just want to cry forever. Sorry for bumming everyone out.
It's amazing how much goes on hold while waiting and then dealing after. I remember being itchy for things to get back to normal, then resisting normality because my insides didn't match. Sending warm, loving thoughts to you and your family.
I don't get Monday as a holiday, but I'm taking it off to go to Atlanta Pride! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 I'm super excited to get a boost of warm weather, check out the enormous aquarium, and see how they do a Dyke March down south!
My girlfriend and I are going apple picking tomorrow, I'm hosting a pumpkin carving party on Sunday, and then maybe a hike Monday? So a good, very gay New England weekend.
I’m going to my cousins wedding, which should be fun but is the first big family thing since my dad died unexpectedly six weeks ago, and I’m not feeling super up to handling it/trying to present as though my life isn’t total shameful depressed chaos... wish me luck y’all, and if anyone has any tips for surviving this aftermath time I could use em!
Please be kind to yourself, that's my tip. Depressed chaos is a completely understandable and normal reaction to losing your dad, and so is not really feeling up to being a happy/smiley/appropriate wedding guest. Big props to you for giving it a try! When my adored dad died two years ago, I became a highly functional robot for a long while, and let me tell you, that is not a superior way of dealing with loss. It's good that you're feeling your feelings, which are hard and make functioning well hard! Consider developing a short, pat answer for when people at the wedding ask how you are doing, and use it as a little shield. Something like, "well, it's tough for me right now, but I'm grateful for the time we had with dad and I'm so glad to be here for Cousin and Cousin's Fiancee. How are you doing?" Repeat, repeat, repeat.
I'm so sorry; sending good thoughts. Let yourself feel whatever you're going to feel at any given moment, whether it's sadness, unexpected joy at a random thing, or just... nothing. When my father died, people were mostly better than I worried they would be about letting me set the tone for conversations, and hopefully the people around you will be similarly understanding. And if they aren't, don't be afraid to tell them that you don't feel like talking about it.
Please take pictures and link them in next week's open thread, if you feel comfortable doing so, of course. I'm sure I'm not alone in needing more pictures of puppies in pumpkin patches in my life.
Late and reposted from the newest thread, but in case you didn't see it!: here is my child taking selfies in the corn maze, she's excellent at selfies, and also her trying on her Halloween costume which seemed to both baffle and spook her in turn hence her strange expressions: https://photos.app.goo.gl/5LRrJFzEMLXBVDd19
My partner and I are attending a friend's wedding in Boston this weekend. I bought a gorgeous new dress, but my favorite is the pair of shoes that go with it! https://bit.ly/2oouJ07
I have an unexpected long weekend because my dad had a stroke last night, and I called out of work today. He seems ok, he's talking but tired and weak, and the doctors are saying to expect a week long hospital stay and 2 weeks of rehab. He's on the opposite coast and my mom is doing all the work of being wth him and keeping him company and updating family right now. I'm waiting to hear from her if she wants me to fly out to help.
Good vibes and prayers from the kind people of the internet would be much appreciated <3
Going to a black tie wedding at the Saint Louis Art Museum with my partner and it's gonna be fancy AF. Feeling a little insecure about rocking my (pretty gay) haircut with a gown, simply for lack of experience. But it'll be great!
That is such a cool museum! I visited this past spring and was blown away, esp by the African American art collection. And free admission!!!!! Enjoy your event!
Weekend plans are to lay low and prep my life because I'm having weight loss surgery on Monday. YIKES. Still struggling with how to talk with my kids about it without giving them food and body issues like I had when I was a kid, when my mom was CONSTANTLY on some weird diet. If anyone has been through something like this while parenting (included in the mix is my tween daughter!) I'd love to hear other perspectives. I think we've done a pretty good job of body positivity thus far in our home, but I don't know how to navigate "mom's getting her stomach cut out so she can be skinny" thoughts that might occur and do damage. I may also be overthinking this aspect of it.
Just the fact that you are thinking about it is good, I think. I'd be honest about what the surgery is. I'm sure aren't just having it to "be skinny", right? Like there are specific health benefits you hope to achieve (reducing or eliminating sleep apnea, reducing knee pain or being safe enough for specific surgery, controlling diabetes, high blood pressure, being able to walk up stairs, or go on rides at Disneyland, etc?) Even if you ARE Just having it to be skinny, I wouldn't focus on that with her.
Also, be realistic. This surgery likely won't make you "Skinny." The odds are it will make you slightly below average, so "a bit overweight" by BMI standards. That's great for health outcomes, but not a "teen girl goal"!
Also, maybe explain the research? It is very hard to lose weight because our stomaches, in conjunction with bacteria in our gut, and our brain, all really don't want it. By cutting out this part of my stomach, the surgeons will change the hormones that go to my brain and make me feel hungry. It isn't just making the stomach smaller.
Finally, maybe talk about society. "I wish the world was made so that everyone could always participate, no matter their body shape or body abilities. But right now, it isn't that way. I want to work towards a world where no one has to change their body to participate. But, right now, this is an option that will allow me to be your mom, and do things with you for a long time, while the world catches up."
Good for you for taking steps you need to feel better about yourself. As a fellow child of a mom with severe body image issues/constant dieting habits, my biggest suggestion is to work very hard to love your body at all its stages. My mom very clearly hated her body all the time, but forbade us from ever referring to ourselves as "fat" or "ugly"--kids pick up so much more from your actions than from your words, so my siblings and I grew up with our own very serious body image issues as a result of hers. I think you can be pretty honest with your kids--you are doing this for your health, because growing up you didn't have a good guide for how to do the best thing for your body all the time and that made it difficult as a grown-up. Like all of the body-pos folks say, try not to label any foods as "good" or "bad" when talking about healthy eating with your kids--maybe talk instead about how the foods make you feel physically when you eat them, to encourage moderation in foods that make them feel sluggish or tired, etc.
