Don’t know if this qualifies, but every time I get one of your emails, I think, “oh, excellent, my friend Nicole sent another email.” We’ve never met. That’s really weird, I know, but it’s meant to be a compliment.
Here’s another one that helps me. I grew up along the Connecticut River, raised by swamp Yankees (kind of like Connecticut’s rednecks, but everyone works in insurance and is painfully frugal and very good fences/good neighbors). The river was central to our lives. When my grandfather was young, a swim in the river meant coming out dyed the color of whatever they were working on in the tannery upstream. A cut exposed to the water frequently meant rapid infection or death.
When my father was young, his dad would be careful to lift kids from the bank into the skiff so no part of them would touch the water during freshet season.
When I was growing up in the 80s, people were so excited because remediation efforts had succeeded to the point that a pregnant woman was allowed to eat one fish from the river in a year.
Last year my son found a living freshwater clam in the muddy riverbank, the first I’d ever seen there. The water is sweet and fresh. My children can swim in it.
Things can get better. We’re capable of fixing our mistakes.
Around the time I had my son, I read that baby boys don't get smooched on as much as girls, and I was like "oh, not THIS boy!" and my goal has been to raise a sweet boy. (Side note, it's pretty hard to find affordable toddler clothes that aren't aggressively aggressive.) Anyway, in the last week or so, he's started this thing where he kind of sighs and gazes at me and says "I love you, mama." It completely melts my heart every time.
something cheerful: this morning my cat meowed very loudly next to my partner's head, so i said "shh" and he looked at me for a min, then meowed much more softly.
something else: i am starting a new medication today, in anticipation of a very likely impending diagnosis and im really nervous about the whole thing. really i am nervous to NOT get the diagnosis because then it would mean what i'm experiencing is not "real" medically, just like every previous doctor said. so, if you're a prayful type please pray for me that i get a very straightforward and obvious diagnosis and that these meds don't make me faint. i've been trying to talk to jesus about it but so far he isn't answering! i understand he is busy but i am scared.
Nicole, you bring joy to the internet and you were kind enough to respond to me when I panic bought Hamilton tickets after a breakup and then sent you (an internet stranger!) a panicked email about how dumb I was to do that. It all worked out and money I was owed came in and I look the 10 hour train to NYC and loved every minute of the show. I'm getting married next month to someone lovely who loves musicals and makes me laugh. I know there are lots of people who have stories of you being kind and mine is mild but true. I'm sure you'll get some good ones today.
Y'all, thank you for the good vibes and prayers for my phone interview a few weeks ago! I got a call for the next round and am going in to meet the team on Friday!!
This is a little spurt of personal hope and gratitude: I shared with Jesus Wednesday readers my fear of moving to NYC sans gainful employment for the sake of true love. Happily, my boss wanted me to stay on the team so much that we are going to try working remotely at least for a while, which means hopefully I won’t have a gap in salary/benefits while I adjust to a new city, and MOST importantly, I might actually have money for the Oklahoma that fucks!! (which may or may not be the real reason I wanted to move to New York ANYWAY)
I have nothing to cheer you up - I'm British (so y'know, pretty done in right now) and just found out I didn't get PhD funding for the second year in a row. It sucks. My research is so important and undervalued (pregnancy outcomes! Making sure women's experiences are heard! Valuing healthy babies in a pro-choice, feminist way!) but no-one will pay for it, and it's just so demoralising. Hanging out in this thread to pick up some of the cheer. Thanks for being such a magnificent community.
Scientists found a tiny shark with pockets last week, and it glows in the dark! It's really cute.
I am taking a three-day weekend to go look at dinosaur bones with my partner this weekend. Very much looking forward to that because work has been exhausting lately, mostly due to the heat.
Something that cheered me up: we spent most of the oppressively hot weekend in air-conditioned museums. in the Hall of early European Christian art my four-year-old loudly proclaimed "I think Jesus was a lady!" and proceeded to make up her own hymns to Lady Jesus that she's sang loudly throughout the galleries.
In other news I've started the ball rolling to seek early intervention services for my 17 month old for potential speech delay. I feel good about being proactive and feel strongly that more information is nothing but helpful. But almost all my friends and family have been dismissive and insistent that there is nothing wrong with my child. I know they are trying to be kind, but it is unhelpful and exhausting. I'm struggling to find a kind way to shut them down without sounding snippy.
Big hugs to you all today, may we get through this week!
