282 Comments
Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but have always been too chicken to get one. My son’s favorite thing is dragons and my daughter’s favorite thing is unicorns, and I’ve always loved fantasy stuff so I always thought there could be something there...but my wife just laughed in my face before saying “not a chance”.

On a way shittier note, we lost my dad to covid-19 on Sunday. Talked to him last week and didn’t even know he was sick. I know everyone thinks their dad is larger than life, but my dad really was. He had the absolute biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known (Nicole could give him a run for his money I guess), and it’s just extra doubly tough that we can’t even do the “normal” things in this situation. Just want to sit down with my brother and have a beer and hug and laugh and cry. My kids (6 and 8) put together the sweetest memorial. My daughter made a little remembrance wall with all of the things in the house that reminded her of him, and my son had the idea that we could all write letters and burn them in the fireplace so he’d get them. Anyway, thanks to anyone who took the time to read - I know I’m a stranger but my experience has been that the kind of folks who hang out here are Good People, so I wanted to share.

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Also, wow, had never thought I would masturbate to a fictional Lee Iacocca, but Jon Bernthal was extremely hot in that movie. And that was the Reverend from Deadwood playing Phil the Mechanic and it took me half an hour to place him, I refused to cheat and look it up.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I have had 'kick me under the table all you want, I won't shut up' running through my head since Friday.....so I think that's the tattoo for me.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

MY name is Emma, and I've just had my work hours reduced from 40 hrs down to 16 hours a week. Anyone and everyone, please feel free to rent me and I will act out the movie for you at a much better rate!

(Completely unrelated but my post-COVID tattoo will be a pig wearing a flower crown, fat and happy as me.)

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

really struck by the growth between idler wheel and boltcutters, eg:

"i'm a tulip in a cup, i stand no chance of growing up" -> "i spread like strawberries, i climb like peas and beans"

"that's all i'll do 'cause i'm not free, a fugitive too dull to flee" -> "fetch the boltcutters, i've been in here too long"

"how can i ask anyone to love me" -> "i want you to love me"

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I had planned a date to see EMMA at a local theater with the girl I've been seeing right before my city entered lock-down. We rented it and watched it over Zoom while day drinking wine in our PJs and it was perfect, you guys. The single best date I've ever been on. I can't wait for it to be safe enough for me to see this girl again and hold her hand.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I had a dream several years ago (when I was taking a medieval literature course in university) that I got 'and all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well' from Julian of Norwich's Revelations of Divine Love in bright red uncials right over my heart and I need it SO BAD.

Even if right now it feels a little....... not true? Ahahaha.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

🎶 I'D BEG TO DISAGREE BUT BEGGING DISAGREES WITH ME 🎶

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I refuse to rent Emma, too, so now every time I start considering it I watch Crimson Peak again.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Okay I don't watch horror movies so I read the Underwater wikipedia, and my takeaway is WHY IS TJ MILLER STILL IN MOVIES???

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I had to have emergency laparoscopic surgery (Emergency surgery during a pandemic? In this economy?) on Friday night to remove my right fallopian tube/ovary (and good riddance! She has been nothing but a problem for years due to what turned out to be CHRONIC TORSION!), and I'm keeping myself distracted from impending hospital bills/potential COVID-exposure worries by planning my next tattoo. Maybe something small next to the incision scar that just says "Bye, Felicia".

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

My mom loved Fiona Apple. She died almost three years ago, her birthday is this Saturday and I'm having a hard time. Boltcutters came at exactly the correct moment for me. My mom would've loved it.

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Yesterday I fully burst into tears (I’m in Nova Scotia), and I’m self-isolating with my parents and I touched my dad’s hand and he said, “oh, you know we can’t touch! Go wash your hands!” It’s been a hard time here. Thank you for mentioning it. ❤️

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Warning: the beginning of this story is a little bougie. I was making a Tarte Tatin from a French patisserie book given to me by my French roomie and when I took the tarte out of the oven to add more liquor glaze to it, I forgot that the cast iron skillet was extremely hot and gave myself a very fancy new U-shaped scar. So when this whole madness ends, I plan on working this new scar into a new tattoo. Something beautiful and kind of ugly to commemorate this year with.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Either "I don't know if I'm coming across, but I'm really trying" or "I spread like strawberries, I climb like peas and beans" has to somehow find its way onto my body.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

"your face ignites a fuse to my patience" is such a damn good line

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Several years ago, my sister got me a pack of Austen-themed temporary tattoos, including one that said, “Obstinate, headstrong girl.” If I ever get a tattoo, that will be it, in whatever font my copy of the book is in. Relatedly, I did pay $20 to rent Emma because I was going to take my kid to see it in the theater, but we had other stuff going on (what a concept!) and missed our chance. We watched it on our big tv and made that her English class for the day, even though our discussion was mostly about costumes and set design.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

It's not just you, Nicole. I feel like I'm starting to panic too. I was doing pretty well, but then these anti-lockdown bullshit, and now this immigration stuff! My wonderful, big nerd of boyfriend who have many kerfuffles defied his parents to be with me is from India and his visa is up next year! He has a postdoc lined up but I have no no idea if he's going to be able to make it. We're hoping to get married and in a panic I looked to see if you could put on masks and go to the courthouse but ofc all marriages have been suspended here as I suspected.

