Post-Holiday Reddit

It's a wild wild world!

Are we all mostly recovered? Good. Let’s do this.

Just a great title, no need to link:

Way to double down, kid:

People talking about their signature party dish!

uhh I don’t know what this boss’ game is but it’s not on the up and up:

I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die.

I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k.

I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal.

Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us.

DADDY GOTTA GO:

Now we genuinely only had a few minor rules per say when he moved in, the most important being no firearms in the house. At the time he grumbled a wee bit, but ultimately organized to keep his gun safe at a hunting buddies place. No drama.

Or so we thought...

Now I'm no lawyer, but my understanding at the time was he had strict rules about notifying the local police that he had moved cities, what guns he had and where/how they would be stored.

Our house was not the listed location, nor do we have a gun safe on site, so my understanding was that on top of our request, absolutely no guns should be stored at our house full stop.

Fast forward around 3 months, Father in-law had a hunting trip planned and given the early start, decided he would keep his guns under his bed over night. No incident on that occasion, other than a discussion about respecting our wishes. At this point, while my better half and I are unanimous on the rule, she feels I'm being a little unreasonable as it was just over night.

The guns would have been dropped back off and safety locked up at the aforementioned hunting buddies house, except my Father in-law seemly decided to keep a rifle under his bed.

Evidently this rifle never made it back to the gun safe and around 3 months after the hunting trip, somewhere along the line, our 15month old wandered into his room (off the lounge, not uncommon for the doors to be left open in an otherwise well baby proofed home) where he came across the rifle butt sticking out from under the bed. Upon following him into the bedroom we were shocked to find he had pulled the rifle out from under the bed and was inquisitively playing with the business end of the rifle.

As any parent could attest, we were most upset and ultimately furious with my Father in-law, who not only didn't see what the problem was but had the nerve to then lecture us about how unreasonable our gun rule was in the first place...

A wonderful update to “can my boss demand my DNA to see if I am the mystery shitter?”:

TL;DR: My purity of essence is preserved: Supervisor was going rogue - no one in a professional context wants my precious bodily fluids. I have a temporary new supervisor who encouraged me to apply for another position within the uni with higher pay and more interesting responsibility when I brought him up to speed on what I was working on. (And worst case I’m certain my current job is secure) Also managed to "accidentally" reveal some policy violations while bringing new supervisor up to speed.

yeah this is pretty outrageous snooping, she’s in the wrong:

So, from the title I’d imagine you’re thinking “yes you are an asshole, you’ve obviously been caught cheating”.

Here’s the thing, I haven’t cheated. She unlocked my phone, read my texts and then scrolled back like 4 weeks into a group chat, that’s active every day, and got pissed off with me because I said that a random girl someone sent a photo of had some bangers on her (big boobies if you will).

That’s it. She got super pissed off with me for a throwaway comment like that.

When I brought up the fact that going through my phone without my consent is a sign that she doesn’t trust me, she got even more pissed off.

Please can someone tell me who’s in the wrong here because I feel like I’m losing my mind.

hahahahahahahah:

I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago, we decided to stay friends and text. We didn’t see each other often and it was kinda weird but kinda working. A couple months post breakup I decided I was going to ask them if they wanted to start a FWB situation but before I got the chance they asked to get back together. I decided it was best we don’t talk for a while. It’s been about 2 months since they asked to get back together and I reached out to explain that I decided to go no contact with them because I was planning on asking to start a FWB situation. During this conversation I told them I was only open to a friendship if sex was involved because I’m too sexually attracted to them to not try to have sex with them but I was not interested in a relationship. They did not take that well. AITA?

sorry about the wrongful arrest, here is your bill for your time in jail:

Due to police error, a friend was mistakenly arrested at home for a very serious crime which he did not commit (they confused him with another person sharing the same name). He was bailed out by family after a few hours, hired a lawyer to fight this, but everything was dropped about a week later once the police realized their error. The lawyer is a family friend and was nice enough to refund him his fees in full.

My friend was more than willing to let all this go without much complaint, despite being pretty upset, because he's an easy going guy and realized mistakes happen. But he just received a bill in the mail for his time in the county jail (3-4 hours). It's not a huge bill, but this is sort of the straw that broke the camel's back for him.