Here's some good news: I'm babysitting my bff's baby TWICE this week. She knows about the first one but the second one is a SECRET - I've been enlisted by her husband, so he can take her out for a birthday dinner. I'm very hype to hang out with my best baby pal, he has red hair, the rosiest of cheeks, 5 teeth, and is generally a total chonk.
While I want the Crown earlier, my birthday is in November so I'll take that present. <3
This is a sort-of personal victory, but at the ripe old age of 60 my dad has finally started acknowledging his anxiety out loud--it made him an absolutely unbearable, downright mean parent when I was growing up, and to hear him finally realize and admit that so much of his lifelong rage and need for control is related to mental health issues he'd never before recognized is...a place I never thought he'd reach.
And for those struggling with...any and everything, this week, something by Yeats I've committed to memory for comfort in the hard times:
This is a more "me" thing, because you haven't been inspecting it mournfully for the past few months, BUT: The office plant that I inherited and thought I'd killed has several new sprigs on it!
I started PT for vaginismus a month and a bit ago, and it’s been pretty amazing! I’m up to the second dilator and feel so much more in control and in tune with a part of my body I just kind of...ignored for 30 years. Plus I got permission to try a tampon the next time I get my period which is pretty exciting.
I love the fact that there are so many deep pools of community knowledge in the world, and so there’s always something new to learn if I am respectful and attentive enough to do so.
For instance! In southern Colorado there is a system of communal water management that was brought from Persia/Northern Africa by the Moors to Spain, and by them to Mexico, and then to Colorado and in continuous use here since land grants. Acequias are at odds with dominant western water law (which is “first in time, first in use”) because it views water as a community resource which must be communally maintained and shared by those who do the work together.
Acequias and Native water rights are finally getting official recognition in western states (which is a huge deal!).
My mom just flew in for a visit and was saying all sorts of encouraging things about how I will find a job that’s not freelance (because I feel isolated and sad) and I just have to keep applying and I’m talented and great and yes we should order dessert. That helped. I am so lucky to get a Mom Booster Shot.
I also managed to bring up less pleasant things (political things and border things, as she is Southern and Republican by default) without yelling or losing my cool. I don’t know if it made a difference. But I needed to try and thread that needle and say these things about how cruelty is bullshit, more or less. And I did most of it while navigating city traffic.
Also I wrote my kind-but-Hannity-brainwashed mom a letter about some concerns that hit really close to home for me about recent happenings in this administration. I had my siblings proofread it and my brother said, “You may want to leave out the part at the beginning where you say Trump has blood on his hands,” and he was right, that would not have been a great tone to start out with, and I’m just so grateful that we are close and I can learn from him. I still don’t understand how people can generalize about autistic people lacking empathy. I’m glad we figured out ways to communicate that work for us so I can understand how sensitive and perceptive he is, because he deserves to be cared for and understood.
I saw Carly Rae Jepsen live on Sunday night and I still get teary-eyed thinking about her closing her encore with "Cut to the Feeling" (literally gave me enough joy to get out of bed for most of 2017)
I’ve submitted my research Masters thesis corrections, and now I’m off for ice cream. I’m just so glad that’s (hopefully) pretty much done now, and I’ve got it sorted with months to spare before I start doing a PhD in the autumn.
Asking for prayers/well wishes for a friend who's had a really difficult pregnancy after years of fertility treatments and several losses. She is 21 weeks along and at risk of early labor, and I'm really scared and worried for her. It's hard to know how to be supportive from a distance, and I feel so angry and helpless about the unfairness of it all.
My good news is that at 35 weeks pregnant myself, I'm feeling pretty good and really excited to meet my (first-- very wanted after several years of trying and treatments) baby soon.
My kid (just past 2) was peeking over my shoulder while I checked on the spouse's ETA via Google location sharing, and spotted his picture on the map. Toddler: "Papa picture!" Me: "Yeah, Papa's on his way home from work." Toddler: "Papa coming home! Papa coming home! I lub Papa." me: *eyes suddenly brimming* "Me too, sweetie." Toddler: *gives me the biggest, chokeholdiest hug in some time* and yells " Mama, Papa, [toddler's name], HOOOOOOOOME!"
I got an ice cream maker and I made Meyer lemon ice cream, churned it and put it in the freezer last night, and tonight I get to eat it. I am very excited. Also, I recently fed and patted a sloth, and did you know they have teeny tiny little ears and very sharp pointy teeth? Delightful!
My wife and I are seeing a staged reading of Dave Malloy’s (composer of Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812) adaptation-in-progress of Moby Dick on Saturday! UNDER THE BLUE WHALE AT THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM IN MANHATTAN.
