everyone's fav

Hi all! Let’s get right into it, shall we?

First, as per usual, here is my latest Slate column, filled with bon mots and wisdom. Here is Friday’s as well. A sample!

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I split up last year, and we have joint legal custody of our 13- and 15-year-old daughters. When they’re at their dad’s house, he lets them watch TV shows I believe are inappropriate for them: Sex and the CityMindhunter, and Game of Thrones. He refuses to discuss this with me. What are my options?

—Let Kids Be Kids

Y’all are watching Mindhunter, right? When is season two dropping!! I want her daughters to come hang out with me, stat.

not even linking to this:

I need this guy DEAD:

Hi I’m a 16 year old female from Maine and I work at a grocery store. My manager is an adult male probably around 35 or 40. He’s always acted kind of sexual towards me ever since I started working here about 8 months ago. His wife works as a manager in a different dept and she has also been kind of sexual towards me too. My manager constantly makes sexual comments about my boobs and butt and stuff, after he first started doing this he asked if it was ok for him to say stuff like that to me and I said it was fine, I don’t know why I said it was ok but I guess I just like the attention sometimes. He also asks me a lot of sexual questions like if I’m a virgin or how much I masterbate and stuff and I’ve answered some of his questions before and he’s also asked me if it’s ok for him to say those things and I said yes also. He sometimes talks about his sex life and he tells me probably at least once a week that he’s about to go jerk off in his office and that I can come watch if I want. I never went to go watch him but he still tells me about it a lot.

yeah that’s a no from me (and the law):

Last night when I was on the way home there was no street parking so I parked down the alley. In my city there are normally signs that explicitly state where you can or cannot park, and since I didn't see a sign I figured it was fine. I wake up the next morning to go to the store and find a sign locked around my front tire with a bike lock that says because I am parked on private property I need to give the property owner $20 to remove it. I needed to leave quickly so I coughed up the $20. He lectured me about how he should have had me towed. Is it legal for him to self "impound" my car and demand I give him money? He did this instead of just having me towed. I am located in Washington, United States. Can I get my money back? I'm a college student who can't afford this!

it’s her house, so skip the booze for one night:

AITA for serving wine at Thanksgiving with a recovering alcoholic present?

My mother seems to think that me brining wine to her home on Thanksgiving is NOT okay, for the sole reason that my uncle is a recovering alcoholic. AITA for taking issue with this? One out of fourteen adult guests has a problem with alcohol and I just don’t think it’s fair to not serve wine for that one person!

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, lady, no you should not be sending your sister a list of reasons not to get a pit bull:

A few weeks pass and me and my mother are sitting in the living room chatting and the topic about the list comes up, I agree somewhat reluctantly to send the whole thing to my sister and perhaps predictably, she blocked me without even replying. Mother messaged sister's S.O, a wonderful, smart and compassionate guy, and he explained that my sister is pretty upset and considering not coming to the christmas dinner unless we stopped criticizing her dog

My Father and brother are both telling me to leave her alone and let her have her dog, however I think the impact that the dog would have on herself and others is too big to just turn the other cheek to, and would end up damaging her in the long term. My brother and father are both very sensible and reasonable people so I'm afraid that might be the asshole.

uhhh I don’t think this necessarily makes you an asshole but it may have real consequences for your relationship, my man:

Why do we take people at their word for the largest decision in our life, to raise a child? My GF never gave one iota of suspicion about her fidelity. That being said, I always told her I wanted a paternity test for any of my children. I believe paternity test should be included in the prenatal care package and everyone at least given the option to find for 100% if the child is of their lineage.

During the prenatal screening they discuss possible health issues based on the parents family health. But they do this counseling without any scientific proof you are the father. Why should only the woman know 100% the baby is hers? Because society deems me an asshole for wanting that certainty?


I am so into r/ChoosingBeggars right now:

you started off as not the asshole but oh boy you finished strong:

My wife and I run a mechanic shop. We have for a while. Most of the people I deal with are pleasant people, but the other day I had a less than perfect experience.