Thank you! Your experience with your mom sounds exactly like mine- she never scolded me for being fat or wanted me to talk about being fat, but the fact that I could tell you how much she weighed at any given time in her life is what messed me up (98 pounds when she graduated, 102 when she got married, if you're wondering :| ). And it wouldn't be truthful to say I LOVE my body or ever have, but I've become OK with it and fat positivity has had a lot to do with that, so I am a little nervous about experiencing something that is going to lead me to focus on my size a lot again. Hopefully i can continue to be at least friendly with this ol' bod as things change. :)
That’s super tough. Congratulations on taking this big step to take care of your health. Depending on the age of your kids you might not need to be so specific. Enough to alleviate concerns. My friend told my 7 year old she was having a surgery to help her body be healthier. That she wouldn’t be able to move much or eat much right after and then she’d have to be sure to eat lots of small healthy meals. Are you working with a counselor, social worker who could help?
Yes, that basically how I've framed it to my little boys but my 10yo daughter is very perceptive and I felt like I needed to share the whole real deal with her, including a bit about my own childhood and how I have always aimed to do things differently than my parents when it comes to body issues and food. I didn't say anything about desiring to become skinnier for my own self esteem or whatever, just that with a lot of my own discernment and a my doctor's advice, we decided this would be a good solution to a couple of weight related health issues. Unfortunately she's not really in to having heart-to-hearts right now, so it was mostly me talking and she didn't share with me how she feels. Not sure what her take away was from the convo but she has seemed fine about everything, and in fact only grumbled about the fact that I'm going to miss a school event next week. I've never been hospitalized besides having babies in her life (or in mine, actually) so we will see if her feelings change when it's actually happened and I'm in the hospital for a couple days. I hope it doesn't scare any of them!
Oh and no, I'm not working with a counselor per se, just my nutritionist. I feel great about this emotionally so far but I would definitely seek counseling if I started to get depressed (I know this happens to a lot of people in the process!)
looking forward to a very cozy weekend with lots of good friend time. also trying to figure out how to stay excited about dating after another first date this week where the dude talked 90% of the time and asked me literally nothing about myself (he thought it went great, lol). argh. any good vibes would be much appreciated!
No long weekend where I am, but I did take some cheeky time out of my Friday to bring our 1yo spaniel/bassett cross to a "Blessing of the dogs" at my 12yo daughter's school. Our dog is agnostic, but always happy to hang out with lots of other cute dogs, and it was a lovely event. (Yes, a spaniel/bassett cross is as hilarious-looking as you are imagining).
Our older dog is an out and out atheist who wouldn't deign to attend such an event. The facts that (a) he gets really reactive when he's on the leash around other dogs and (b) he is currently nursing a bandaged paw and wearing the cone of shame have no bearing on his decision not to attend, obviously.
Today is my best friend’s birthday- she died 6 years ago, and I remember her my visiting the tree her family planted on campus for her. It’s as close as my atheist self gets to a pilgrimage.
Here's my question of the day. At least monthly I think of the article you posted about glitter and am desperately waiting to see if you ever found out what the super secret glitter-using-field-who-shall-not-be-named was???????
Oh hey, I remember that article and I THINK it was inferred to be cars? ("I asked if she would tell me off the record after this piece was published. She would not. I told her I couldn’t die without knowing. She guided me to the automotive grade pigments.")
Thanks for this! Cars seems way too obvious... I'm admittedly somewhat let down by it only being cars. :) But I can feel better not wondering what it was all the time!
Saaaaame about the sleep before flights. We are headed out of town as well, down to Hilton Head for a family thing. I’m feeling ambivalent about it. And desperately hoping our youngest is better-behaved on the plane at 2.5 than she was in July on a truly horrible flight home from London. Fingers crossed for all of us!
We did one overnight flight to London with our almost 3 year old and vowed never again. 9 hour daytime flight is significantly easier than a shorter red-eye. I don't know if that had anything to do with it for you, but we've done a bunch of long haul flights and found this to be true for the kids.
We go to Europe every summer (so all the kids have gone as infants and then all the intervening ages) and we can handle the red eyes (We have a whole jet lag prevention system that sort of relies on the shortened sleep that first night); it’s the return flight that is torture at that age. The good news is that 3 is the turning point—after that our older kids could have gone to Mars; it’s the one time they get to use iPads so they sit perfectly still the entire time, and our middle daughter spends like 3 hours daintily eating everything on her meal tray.
Basically it’s just that traveling with kids from 1.5 to 3 is...not the best!
(I say we can handle the red eyes even though this particular year it took the baby in question HOURS to fall asleep, so I guess that’s the power of blocking out painful experiences?? She is definitely the weakest travel link at the moment!)
Yeah, my oldest just doesn't sleep...at all...on flights of any length or time of day. So it helps with east bound jet lag, but sucks for the parent who gets to stay up on the flight with her. And you're right about the 3 year old change, it was magnificent.
My company is expecting layoffs this month and with the rumor mill going around it's hard to not get in a funk and then a panic and then a funk. I also spent so much of the summer doing weddings and family stuff so whenever I was home it was for laundry and getting my act together. This weekend I'm going to go to the museum and the park and make a big meal and do all the "for me" things that aren't a total blow-out (considering I may not have a job soon!) but do feel a little special.
I just went to Montreal and ate so much good food! Some places I liked were Satay Brothers, Automne Boulangerie, Olive et Gourmando, and various outdoor markets. There was also a lot of great coffee! eater.montreal has some good big maps for coffee and bars
I am at the airport to go to the lynching museum with my best friend forever and I started divinity school last week and so I am overwhelmed with feelings and I am an enneagram 8 so I am overwhelmed with feelings when I have even one feeling.
