A Very Good Cat, An Excellent Horror Novel, and Reddit

the full package

Today’s Featured Pet is October Von Spoopypants, more commonly known as Toby. His human companion, Theo, describes him as “our enormous throw pillow of a cat. Toby doesn’t know how to sit, and it’s one of my favorite things about him.” I will now share several adorable pics of this magnificent creature:

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My greatly beloved and dear friend Esme Wang was on The Today Show to talk about having written one of the best books of the year.

That book is The Collected Schizophrenias, it’s one of the most fascinating mental illness memoirs of all time, and I think you would all love it. Here’s what her publisher says about it:

An intimate, moving book written with the immediacy and directness of one who still struggles with the effects of mental and chronic illness, The Collected Schizophrenias cuts right to the core. Schizophrenia is not a single unifying diagnosis, and Esmé Weijun Wang writes not just to her fellow members of the “collected schizophrenias” but to those who wish to understand it as well. Opening with the journey toward her diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, Wang discusses the medical community’s own disagreement about labels and procedures for diagnosing those with mental illness, and then follows an arc that examines the manifestations of schizophrenia in her life. In essays that range from using fashion to present as high-functioning to the depths of a rare form of psychosis, and from the failures of the higher education system and the dangers of institutionalization to the complexity of compounding factors such as PTSD and Lyme disease, Wang’s analytical eye, honed as a former lab researcher at Stanford, allows her to balance research with personal narrative. An essay collection of undeniable power, The Collected Schizophrenias dispels misconceptions and provides insight into a condition long misunderstood.

Click the tweet below to hear her talk about it! There is also a Toast connection, which is that she cold-emailed me this extraordinary piece called Perdition Days: On Experiencing Psychosis, which I snapped up immediately, and played a role in her decision to keep writing about her condition:

Esmé Weijun Wang • 汪蔚君 @esmewang

Here is the FULL CLIP of the @TODAYshow appearance! Thank you to everyone for your love & support 💕 today.com/video/stanford… @GraywolfPress

today.comStanford grad shares misdiagnosis story to help others with mental illnessEsmé Weijun Wang, a 35-year-old Stanford graduate and author of the collection of essays “The Collected Schizophrenias,” opens up on the 3rd hour of TODAY about living with schizoaffective disorder and why her illness was misdiagnosed for years.

Danny sent me one of the most powerful/terrifying things I have ever read (there is a lot of violence, which the title will tip you off to), and it has so much to say about masculinity and families and toxicity:

His violence had never surprised me before. It was essential to who he was. He grew up in the steel towns of Pennsylvania and learned to handle himself in a fight. By middle school, he towered over kids our age. He was drowning in hormonal rage. He hated school, hated teachers, hated the cops and made sure they knew it. When he was old enough to drive, he got a silver car and plastered the windshield with letters that spelled out CRIMINAL. He walked down the sidewalk bellowing laughter and hocking loogies on the street. Anyone who saw him could tell at a glance that it was a bad idea to press him. Just in case, he carried a knife. Eventually, he got a gun. I never saw him shoot it, but he said it was real, and I believed him. When his family visited mine, we disappeared into my room, tugging on a bottle of stolen booze and examining his latest weapons.

I was from a different world. We lived in Baltimore City. While other white families raced to the suburbs after the 1968 riot, plunging the population by 119,000 residents in the space of a decade, my parents loved the city and doubled down. They bought an old rowhouse, volunteered in health clinics, marched for gun control. My mother took a job as a social worker at the Laurence G. Paquin school for pregnant teenagers. My father left a white-shoe law firm to hang a shingle of his own downtown. On nights and weekends, he often returned to work, coming home after my mother had put us to bed. She did most of the cooking and cleaning. His job paid most of the bills. Neither of them seemed to mind this division. There was a tenor of equity between them. Even now, they spend hours at dinner each night, debating the events of the day and the world.

