My dad died last night and I'm just so sad. I'm glad I got to see him at the hospital yesterday and that my mom and I are staying at my brother's for now.
NICOLE! Thank you so much for including my 'On Karen' piece from yesterday. I was reading and suddenly looking around my living room like "!!!....! Is that -- I think that's me!"
Excellent advice to the dude who wanted to baby his mom, but I want to track him down and yell at him a little. You can’t tell someone you will deliver the news about the death of their loved one and then back out of it or even delay it long enough to get advice column advice!!
When my dad died I had to make all the phone calls because she and my brother couldn’t handle it. I asked my aunt to please call their late-mom’s best friend to let her know about my dad. I had never met the woman but I knew they all talked regularly. My aunt said she could do that for me.
Two days later I needed to call her about something related to the funeral, and the friend hears my voice and says “You must be Jenn! And your dad must be so happy that you’re at his house visiting! Are the kids with you? He just loves those kids.”
Friends, I was gutted. I had to hold it together enough to tell her the news, when she clearly had no idea he had even been in ICU for over a week. I’m still upset with my aunt. When I emailed her to let her know the friend knew about my dad now she said, “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t ready to say it out loud yet.”
You cannot risk causing pain to an immediate family member of the recently deceased. If you say you’ll make a call, make the call so they don’t get stuck with another cheerful caller they have to destroy without even getting to brace themselves first.
Today in Good News: I discovered yesterday that the mystery shrubbery in front of my front porch is in fact a gardenia bush. It's starting to bloom and has tons of buds and I have been taking breaks just to go smell it because it is what heaven smells like to me.
Today in Tentatively Good News: My cat got fleas and I live in a ground floor apartment in the South built in the late 1800's so obviously they spread but I have been diligent in treatment and spraying and think they are on their way out. The vet said it's been a brutal flea season so if you have been neglecting treating your pets PLEASE do it!
Nicole, I just want to let you know that your newsletter is helping me so much. My husband officially lost his job yesterday and it is so hard to help him believe that everything will be okay right now, because it's hard for me to believe it too. Today's sign-off made me tear up and feel very seen. Thank you.
As a Karen...I truly do not understand the confusion. Is it remotely comparable to racist language??? Of course not. Who in the world would claim it was??
(Does it bother me? Occasionally. But as a cis white woman, I assure you my inherent privilege is not damaged by being named Karen!!)
I have more thoughts coming later, but that dude from Ask a Manager 100% a) does not think his partner can handle this on her own without a "man's help" and b) is definitely worried that he doesn't look enough like a man to his friends.
I will concede there is a chance this is a same sex couple, but as a guy I kind of can smell my own here.
"We lost John Prine. I do not care about anything now." That about sums it up. Have been crying off and on since about 7:30 pm last night and woke up with "everything is cool" in my head. But everything IS NOT cool. I'm not okay.
And for something lighter - now we all agree that the super soldier serum means that Cap's recovery period is pretty much instant right? Like he's just ready to go again in about 30 seconds or so?
Here in my house we are preparing for two virtual seders, one tonight and one tomorrow. Husband very excited to make our own matzo ball soup (that was always someone else’s responsibility, Before). I will make the Passover dessert I learned when I married him: matzo toffee (matzo, caramel, chocolate, salt, nuts). The only dish I am not very excited to eat is the chopped liver. We wish we could have a big to-do and invite everyone and use the wedding china, but alas.
Here's a fun little story. Roger Ebert left a movie early due to overly salty popcorn, ducked into a local bar for a beer, heard a mailman singing, and wrote a review for the Sun-Times. And launched John Prine's career. https://www.rogerebert.com/features/john-prine-american-legend
I still haven't seen either one of the True Grits, but Edge of Seventeen is what made me a Hailee fan. Now I want an A24 teen comedy with her, Beanie Feldstein, and Florence Pugh.
The inclusion of True Grit reminded me that my beloved high school ceramics teacher said that he couldn't completely enjoy the movie because Hailee's character reminded him too much of me (happy cry emoji)
Iris Dement's "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" is what I listened to on repeat when I lost a family member and the whole album (Lifetime) are perfect for this hard, bad time.
My dad died last night and I'm just so sad. I'm glad I got to see him at the hospital yesterday and that my mom and I are staying at my brother's for now.