Does he have to pay this bill? If they do try to make him pay, does he have any legal recourse against the city/police? Should he be suing them for wrongful arrest (or whatever the proper term would be here)? Appreciate any input.

DO NOT LET THESE PEOPLE IN YOUR HOME:

WEIRD REDDIT DAY!

everyone's fav

Hi all! Let’s get right into it, shall we?

First, as per usual, here is my latest Slate column, filled with bon mots and wisdom. Here is Friday’s as well. A sample!

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I split up last year, and we have joint legal custody of our 13- and 15-year-old daughters. When they’re at their dad’s house, he lets them watch TV shows I believe are inappropriate for them: Sex and the CityMindhunter, and Game of Thrones. He refuses to discuss this with me. What are my options?

—Let Kids Be Kids

Y’all are watching Mindhunter, right? When is season two dropping!! I want her daughters to come hang out with me, stat.

not even linking to this:

I need this guy DEAD:

Hi I’m a 16 year old female from Maine and I work at a grocery store. My manager is an adult male probably around 35 or 40. He’s always acted kind of sexual towards me ever since I started working here about 8 months ago. His wife works as a manager in a different dept and she has also been kind of sexual towards me too. My manager constantly makes sexual comments about my boobs and butt and stuff, after he first started doing this he asked if it was ok for him to say stuff like that to me and I said it was fine, I don’t know why I said it was ok but I guess I just like the attention sometimes. He also asks me a lot of sexual questions like if I’m a virgin or how much I masterbate and stuff and I’ve answered some of his questions before and he’s also asked me if it’s ok for him to say those things and I said yes also. He sometimes talks about his sex life and he tells me probably at least once a week that he’s about to go jerk off in his office and that I can come watch if I want. I never went to go watch him but he still tells me about it a lot.

yeah that’s a no from me (and the law):

Last night when I was on the way home there was no street parking so I parked down the alley. In my city there are normally signs that explicitly state where you can or cannot park, and since I didn't see a sign I figured it was fine. I wake up the next morning to go to the store and find a sign locked around my front tire with a bike lock that says because I am parked on private property I need to give the property owner $20 to remove it. I needed to leave quickly so I coughed up the $20. He lectured me about how he should have had me towed. Is it legal for him to self "impound" my car and demand I give him money? He did this instead of just having me towed. I am located in Washington, United States. Can I get my money back? I'm a college student who can't afford this!

it’s her house, so skip the booze for one night:

AITA for serving wine at Thanksgiving with a recovering alcoholic present?

My mother seems to think that me brining wine to her home on Thanksgiving is NOT okay, for the sole reason that my uncle is a recovering alcoholic. AITA for taking issue with this? One out of fourteen adult guests has a problem with alcohol and I just don’t think it’s fair to not serve wine for that one person!

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, lady, no you should not be sending your sister a list of reasons not to get a pit bull:

A few weeks pass and me and my mother are sitting in the living room chatting and the topic about the list comes up, I agree somewhat reluctantly to send the whole thing to my sister and perhaps predictably, she blocked me without even replying. Mother messaged sister's S.O, a wonderful, smart and compassionate guy, and he explained that my sister is pretty upset and considering not coming to the christmas dinner unless we stopped criticizing her dog

My Father and brother are both telling me to leave her alone and let her have her dog, however I think the impact that the dog would have on herself and others is too big to just turn the other cheek to, and would end up damaging her in the long term. My brother and father are both very sensible and reasonable people so I'm afraid that might be the asshole.

uhhh I don’t think this necessarily makes you an asshole but it may have real consequences for your relationship, my man:

Why do we take people at their word for the largest decision in our life, to raise a child? My GF never gave one iota of suspicion about her fidelity. That being said, I always told her I wanted a paternity test for any of my children. I believe paternity test should be included in the prenatal care package and everyone at least given the option to find for 100% if the child is of their lineage.

During the prenatal screening they discuss possible health issues based on the parents family health. But they do this counseling without any scientific proof you are the father. Why should only the woman know 100% the baby is hers? Because society deems me an asshole for wanting that certainty?

Edit: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY TRUST FOR MY GF AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY DISTRUST OF HUMAN NATURE.

I am so into r/ChoosingBeggars right now:

you started off as not the asshole but oh boy you finished strong:

My wife and I run a mechanic shop. We have for a while. Most of the people I deal with are pleasant people, but the other day I had a less than perfect experience.