I started explaining this to my therapist this morning and thankfully she had seen Great Comet (and still had her egg shaker).
“Cheer up” is maybe not the word but the Mr. Rogers trailer inspired me to revisit his Dartmouth commencement speech: (video and transcription here https://news.dartmouth.edu/news/2018/03/revisiting-fred-rogers-2002-commencement-address). I’d heard it before, but my grandfather unexpectedly died this winter, and dedicating the “one silent minute” to him helped me so much and was so cathartic and lovely. All the Mr. Rogers content of this week in general is making me try to find ways to be good/do good in the current shitstorm of a world, and it seems like that’s true for other people as well which is ofc hopeful ❤️❤️❤️
lots of us over here in the UK are protesting Boris' stupid face (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-49058433). It's quite likely that he'll only be in power briefly until there's a general election. No one likes him. He's got maybe 3-4 months in the sun before he gets the boot I reckon. Not that this solves our larger, Brexit-shaped problems, but there are a LOT of passionate people working on it.
Jesus Wednesday-ish: My husband is leaving his job as a minister (due to burn out) without another job in place. He’s looking for a career change to a “normal” job. This will be our first time not being a “pastor’s family!” Anyone been through this? Prayers and/or advice welcome! Also job leads (Minneapolis area)
My friend and I bought last minute tickets to see our favorite soccer team play at Yankee Stadium tonight and I'm so excited!!! I was back and forth on whether or not I would go basically since they announced they'd be playing here, because tickets are always so expensive especially if you want to sit close, and was kind of resigned to just missing it, but then she messaged me on Monday night saying she had a discount code that would give us 50% off, so we could still get good seats for relatively cheap. So we're sitting in the 6th!!! row!! It's kind of in an awkward corner (there's a lot of those when you try to use a baseball stadium for... not baseball) but we should be able to see one end of the pitch really well and hopefully the team benches, as well.
It's also a big deal because while I've been full-time at my job for a few months now, I'm still getting used to the fact that I can buy things and not panic about it. Like, even half-off the ticket was still close to $100, but even spending that I'll still be able to buy groceries and whatever else this week and not have to worry about overdrafting or asking someone for help or etc. It's a weird thing to get used to but in a good way.
I went with a couple friends to see ‘the Oklahoma that fucks’ this weekend. I referred to it as such over text in the days leading up to the show. When I saw them before the show, they apologized that we were seeing a show I wasn’t thrilled about. When I asked them what they were talking about, they thought ‘Oklahoma that fucks’ was a typo and I meant to write ‘Oklahoma that sucks”.
It did not suck! It was amazing. And I was reminded that not everyone is Very Online. They had no idea what I was talking about when I tried to explain how you can compliment something by saying it fucks.
I reached a 4 day streak on the Calm app (shout out to my therapist for the free month...). That's twice as long as any meditation streak I've ever been on. Did I miss 90% of last night's 12 minute session because I fell asleep? Yes. But I'm telling myself that means it's working!
I've started writing creatively regularly again, and it is mostly awful, but I'm enjoying it a lot and just getting some words out of me that aren't work related are tremendously cathartic in this, the darkest of timelines. I'm probably going to submit something to some kind of magazine. It will likely get rejected but, god dammit, I'm a writer again.
The past month has been both incredibly stressful/great because:
A) I'm moving with my partner from Australia to Dublin, Ireland, for 2 years on a long term assignment with my company starting in November, which I finalised the contracts for last week (!) &
b) we're are going to get married before we go (!!!) (for Love and also Pragmatism, as there are some big benefits for him work permit-wise if we're married). It's gonna be a courthouse ceremony with our immediate family, so very small, BUT the good bit is that we're going to have a going-away/finished house renovation party at our place in October & invite family/friends, provide lots of food and drinks and have an excellent time!
Anyone living/has lived in Dublin, please feel free to get in touch! It'd be wonderful to know more about the city and any tips before making the big move!
Successfully overcame a pretty bad round of imposter sydrome today, I wrote the thing despite days of anxiety, and I just filed the story. Love you! xxx Nicole F (nicolefroio on twitter)
I have been writing a children’s book for a few months and I know at some point I have to stop being embarrassed of my own writing and show it to someone. This may be the push I needed.
I've had the worst writers block for about a year and a half (thanks to depression, grief, etc.) and it's so hard not to be frustrated about it when all of my friends are making great strides in their careers. BUT, this morning, I had a major break through about a new book-shaped idea. I'm excited to dive into it!
