I would be remiss if I didn’t open this by telling you to buy my handsome and beloved friend Danny’s new book, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, which I read in a single day (and texted him screenshots the entire time, like he was John Mulaney listening to kids narrate to him entire scenes from a movie he produced). I found it beautiful and hilarious and profound, and his finest work to date. I think you would love it. If you do, please star it on Amazon, in case the transphobes brigade.
Now, into the morass.
A few months ago, I started a new job in an administrative but non-reception role. Part of my offer letter included that I’d provide “assistance” with reception, which I’ve been more than happy to do, such as covering the front desk when our office admin is out or answering phones when she’s slammed. I have extensive reception experience, our admin team is short a member, and I’m all for teamwork.
My current desk is separate from the front entrance and reception area. We’re a growing office, and since I started three months ago we’ve been running out of room for people to work in. There’s been talk of converting the (admittedly very large and underused) reception area into two desks, keeping the client-facing front desk and adding a workspace set back from the lobby.
I understand needing me to move up front, which I’m not happy about but would be willing to do, but the office admin told me that she’d have the back workspace and I’d be at the front desk. Allegedly, “my role won’t change” but I don’t see how that’s possible when I’ll be the one at the switchboard, next to the phone, operating the door buzzer, accepting deliveries, fielding questions from staff and visitors, etc. etc.
There is overlap between her job and mine, but her official title/role is office administrator, whereas mine is teapot coordinator. I’m afraid I’ve given the impression that I’d be okay with the switch, which I very much am not. She was hired less than two months before I was, so she doesn’t necessarily have any particular seniority.
How can I gently push back on this without rocking the boat? I’m pretty new and I do like it here, but if I’m forced into a reception job I’ll start looking elsewhere and I know no one wants that, especially since they had trouble filling my role to begin with.
NEVER DO THIS, what the FUCK (eating disorders mentioned, FYI):
I’ve battled an eating disorder my whole life and it tends to come on when I am experiencing stress in situations that are out of my control. I recently ended my relationship with my fiancé of nine years which, as a result, triggered me to lapse back into old behavior. I thankfully saw the signs and took measures to try to alleviate the situation (not going to the gym, increasing my visits to my therapist, reaching out to friends and family for support, etc.).
I have always kept my personal life very private and because I didn’t wear my engagement ring at work, very few of my coworkers know that I recently went through a separation. Unfortunately, despite my efforts, I have still lost a noticeable amount of weight and am working on slowly gaining it back. Coworkers have started commenting on my weight and my eating habits. For the most part, I can manage these comments and have responses in place to shut them down politely.
My issue is that I have one coworker who seems to have taken a particular interest in my weight. It started small, with her leaving snacks on my desk, asking me if I was sick, or watching me when I eat lunch. Today she pulled me aside to let me know that she is concerned about my weight and offered me a list of support groups for eating disorders along with therapist recommendations. She said everyone in the office is talking about my recent weight loss and that if I need time to “battle my demons” she is sure my manager would understand. She went on to say that if she doesn’t see me start putting on weight she, along with a few other unnamed coworkers, would be going to my manger about forcing me to take time off. I was so taken aback that all I could say was “thank you for your concern” before getting away from her as quickly as possible.
I’ve put a lot of effort into keeping myself together the past couple of months and not letting my personal life interfere with my work life. I have not taken any days off, have maintained my productivity level along with a positive attitude when I am at work, and have had nothing but glowing feedback from my manager. I feel like my coworker is grossly overstepping and I am not sure how to handle this situation. Do you have any advice on how I should respond to shut this down?
oh boy, I’m glad that worked out (honestly, I was torn until the update, because people deserve medical autonomy, but I would have probably done what the OP did in their place):
My husband over the course of the last couple weeks has been complaining about testicle pain. It started out mild and then got worse and worse to the point where every couple minutes he doubles over in pain.
I practically begged him to go to the doctor and he kept saying no and insisting that it would go away on its own. It got to the point where he can’t even drive because he loses concentration and would crash.
Tonight he asked me to go get pain killers and I claimed to not know the kind he likes. He said just get any kind and I insisted he come with me to show me. He begrudgingly agreed and got in the car. He wasn’t paying much attention so I drove to the hospital.
When we got nearby he realized and got incredibly mad and yelled at me saying that I shouldn’t have taken him etc etc. I basically pushed him in and he’s with the doctor now.
I know there’s probably going to be hell to pay after but AITA?
Update: he had appendicitis. I don’t know why he felt it in the testicles, and the doctors didn’t either, but it was appendicitis. I think he was just describing it poorly to me but he insists he felt it in his balls. But thankfully he’s going to be fine. Wasn’t too mad either.
My mom and I are now watching s2 of Mindhunter, which I had already seen, but you know I’m always up to see my husband, Bill Tench, and my wife, Dr Wendy Carr. Also Holden, but I’m not in *love* with Holden, so it’s different.
