Thursday!

countdown is on

Tomorrow I am leaving to spend two nights in the Smokies with two of my dearest friends at a very fancy place. We are going to celebrate decades of friendship and sit in front of our fireplace and watch the leaves do leaf things. Also, massages. I wish you were coming. Shall we move onto our Featured Pets of the Day?

Allow me to introduce you to Cupcake the Great (bunny) and Manford (cat):

Their human companion, Brooke, notes that she may eventually submit her “other two cats, my dog, my daughter’s two gerbils, and my eldest child’s ball python for your consideration!”

PLEASE DO.

“They are, much to my initial surprise, great buds, as you can see in the photos.”

“Cupcake, aka Buns, is 5 years old and has run of the upstairs. Manford, the old man (14+ years old) and polydactyl wonder cat, often seeks out Cupcake’s company—when he’s not pandering for scritches from the humans.”

“When we took home Cupcake as a wee rabbit, I initially feared the cats (we have a total of 3) might hurt him. At this point, if I didn’t know they were buds, I’d fear more for the cats—Cupcake could definitely take them all (and probably at the same time).”

Thank you so so much, Cupcake and Manford and Brooke!!!


Alison correctly identifies this reaction as a red flag. It’s not the most common question for a prospective employee to ask, but it’s absolutely valid, especially in senior roles:

The other day I had an interview with an entrepreneur who looking for a part-time assistant and who essentially runs a one-man operation. He has several contractors, but there isn’t an office where many people meet regularly, that sort of thing.

The interview went more or less okay, though he was a bit clueless — like, it took 75 minutes because he took a lot of time explaining to me background details on projects that could have waited, and he didn’t ask me many questions about my work experience. Still, I expressed interest in moving forward because it seemed like work I was well suited for, and I need the employment!

As we were wrapping up he asked me if I had any questions, and one I asked was if he was able to put me in touch with any former employees who had held this role. He totally blanched at this and was obviously extremely disconcerted. He said he had never once been asked this in 18 years of being a business owner and it felt it was extremely odd. (It seems worth nothing that it was only five years ago that he became one-man entrepreneur, and in the past he had run a bakery, which is not a context where I would have asked for this kind of reference, seeing as I could just ask to visit the bakery while it was operating and observe directly.)

He said he would think about it, and then later said he might put me in touch with his “best bud,” who has been a contractor with him for most of his 18 years running businesses. This isn’t the kind of reference I was hoping for, but I didn’t want to push back too hard.

I’ll also note that he said that this role had once been held by someone for several years, and in the interim he had gone through a few people who didn’t work out and was trying to find someone who could join long term. This seems reasonable to me, and I had initially expected he would put me in touch with the first, longer-term employee, who I thought he had ended on good terms with. Or at least explain why he couldn’t put me in touch with her! I was thrown off by how thrown off he was by the question.

Was I totally out of line for asking this? In similar close quarters, non-office settings, I have had employers offer this kind of reference up-front, and I talked to a friend who manages a business and they thought it was a normal question and a red flag that this guy was so upset. I don’t know what to make of it and wanted your opinion.



WHAT:

My partner's therapist posted pictures of multiple clients to their business Insta-story. Faces covered, but easily identifiable, with "endorsement" text of how therapy is helping. Partner says this photo was during a portion of session which involves wearing headphones and closing his eyes, so he didn't even know he was being photographed mid-session, much less consent to this and his feelings about a season being published on social media. 



my man…get some common sense:

Hey guys, so obligatory English's not my mother tongue, and I'm on mobile.

This happened a few days ago.

My sister is someone who litteraly loves her friends and family, and, as she has a passion for cooking, she usually cooks for us.

This morning, I woke up really tired. I didn't think so straight, you know how it is. I went to the fridge to grab something to eat. I found a cake my sister made, took a piece of it, ate it, and went to work.

Later this day, I received some furious messages from my sister : Sis: "Hey, did you eat the cake that was in the fridge?" Me: "Yes, I took a piece of it, it was good." Sis: "Are you really that dumb? You saw a cake shaped in the form of a "18" you didn't think it was for an event or anything? I baked it for my best friend's birthday, tomorrow. I don't have time to make another one. What will I tell her? That I have a fucking idiot of a brother who ate some of her cake???" Me: "hey, don't talk to me like that. How was I supposed to know? And I didn't touch the 8 part, so you can give that to her"

After that, she insulted me, told me that I ruined everything, and told me she didn't want to speak to me again. It's been a week and she really avoids to speak to me.

It pisses me off because I was tired and she never spoke to me about that birthday so really I didn't know (nor care, it's our fridge, there's food inside, everyone can eat what's inside).

