What I Am Reading On Reddit This Morning

(I can't quit you, r/legaladvice)

Please stop asking if you should do crimes here on an extremely public forum, you dipshit:

This is an old one but I am still steamed at this guy! Yeah, your wife is gonna be upset if you unilaterally tell her you can no longer order pizza once a week, OH ALSO YOU HAVE STARTED SMOKING TO FIT IN AT WORK?

You Need To Pick Up Your Game, She Is Tired Of It

DO NOT DO THIS. Also, your would-be girlfriend is a smart lady:

I know WHY people don’t reveal the identity of their famous boyfriends but I always want to know! Also, break up:

We discussed this a bunch on Twitter yesterday, but ICYMI:

You are the fucking worst:

Buddy, you need therapy. Stop being so defensive and work on your anger:

Yes, welcome to having a lease.

Do you want to hear about the creepiest things that have ever happened to people? I do!

There are some dynamite lifehacks in here, INCLUDING:

Yeah, you’re boned. Lesson learned. Do not do stupid shit for the lulz.Have a blessed day, friends! I am enjoying our new time together.