After a third date, me and this guy agreed there was not enough chemistry, though he said he’s attracted to me physically. Just no emotional connection.
It was surprisingly mutual. And I don’t usually think of myself as a snack, but he did, so I guess that’s something. Dating still sucks, but I guess it doesn’t always have to end in drama and tears.
Dating is dreadful, but I really appreciate an adult breakup. (By which I mean a mature parting vs the drama fit for puberty. Unfortunately that does not always occur with age.)
My magazine [not MINE but I am poetry editor] Philadelphia Stories is hosting a writing conference, Push to Publish. I do very little but talk to friends and explain submission guidelines to friendly writers. It's a fun--but long--day.
I'm heading to New Orleans and Atanta for the week. Never been to Atlanta, anyone have good recommendations for food/drinks and must visit attractions?
Aquarium! You can pass on World of Coke, I'm probably not allowed to say whether or not I was once friends with a polar bear because of their NDAs, but the most memorable thing was the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine and now those are everywhere
Flying Biscuit may be kinda touristy these days but it's very yummy and if you're around Georgia Tech hit up Sublime Donuts and Antico Pizza. Also worth heading to Decatur (you can take public transport) for some great restaurants
Atlanta - Center for Civil & Human Rights is a really cool museum AND is right next to the Aquarium if you decide to stop by there (which I also recommend!). The King Center has a walking tour that goes by MLK's birth home, church, and crypt - def worth a visit. And right down the road from that is Oakland Cemetery, where Margaret Mitchell, Bobby Jones, and a ton of notable Atlantans are buried. Atlanta Pride is this weekend, so if you're at all interested in that you should head to Piedmont Park! Some good, Atlanta-y places to eat: Flying Biscuit, Mary Mac's Tea Room, Homegrown, Wrecking Bar, The Porter. Ok I'll stop now :)
I enjoyed visiting the Margaret Mitchell house. You can snoop around the little apartment she shared with her husband (how did they both fit in that tiny bed?) and they still have the typewriter on which she wrote Gone With the Wind. I also found it interesting to see how residential housing existed in a big city in early 20th Century. We are so used to highrises now!
I'm going to California with my husband to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary on Saturday. Everywhere we've planned to go will most likely be threatened with power shutoff. As inconvenient and uncertain as it is for us, we can only imagine how terrifying and frustrating this has to be for residents.
It has indeed been annoying but a lot of places they threatened did not get shut off and it seems to be slowly getting restored. Wherever you go just call ahead to see if they're open even if it's in an outage area, it can be very patchy and block-by-block in terms of who has power. Enjoy this gorgeous state though you'll have a blast!
We're in NYC this month with our toddler and baby, and aside from a mostly inaccessible subway system and terrible sidewalks, the most stressful thing is trying to keep the baby from screeching all hours of the day and night. Thin walls, and all that. But we do love the weather and playground life.
Just a regular weekend here. I got the flu two weeks ago (before the shot was available) and then a secondary infection (woo!) but the antibiotic I got yesterday has already started to work, so I’m hoping to have a productive weekend. I moved a few weeks ago but got sick right after and am only half-unpacked. I’d love to be able to finish that.
I'm going to see Dane Cook on Saturday night. I know, he can be the woooorst. But my friend loves him and her husband is out of town and she seems lonely lately so I am taking one for the friendship team.
We've had a few former employees or their family members pass away recently and while its definitely sad and tragic my one coworker is SO performative about it and it just drives me crazy. When our manager sent out an email letting us know about one of them she reacted so loudly at her desk, like she wanted people to ask her what she was reading so she could tell them. And we were informed of another today on our team meeting (at her urging) and then after, when everyone else had hung up, even though our manager made clear we don't want people knowing the details, this coworker wheedled it out of her. I know I probably lean more on the side of being, if anything, TOO internal with that sort of thing, but being so over the top about it just feels so inappropriate to me, especially at work.
I'm going to see Parasite this weekend! AND! Two of my best friends are coming to visit next weekend because it's my fall break (grad school) but we only get Thurs/Fri off and I need to work Thurs, so they're coming to me. Going to be doing all the nice town stuff I don't get to do when stressing over classes~
I lucked out, there's a tiny local film fest that's showing it and I bought a far right aisle ticket, one of the only seats left not in the front row lmao. SO excited!
It’s not a long weekend for me but I am very much looking forward to it! Sat night I’m going across the bay for dinner & a play with a friend and then I’ll crash at another friends place who lives over there. Sunday we’ll go to my favorite yoga class which is incredibly intense and leaves me feeling so relaxed after and so sore the next few days! Obviously after yoga we will go eat a food coma inducing amount of food, so basically a perfect day.
Incredibly jealous of everyone in NYC this weekend-I have been missing it so much lately. Eat all the bagels for me please!
A friend's divorce court date is Tuesday (after the holiday) so we're going to hang out this weekend so she's not freaking out. Other than that, SLEEP.
It's Thanksgiving here on Monday, so we have a three day weekend. I love that some schools celebrate Indigenous Peoples' Day, that's so great! As a Canadian, we never had Columbus Day, and it always seemed so weird that it was a thing.
My husband is the only one with a long weekend. The kids all have school and I have work. The weekend finally feels a little more like fall and we have kids sports and maybe we will go for a hike or something in the nice weather. I love when my husband has random days off I don’t because he usually makes something excellent for dinner or bakes!
