First, let’s not neglect Ask a Manager, shall we? I feel so bad for this unfortunate woman, but Alison is very reassuring:
I am writing to you in a state of extreme mortification. I, a full-fledged adult, wet my pants at work. What makes this worse is that this is a brand new job that I absolutely love, but now I’m thinking about just quitting and never showing my face there ever again.
For context: I am a woman who had several medical procedures last year that left me with some minor bathroom issues. I’m working on these things with my doctor, and I’ve never had a problem, until today.
I work at the front desk in a pretty small office. I was super busy and rushing around all day and I didn’t have much time to myself. Towards the end of my shift, I finally got to sit down, started responding to some emails, and well, without much warning, the floodgates opened, so to speak. I sat in shock for a few seconds. All I could even think to do was quickly pack up, hold my backpack and jacket awkwardly over my backside, shove my chair under my desk, and book it out of there. Since it was the end of my shift anyway, I just went home to change and cry.
I don’t think anyone actually noticed (they were all in their offices and very busy), but I can’t stop thinking what if someone actually did see? How do I show my face at work tomorrow? How do I explain to someone why I’m scrubbing down my office chair? Blame it on spilled coffee? Just never go to work again?
I’m not sure how much actual advice you can give me, but I would appreciate anything you and your readers have to say. I feel so awful and embarrassed.
This would drive me around the bend, I NEED that time to myself:
I’m planning on traveling with a coworker (Jane) next week to an out-of-state function. We know each other pretty well and usually talk in person several times a week about both work and home life.
Jane struggles with downtime. She has to be doing something every waking minute and usually wants company while she is doing it. I am an introvert who needs my downtime after spending all day out of my element, meeting with the out of state people.
The concern is about meal times and free time in the evening. I enjoy going to a nice restaurant and eating a quiet meal but last time we traveled together I found that impossible! Every day, Jane asks what I’m doing for every meal and if it’s anything other than room service, she assumes she is going with me. It doesn’t matter if I make it at an awkward time or food that she doesn’t like, she’ll make it work. Once out, it’s an endless litany of complaints on everything from the meeting, to our mutual boss, to her kids and the weather.
How do I manage a meal in peace without resorting to room service every day? I don’t mind a few meals with venting, or several meals with some friendly chatter, but I think I’m going to wind up saying something I really shouldn’t if every meal for a week is liberally seasoned with complaints. I have tried to ask her for more positive conversation before, but that leads to a lot of tears and that’s no better. A gentle redirect never works because she can find something in anything to complain about.
Okay, back to Reddit. Ted Cruz’s social media manager is…trying:
Okay, this is a dope-ass pie, and it sounds delicious as well. Winter is coming:
You KNOW I love a good update (her boyfriend had been after her to not take her antidepressants):
I began taking my antidepressants a few months after the original post was made. I went through more therapy to be absolutely certain that I needed the medication. My therapist used the same multiple choice test on my feelings and symptoms twice (pre-test and post-test) to determine that nothing had changed/gotten better really over the course of 3 months or so. I began taking 10mg a day of an antidepressant and sensed a change fairly quickly. It took 3-4 weeks to fully kick in, but I think I started feeling it around 2 weeks. I am so much happier than before and I do not think about my life ending 3-5 times a week anymore. Now that I write that, I rarely think about it at all now. The things that used to seem like mountains are now just little mole hills. I cannot fully express how I wish I would have considered taking medication earlier. I feel like I wasted years of my life being so disgustingly unhappy.
Just earlier this week I broke up with Eli because I will be moving away for a job and I was no longer happy with the way the relationship was going. I still care about him immensely, and because I care about him so much I knew it was best to cut things off if I could not see the relationship progressing further after 3 years of dating.
I'm 22F and live together with 24m. Together for a year and things go good.
The problem is that he can be very commanding. A few examples:
I'm trying to do something (cooking, cleaning etc) and he just says dont do that. I ask why not and he'll just explain that I need to do it differently.
Just tonight I wanted to have some soda. He stood up to get drinks. He got me water. I asked why no soda. He says you can also just have water. No explanation.
I get some cola myself and drank it at 8 then forgot about 1/4 a cup and decided to drink the rest quickly. He said no cola before bed. (Tbh it was at 10.)
I had my bunny out to run. He said put him back in the cage. He poops and clearly isn't toilet trained (first week here, 9 weeks old) the bunny shouldn't think this behaviour is alright.
I don't know what to do with this? I can talk about it with him but every time negative criticism will come over as blaming.
Situation before the soda incident..