It was my birthday yesterday, and since the day before it was a wreck ( I hadn't cried at work in months but Monday was determined to fix that!) I was sure it would be rough but instead it was lovely! The news slowly spread to my coworkers so I kept getting surpise birthday hugs thorough the day, I accidentally got a birthday discount on some very good books at the thrift store I treated myself to, and we met a really lovely couple at dinner that suggested some extremely tasty sushi. It was a quiet, perfect birthday!
That old thing still makes me laugh! But real talk, I am 12 days into writing 1000 words of “my novel” a day and I have actually done it! The plan is to keep going to 90 days and I think I might actually do it! The secret is the first draft is garbage, but imagining getting to 90 days and having written 90,000 words is kind of thrilling.
Books! What have people been reading? I’ve been reading so much more this year and met my goodreads goal (35) last month but very few of the books have been amazing. I read the whole Temeraire series by Naomi Novik (some wonderful, some blah) a bunch of fun romance novels (the wedding party! Pride and Prejudice and other Flavors), a bunch of fine mysteries and some mediocre literature.
Thing to cheer you up: Last week my very timid cat-- who doesn't ever take risks or do much exploring around the house-- jumped on top of the entertainment center for the first time! It took her over a year to work up the courage to try the big jump, and now she spends hours up there every day. She LOVES it! She is so brave and so good and the first time I saw her do it, I immediately burst into tears. Cats are just the best.
Other thing: I recently quit a fundraising job that has slowly killed my formerly fun-loving and creative soul. I still have 1.5 weeks left at work, but I'm already finding myself to be less depressed, more energetic, and more motivated to pursue my passions than I have been in years. I've saved up a bit of money, and I was planning to take a few months off to allow myself to travel, write, create, read, and explore the potential of starting my own business.
But now that the time is almost here, I feel so scared and anxious! I now find myself compulsively applying for full time office jobs that promise stability, but which will likely end up once again slowly draining me of my vitality. I'm worried that my risk-averse tendencies and desire for stability are part of what made me so unhappy in the first place, so I'm trying not to allow myself to doubt my decision to take time off. But maybe I'm making a huge mistake! I don't know!
I'd love to get some advice from anyone who has gone through something similar, or even just a few words of encouragement to get through this dumb little quarter-life crisis!
I'm 30 and was just diagnosed with autism last year. I've masked for so long I don't know what my stims are, but I ordered a set of 3 chewable necklaces from Stimtastic and they are in transit. I'm really looking forward to them :)
One of the best visuals was adult in-rehab Elton hugging tiny child Elton, and I can't wait to talk to my therapist on Friday and compare how she always asks me what I feel for Child/Young Kristen to Elton John.
I am job searching, having finished my masters program, and had the most obviously feelings-processing dream. I know dreams are boring to hear about so I’ll keep it short but the gist is that I was at my first day, expectations were not clear, apparently everyone was allowed to yell at me, and I was supposed to be very happy about it. A nightmare for anyone and for my particular blend of achievement-oriented people pleasing, this left me entirely at a loss in the dream world...and the real world when I woke up. Today is another day! No jobs where “you are the one everyone gets to yell at” is a main feature!
I found out yesterday I’m going to be on jeopardy! I tape at the end of August. Send me smart vibes and prayers please!
Don’t know if this qualifies, but every time I get one of your emails, I think, “oh, excellent, my friend Nicole sent another email.” We’ve never met. That’s really weird, I know, but it’s meant to be a compliment.
Here’s another one that helps me. I grew up along the Connecticut River, raised by swamp Yankees (kind of like Connecticut’s rednecks, but everyone works in insurance and is painfully frugal and very good fences/good neighbors). The river was central to our lives. When my grandfather was young, a swim in the river meant coming out dyed the color of whatever they were working on in the tannery upstream. A cut exposed to the water frequently meant rapid infection or death.
When my father was young, his dad would be careful to lift kids from the bank into the skiff so no part of them would touch the water during freshet season.
When I was growing up in the 80s, people were so excited because remediation efforts had succeeded to the point that a pregnant woman was allowed to eat one fish from the river in a year.
Last year my son found a living freshwater clam in the muddy riverbank, the first I’d ever seen there. The water is sweet and fresh. My children can swim in it.
Things can get better. We’re capable of fixing our mistakes.