So a young lady comes in who only speaks Spanish. We can’t understand her. She seems upset, so I walked outside and looked at her car but didn’t see any obvious issues.

I come back in and try to explain to her that I can’t understand her, but she starts getting mad at me. Eventually, she gets on the phone and starts raising her voice. About 15 minutes later, a man shows up ( I think her boyfriend) speaking broken English telling me to “respect his Sahel” or whatever the hell he was trying to say.

At this point, I lost my cool and made them both leave. He refused at first but then I told him I assumed he wasn’t a legal immigrant and unless he wants ICE called, he better leave. I also informed him that he should learn to speak English before he invades our country.

I know the last part seems harsh, but he was way out of line talking to me. I don’t care who it is, if you can’t respect me I can’t respect you.

Edit: I realize that saying that wasn’t the most professional thing to do, but when I said it they immediately left without any further trouble.

wow that’s some solid entitlement:

UHHHH:

I’ve been hooking up with a girl I met on a dating app for like 4 months and she’s been nice to me always, I even took her virginity. The problem is she can get a little clingy and wants to hang out with me almost every weekend.

Well she hadn’t spoken to me in over a month, but she comes over the next day after asking if we could meet up. She’s a little shy, so I just hold minimal conversation with her but say fuck it and just get right to business. I didn’t last long the first round but I went at it again for the second time. Unfortunately I started losing my erection so we cuddle for a bit until I ask her to suck my dick so I can get hard again. She does then we fuck and I finally finish and leave the room.

I’m expecting her to already be dressed because I just wanna be left alone after I cum so when I came in I told her I didn’t mean to be rude but I needed to hit the gym ( I didn’t) in a few minutes. She doesn’t say anything and quietly gets off the bed and starts getting dressed. At this point I can tell by her face that I hurt her feelings so I try to make small talk and she’s receptive to it like she talked back and everything. Fast forward to a couple days, later she texts me and asks if we can see each other soon and I tell her that we can and I’ll talk to her in a couple days to let her know. By the time it came for me to text her, I realized I had something to do the next day so I just texted her anyway and said hello then I left her on read so she wouldn’t remember that we were supposed to hang out.

yeah, you’re a turd:

What a Good Day For a Weird Reddit Installment!

as above, so below

Before I get straight to Reddit-ing, please check out today’s Care and Feeding column, in which I tackle moms trying to poison cats with death plants, Barbies, AND Elf on a Shelf!

ALSO, the heck is going on in Havana???:

Wary of being seen as a burden, Lee didn’t mention her condition to her superiors, Jeffrey DeLaurentis, the Embassy’s chief of mission, and his deputy, Scott Hamilton, but they already knew that something strange was happening. Between December 30, 2016, and February 9, 2017, at least three C.I.A. officers working under diplomatic cover in Cuba had reported troubling sensations that seemed to leave serious injuries. When the agency sent reinforcements to Havana, at least two of them were afflicted as well.

All the victims described being bombarded by waves of pressure in their heads. Unlike Lee, though, the C.I.A. officers said that they heard loud sounds, similar to cicadas, which seemed to follow them from one room to another. But when they opened an outside door the sounds abruptly stopped. Some of the victims said that it felt as if they were standing in an invisible beam of energy.

The Americans suffered from headaches, dizziness, and a perplexing range of other symptoms. Later, specialists studied their brains and determined that the injuries resembled concussions, like those suffered by soldiers struck by roadside bombs in Iraq and Afghanistan. But there were no signs of impact. One of the specialists said it was as if the victims had a “concussion without concussion.” Douglas Smith, who oversaw a team that examined the victims at the University of Pennsylvania, said, “None of us have ever encountered anything like this before.” Experts at the C.I.A. were baffled by what they saw as an alarming new threat, one of the most confounding medical and espionage mysteries to involve American personnel overseas since the Cold War. The affliction didn’t have a name, so some of the victims started to refer to it simply as the Thing.

This absolute unit:

oh yeah that’s pointed as heck:

I gave my three weeks notice at my current job yesterday, and things have already gotten weird! About an hour after I had the conversation with my manager, I received an email from a colleague who is close with my manager, but who I am not close with. He congratulated me on my new position, and then sent three web links to articles on how to “gracefully resign.” All three links have these in the title, it seems like that’s the phrase he googled.