I don't know what to do. I feel like we need to talk to an imm lawyer, NOW, something we had tried to pursue but we don't have that kind of money. It feels like everything is just ending.

We're in the Midwest but we have family around Seattle and I also feel like I'm starting to wonder if maybe we should pull out all the stops to go live with them? I don't even know if they would take us, but it seems like its all going to depend on your governor/situation. We have a dem governor but I don't know.

It just seems like every day gets worse and worse! And every good thing will slowly be taken away from us as we live in a failed state which is what I had said to begin with and hoped I would be wrong. I don't know.

Okay sorry for rant I've missed these newsletters! Anyway, I meant to be in solidarity that it is definitely not just you, Nicole. But I don't know. Everything's so personal nowadays.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I've been thinking I might just get a set of boltcutters tattooed on the outside of my forearm. previously I'd planned on getting a paper bag in the shape of a bird as my "fiona tattoo" but I love this new album and that song in particular. as Fiona said "It’s about breaking out of whatever prison you’ve allowed yourself to live in, whether you built that prison for yourself or whether it was built around you and you just accepted it."

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I tweeted when it came out that Ford v Ferrari was like "beep beep vroom vroom crash crash cry cry vroom vroom" and BOY did some MEN get MAD ABOUT IT on the INTERNET. It wasn't even meant as a critique!!

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

As soon as I heard it, I knew I wanted "Kick me under the table all you want. I won't shut up. I won't shut up."

I have ZERO tattoos and needles make me faint but this song has so altered my brain that I kind of want to go for it.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I’ve been a Never Tatooer and honestly this last week I am thinking a LOT about the tattoo I’m going to get. I’ve no inspiration other than I now know I want one. It will definitely be words. Maybe “did you wash your hands?” On my inner thigh. Taking suggestions. I’m 58 married mom of three retired lawyer lover of naps, books, music, bourbon.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I'm from and live in Nova Scotia and we've almost reached the point there isn't some fresh horror every hour. Listening to Fetch the Bolt Cutters on repeat is truly a balm for the soul right now.

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I just...I'm so grateful that Fiona made it, and I made it, and we all made it, because it was really hard there for a bit. For all of us.

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I *did* pay $20 to rent Emma, and I have to be honest, it is ... not worth it? This may be my most unpopular opinion but I was really underwhelmed.

I feel very raw and exposed saying this here, but it did not catch fire for me AT ALL. Like Johnny Flynn is great, and I love ATJ, but it's like they are not even in the same movie, they are pitched at two completely different frequencies at all times. Also - and I admit this is always going to be the case when you attempt to condense Austen into a 2 hour screenplay but in my opinion she took too many shortcuts to get to the emotional crux. Why adapt Emma if you are only going to give Jane Fairfax and Miss Bates like 5 lines each? It is basically a violation of the Geneva Convention to cast Miranda Hart as Miss Bates and then only give her 3-5 minutes of screen time??? Badly done Miss de Wilde ... very badly done.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Changed my twitter display name to include "Pissed off, Funny & Warm," idk about tattoos yet

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I've wanted this one for ages, and it is admittedly pretentious as all fuck, but the Time of the Coronavirus has cemented it: Fortitudine Vincimus (by endurance we conquer), which was Ernest Shackleton's family motto. Not sure where to put it. Probably somewhere small and hidden, where I can't see it/others can't see it.

I live with chronic pain, and those words capture its reality better than any cutesy saying or well-meaning platitude.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

My problems are very small compared to many (I am not supposed to compare, I know, my therapist and I are working on it), but my brain is an absolutely shit show right now (depression is fun) and the fifth week of working from home has been very hard. I feel so isolated here (I live alone with my dog in a one bedroom apartment) and all my coping skills don't feel like they're helping anymore because they're things I'm just doing to fill the time now. I want us all to stay home for as long as is necessary to help combat the spread of covid-19, but I also deeply want to leave my home. It feels like a prison.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Among others, the sentiment "And I listened because I hadn't found my own voice yet/so all I could hear was the noise that people make when they don't know shit" absolutely floored me. Not sure if it would make the best tattoo, but I feel like I need to post so many FTBC excerpts in strategic places around my house for motivational purposes.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I was given notice last Thursday that my current contract won't be renewed (because there is not funding, not because of performance issues). I am a little anxious but they gave me lots of time (contract ends in December) so hopefully I find something new and maybe even that I will be happier at. The stangest part of it was that the HR rep, who opened the door to my director's office and said "It's fine. Don't worry. Everything is fine." And then stayed silent as my director explained the situation pretty straightforwardly before breaking back in for apologizing for being late to the meeting and me having to see her go by into the office. What kind of HR person opens a meeting to give someone notice by saying everything is fine?