Around the time I had my son, I read that baby boys don't get smooched on as much as girls, and I was like "oh, not THIS boy!" and my goal has been to raise a sweet boy. (Side note, it's pretty hard to find affordable toddler clothes that aren't aggressively aggressive.) Anyway, in the last week or so, he's started this thing where he kind of sighs and gazes at me and says "I love you, mama." It completely melts my heart every time.
I have FOUR MORE DAYS until I reach a 365-day streak on Duolingo!
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE CRANE WIFE?
something cheerful: this morning my cat meowed very loudly next to my partner's head, so i said "shh" and he looked at me for a min, then meowed much more softly.
something else: i am starting a new medication today, in anticipation of a very likely impending diagnosis and im really nervous about the whole thing. really i am nervous to NOT get the diagnosis because then it would mean what i'm experiencing is not "real" medically, just like every previous doctor said. so, if you're a prayful type please pray for me that i get a very straightforward and obvious diagnosis and that these meds don't make me faint. i've been trying to talk to jesus about it but so far he isn't answering! i understand he is busy but i am scared.
Nicole, you bring joy to the internet and you were kind enough to respond to me when I panic bought Hamilton tickets after a breakup and then sent you (an internet stranger!) a panicked email about how dumb I was to do that. It all worked out and money I was owed came in and I look the 10 hour train to NYC and loved every minute of the show. I'm getting married next month to someone lovely who loves musicals and makes me laugh. I know there are lots of people who have stories of you being kind and mine is mild but true. I'm sure you'll get some good ones today.
I also read this this week, by Dr. Katie Mack, Astrophysicist:
Go Back
“Where I came from” is ionized hydrogen and interstellar dust
The sloughed-off remains of a giant star
Radioactive sparks in sunbeam suspension
“Where I came from” is a long-lost generation of suns
Those that lived and died and scattered their own remains
Nuclear detonations of compact matter, the death spiral plunges of neutron stars
“Where I came from” is the empty depths, the far-flung glints on the cosmic ocean
“Where I came from” is an eddy in an infrared-hot protoplanetary disk
“Where I came from” is a collision of worlds so violent it tore magma from the Earth to coalesce into the Moon
“Where I came from” is the sky, the ground, the sea, the very air we breathe
“Where I came from” is the infinite
“Where I came from” is the Universe
And one day, when I am good and ready, I will go back
Y'all, thank you for the good vibes and prayers for my phone interview a few weeks ago! I got a call for the next round and am going in to meet the team on Friday!!
This is a little spurt of personal hope and gratitude: I shared with Jesus Wednesday readers my fear of moving to NYC sans gainful employment for the sake of true love. Happily, my boss wanted me to stay on the team so much that we are going to try working remotely at least for a while, which means hopefully I won’t have a gap in salary/benefits while I adjust to a new city, and MOST importantly, I might actually have money for the Oklahoma that fucks!! (which may or may not be the real reason I wanted to move to New York ANYWAY)
I mean this is only special to ME but it's my birthday today!
I have nothing to cheer you up - I'm British (so y'know, pretty done in right now) and just found out I didn't get PhD funding for the second year in a row. It sucks. My research is so important and undervalued (pregnancy outcomes! Making sure women's experiences are heard! Valuing healthy babies in a pro-choice, feminist way!) but no-one will pay for it, and it's just so demoralising. Hanging out in this thread to pick up some of the cheer. Thanks for being such a magnificent community.
Scientists found a tiny shark with pockets last week, and it glows in the dark! It's really cute.
I am taking a three-day weekend to go look at dinosaur bones with my partner this weekend. Very much looking forward to that because work has been exhausting lately, mostly due to the heat.
Something that cheered me up: we spent most of the oppressively hot weekend in air-conditioned museums. in the Hall of early European Christian art my four-year-old loudly proclaimed "I think Jesus was a lady!" and proceeded to make up her own hymns to Lady Jesus that she's sang loudly throughout the galleries.
In other news I've started the ball rolling to seek early intervention services for my 17 month old for potential speech delay. I feel good about being proactive and feel strongly that more information is nothing but helpful. But almost all my friends and family have been dismissive and insistent that there is nothing wrong with my child. I know they are trying to be kind, but it is unhelpful and exhausting. I'm struggling to find a kind way to shut them down without sounding snippy.
Big hugs to you all today, may we get through this week!
Here's some good news: I'm babysitting my bff's baby TWICE this week. She knows about the first one but the second one is a SECRET - I've been enlisted by her husband, so he can take her out for a birthday dinner. I'm very hype to hang out with my best baby pal, he has red hair, the rosiest of cheeks, 5 teeth, and is generally a total chonk.