Am I being paranoid, or does this seem as pointed as it feels? I’m not sure where it’s coming from, as I’ve never had any negative feedback about my professionalism, and so far, my resignation has been very by the books. I’d like to ask him whether my manager feels that I haven’t been professional in my resignation, but I’m wondering if it’s just better to let this one go?

this is a cursed image, you have been warned, do not click

This look at New York City’s worst subway accident is incredibly gripping:

At 6:42 p.m., 28 minutes after it left Park Row, the train carrying 650 passengers slammed into a concrete abutment as it rounded a sharp curve approaching the Malbone Street station in Flatbush. Nearly 100 riders died and another 250 were injured in what remains New York City’s worst subway accident and arguably the worst train crash in American history.

“On the basis of faulty assumptions and a perfectly understandable desire to keep the trains rolling,” Brian Cudahy wrote in “The Malbone Street Wreck” (1999), “the B.R.T. awkwardly, tragically and stupidly stumbled into the worst mistake in the history of American urban transportation.”

nope, nope, bail out now:

Last week, he said his ex and his boyfriend were in town again and they invited us to brunch. I thought nothing of it and went. At the brunch, his ex mentioned that she and her BF were engaged. This really threw off my BF. His mood just suddenly changed. After the brunch, I noticed him taking her aside and whispering something.

The whole week, my BF seemed to be in a bad mood. Yesterday morning, I found my BF drinking shots at the kitchen counter. He looked as if he hadn’t slept all night. I asked him what was wrong. He shrugged. I asked him if itnwas about his ex, because he had been off ever since he saw her.

He said yes. He told me that he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her and the smile on her face when she showed off her new ring. “Its funny because I always thought that she’d be wearing my ring.” I was stunned. He continued. “Dont you have a man who you thought was “the one who got away?”

He asked if he could be honest with me. He told me that he still loved her. That he had always loved her. But he said at the end something about fate and how he had to move on and that he had to focus on us right now. That his ex was a thing of the past. Still, I was fucking devastated. I appreciated his honesty and understand he was drunk, but wow, it fucking hurt.

Im crying in my room and i dont know what to do. I feel like my heart has just been stomped on. My fears have been validated. My bf is only with me because he can’t have his ex. Where do I even go from here.

this guy seemed okay and then people dug into his previous posts and comments and turns out his wife is exhausted bc she does ALL OF THE WORK, there is nothing equitable about the division:

My wife is amazing. She is smart, professonal, beautiful, a great mom and a great person. We contribute similarly to our household in income, chores, and parenting. She gets up early with the kids, goes to work, comes home. Then it's dinner, entertain kids, get ready for the next day. Now her responsibilites are done for the day. She can relax. Now I can spend some time with her.

No - not usually. She is tired, needs her own time, or wants to vent and is generally negative. This is understandable. I do my own thing or listen/talk - whatever she prefers. Give her a kiss and say I love her - goodnight. But that's not what I want.

I wish I got the same energy her work and our kids get. She always impresses me when interacting with others. Maybe there isnt enough energy left for me. Or maybe it is a squeaky wheel gets the grease type thing.

THE HARDEST OF PASSES FROM ME:

My coworker found out that my birthday is coming up and he decided to buy me a a bracelet.

I was kind of shocked because although we are work friends, we aren’t besties. He put it in my desk and left a note that said “Happy Birthday! You deserve it.” I pulled him aside to thank him for the gift (and to also not call attention to it) and told him that although it’s beautiful I can’t accept it. He asked why and I said it’s just too expensive and I don’t feel comfortable accepting it.

He told me to keep it and said he wouldn’t accept that answer. So before I left work, I left it on his desk when he wasn’t looking and left.

The next day he pulled me aside and asked why I accepted gifts from other coworkers but not him. I explained to him that it was because usually those gifts cost less than $10 bucks.

Later that day he sent me a long-winded email that he was deeply offended by my behavior and that he just wanted to be nice and that I deserved it. He wrote that the bracelet was a drop in the bucket and not a big deal for him financially speaking.

I told him it wasn’t personal and that I would deny a gift like that from anyone unless it was from my husband or a family member.