NICOLE! Thank you so much for including my 'On Karen' piece from yesterday. I was reading and suddenly looking around my living room like "!!!....! Is that -- I think that's me!"
The person who wrote into ask a manager is one of those quietly terrifying controlling types, without question.
Excellent advice to the dude who wanted to baby his mom, but I want to track him down and yell at him a little. You can’t tell someone you will deliver the news about the death of their loved one and then back out of it or even delay it long enough to get advice column advice!!
When my dad died I had to make all the phone calls because she and my brother couldn’t handle it. I asked my aunt to please call their late-mom’s best friend to let her know about my dad. I had never met the woman but I knew they all talked regularly. My aunt said she could do that for me.
Two days later I needed to call her about something related to the funeral, and the friend hears my voice and says “You must be Jenn! And your dad must be so happy that you’re at his house visiting! Are the kids with you? He just loves those kids.”
Friends, I was gutted. I had to hold it together enough to tell her the news, when she clearly had no idea he had even been in ICU for over a week. I’m still upset with my aunt. When I emailed her to let her know the friend knew about my dad now she said, “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t ready to say it out loud yet.”
You cannot risk causing pain to an immediate family member of the recently deceased. If you say you’ll make a call, make the call so they don’t get stuck with another cheerful caller they have to destroy without even getting to brace themselves first.
Today in Good News: I discovered yesterday that the mystery shrubbery in front of my front porch is in fact a gardenia bush. It's starting to bloom and has tons of buds and I have been taking breaks just to go smell it because it is what heaven smells like to me.
Today in Tentatively Good News: My cat got fleas and I live in a ground floor apartment in the South built in the late 1800's so obviously they spread but I have been diligent in treatment and spraying and think they are on their way out. The vet said it's been a brutal flea season so if you have been neglecting treating your pets PLEASE do it!
Nicole, I just want to let you know that your newsletter is helping me so much. My husband officially lost his job yesterday and it is so hard to help him believe that everything will be okay right now, because it's hard for me to believe it too. Today's sign-off made me tear up and feel very seen. Thank you.
As a Karen...I truly do not understand the confusion. Is it remotely comparable to racist language??? Of course not. Who in the world would claim it was??
(Does it bother me? Occasionally. But as a cis white woman, I assure you my inherent privilege is not damaged by being named Karen!!)
I have more thoughts coming later, but that dude from Ask a Manager 100% a) does not think his partner can handle this on her own without a "man's help" and b) is definitely worried that he doesn't look enough like a man to his friends.
I will concede there is a chance this is a same sex couple, but as a guy I kind of can smell my own here.
"We lost John Prine. I do not care about anything now." That about sums it up. Have been crying off and on since about 7:30 pm last night and woke up with "everything is cool" in my head. But everything IS NOT cool. I'm not okay.
And for something lighter - now we all agree that the super soldier serum means that Cap's recovery period is pretty much instant right? Like he's just ready to go again in about 30 seconds or so?
Here in my house we are preparing for two virtual seders, one tonight and one tomorrow. Husband very excited to make our own matzo ball soup (that was always someone else’s responsibility, Before). I will make the Passover dessert I learned when I married him: matzo toffee (matzo, caramel, chocolate, salt, nuts). The only dish I am not very excited to eat is the chopped liver. We wish we could have a big to-do and invite everyone and use the wedding china, but alas.
Here's a fun little story. Roger Ebert left a movie early due to overly salty popcorn, ducked into a local bar for a beer, heard a mailman singing, and wrote a review for the Sun-Times. And launched John Prine's career. https://www.rogerebert.com/features/john-prine-american-legend
I still haven't seen either one of the True Grits, but Edge of Seventeen is what made me a Hailee fan. Now I want an A24 teen comedy with her, Beanie Feldstein, and Florence Pugh.
The inclusion of True Grit reminded me that my beloved high school ceramics teacher said that he couldn't completely enjoy the movie because Hailee's character reminded him too much of me (happy cry emoji)
Nicole, you know those showgirls showed Cap a thing or two besides how to sell war bonds.
Iris Dement's "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" is what I listened to on repeat when I lost a family member and the whole album (Lifetime) are perfect for this hard, bad time.