So, reddit, am I the asshole?

Edit: Okay guys, I've read what you wrote. I'm the asshole, I'll try to find a way to apologize correctly.



you are the asshole:

My (18m) sister (15f) is vegetarian, and has been for years. She's the only vegetarian in the house, so she gets her food separate to us. When we go to do the food shop each week mum gives her some money and she goes off on her own while me and mum sort out the food for everyone else. One night a week she does all the cooking and makes a vegetarian dish for the whole house to eat, and the rest of the week she sometimes offers us leftovers.

Last week dad burned dinner. Everyone else went to bed and I saw my sister had made herself some veggie soup and left it on the stove. It smelled really good and as she usually offers us leftovers I figured she wouldn't miss a cup. There was probably about 2 cups of soup left in the pot, so I had a cup, and then come the next morning she's asking me if I had some of her soup, as she was planning on filling a thermos with the (apparently carefully measured out) remaining soup and that was going to be her food all day at school. I apologised again and she said "whatever, just use your common sense".

Then the end of last week I got a migraine. Migraines usually leave me chugging energy drinks and craving something salty, followed by something sweet. I went down to the kitchen, saw a bag of crisps out on the counter, and pretty much dove on them. I looked in the cupboard and found a 6 pack of mini rolls, and had 3. Not my proudest moment but I hadn't eaten in about 30 hours, and migraines really take it out of me. I stayed awake long enough to brush my teeth before crawling back into bed.

Later that morning I wake up and find that a quarter of the kitchen is labelled. I open the cupboard, and a multipack of crisps (the kind I ate) and what's left of the mini rolls all have her name on them. I text her asking what is going on. She replies "I'm sorry I had to get passive aggressive, but my food budget for the week is literally whatever cash mum has on her when we do the food shop. My meals and snacks are all portioned out. I know you had your migraine so I figured you didn't realise the food you ate was mine, but that was 3 days of snacks for me, and you ate it in one hit. Mum and dad said I should label my stuff so it didn't happen again".

Then today I had my late start at sixth form, I woke up ready to make myself some breakfast before I left, and the cereal that me and my parents share was all out. My sister buys her cereal in variety packs, so she gets several mini boxes. All of the mini boxes had my sister's name on and I knew I'd get a bollocking for it but I had no cash on me and didn't have time to make a bacon sandwich, so I just grabbed a couple of minis and had some cereal before I left the house. The boxes had her name on them. I'm in college, she's gone home for lunch, and she's texted saying "fucking really??? two boxes???"


Absolute unit:


You are being EXCEPTIONALLY responsible:

I'm 36f, mother to an 11 year old daughter. I have 50/50 split custody with my ex husband.

I'm bisexual. My ex knows this, but I've never told my daughter because it's never really come up. However, 5 months ago I met someone, a woman, and we've been seeing each other. I've not told my daughter yet and I've not introduced them, instead on the weeks she's been at her father's my girlfriend has come over, and the weeks my daughter is with me, my girlfriend stays at her place.

This is my ex husband's week with our daughter and my girlfriend and I went out to get lunch. Around halfway through my ex sees us. He doesn't seem to realise it's a date because he comes up to us and starts making conversation, giving me an update on our daughter, which is something totally normal in terms of what we normally do when we run into each other.

He asks how we know each other and my girlfriend says we're dating, which I'm fine with as we're not hiding it, but my ex asks if our daughter knows, and I tell him she doesn't. He asks how long this has been going on for and I tell him 5 months. He says that it's unfair of me to keep her in the dark and I should tell her ASAP.

He has what he calls the "2 date rule", which is that on the second date he, the date, and our daughter, all go out for a meal to introduce his girlfriend to our daughter. I'm not a huge fan of this method because what it's resulted in is him introducing our daughter to these women and then breaking up with them soon after. In the three years we've been split our daughter has met over a dozen women. He says he introduces them early on so he doesn't get into a long term relationship with someone who doesn't get on with his daughter.

I have never introduced my daughter to any of my partners since her father. I have a "six month rule" which is after 6 months, they meet. No sooner in case it doesn't work out.

This is where I probably fucked up. I said "I get where you're coming from but I wanted to be sure about [girlfriend] before introducing her to [daughter], so we don't wind up breaking up right after they meet"

My ex then looked really annoyed, bordering angry, and said "low blow" before walking off. Girlfriend looked confused so I explained to her his history with introducing women to our daughter early on, and she said "you probably could have phrased that better".


Unexpected Mulaney!


I love you so much I could burst. It’s been a weird week and you are my beloved online friends. Please treasure and treat yourselves right tomorrow and this weekend and beyond. You are so precious and special.

xoxoxox

n