While I want the Crown earlier, my birthday is in November so I'll take that present. <3
This is a sort-of personal victory, but at the ripe old age of 60 my dad has finally started acknowledging his anxiety out loud--it made him an absolutely unbearable, downright mean parent when I was growing up, and to hear him finally realize and admit that so much of his lifelong rage and need for control is related to mental health issues he'd never before recognized is...a place I never thought he'd reach.
And for those struggling with...any and everything, this week, something by Yeats I've committed to memory for comfort in the hard times:
All the words that I gather
And all the words that I write
Must spread out their wings untiring
And never rest in their flight,
Till they come to where your sad, sad heart is,
And sing to you in the night
Beyond where the waters are moving,
Storm-darkened or starry bright.
This is a more "me" thing, because you haven't been inspecting it mournfully for the past few months, BUT: The office plant that I inherited and thought I'd killed has several new sprigs on it!
I started PT for vaginismus a month and a bit ago, and it’s been pretty amazing! I’m up to the second dilator and feel so much more in control and in tune with a part of my body I just kind of...ignored for 30 years. Plus I got permission to try a tampon the next time I get my period which is pretty exciting.
I love the fact that there are so many deep pools of community knowledge in the world, and so there’s always something new to learn if I am respectful and attentive enough to do so.
For instance! In southern Colorado there is a system of communal water management that was brought from Persia/Northern Africa by the Moors to Spain, and by them to Mexico, and then to Colorado and in continuous use here since land grants. Acequias are at odds with dominant western water law (which is “first in time, first in use”) because it views water as a community resource which must be communally maintained and shared by those who do the work together.
Acequias and Native water rights are finally getting official recognition in western states (which is a huge deal!).
My mom just flew in for a visit and was saying all sorts of encouraging things about how I will find a job that’s not freelance (because I feel isolated and sad) and I just have to keep applying and I’m talented and great and yes we should order dessert. That helped. I am so lucky to get a Mom Booster Shot.
I also managed to bring up less pleasant things (political things and border things, as she is Southern and Republican by default) without yelling or losing my cool. I don’t know if it made a difference. But I needed to try and thread that needle and say these things about how cruelty is bullshit, more or less. And I did most of it while navigating city traffic.
Also I wrote my kind-but-Hannity-brainwashed mom a letter about some concerns that hit really close to home for me about recent happenings in this administration. I had my siblings proofread it and my brother said, “You may want to leave out the part at the beginning where you say Trump has blood on his hands,” and he was right, that would not have been a great tone to start out with, and I’m just so grateful that we are close and I can learn from him. I still don’t understand how people can generalize about autistic people lacking empathy. I’m glad we figured out ways to communicate that work for us so I can understand how sensitive and perceptive he is, because he deserves to be cared for and understood.
I got the watercolour tattoo of my dreams a week or two ago and I love it so so so much.
I saw Carly Rae Jepsen live on Sunday night and I still get teary-eyed thinking about her closing her encore with "Cut to the Feeling" (literally gave me enough joy to get out of bed for most of 2017)
I’ve submitted my research Masters thesis corrections, and now I’m off for ice cream. I’m just so glad that’s (hopefully) pretty much done now, and I’ve got it sorted with months to spare before I start doing a PhD in the autumn.
Asking for prayers/well wishes for a friend who's had a really difficult pregnancy after years of fertility treatments and several losses. She is 21 weeks along and at risk of early labor, and I'm really scared and worried for her. It's hard to know how to be supportive from a distance, and I feel so angry and helpless about the unfairness of it all.
My good news is that at 35 weeks pregnant myself, I'm feeling pretty good and really excited to meet my (first-- very wanted after several years of trying and treatments) baby soon.
My kid (just past 2) was peeking over my shoulder while I checked on the spouse's ETA via Google location sharing, and spotted his picture on the map. Toddler: "Papa picture!" Me: "Yeah, Papa's on his way home from work." Toddler: "Papa coming home! Papa coming home! I lub Papa." me: *eyes suddenly brimming* "Me too, sweetie." Toddler: *gives me the biggest, chokeholdiest hug in some time* and yells " Mama, Papa, [toddler's name], HOOOOOOOOME!"
I got an ice cream maker and I made Meyer lemon ice cream, churned it and put it in the freezer last night, and tonight I get to eat it. I am very excited. Also, I recently fed and patted a sloth, and did you know they have teeny tiny little ears and very sharp pointy teeth? Delightful!