I fell down the stairs while doing laundry 2 days back and hit my head first in a wooden pole. Went to work and blamed it on me being not the most handy person in the world. Things became worse quick and I went to the doctor and an emergency ct scan. It's all good luckily but I haven't received much from bf. He did cuddle me when he got home but only after he said "are you gonna clean that up" pointing at a bit of rabbit signs (hay and a few poops) my new rabbit kept me company while I rested on the sofa. When I asked if he could be a bit more caring to me he said "I'm already cooking for you" and you seem fine to me. You told me you were fine. (I did because I didn't want him to worry) I put it on me having a head trauma etc. I went to work and tried the next day. It went all good and every coworker was very supporting bringing me water and offering to drive me home and that I should text them when I get home safe. He didn't ask me how I got to work or if I felt well enough to drive. Maybe I am expecting too much without asking myself.
This just happened a few hour ago, and I'm still quite shaken up... sorry if I don't include much detail or if nothing makes sense. I'm going to try my best to articulate everything the best I can, and in the order they happened.
At 7 PM I was out on my porch, reading on my iPad, when a single police officer, I believe off duty, pulls into my driveway out of nowhere. He gets out of his car and begins very angrily pointing at my large Canadian flag hanging off my front porch. He immediately begins making accusations that it's the universal symbol for marijuana, and demands I give up my "stash".
Seconds later he immediately escalates the situation by pulling me up by my shirt and placing me "under arrest" — and I say that with quotes because he did not use his radio at all, which I presume is not normal.
After immobilizing me he tells me he is going to find the marijuana I'm growing, and enters my house. At this point I'm in tears and shaking because I have Aspergers, and don't do well with any sort of confrontation. He was in my house for a very long time — over 30 minutes. When he finally gives up and walks out, he aggressively pulls at my hands bringing me back up to my feet which left marks that are still there due to the handcuffs being so tight. He literally said "Give me back my fucking handcuffs" before getting them off, marching over to his car, slamming his door, and literally reversing his car so fast that it screeches back into the street.
I immediately called 911 after he left, and they responded with two cops showing up within minutes of the guy leaving. They couldn't figure out who the hell it was, or if it was even a real police officer. I'm just trembling thinking I'm going to be some target again in the future by a fake cop, or some cop who has gone corrupt off duty. There were no identifying marks on the car that I can remember.
I have a police report. What do I do?
As the title states my boyfriend wants me to go through the mortgage process with him and be on the mortgage, which I am not against, but his mother has told him I shouldn’t be on the deed since we aren’t married.
To my understanding this would mean I would be responsible for mortgage payments, but would not have any claim of equity in the house. Is there a way for me to retain some claim to the equity I am also contributing, or is it simply not a smart idea to agree to a mortgage and not be titled on the deed.
To me it doesn’t seem smart or fair on my part, but if there is a way to protect myself and the equity I put into the house I’m certainly not opposed to being on the mortgage.
Any helpful insight or recommendations are appreciated.
This poor woman:
I’m in college in upstate NY and I don’t have a car on campus because it’s expensive. I’m 20 years old and I found out I was pregnant and subsequently decided I wanted an abortion because I’m in no position to care for a child.
There is a Planned Parenthood very close to my university, but the earliest appointment they had was a week away, and I found a clinic an hour away that had availability in three days, so I opted to go there instead.
Because I don’t have a car, I rely on Uber and lyft to get me places. My appointment was at 11:30am so at 9:58am my Uber arrived and he immediately seemed uncomfortable. After about five minutes in the car, he asked, “are we going to a planned parenthood?” I said no (because we weren’t), but it set off alarm bells that he would even ask that. The destination I put in was just the name of the doctor and the address of the clinic, there was nothing that would suggest it was an abortion clinic. After a few more minutes he asked, “are we going to an abortion clinic?”
I was shocked; I had no idea what to say, so I just remained quiet. He then said “I know it’s none of my business, but...” and proceeded to mention something about his wife being pregnant, how awful the procedure was (and proceeded to explain it in graphic detail), and that “there is so much they don’t tell you”. He then said “you’re going to regret this decision for the rest of your life” and that I was making a mistake.
It took all of my strength not to start crying but I managed to keep it together by looking out the window and avoiding his gaze. After we were about halfway to the destination, he suddenly pulls over with no warning. There was a gas station and a closed antiques store, and around us was farmland and forest. He said “I’m sorry, but I can’t take you the rest of the way. I can take you back to [my city], but you won’t be able to find another Uber out here.”
I got out of the car and immediately started crying. I called my parents each three times but they didn’t pick up. Then I called my boyfriend and he picked up right away. He managed to calm me down and told me to let the clinic know what was happening and to call some local cab companies.
My Uber driver hung around for about 10-15 minutes and asked once more if I wanted to go back with him and I declined. After he left, a cab came and I got to my appointment (an hour late).
Throwaway because a few people know my real account. Sorry for the ramble, this is all been building up for the past several months and hard to put it all into words without complaint too much.