So a young lady comes in who only speaks Spanish. We can’t understand her. She seems upset, so I walked outside and looked at her car but didn’t see any obvious issues.

I come back in and try to explain to her that I can’t understand her, but she starts getting mad at me. Eventually, she gets on the phone and starts raising her voice. About 15 minutes later, a man shows up ( I think her boyfriend) speaking broken English telling me to “respect his Sahel” or whatever the hell he was trying to say.

At this point, I lost my cool and made them both leave. He refused at first but then I told him I assumed he wasn’t a legal immigrant and unless he wants ICE called, he better leave. I also informed him that he should learn to speak English before he invades our country.

I know the last part seems harsh, but he was way out of line talking to me. I don’t care who it is, if you can’t respect me I can’t respect you.

Edit: I realize that saying that wasn’t the most professional thing to do, but when I said it they immediately left without any further trouble.

wow that’s some solid entitlement:


I’ve been hooking up with a girl I met on a dating app for like 4 months and she’s been nice to me always, I even took her virginity. The problem is she can get a little clingy and wants to hang out with me almost every weekend.

Well she hadn’t spoken to me in over a month, but she comes over the next day after asking if we could meet up. She’s a little shy, so I just hold minimal conversation with her but say fuck it and just get right to business. I didn’t last long the first round but I went at it again for the second time. Unfortunately I started losing my erection so we cuddle for a bit until I ask her to suck my dick so I can get hard again. She does then we fuck and I finally finish and leave the room.

I’m expecting her to already be dressed because I just wanna be left alone after I cum so when I came in I told her I didn’t mean to be rude but I needed to hit the gym ( I didn’t) in a few minutes. She doesn’t say anything and quietly gets off the bed and starts getting dressed. At this point I can tell by her face that I hurt her feelings so I try to make small talk and she’s receptive to it like she talked back and everything. Fast forward to a couple days, later she texts me and asks if we can see each other soon and I tell her that we can and I’ll talk to her in a couple days to let her know. By the time it came for me to text her, I realized I had something to do the next day so I just texted her anyway and said hello then I left her on read so she wouldn’t remember that we were supposed to hang out.

yeah, you’re a turd:

My mom thought I was a dick for doing it. She bought a bunch of reese's cups, and I wanted them for myself, so I handed out some old "toxic waste" super sour hard candies we had in the pantry. Does this make me an asshole?

Edit/some additional facts:

-we probably had about 50 kids visit our house that night, and the majority got Reese’s cups since my mom bought enough for a good 200 people. The bag of sour candy probably had 20 pieces in it, and I gave it all out.

-I didn’t take all of the candy, just about a couple dozen cups.

-I didn’t discriminate about age, so I gave even super young kids the sour candy.

-I’m 28, unemployed, and live with my parents. But I’m applying to grad school. I smoked a bunch of weed before giving out candy.


I met up with a guy from Plenty of Fish. He seemed normal when we were talking. So I meet him at the restaurant and there is an obviously much older man than the 30 year old that he claimed to be. I sat down and I told him I was under the assumption he was younger and he had told me he was younger. He claimed they were older pictures and that it must have been a typo (although his profile also said 30) and that he was actually 45 years old. I told him I was not interested in someone almost 20 years older than me and I wished him well. He began to raise his voice a little saying he had already ordered a dish and wine for me and I needed to sit down and eat with him. I went to the bartender and gave a brief explanation of what had happened and the manager walked me to my car while the bartender stayed with the guy to make sure he didn’t follow me.

I went about my merry way for a couple of months before I was served at work with papers stating I was being sued. I called the attorney listed to verify and he confirmed that they were real, he was a client and I was being sued the cost of the entire dinner and his travel expenses because I used his age as discrimination, which was also illegal. I made the mistake of giving him my last name, which is not common and he found my employer on Facebook. Everything has since been locked down or deleted.

Now, again, hear me out. I know this will get thrown out. I’m fully aware he’s crazy. Do I need to get a lawyer for this? Money has been tight and I’m paying off student loans galore. Is it possible to walk in the court room and represent myself and not be completely murdered by their attorney? Any and all advice is so completely welcome!

okay, love you all!