The following day he apologized to me and brought me coffee and a muffin. I told him it was no big deal and accepted the coffee and muffin (even though I didn’t want to.)

That night he started texting me which was strange because he never texts me at night. He said he ended up giving the bracelet to his wife and that she loved it.

I was confused as to why he was telling me this information and wasn’t exactly sure how to respond so I just said “I’m glad it found a home!” He texted me and said it “but it would’ve looked great on your chocolate skin.”

At this point I stopped responding because I felt uncomfortable. I began ignoring him at work, too, and began working from home more often.

Fast forward to the following week. I bumped into him while I was with my husband at the grocery store. He invited both of us over for dinner, and my husband accepted. I plan on getting hit with a “stomach bug” that night so we don’t have to go. I told my husband everything after that.

My coworker sent me an text saying that “we needed to talk” but I haven’t responded.

oh boy, this guy bugs me a whole lot (also I DO think your stalking habits are relevant, sir!):

The mother of my 2 children(twins) and her parents who have a history of child abuse, put the children into Closed Adoption, and I was never contacted about the birth. I know of them because the nanny of the adoptive parents showed them to me(in austria), I do not know the hospital or birthdate, I only roughly know their age(6) and for many years I didn't even know they existed. The mother and her parents also filed against me for Criminal Harassment when she was pregnant and I was trying to talk to her. I got deported from the country. I am not allowed to return. But were they not legally suppose to contact me before closed adoption? My family is large and not poor and we could have raised them if the Mother didn't want too. Now I'm in the terrible situation of knowing I have kids, but have nothing legal about them. I don't even know if my full name is on the birth certificates. Thanks in advance. Also one of the adoptive families knew me personally as I went to high school with their daughter, who is the main care taker of my son. I've spoken to my embassy about this and they won't do anything.

yeah i’m sure that’ll go great:

uhhhh:

xoxoxoxxoox love you all

We Have So Much To Catch Up On

too much, really

WELL, team, the last two weeks have been extremely hit or miss with yours truly. Shall we?

The big thing was the weird tonic-clonic seizure I had, out of nowhere, the Thursday before last. I don’t remember it at all myself, I remember talking to my mother in the kitchen late in the afternoon, and then I remember sitting on the floor in the kitchen being a real bitch to my mom, who was saying nonsensical things to me about how something was wrong and she needed to call 911. Because I am never mad at my mom, or really in general, I assumed I was dreaming, because I am frequently yelling at loved ones in my dreams.

By the time the paramedics arrived, I was beginning to suspect I was awake, and when they did not leave as soon as I (sweat-soaked and bug-eyed and with my blood pressure through the roof) told them my mom was a crazy old bat and to leave me alone…well, I started to think that I might have had a seizure.

They took me in, I got a clean head CT scan, and then everyone became relatively disinterested in the seizure. I have since learned that a massive number of men and women have exactly one really bitchin’ tonic-clonic seizure in their lives, and that’s it. I’m seeing a neurologist for follow-up, obviously, but there’s every chance this is just a Fun Story a few years down the road.

Then I slept off and on for the next 2-4 days, during which time I tweeted and texted and called people but formed zero memories of having done so. I was also a bit chattier and pushier than usual, which is apparently extremely common. Almost two weeks out, my brain is almost totally back to normal, but still a bit bad at short-term memory formation. I also got a partial muscle tear in my left arm while seizing, which has been really unpleasant and will just take time.

I had planned to go to NYC this past weekend for ages, specifically to appear at Symphony Space in conversation with my dear friend Nicole Chung, whose debut book is kicking ass and taking names. I had no intention of cancelling, once I got permission to fly, but I did slash-and-burn any and all other plans for my time there, which resulted in maybe the only Relaxing and Restorative trip to Manhattan I have ever had. I got a free upgrade at the Carlyle Hotel and wound up with this ridiculous two-bedroom suite with wraparound views and a kitchen and a living room, which I immediately populated with a small entourage of friends who also wanted to come support Nikki’s book. It was lovely. We got the hotel salon to send up hair and makeup people to make us pretty (I got bangs!) and ate thousands of dumplings and watched TV and talked and cried and did not go anywhere.

I’ll be doing a longer installment tomorrow but wanted to be like “this is where I have been!”

Love N

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