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and we're both very happy and in love. However, the past few months we've been constantly arguing about the same things over and over again: my sleeping habits, and my gym schedule.
A little bit about us. We live together and we're both students with very inconsistent schedules. Some days were both up at 6am to start our day and sometimes we don't have anything till 10am to 11am. I also work a part time job over the weekend that I wake up early for. I never exercised regularly before I met my boyfriend, meaning I would maybe go to the gym maybe once a week and just go on the elliptical. Although I never gymmed, I played a lot of community and intramural sports so that was how I kept in shape. My boyfriend on the other hand is very dedicated to the gym. He goes 4-5 times a week, and diets regularly. He was like this before we met, and my gym habits have changed because he encouraged me to go. Since Ive met my boyfriend, I've been trying to go 3 times a week, doing both weights and cardio, and I continuing my involved in intramural sports on the weekends.
My boyfriend is a very driven type of guy, which is partly why I was so attracted to him from the start! His mentality is to be the best at everything. He is competitive in nature and it works for him. Going to the gym is all about lifting more and getting bigger and looking better. Myself on the other hand, I'm about enjoying the activities I do and participating because I actually have fun doing them. Specifically the gym, personal growth is important to me, but I see going to gym more as keep my body healthy and sweating makes me feel good! I do not go to the gym to specifically get better looking. We've discussed this many many many times and he doesn't understand me because that is, "not how he operates."
Okay now to the advice. This happened this morning and it's nothing new but it upsets me. My boyfriend got up early to gym, maybe around 7:30am, and I was still asleep. I woke up around 8am but laid in bed till around 9:30am. When he got home around this time, I went out to the kitchen to say hi and was in pretty good spirits. He just shrugged me off and I asked him what was wrong. He said he just frustrated that I slept in and that I just woke up now. He said he doesn't understand how I can go to bed so early and wake up so late (I went to bed around 11:30pm last night). He's visibly annoyed and upset and I just walked away because I'm just fustrated that he's upset I got out of bed at 9:30 on my day off.
He makes me feel like I'm a lazy bum who just sleeps in and naps and completely neglect my other responsibilities. But that's not the case at all. I go to all my classes, am on top of all my work, study, go to the gym and play sports, work on the weekends, make time to see friends, clean our house and room, have no clothes laying around, and make dinner for us a few times during the week.
Yet he plays video games all day, gyms the morning, skips class, barely studies, has clothes everywhere, and I have to consistently ask him to put his things away or throw things out.
For some reason, he focuses so much on my napping and gymming habits. I do nap often because sometimes I come home feeling exhausted. He'll ask me or make comments about how many times I've been to the gym this week or that he noticed I haven't been going lately. He just sighs or is clearly annoyed and fustrated if I haven't gone and it honestly makes me feel like shit sometimes. He'll make comments like, "I don't see your biceps this pic," or point to my stomach and say, "what is this." He makes me feel like I need to tell him that I've gone to the gym. I'm 5'6", 125 pounds, and I know I'm not overweight in anyway or form and I definitely do not think I need to lose any more weight. I've told him this many times.
The things that upsets me is that I've spoken to him about all these points before and I'm stuck.
So I got into a car accident a few months back. I was merging onto a highway, wasn't texting or any of that bullshit. Honestly, looking back, if I had even looked away to change the radio station I probably would have died. There was a bend and some brush growing over the road, and the moment I turned the corner there was a MASSIVE flatbed parked right in the middle. I slammed the breaks, but when I realized I was skidding right into the back of him regardless I turned to the outside of the bend. I went around him and when I rejoined the road off of the gravel I spun out. If ever you wonder if that thin little metal rail with those wooden posts could stop anything, the answer is yes they fucking do. I slammed into it completely backwards. Look up in shock and the piece of fuck drives off as fast as he can. Luckily, all I got was some serious neck pain. My dog was totally fine, bit her tongue but there was only a bit of blood. Insurance covered it all. Fast forward a couple months and I'm with my boyfriend. When I tell him about the accident he laughs at me. Saying "after all your comments about my driving, YOU'RE the one who got into an accident".(The man drives around high.) And every now and then he mentions it in passing as a joke. But honestly I find it insulting. I almost fucking died and he's playing it like an "I told you so" kind of event. I drive like a grandmother, I regularly use very heavy machinery at work, I drive a delivery van and still he makes fun of me because of my accident. He always tells me to be safe at work but when I almost died at the negligence of some stranger on the road, he treats it like a game. I don't know what to say to him or how to even bring it up. I'm so mad just thinking about it I'm worried the next time he jokes I'm just gonna fucking flip. It definitely doesn't help that he drives like a 17 year old late for his curfew. Thank you for reading my angry rant.
This video is all I care about right now, as I prepare my body for FOSSE/VERDON: