How Dare They

beauty companies, man

SO, if it wasn’t frustrating ENOUGH that the Natura-Bisse million-dollar skin products I acquired bc Dr. Patricia Wexler admitted to using them in an interview SEEM TO BE WORKING, suggesting I might have to re-order them after I use literally every drop and lick the inside of the lil tub, now we’re supposed to use mascara primer? The hell!

I held out on normal primer too, for a long time, but have grudgingly agreed it really does help support your makeup application. I just don’t want to have to buy another whole category of things, you know? Anyway, I got sent a mascara primer in my BirchBox and after hurling it across the room in disgust I immediately put it on my lashes and, yeah, it helps, but I don’t want to DO this?

It’s a bit like body hair? I don’t mind getting rid of it, I enjoy feeling like a seal, but I’m always worried they’ll decide we need to have even less of it. You cannot tell me there’s NO CHANCE they’ll come for our eyebrows, and many of us have only just grown those back from aggressive plucking in the 1990s. This far and no further, team.

Okay, so, lots going on right now. My husband just left the country for the weekend and my son is away with friends, so it’s just me and the girls (including our dog, Sansa, obviously.) I am spending most of my time being alternatively mad and also laughing at Stephen Elliott, who is certainly going to get his butt handed to him in a court of law. I am also watching the new Netflix original of “The Haunting of Hill House.” It’s not the same as Shirley Jackson’s, but it’s a cool scary thing in and of itself, directed by actual Horror Genius Mike Flanagan.

My other favourite thing currently happening on TV is the new season of American Horror Story, which, since we last talked about it, has gotten BETTER AND BETTER?? It’s fantastic! It’s great! It’s given me everything I want in a season of AHS. If you gave up because of how bad “Cult” was, please return. You have friends here.

Also, please read and share my new parenting column, in which I personally think I was very nice to people!

Okay, what are these geniuses doing over on Reddit today?

Apparently, they are trying to raise their children off the grid, thus ruining their lives:

Dating scrubs:

Being a cute lil dog:

COMMITTING VOTER FRAUD:

Pretending to be cops to “cut through traffic”:

Hiding from their terrible grandmas:

Telling their new gf their ex is “a lunatic” when in fact she seems fine and makes reasonable demands of him to help with their disabled child:

Have a great weekend! I love you lots.