Also having a 4 day weekend due to a flex schedule and Monday’s federal holiday. Finally going to my TSA Pre-check interview today and then my husband and I can’t decided If we should spend our fuck off find this weekend on seeing a community opera, the Korean spa or an Ibiza DJ at a club lol
Canadian Thanksgiving, and just generally enjoying some time in the Gulf Islands (while reading your suggested New Yorker article about the Big One which just seems self-punishing).
On the one hand I had a good doctor visit where everything was great. On the other hand, I was in a multi-car accident on the way BACK from the doctor. On the one hand, I wasn't injured and the car is driveable. On the other hand, waiting for the insurance companies and knowing it's going to be a cluster because of all the people involved. On the one hand, I got my creative portfolio and such moved to my new name. On the other hand, I'm wondering what this is going to cost me and dealing with the hassle of getting the car fixed. In short, life is a land of contrasts.
Now that I live somewhere with an awesome library system and also that I'm not commuting 1hr each direction... I have to get rid of my audible subscription but I still have 2 credits left
Any recommendations for books that were particularly good to listen to?
(Recent listens: King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo, The immortalists, Little Fires Everywhere, Dune)
I really enjoyed Fates & Furies by Lauren Groff, and if you do nonfiction Rebecca Traister reads her book Good & Mad, about women's anger as a vehicle for change
All I want to do this weekend is read Sarah Bessey's new book. It came last night and I'm already halfway through and I want to savor her beautiful story and writing but I can't put it down.
I'm going to see Joe Hill speak tonight, which should be fun! And then I have to work both tomorrow and Sunday, but at least that gives me all of next week off!
No holiday where I live, but it‘s mid-fall break so my son is still at scout camp (yay!) and spouse and I are enroute to a wee country hotel where we will reunite with some old friends from his grad school days, go for long sunny walks in the autumn landscape, and drink lots of wine.
On Saturday I'm going to become a parent for the first time via delivering my twin girls! I'm staying in the hospital being monitored for now but C-section is scheduled Sat morning. I'm pretty terrified so if anyone has positive stories about the process or tips for going through it or taking care of newborn twins that would be great!
No twins here, but I have had a c-section. :-) Do all the things they tell you - get up and moving ASAP (but gently), stay on top of the pain meds, take your stool softeners, wear high-waisted underwear/pants, wear your binder if you find it comfortable, and the biggest thing (which I did not know and no one told me until I lost it complaining to my OB at my six-week checkup) is please, please, remember your body just built TWO (!) people, it will eventually feel more normal but it takes a while! And congrats!! You're going to be awesome.
I had two C-sections and honestly they were a breeze. I had a long and difficult labor with kid #1 and the eventual C was so great and easy that I insisted on the procedure for #2 as well. I think people try to scare women about them too much. There is a hilarious little curtain they erect in front of your stomach so you can't glimpse them manipulating your giblets, but if you want to see (they'll ask) you can watch in a mirror. I suggest you don't look--you've got enough going on! There is no pain, just slight pressure as they yank out your children. The healing was swift for (take lots of vitamin C) and unlike many of my friends whose nethers ripped during vaginal birth, I don't pee every time I laugh. AND since yours is scheduled and not an emergency, it will be over swiftly and you'll have your baby girls in your arms in no time. Congratulations on the start of this new adventure! You're going to do great!
I had a C-section for #1 and a VBAC for #2 and let me assure you the C-section was a much more positive experience! Take the good pain pills and stay on top of the pain, and make sure you are taking Colace as soon as the procedure is over. You got this!
My sister had an emergency c-section earlier this year after about 48 hours of labor. It was a complicated lead-up but I just had this deep-heart knowledge the whole time that no matter what, the baby would be born and everything would be fine. And that's what happened! You have your plan in place, your girls are so ready to meet you, and you are going to do so great. I helped a friend take care of her very premature twin girls for a while and my biggest advice is to take advantage of help if it is offered! Sending you love and good wishes for a smooth delivery.
I have only had singles but I will be thinking of you! Ask for help, be patient and kind with yourself and listen to the doctors (or push them if they aren’t listening to you!)
Had a c section eight weeks ago. The moment you hear your baby cry is magical.
Also my c section was an emergency c section have 23 hours of induced labor. The 8 hours of labor without an epidural was far, far worse than the c section. Also, recovery has been really smooth. Take it easy and accept lots of help but really, you get to meet your babies tomorrow! How wonderful!
That was my big fear, I had the choice between induction and c-section but I was afraid I would labor for hours or days and then still have to do an emergency c-section. I'd rather not stress the babies out either so this seemed like the safest and quickest choice. And yeah it's so surreal that I'll be meeting them TOMORROW. So crazy!
Congrats!!
I had a semi-elective c section (did not want assisted delivery) and it was a great experience. I had duramorph in my epidural and was up and walking at 9 am the next morning and didn’t need any other opioid pain meds. I have twin nephews and they are a lot, but it’s happy chaos. Congratulations! Exciting times!
*best wishes*
Sending you lots of good birth vibes. My BFFL has had 3 c sections and is a huge fan. Totally removes the unpredictability, and (hers at least) it's pretty speedy. Oh, and twin magic is real, so embrace it!
No experience to offer, but good luck!!
I got my jeopardy pictures with Alex! I will air 10/22. I’m so excited.
I’m gonna be on 10/18! High five, fellow Jeopardy! alum!!
I was on 9/11 and I’m wearing my hat right now!
Hello fellow nerds! 👋
I'm very happy finding out this little overlap in the Venn diagram of my online interest circles.
Yayyyyy jeopardy!
So cool! Are you in the Facebook groups?
I am!
I'm not but I think someone is in the process of adding me!
I’m Martha Carmen on FB and if you add me I’ll invite you!
Wait I just saw this one too! Yay to more J! contestants! I was on ~2.5 years ago. Welcome! If you are on FB, join the contestants group, it's worth it, I swear.