My own relationship with my father was more turbulent. I lived in fear of his temper. He aspired to a model of masculine reserve that he saw in cowboy movies. I mean this literally: With our first VCR came mandatory screenings of “Stagecoach,” “High Noon” and “The Searchers,” each one followed by an impromptu disquisition on the virtue of restrained power. With time, I came to understand this as a reaction to the volcanic forces in himself. When my sister and I were little and our mother was out, he would fumble to heat a can of ravioli and set the table, growing frustrated, then furious, when I complained that dinner was too hot or too cold, too spicy or not enough. I enjoyed the fleeting power it gave me to provoke him, even as I dreaded the moment he would blow. The worst was not the physical sting of his hand across my face. It was the sound of his footsteps chasing behind me when I bolted from the table, racing up the front stairs and down the back, until at last he caught up and pinned me to a wall, his expression tangled in fury, hurling epithets with his crimson face inches from mine. It would take years of therapy, individually and together, to forge a lasting peace.

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Obviously, I weighed in on Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor and his beautiful parents, starting with this absolutely precious picture:

Omid Scobie @scobie

Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor

And then how incredible Meghan looked:

Nicole Cliffe @Nicole_Cliffe

Meghan the GOAT https://t.co/VEbEFy83EQ

Emily Andrews @byEmilyAndrews

VIDEO: #Meghan & #harry clearly delighted with their new son. We’ll hopefully find out his name later. Meghan very graciously thanking everyone for their kindness & joy: "Thank you everybody for all the well wishes and kindness, it just means so much." https://t.co/VkMFXGj8gj

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I would now like to share with you my absolute all-time favorite horror novel, The House Next Door. It’s by the extremely prolific Southern writer Anne Rivers Siddons, who has written a million novels about Southern families, but only one horror novel. It’s incredible to me that you could write one of the greatest horror novels of the 20th century, and not take a crack at another one. WAS SHE POSSESSED? DID A DARK FORCE USE HER TO WRITE THIS NOVEL? I’m just asking questions!

Now, via the publisher:

Thirtysomething Colquitt and Walter Kennedy live in a charming, peaceful suburb of newly bustling Atlanta, Georgia. Life is made up of enjoyable work, long, lazy weekends, and the company of good neighbors. Then, to their shock, construction starts on the vacant lot next door, a wooded hillside they'd believed would always remain undeveloped. Disappointed by their diminished privacy, Colquitt and Walter soon realize something more is wrong with the house next door. Surely the house can't be "haunted," yet it seems to destroy the goodness of every person who comes to live in it, until the entire heart of this friendly neighborhood threatens to be torn apart.

It’s very scary, and I cannot overemphasize how brilliantly she creates the entire neighborhood and the people who live in it. I desperately want you to read it and then tell me how good it is.

Now, let’s Reddit!

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I wouldn’t give them a fucking thing (except the little brother, he can have whatever is meaningful to him):

He died a week ago from overdose. His parents kicked him out when they found out he was gay 7 years ago. They didn’t talk at all. He always tried to contact them, He only talked to his little brother sometimes. Now they found out that he died and came to our apartment. They said that they were really regretting everything. Then said that they wanted to take some off his stuff to have it with them. I refused and told them to leave. They left without saying anything.

Edit: thank you so much for all the nice comments and I’m really sorry I cannot respond to all of them. Someone suggested that I add this info here.

He was kicked out when he was 16. He was 23, I’m 22. We’ve been together for 6 years and lived together for 4 years. I’ll give his brother anything he wants. He’s 10 and he really loved him.

A great update to a dramatically overblown dog fight (here’s the update, here’s one of the the original posts):

I started talking to my neighbors who know my dog and I asked all of them to write what they though about my dog, while being aware of the incident and thankfully every one wrote very nice things about my dog and us as owners.

We went to the hearing and there were many people there for their own dog related incidents.