My wife and I are seeing a staged reading of Dave Malloy’s (composer of Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812) adaptation-in-progress of Moby Dick on Saturday! UNDER THE BLUE WHALE AT THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM IN MANHATTAN.
I started explaining this to my therapist this morning and thankfully she had seen Great Comet (and still had her egg shaker).
“Cheer up” is maybe not the word but the Mr. Rogers trailer inspired me to revisit his Dartmouth commencement speech: (video and transcription here https://news.dartmouth.edu/news/2018/03/revisiting-fred-rogers-2002-commencement-address). I’d heard it before, but my grandfather unexpectedly died this winter, and dedicating the “one silent minute” to him helped me so much and was so cathartic and lovely. All the Mr. Rogers content of this week in general is making me try to find ways to be good/do good in the current shitstorm of a world, and it seems like that’s true for other people as well which is ofc hopeful ❤️❤️❤️
lots of us over here in the UK are protesting Boris' stupid face (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-49058433). It's quite likely that he'll only be in power briefly until there's a general election. No one likes him. He's got maybe 3-4 months in the sun before he gets the boot I reckon. Not that this solves our larger, Brexit-shaped problems, but there are a LOT of passionate people working on it.
Jesus Wednesday-ish: My husband is leaving his job as a minister (due to burn out) without another job in place. He’s looking for a career change to a “normal” job. This will be our first time not being a “pastor’s family!” Anyone been through this? Prayers and/or advice welcome! Also job leads (Minneapolis area)
My friend and I bought last minute tickets to see our favorite soccer team play at Yankee Stadium tonight and I'm so excited!!! I was back and forth on whether or not I would go basically since they announced they'd be playing here, because tickets are always so expensive especially if you want to sit close, and was kind of resigned to just missing it, but then she messaged me on Monday night saying she had a discount code that would give us 50% off, so we could still get good seats for relatively cheap. So we're sitting in the 6th!!! row!! It's kind of in an awkward corner (there's a lot of those when you try to use a baseball stadium for... not baseball) but we should be able to see one end of the pitch really well and hopefully the team benches, as well.
It's also a big deal because while I've been full-time at my job for a few months now, I'm still getting used to the fact that I can buy things and not panic about it. Like, even half-off the ticket was still close to $100, but even spending that I'll still be able to buy groceries and whatever else this week and not have to worry about overdrafting or asking someone for help or etc. It's a weird thing to get used to but in a good way.
I went with a couple friends to see ‘the Oklahoma that fucks’ this weekend. I referred to it as such over text in the days leading up to the show. When I saw them before the show, they apologized that we were seeing a show I wasn’t thrilled about. When I asked them what they were talking about, they thought ‘Oklahoma that fucks’ was a typo and I meant to write ‘Oklahoma that sucks”.
It did not suck! It was amazing. And I was reminded that not everyone is Very Online. They had no idea what I was talking about when I tried to explain how you can compliment something by saying it fucks.
Cheers. Don’t be an Oklahoma! that sucks. xx
I reached a 4 day streak on the Calm app (shout out to my therapist for the free month...). That's twice as long as any meditation streak I've ever been on. Did I miss 90% of last night's 12 minute session because I fell asleep? Yes. But I'm telling myself that means it's working!
I've started writing creatively regularly again, and it is mostly awful, but I'm enjoying it a lot and just getting some words out of me that aren't work related are tremendously cathartic in this, the darkest of timelines. I'm probably going to submit something to some kind of magazine. It will likely get rejected but, god dammit, I'm a writer again.
The past month has been both incredibly stressful/great because:
A) I'm moving with my partner from Australia to Dublin, Ireland, for 2 years on a long term assignment with my company starting in November, which I finalised the contracts for last week (!) &
b) we're are going to get married before we go (!!!) (for Love and also Pragmatism, as there are some big benefits for him work permit-wise if we're married). It's gonna be a courthouse ceremony with our immediate family, so very small, BUT the good bit is that we're going to have a going-away/finished house renovation party at our place in October & invite family/friends, provide lots of food and drinks and have an excellent time!
Anyone living/has lived in Dublin, please feel free to get in touch! It'd be wonderful to know more about the city and any tips before making the big move!