This week I went public with my Jeopardy! news (that I’ll be on the show 10/18), and the anxiety and impostor syndrome have been no joke! But today I’m having trouble not dissociating bc my biological dad is coming to visit this weekend. We have only seen each other twice in the last 10 years, and he’s never met one of my kids. My parents were divorced, but both involved when I was growing up. We had a good relationship, but he remarried, moved, and adopted young kids and didn’t really have time for us beyond a distant cordial relationship. It’s been hard because I lost my mom to cancer 8 years ago. Thankfully I have some surrogate parents who have been more there for us. And I’m grateful for therapy! Anyway, I am sure it’ll be awkward and though I feel healthy overall about what our relationship is, I always feel uncomfortable with house guests and feeling like we aren’t entertaining enough to hold his attention. So hopefully I can feel chill and content, despite the stress.
Welcome to the family- we’re a bunch of delightful weirdos. Even when real life fam is... complicated, we’re great for talking about the latest world capitals to move!
Congrats on Jeopardy! Welcome to the fraternity of former contestants! :)
Congrats on Jeopardy and I hope the weekend goes smoothly and you can enjoy yourself.
Wow, I get complicated fam relationships AND discomfort with house guests! Wishing you the best!
Jeopardy is an amazing achievement!! Good luck this weekend and I am sending you thoughts to not be too hard on yourself
I have a first date tonight and I’m pretty excited about this one - fingers crossed for chemistry!!
I've been at my mom's for a week and a half now, trying to keep my 7yo up on her schoolwork. My stepfather is in renal failure and had the beginnings of the uremic frost yesterday, so he's not expected to last more than 24-48 hours. It's beyond stressful, I have many complicated feelings, and the longer I'm here the more and more I'm letting my real life lie fallow. My dog is going to think she's been abandoned at the kennel. My cats are hiding from everyone who comes over, and one locked himself in my daughter's room for at least a couple days and had to relieve himself in there. I'm racking up charges at airlines and hotels trying to get the rest of my family here, and I just want to cry forever. Sorry for bumming everyone out.
I'm so so sorry. Fortunately your animals will forgive you quickly so try to remove that stressor off your plate.
It's amazing how much goes on hold while waiting and then dealing after. I remember being itchy for things to get back to normal, then resisting normality because my insides didn't match. Sending warm, loving thoughts to you and your family.
I am so sorry <3
I’m so sorry. Sending you and your family good thoughts.
I don't get Monday as a holiday, but I'm taking it off to go to Atlanta Pride! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 I'm super excited to get a boost of warm weather, check out the enormous aquarium, and see how they do a Dyke March down south!
may you have the funnest fanniest flaggest time
Welcome!! It's always a great time :)
My girlfriend and I are going apple picking tomorrow, I'm hosting a pumpkin carving party on Sunday, and then maybe a hike Monday? So a good, very gay New England weekend.
I’m going to my cousins wedding, which should be fun but is the first big family thing since my dad died unexpectedly six weeks ago, and I’m not feeling super up to handling it/trying to present as though my life isn’t total shameful depressed chaos... wish me luck y’all, and if anyone has any tips for surviving this aftermath time I could use em!
Please be kind to yourself, that's my tip. Depressed chaos is a completely understandable and normal reaction to losing your dad, and so is not really feeling up to being a happy/smiley/appropriate wedding guest. Big props to you for giving it a try! When my adored dad died two years ago, I became a highly functional robot for a long while, and let me tell you, that is not a superior way of dealing with loss. It's good that you're feeling your feelings, which are hard and make functioning well hard! Consider developing a short, pat answer for when people at the wedding ask how you are doing, and use it as a little shield. Something like, "well, it's tough for me right now, but I'm grateful for the time we had with dad and I'm so glad to be here for Cousin and Cousin's Fiancee. How are you doing?" Repeat, repeat, repeat.
I'm so sorry; sending good thoughts. Let yourself feel whatever you're going to feel at any given moment, whether it's sadness, unexpected joy at a random thing, or just... nothing. When my father died, people were mostly better than I worried they would be about letting me set the tone for conversations, and hopefully the people around you will be similarly understanding. And if they aren't, don't be afraid to tell them that you don't feel like talking about it.
I am taking my PUPPY to the PUMPKIN PATCH and CORN MAZE, I hope she will not be terrified
Please take pictures and link them in next week's open thread, if you feel comfortable doing so, of course. I'm sure I'm not alone in needing more pictures of puppies in pumpkin patches in my life.
Late and reposted from the newest thread, but in case you didn't see it!: here is my child taking selfies in the corn maze, she's excellent at selfies, and also her trying on her Halloween costume which seemed to both baffle and spook her in turn hence her strange expressions: https://photos.app.goo.gl/5LRrJFzEMLXBVDd19
I'm pretty thrilled because I'm signing books at the bookstore at the Maryland Book Faire this Sunday and I got my husband to wear at kilt!
Heck yes! Love a man in a kilt. There is something extremely masculine about it, to me.
My partner and I are attending a friend's wedding in Boston this weekend. I bought a gorgeous new dress, but my favorite is the pair of shoes that go with it! https://bit.ly/2oouJ07
Ooooo cute!
those are super funky... love them
I have an unexpected long weekend because my dad had a stroke last night, and I called out of work today. He seems ok, he's talking but tired and weak, and the doctors are saying to expect a week long hospital stay and 2 weeks of rehab. He's on the opposite coast and my mom is doing all the work of being wth him and keeping him company and updating family right now. I'm waiting to hear from her if she wants me to fly out to help.