After signing up a police officer asked me and my girlfriend to have a word. I will not say who he was but he was basically aware of the situation and he thought that we should not be there. He assured us that we should be fine even before the hearing started.

There were couple incidents we heard prior to ours and they all were related to dogs biting humans. We were the only ones there over a dog fighting another dog.

They called the person who sued me on stand and that's when the show started. He did really put a show for everyone.

He mentioned that his dog was dead for minutes but he resuscitate his dog. He mentioned that there were blood everywhere. He started crying and sobbing. He actually said that he tried to pull his dog from my dog's mouth but he though his dogs skin was coming off. I know it sounds all bad but don't worry because none of this happened and his dog was fine. My dog did really bite him but it was a bark bite where he penetrated skin only and let go. He had pictures with him and he thought those pictures would help his argument but it really did not. It looked like the dog just got scratched.

Once he was done, it was our turn to speak. We kept it cool and explained what happened. We told the judge what we were doing to make sure this would never happen again. I also mentioned how he was asking for money and refusing to show me any bills. And that was it.. I called 3 weeks later and I was notified that our dog was not deemed danger to anyone.

I know it's been a while and people who gave me opinions here most likely won't see it but I wanted to thank everyone.

I remember when this happened to Liz Lemon, but this went on for five months:

You hear this story millions of times of people unknowingly hooking up with their relatives and finding out about this atrocity in the most awkward ways, and mine was no exception.. even had to create a new account cause it is so embarrassing

I was talking to this guy on Hinge who had the softest of hazel eyes, and at the time, I thought he was the one. After exchanging a few messages, we decide to go on a date, and one thing lead to another, and we were a couple. We dated for about 5 months, until the horror struck us that we were relatives...

Since we are both in our mid 20s, we were moved away from home and hadn’t had time to meet each other’s parents. Instead of doing the traditional, I’ll bring you over to meet my parents, and I’ll go over to meet yours, we decided for a dinner with both our parents. You can pretty much tell where this story goes now.

Long story short, we took our families out to a restaurant, and when my father stood up from the table to introduce himself to my boyfriend’s mother, his face turned completely white, as he was looking directly at his cousin(Uncle’s daughter). It took her a second to realize as well. Since my family and his family live on opposite sides of the states, our parents hadn’t seen each other in about 30 years, and it was coincidence that my boyfriend and I moved to the same city. We could tell something was wrong the way our parent looked at each other, and they informed us that we were related. Even though we loved each other, we decided it wasn’t right to do. That was one of the hardest breakups of my life, but it had to be done for the sake of our family. I told my friends that it didn’t work out and silently removed everything from social media..

Important sovereign citizen visual:

Aww, when Dad Jokes prove more powerful than our homophobic society:

You have a MIL problem and a husband problem, also you need to get your house re-keyed:

So from the day my son was born I felt as if my Mother in Law has over stepped. She has taken alot of first away from me. She was the first person to dress him, change his diaper, and so on . Not once did she ever ask if I was okay with it. She demand that she is going to do things with my son. Like giving him his first hair cutt, baby food, and ice cream cone. (Husband and I both don't want him having sweets and junk food) Well I've ignored her demands. And a few days ago I noticed my son's hair was in his eyes causing him to rub him eyes alot. So I sat him down and I cutt his hair. I didnt tell anyone I was going to do it. I figured he's my son I want to have these 1st moments with him! And today MIL noticed I had cut his hair. And she got very upset saying that my son is her baby and she used to be a hair dresser(not a good one...l) and so she had first rights to cutting his hair. And my husband agreed with her saying that it was very rude of my to cut my own sons hair. Which I have stated from the very beginning of my pregnancy that I want to be his mother and do things a good mother would do. I wanted to expience things with my son. She has 3 kids that she raised. And I in the wrong for wanting to have 1st with my son?

EDIT: We do not live with mother in law. But she randomly comes over when ever she pleases and somehow made herself a key. We live a good 45 minutes away..