Just a normal day over at Care and Feeding for me (I genuinely adore my job):
Dear Care and Feeding,
Does the person who writes this column have children? The tone is so “capital T truth” that I have a hard time believing that the author isn’t a twentysomething with firm ideas and no experience.
I am 5,000 years old and have had 2,500 children, each of whom is now an astronaut and a Juilliard-trained harpist and an Eagle Scout and possesses excellent posture and is a caring and skilled parent of their own children.
I cannot speak for the other columnists who answer the column, best to specify in the future. I do generally feel that an indecisive advice columnist is a bit of an undercooked soufflé, but to each their own!
Have a blessed weekend.
Sansa was on r/rarepuppers (I have traditionally only lurked on Reddit but I’ve been posting on their Peleton subreddit a bit, and obviously people needed to see her):
Yeah, I wouldn’t be happy with this, personally. She can do what she likes, but I would find it disrespectful to our relationship:
I (M 25) have been in relationship with this girl(F 27) for 7 years. Once when she and I had a rough patch, she met another guy through Facebook and started to meet him. Later we broke up over this and she came back to me saying that she will never do anything like that again.
Fast forward 2 years later when our relationship was good and I find out that she's taking to another guy and he has proposed to her in FB. I found it out and she said she wasn't interested and said she will not respond to him and unfriend him. We had a fight over it that day and thought that we had settled things.
Again fast forward 1 more year and I had completely forgotten about this. She told me on valentine's that the guy proposed to her again. So I asked her, why is he still after you even though you stopped responding to him. She didn't reply. I went to the guy's profile and behold, she has been liking every single one of his posts. Now, I am confused as to why she says that she's not interested in him and still gives him hope by liking his posts no one else have liked. Should I be worried or is it just me who's paranoid?
I watched Cheer and holy shit, does Amanda Mull speak for me (even though I fell in love with the athletes like the rest of us):
Days after finishing Cheer, Netflix’s popular new docuseries about a cheerleading team’s pursuit of its 14th national championship in 19 years, two scenes keep replaying in my head. In one, an athlete named TT arrives to practice with a back injury sustained at an event with a club cheerleading team, and Navarro College’s head cheerleading coach, Monica Aldama, forces him to practice, punishing him for failing to put her team first. As practice wears on, TT’s injury is exacerbated while catching female cheerleaders as they plunge to the ground. By the end of the scene, he’s sobbing.
TL;DR: boyfriend is oddly controlling of almost every aspect of my menstrual cycle and our family planning.
I don’t think I need a throwaway because nobody knows I’m on Reddit anyway. We’ve been dating since July of last year. Lots of ups and downs, but thing is, he’s VERY stingy about us using protection. I’m not on birth control for personal reasons and he sheepishly agreed to use protection for the sake of me being comfortable, which is very caring.
However, he insists on buying the condoms himself. When I do buy them, he insists on having them in his house. One time we were going at it but no condom in sight; i offered to go to the pharmacy and buy some, but he declined. Another time I had one that my friend gave me as a gross joke (it apparently had been in his pocket since high school) and I suggested to my boyfriend that it could be useful (jokingly). He freaked out and screamed at how “I wasn’t taking our family planning seriously”.
He constantly monitors my cycle, even having the same app I use on my phone with my cycle info in it. He says it’s better that way because two heads think better than one. When I get my period he’s constantly asking about some details I would rather not give (i.e consistency, whether there’s clots or not, etc). When I’m ovulating, same deal: “how’s your mucus? Is it liquid? Do you know how to precisely locate your cervix position?” Yeah, I don’t know how to do that. Still weird
We have, however, had unprotected sex a lot of times (and I take full blame for that),with a few scares. He also has this icky habit of putting on a condom and taking it off last minute, saying “but it feels better!” and waiting for my reluctant “yes” so he can do it. I don’t like it, but whatever.
We’ve had two very long pregnancy scares (we usually have sex when I’m not ovulating, so we’ve never been scared-scared) and he recently told me that both times he’s told his MOM. HIS MOM! and that they couldn’t have been more ecstatic. He’s always said that he’s a family man and he wants kids, but mantained the “male feminist” front with me, telling me that’s he’d let me make the ultimate choice if necessary.
What broke the fucking straw was, I recently got recommended by my doctor this new pills that won’t counteract with my other treatments and I was happy when I told him I had the doctors appointment. Went and got the blood exams too. Couldn’t wait for my life living worry free.
He freaked out worse than I’ve ever seen. Asking if it was the right choice, that I should consult with other doctors, that he wanted to come with me to the OB/GYN and that he should be more “involved” in this stuff. Should he be more involved? Should I let him into the doctor’s appointment? I’m really conflicted. Please help.
We always have to have an Absolute Unit:
You are my beloved. You are each perfect. I love you.