Good vibes and prayers from the kind people of the internet would be much appreciated <3
Keeping all of you in my prayers. Sounds like he is doing ok. It must be hard to be so far away. Take care of yourself
I'm going to a Chocolate Walk tomorrow, it's like a pub crawl through a cute small town but with chocolate treats instead of drinks. :)
bless!
Going to a black tie wedding at the Saint Louis Art Museum with my partner and it's gonna be fancy AF. Feeling a little insecure about rocking my (pretty gay) haircut with a gown, simply for lack of experience. But it'll be great!
That is such a cool museum! I visited this past spring and was blown away, esp by the African American art collection. And free admission!!!!! Enjoy your event!
Weekend plans are to lay low and prep my life because I'm having weight loss surgery on Monday. YIKES. Still struggling with how to talk with my kids about it without giving them food and body issues like I had when I was a kid, when my mom was CONSTANTLY on some weird diet. If anyone has been through something like this while parenting (included in the mix is my tween daughter!) I'd love to hear other perspectives. I think we've done a pretty good job of body positivity thus far in our home, but I don't know how to navigate "mom's getting her stomach cut out so she can be skinny" thoughts that might occur and do damage. I may also be overthinking this aspect of it.
Just the fact that you are thinking about it is good, I think. I'd be honest about what the surgery is. I'm sure aren't just having it to "be skinny", right? Like there are specific health benefits you hope to achieve (reducing or eliminating sleep apnea, reducing knee pain or being safe enough for specific surgery, controlling diabetes, high blood pressure, being able to walk up stairs, or go on rides at Disneyland, etc?) Even if you ARE Just having it to be skinny, I wouldn't focus on that with her.
Also, be realistic. This surgery likely won't make you "Skinny." The odds are it will make you slightly below average, so "a bit overweight" by BMI standards. That's great for health outcomes, but not a "teen girl goal"!
Also, maybe explain the research? It is very hard to lose weight because our stomaches, in conjunction with bacteria in our gut, and our brain, all really don't want it. By cutting out this part of my stomach, the surgeons will change the hormones that go to my brain and make me feel hungry. It isn't just making the stomach smaller.
Finally, maybe talk about society. "I wish the world was made so that everyone could always participate, no matter their body shape or body abilities. But right now, it isn't that way. I want to work towards a world where no one has to change their body to participate. But, right now, this is an option that will allow me to be your mom, and do things with you for a long time, while the world catches up."
Good for you for taking steps you need to feel better about yourself. As a fellow child of a mom with severe body image issues/constant dieting habits, my biggest suggestion is to work very hard to love your body at all its stages. My mom very clearly hated her body all the time, but forbade us from ever referring to ourselves as "fat" or "ugly"--kids pick up so much more from your actions than from your words, so my siblings and I grew up with our own very serious body image issues as a result of hers. I think you can be pretty honest with your kids--you are doing this for your health, because growing up you didn't have a good guide for how to do the best thing for your body all the time and that made it difficult as a grown-up. Like all of the body-pos folks say, try not to label any foods as "good" or "bad" when talking about healthy eating with your kids--maybe talk instead about how the foods make you feel physically when you eat them, to encourage moderation in foods that make them feel sluggish or tired, etc.
Love and strength to you for Monday! <3
Thank you! Your experience with your mom sounds exactly like mine- she never scolded me for being fat or wanted me to talk about being fat, but the fact that I could tell you how much she weighed at any given time in her life is what messed me up (98 pounds when she graduated, 102 when she got married, if you're wondering :| ). And it wouldn't be truthful to say I LOVE my body or ever have, but I've become OK with it and fat positivity has had a lot to do with that, so I am a little nervous about experiencing something that is going to lead me to focus on my size a lot again. Hopefully i can continue to be at least friendly with this ol' bod as things change. :)
That’s super tough. Congratulations on taking this big step to take care of your health. Depending on the age of your kids you might not need to be so specific. Enough to alleviate concerns. My friend told my 7 year old she was having a surgery to help her body be healthier. That she wouldn’t be able to move much or eat much right after and then she’d have to be sure to eat lots of small healthy meals. Are you working with a counselor, social worker who could help?
Yes, that basically how I've framed it to my little boys but my 10yo daughter is very perceptive and I felt like I needed to share the whole real deal with her, including a bit about my own childhood and how I have always aimed to do things differently than my parents when it comes to body issues and food. I didn't say anything about desiring to become skinnier for my own self esteem or whatever, just that with a lot of my own discernment and a my doctor's advice, we decided this would be a good solution to a couple of weight related health issues. Unfortunately she's not really in to having heart-to-hearts right now, so it was mostly me talking and she didn't share with me how she feels. Not sure what her take away was from the convo but she has seemed fine about everything, and in fact only grumbled about the fact that I'm going to miss a school event next week. I've never been hospitalized besides having babies in her life (or in mine, actually) so we will see if her feelings change when it's actually happened and I'm in the hospital for a couple days. I hope it doesn't scare any of them!
Oh and no, I'm not working with a counselor per se, just my nutritionist. I feel great about this emotionally so far but I would definitely seek counseling if I started to get depressed (I know this happens to a lot of people in the process!)
looking forward to a very cozy weekend with lots of good friend time. also trying to figure out how to stay excited about dating after another first date this week where the dude talked 90% of the time and asked me literally nothing about myself (he thought it went great, lol). argh. any good vibes would be much appreciated!
No long weekend where I am, but I did take some cheeky time out of my Friday to bring our 1yo spaniel/bassett cross to a "Blessing of the dogs" at my 12yo daughter's school. Our dog is agnostic, but always happy to hang out with lots of other cute dogs, and it was a lovely event. (Yes, a spaniel/bassett cross is as hilarious-looking as you are imagining).