This is not Reddit, this is Kendra Pierre-Louis on racism in the newsroom:

For journalists of color, what can be doubly infuriating is that our identities seem to mark us as not only less capable of reporting on general topics but also on issues that affect our own communities. If you are white and speak a foreign language or have lived in a foreign country, that’s often seen as a type of expertise that adds to your ability to report and write stories relevant to that culture. But if that knowledge comes from growing up as, say, a person of color who is the children of immigrants, it’s often another story.

One Asian American student journalist I spoke with recounted the experience of a journalism school classmate, also Asian American, who’d uncovered a story about a local Asian business. But their professor didn’t allow him to report the story, saying the reporter’s ethnicity made him biased. The professor instead assigned that story to a white student—whiteness often being seen as neutral, instead of as an identity with its own perspective and, yes, biases.

But even if reporters are allowed to write stories about their own communities, the perception of bias can persist. Confronted with this type of situation, “you get around it with facts,” says a reporter who is black and frequently writes about issues related to environmental justice. When someone calls her biased, she says, she asks them to point to things in her story that are unsubstantiated by data; they usually are unable to do so.

So hugely fucked up:

I (30M) have a twin brother who is getting married in July. I also have a fiancé (31M) who I am getting married to in October.

The family of my brother's future wife is of a different culture and religion and they come from a country where homosexuality is illegal. She is alright, but her parents are extremely bigoted. Editing to add we all live in a Western civilization where gay marriage is legal. They are not visiting, they moved here 25 years ago.

So in order to avoid any uncomfortable incidents, my brother has asked me if I could act straight on their wedding day. I'm not super flamboyant or anything, but I like showing affection to my boyfriend whenever I feel like it, including in public, and since I'm the best man, I'd be in the spotlight a lot, so they would probably notice it.

Since it came out of nowhere and he caught me unprepared, I said I would do it, but the more I think about it and talk to my boyfriend about it, the less I want to. I saw my family over the weekend and talked to my brother and said I didn't feel comfortable pretending. There will be friends and family at the reception who know I'm gay and who have met my boyfriend, and I think it would feel humiliating "acting straight" in front of them. Besides, what if I slip up and call my boyfriend "my boyfriend" within earshot, or if I do something automatic, like put my arm around him?

My brother seemed a bit hurt, but my parents and sisters made a huge deal out of it. They think I'm being difficult and that I should at least try to make my brother's wedding day go without any incidents. They're saying that it's just that one day and that I would survive not showing affection to my boyfriend for a few hours. They said I have it easy because I only really have to see them that one day but my brother is marrying into that family. In the end I said that if I have to do this, I'd rather not come at all.

Since then, I've gotten dozens of messages from all of them, asking me to change my mind and trying to convince me it's not such a big deal, but also calling me selfish and a bad brother. My parents have been reserved with insults, but my sisters have both called me an asshole.

I have no idea what the right thing to do is anymore. I feel extremely bad and guilty about all of it. He is my twin brother, my best friend, the one person I've always been closest to. He has always been there when I needed him and I feel horrible about not doing this for him. But I can't help but think what happens in October when I get married. Does he plan on hiding that from his in-laws too? And what if they have children? Will I have to pretend my future husband is my totally straight bro friend every time we see our nephew or niece and the in-laws are there? But then again, it's his wedding day and I, his twin brother and best man, am going to miss it and it feels wrong.

Edit: I'm just editing to add I might be using the term wedding incorrectly - I mean the reception, you know, the toasting and eating and dancing and mingling part. Not the part where they read vows and are pronounced husband and wife.

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Nicole Cliffe @Nicole_Cliffe

One of my readers who is a public librarian just emailed me to say that when she saw people talking about RHE she looked up her books in the system and they were all checked out, with MULTIPLE holds, and it was one of the nicest sympathy notes ever.

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Love you all, always!

xoxoxox,

Nicole