She also stared at me pretty intensely for most of the meeting and I felt like she was waiting for a bigger reaction. I am not an expressive person generally but also there is a lot happening right now. In addition to living on my own with few non-virtual social interactions, my godfather died last week and I can't go to the funeral in the US and my Mom's 70th birthday was the day before and I could only wish it to her over Skype so I just didn't have a lot of immediate feelings about Yet Another Thing. (I have cried several times as Nova Scotia news has come in though). I also suspected that the meeting would not be good news given that they requested it be in-person, at a hospital, in the middle of a pandemic. So, after two days of anxiety, it felt like a relief to know.

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All of FTBC is a wonderful work of art that I can't stop dancing too but Relay really strikes a chord with me. I have a bad habit of writing people off for being "too privileged". I grew up broke with an absent father and ever since going to a private liberal arts school for college I've had a real chip on my shoulder - "I resent you for being raised right" really hit me. I've been singing "Evil is a relay sport when the one who's burned turns to pass the torch" a lot. Its such a powerful line and that she wrote it at 15 is mindbogglingly.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

for real why wasnt michael jordan just like "hey......pay scottie pippen!!" absolute loser behavior to not stand with ur teammate!!

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

What I like about Ford v Ferrari is that there are approximately 50 scenes of Bale pulling up alongside his opponents, saying something like “sorry… but I’ve got somewhere to be” and then zooming past them, which is the height of cinema

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Ford v Ferrari is the daddest dad movie that ever dadded. Emma was the last movie I saw in a theater before this all started and I adored it.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I went back and forth on Peterson himself but I did appreciate "The Staircase" because it shows how terrible the system is even if you are quite wealthy and get a good lawyer, so it really drives home how many innocent people without money must have been screwed over by overzealous prosecutions but never had the power to get a documentary made about it.

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I've been planning a magpie as part of my 35th Birthday tattoo for years, but not yet lighted on the elements around it. (25th was Captain Vimes Watch badge; 30th was I ATEN'T DEAD, bracketed by the Guarding Dark).

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS

My dear M was only vaguely familiar with Our Lady of Fiona ("oh I've heard you play this song before!") and told me, very seriously, after listening to FTBC that "I think this album is for you but maybe not for me?" it was sweet.

V into Self Made, v not into making video art lessons for my students.

Not seriously considering any tattoos, but I do love the idea of Jean Cocteau's sun and moon drawing.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

“Ford V Ferrari” is just Prestige Talledega Nights and that’s Fine and It Was Very Enjoyable. - this killed me. I'm dead. Ghost-posting. LOL

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

TWO tattoos, one on each inner forearm, each with flowers that remind me of one of my grandmothers. Pussy willow, lilac and tulips on the right, and peony buds, geraniums and bearded iris on the left. Blackwork, i think. I haven't really decided tho

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I think maybe a band of NS tartan.

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I did rent Emma for $20 on my birthday (because my original plan was to get my 35-year-old nose pierced but that won't be happening any time soon.) It was delightful and I don't even care that I screwed up two rows of the sweater I'm working on while watching it and will have to tink back 440 stitches to fix my mistake.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Unrelated to your prompts, but Matt Yglesias just tweeted that everyone he has dated was awesome (I’ll skip the context). https://twitter.com/mattyglesias/status/1252672986433421316

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Ladies

Ladies

Ladies

Ladies

Back of my upper arm? Front of my upper thigh? Ribs? Block print or scrawling script?

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Re: boltcutters - I've only listened once and it was great but also I think FA will never be more my avatar than when she screams I'VE RUN OUT OF WHITE DOVE FEATHERS TO SOAK UP THE HOT PISS THAT RUNS FROM YOUR MOUTH EVERY TIME YOU ADDRESS ME and I just cannot imagine a tattoo of white feathers covered in piss

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I binged all of "The Staircase" because my partner sold it to me as "he claims an owl killed his wife by assaulting her and she fell down the stairs" and I HELD ON for talk about that owl and not once, NOT ONCE was it mentioned. Not since Hellier have I been so excited, and held out so long, only to be disappointed.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

We watched the Tom Hanks Mr. Rogers movie the other night. Was the perfect movie to watch right about now..

I'm in a GC with people who I used to write at a small sports website with, we all still talk sports even though the website shuttered a while ago. "The Last Dance" was a godsend. Now we're bored again and ranking underrated/overrated events in American history

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

I find it sohard to get past how biphobia that trial was! Re: The Staircase. But also blood spatter evidence is pretty much junk science, so if that's the only evidence they have I'm not inclined to believe it.

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The only tattoo I routinely think of getting is The Death of Rats from the Discworld series, saying the only thing he ever says, which is "SQUEAK."

Since all forms of Death always speak in all caps.

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Apr 21, 2020Liked by Nicole Cliffe

Re The Staircase, I agree - the guy seems sketchy as fuck but I really truly don’t know if he did it. Not enough evidence plus his kids all adore him despite how he comes across to the rest of us.

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I have a long list of forthcoming tattoos, but I think the first will be “Hi baby” in a pretty script on my forearm.

It’s the first phrase that my toddler picked up and every morning when I open his bedroom door he squeals “HIIIIIIII BEEEBEEEE”

It just makes me so happy. The best way to start the day and I never want to forget it

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