Our older dog is an out and out atheist who wouldn't deign to attend such an event. The facts that (a) he gets really reactive when he's on the leash around other dogs and (b) he is currently nursing a bandaged paw and wearing the cone of shame have no bearing on his decision not to attend, obviously.
Blessing of the dogs!!!
Going to a pumpkin lights festival with the fam!
It’s my birthday this weekend & I’ll be spending it by myself. Should I get a cake?
Yes! Maybe an adorable cupcake?
Happy birthday!
Today is my best friend’s birthday- she died 6 years ago, and I remember her my visiting the tree her family planted on campus for her. It’s as close as my atheist self gets to a pilgrimage.
Sounds like a good trip...nice time to remember some fun times together!
I am back home in New England for the wedding of my wonderful best friend -- who also happens to be a newsletter fan!
Here's my question of the day. At least monthly I think of the article you posted about glitter and am desperately waiting to see if you ever found out what the super secret glitter-using-field-who-shall-not-be-named was???????
Oh hey, I remember that article and I THINK it was inferred to be cars? ("I asked if she would tell me off the record after this piece was published. She would not. I told her I couldn’t die without knowing. She guided me to the automotive grade pigments.")
Thanks for this! Cars seems way too obvious... I'm admittedly somewhat let down by it only being cars. :) But I can feel better not wondering what it was all the time!
Saaaaame about the sleep before flights. We are headed out of town as well, down to Hilton Head for a family thing. I’m feeling ambivalent about it. And desperately hoping our youngest is better-behaved on the plane at 2.5 than she was in July on a truly horrible flight home from London. Fingers crossed for all of us!
We did one overnight flight to London with our almost 3 year old and vowed never again. 9 hour daytime flight is significantly easier than a shorter red-eye. I don't know if that had anything to do with it for you, but we've done a bunch of long haul flights and found this to be true for the kids.
We go to Europe every summer (so all the kids have gone as infants and then all the intervening ages) and we can handle the red eyes (We have a whole jet lag prevention system that sort of relies on the shortened sleep that first night); it’s the return flight that is torture at that age. The good news is that 3 is the turning point—after that our older kids could have gone to Mars; it’s the one time they get to use iPads so they sit perfectly still the entire time, and our middle daughter spends like 3 hours daintily eating everything on her meal tray.
Basically it’s just that traveling with kids from 1.5 to 3 is...not the best!
(I say we can handle the red eyes even though this particular year it took the baby in question HOURS to fall asleep, so I guess that’s the power of blocking out painful experiences?? She is definitely the weakest travel link at the moment!)
Yeah, my oldest just doesn't sleep...at all...on flights of any length or time of day. So it helps with east bound jet lag, but sucks for the parent who gets to stay up on the flight with her. And you're right about the 3 year old change, it was magnificent.
Today I went to Trader Joe's and bought ALL the cozy foods.
My company is expecting layoffs this month and with the rumor mill going around it's hard to not get in a funk and then a panic and then a funk. I also spent so much of the summer doing weddings and family stuff so whenever I was home it was for laundry and getting my act together. This weekend I'm going to go to the museum and the park and make a big meal and do all the "for me" things that aren't a total blow-out (considering I may not have a job soon!) but do feel a little special.
Headed to Montreal for the long weekend (same here re:school). Happy to read recommendations on places to eat!
I just went to Montreal and ate so much good food! Some places I liked were Satay Brothers, Automne Boulangerie, Olive et Gourmando, and various outdoor markets. There was also a lot of great coffee! eater.montreal has some good big maps for coffee and bars
thank you!
Kazu is also wonderful, if you can stand the line. We loved it so much we actually went twice!
I am at the airport to go to the lynching museum with my best friend forever and I started divinity school last week and so I am overwhelmed with feelings and I am an enneagram 8 so I am overwhelmed with feelings when I have even one feeling.
After a third date, me and this guy agreed there was not enough chemistry, though he said he’s attracted to me physically. Just no emotional connection.
It was surprisingly mutual. And I don’t usually think of myself as a snack, but he did, so I guess that’s something. Dating still sucks, but I guess it doesn’t always have to end in drama and tears.
Dating is dreadful, but I really appreciate an adult breakup. (By which I mean a mature parting vs the drama fit for puberty. Unfortunately that does not always occur with age.)
My magazine [not MINE but I am poetry editor] Philadelphia Stories is hosting a writing conference, Push to Publish. I do very little but talk to friends and explain submission guidelines to friendly writers. It's a fun--but long--day.
I'm heading to New Orleans and Atanta for the week. Never been to Atlanta, anyone have good recommendations for food/drinks and must visit attractions?
Aquarium! You can pass on World of Coke, I'm probably not allowed to say whether or not I was once friends with a polar bear because of their NDAs, but the most memorable thing was the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine and now those are everywhere
Flying Biscuit may be kinda touristy these days but it's very yummy and if you're around Georgia Tech hit up Sublime Donuts and Antico Pizza. Also worth heading to Decatur (you can take public transport) for some great restaurants
Atlanta - Center for Civil & Human Rights is a really cool museum AND is right next to the Aquarium if you decide to stop by there (which I also recommend!). The King Center has a walking tour that goes by MLK's birth home, church, and crypt - def worth a visit. And right down the road from that is Oakland Cemetery, where Margaret Mitchell, Bobby Jones, and a ton of notable Atlantans are buried. Atlanta Pride is this weekend, so if you're at all interested in that you should head to Piedmont Park! Some good, Atlanta-y places to eat: Flying Biscuit, Mary Mac's Tea Room, Homegrown, Wrecking Bar, The Porter. Ok I'll stop now :)
I enjoyed visiting the Margaret Mitchell house. You can snoop around the little apartment she shared with her husband (how did they both fit in that tiny bed?) and they still have the typewriter on which she wrote Gone With the Wind. I also found it interesting to see how residential housing existed in a big city in early 20th Century. We are so used to highrises now!