@blgtylr on twitter just pointed out that the chorus of ...Baby One More Time is the same as Captain Wentworth’s letter in Persuasion https://twitter.com/blgtylr/status/1153772679402594304?s=21
Successfully overcame a pretty bad round of imposter sydrome today, I wrote the thing despite days of anxiety, and I just filed the story. Love you! xxx Nicole F (nicolefroio on twitter)
I don't know if I can share links on here but BABY TAPIR. https://twitter.com/chesterzoo/status/1153605544009240577
I have been writing a children’s book for a few months and I know at some point I have to stop being embarrassed of my own writing and show it to someone. This may be the push I needed.
I've had the worst writers block for about a year and a half (thanks to depression, grief, etc.) and it's so hard not to be frustrated about it when all of my friends are making great strides in their careers. BUT, this morning, I had a major break through about a new book-shaped idea. I'm excited to dive into it!
It was my birthday yesterday, and since the day before it was a wreck ( I hadn't cried at work in months but Monday was determined to fix that!) I was sure it would be rough but instead it was lovely! The news slowly spread to my coworkers so I kept getting surpise birthday hugs thorough the day, I accidentally got a birthday discount on some very good books at the thrift store I treated myself to, and we met a really lovely couple at dinner that suggested some extremely tasty sushi. It was a quiet, perfect birthday!
That old thing still makes me laugh! But real talk, I am 12 days into writing 1000 words of “my novel” a day and I have actually done it! The plan is to keep going to 90 days and I think I might actually do it! The secret is the first draft is garbage, but imagining getting to 90 days and having written 90,000 words is kind of thrilling.
[banging a wooden spoon around inside a metal pot] LOVE AND THUNDER, LOVE AND THUNDER! Who else is hype for Love & Thunder?? I can’t wait until 2021.
Books! What have people been reading? I’ve been reading so much more this year and met my goodreads goal (35) last month but very few of the books have been amazing. I read the whole Temeraire series by Naomi Novik (some wonderful, some blah) a bunch of fun romance novels (the wedding party! Pride and Prejudice and other Flavors), a bunch of fine mysteries and some mediocre literature.
Thing to cheer you up: Last week my very timid cat-- who doesn't ever take risks or do much exploring around the house-- jumped on top of the entertainment center for the first time! It took her over a year to work up the courage to try the big jump, and now she spends hours up there every day. She LOVES it! She is so brave and so good and the first time I saw her do it, I immediately burst into tears. Cats are just the best.
Other thing: I recently quit a fundraising job that has slowly killed my formerly fun-loving and creative soul. I still have 1.5 weeks left at work, but I'm already finding myself to be less depressed, more energetic, and more motivated to pursue my passions than I have been in years. I've saved up a bit of money, and I was planning to take a few months off to allow myself to travel, write, create, read, and explore the potential of starting my own business.
But now that the time is almost here, I feel so scared and anxious! I now find myself compulsively applying for full time office jobs that promise stability, but which will likely end up once again slowly draining me of my vitality. I'm worried that my risk-averse tendencies and desire for stability are part of what made me so unhappy in the first place, so I'm trying not to allow myself to doubt my decision to take time off. But maybe I'm making a huge mistake! I don't know!
I'd love to get some advice from anyone who has gone through something similar, or even just a few words of encouragement to get through this dumb little quarter-life crisis!
I'm 30 and was just diagnosed with autism last year. I've masked for so long I don't know what my stims are, but I ordered a set of 3 chewable necklaces from Stimtastic and they are in transit. I'm really looking forward to them :)
Been having a horrible no good very bad month of late, but not AS bad as my best of all friends, so last night we did a random$5 movie night at a local theater so no one could talk to / reach us for 2-3 hours, and we picked Rocketman and I've been crying at photos/videos of Taron Edgerton & Elton John's newly formed friendship since then. (https://cdn-02.independent.ie/entertainment/movies/article38127956.ece/AUTOCROP/w620/ipanews_62bd2d27-7776-429d-9518-c4f03dbf79fb_embedded242914124)
One of the best visuals was adult in-rehab Elton hugging tiny child Elton, and I can't wait to talk to my therapist on Friday and compare how she always asks me what I feel for Child/Young Kristen to Elton John.
I am job searching, having finished my masters program, and had the most obviously feelings-processing dream. I know dreams are boring to hear about so I’ll keep it short but the gist is that I was at my first day, expectations were not clear, apparently everyone was allowed to yell at me, and I was supposed to be very happy about it. A nightmare for anyone and for my particular blend of achievement-oriented people pleasing, this left me entirely at a loss in the dream world...and the real world when I woke up. Today is another day! No jobs where “you are the one everyone gets to yell at” is a main feature!