I'm going to California with my husband to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary on Saturday. Everywhere we've planned to go will most likely be threatened with power shutoff. As inconvenient and uncertain as it is for us, we can only imagine how terrifying and frustrating this has to be for residents.
It has indeed been annoying but a lot of places they threatened did not get shut off and it seems to be slowly getting restored. Wherever you go just call ahead to see if they're open even if it's in an outage area, it can be very patchy and block-by-block in terms of who has power. Enjoy this gorgeous state though you'll have a blast!
Will do, thank you! We will have a great time no matter what :)
We're in NYC this month with our toddler and baby, and aside from a mostly inaccessible subway system and terrible sidewalks, the most stressful thing is trying to keep the baby from screeching all hours of the day and night. Thin walls, and all that. But we do love the weather and playground life.
Just a regular weekend here. I got the flu two weeks ago (before the shot was available) and then a secondary infection (woo!) but the antibiotic I got yesterday has already started to work, so I’m hoping to have a productive weekend. I moved a few weeks ago but got sick right after and am only half-unpacked. I’d love to be able to finish that.
Flying with my two month old to see my BFF who had her second child in April. Very excited but whoo boy was packing anxiety inducing.
I'm going to see Dane Cook on Saturday night. I know, he can be the woooorst. But my friend loves him and her husband is out of town and she seems lonely lately so I am taking one for the friendship team.
We've had a few former employees or their family members pass away recently and while its definitely sad and tragic my one coworker is SO performative about it and it just drives me crazy. When our manager sent out an email letting us know about one of them she reacted so loudly at her desk, like she wanted people to ask her what she was reading so she could tell them. And we were informed of another today on our team meeting (at her urging) and then after, when everyone else had hung up, even though our manager made clear we don't want people knowing the details, this coworker wheedled it out of her. I know I probably lean more on the side of being, if anything, TOO internal with that sort of thing, but being so over the top about it just feels so inappropriate to me, especially at work.
I'm going to see Parasite this weekend! AND! Two of my best friends are coming to visit next weekend because it's my fall break (grad school) but we only get Thurs/Fri off and I need to work Thurs, so they're coming to me. Going to be doing all the nice town stuff I don't get to do when stressing over classes~
cannot WAIT to see Parasite!
I lucked out, there's a tiny local film fest that's showing it and I bought a far right aisle ticket, one of the only seats left not in the front row lmao. SO excited!
It’s not a long weekend for me but I am very much looking forward to it! Sat night I’m going across the bay for dinner & a play with a friend and then I’ll crash at another friends place who lives over there. Sunday we’ll go to my favorite yoga class which is incredibly intense and leaves me feeling so relaxed after and so sore the next few days! Obviously after yoga we will go eat a food coma inducing amount of food, so basically a perfect day.
Incredibly jealous of everyone in NYC this weekend-I have been missing it so much lately. Eat all the bagels for me please!
A friend's divorce court date is Tuesday (after the holiday) so we're going to hang out this weekend so she's not freaking out. Other than that, SLEEP.
It's Thanksgiving here on Monday, so we have a three day weekend. I love that some schools celebrate Indigenous Peoples' Day, that's so great! As a Canadian, we never had Columbus Day, and it always seemed so weird that it was a thing.
My husband is the only one with a long weekend. The kids all have school and I have work. The weekend finally feels a little more like fall and we have kids sports and maybe we will go for a hike or something in the nice weather. I love when my husband has random days off I don’t because he usually makes something excellent for dinner or bakes!
i am going kayaking for the first time this weekend! i am so stoked!
that's so fun!
Also having a 4 day weekend due to a flex schedule and Monday’s federal holiday. Finally going to my TSA Pre-check interview today and then my husband and I can’t decided If we should spend our fuck off find this weekend on seeing a community opera, the Korean spa or an Ibiza DJ at a club lol
* fund not find!
Canadian Thanksgiving, and just generally enjoying some time in the Gulf Islands (while reading your suggested New Yorker article about the Big One which just seems self-punishing).
On the one hand I had a good doctor visit where everything was great. On the other hand, I was in a multi-car accident on the way BACK from the doctor. On the one hand, I wasn't injured and the car is driveable. On the other hand, waiting for the insurance companies and knowing it's going to be a cluster because of all the people involved. On the one hand, I got my creative portfolio and such moved to my new name. On the other hand, I'm wondering what this is going to cost me and dealing with the hassle of getting the car fixed. In short, life is a land of contrasts.
Now that I live somewhere with an awesome library system and also that I'm not commuting 1hr each direction... I have to get rid of my audible subscription but I still have 2 credits left
Any recommendations for books that were particularly good to listen to?
(Recent listens: King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo, The immortalists, Little Fires Everywhere, Dune)
I really enjoyed Fates & Furies by Lauren Groff, and if you do nonfiction Rebecca Traister reads her book Good & Mad, about women's anger as a vehicle for change
All I want to do this weekend is read Sarah Bessey's new book. It came last night and I'm already halfway through and I want to savor her beautiful story and writing but I can't put it down.
Just read the Prudie question about the guy with the maybe buried money. Fuck ‘im up, Danny!
I'm going to see Joe Hill speak tonight, which should be fun! And then I have to work both tomorrow and Sunday, but at least that gives me all of next week off!
He is the loveliest man!
No holiday where I live, but it‘s mid-fall break so my son is still at scout camp (yay!) and spouse and I are enroute to a wee country hotel where we will reunite with some old friends from his grad school days, go for long sunny walks in the autumn landscape, and drink lots of wine.