Friday Open Thread

I’m going on my family trip to NYC now! I am probably already awake too early, because I never sleep well before flights where I also have to control a child.

Do you have a long weekend? Today is no school bc of parent-teacher conferences and on Monday my kids’ school celebrates Indigenous Peoples’ Day, so it’s a very very long weekend ‘round these parts.


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a glorious day

Hello, my darlings! Just a normal, delightful newsletter today. Let’s bounce right back in with our Featured Pet of the Day. It is my great joy to introduce you to Hector.

Hector’s human companion, Stephanie, informs us that he goes by many other names, chief among them “Hector the Protector, Hectoroo, and Mr. Fuzzy Butt.”

“Hector is my parents (and my) dog. He'll be 10 in August. Hector loves BANANAS. They are his favorite treat and he thinks the word Banana means "Come". He also deeply loves any UPS, mail, or Fedex truck and has lately taken to hopping into them and doing the rounds of the neighborhood. He is beloved by everyone and when he visited me in NYC this past summer, he made best friends with every construction worker and film crew in the neighborhood.”

This picture of Hector at Rock Center really made my day. Love me an Olden Golden. Thank you so much, Stephanie & Hector!

Parents wrote in to my parenting column with an adorable issue involving their goth teen:

Dear Care and Feeding,

Our daughter (a 13-year-old) is going through a goth phase. We mostly think this is adorable and kind of retro, but she wants to have dozens of candles around her room, continuously lit, and we think she’s going to burn the house down. How do we broach this?

—Parents of a Goth

Dear Parents of a Goth,

Congratulations, it’s a goth! Goth teens rule. How else does Hot Topic stay in business? I celebrate your daughter’s choices.

Now, the candles. You broach it by parenting! Tell her she can burn one candle at a time, on a safe surface away from curtains, and it has to be extinguished when she leaves the room. Also, buy her a new fire extinguisher along with some lovely candles for the next gift-giving occasion.

If you get pushback, just say no. You’re the parent, she’s a teen. I say this as someone with what could be described as a candle problem. Encourage her in her other goth desires—Baudelaire poems, malachite crystals, thumb rings, old Theda Bara movies, lip biting—but put your foot down on letting her room look like Enya is about to film a music video in it.

Prudie had his own crosses to bear this week (a truly unanswerable conundrum):

Dear Prudence,
I have a friend who makes jewelry to give others on holidays and birthdays. I love homemade gifts, and I understand the time and love that goes into making something. The problem is the quality is absolutely terrible. I don’t know where she gets her supplies, but nearly everything has broken the first time I’ve worn it. Once she made a beaded bracelet with elastic thread instead of a clasp. The first time I tried to slip it on, the elastic snapped, and beads flew everywhere. Is there a polite way to tell her that everything she makes breaks almost instantly, or should I keep quiet, since it’s the thought that counts?
—Gifts Falling Apart

If this makes no sense to you, here’s a handy primer.

First, this question from Ask a Manager, and then the Schitt’s Creek moment it instantly made me think of:

I’m a manager at a large organization and am almost always is the midst of a recruitment process for one role or another. Our organization is big on diversity and inclusion and so our hiring and interview guides are built to stop as much bias from creeping in as possible. In practice, this means that I usually have a set of questions that I plan to ask all candidates, and then I leave time for candidates’ questions. Unless they ask our recruiter, they don’t generally get given any information on the format ahead of time, nor are they asked to prepare anything.

Today however, I was surprised. A candidate walked into the interview room with his laptop, and after pleasantries, proceeded to tell me he had a presentation he wanted to make that would take 15-20 minutes! This threw me off, and I quickly reacted by saying that I felt that would take up too much time and that we would stick to a regular question and answer format — which he actually did quite well at.

In a water cooler conversation with some other hiring managers, others said they’ve seen this happen lately as well. This makes me wonder: should I have allowed him to present? Is this something that job-seekers are now routinely doing?

I was in Seattle on Sunday and obviously re-read my favourite and also scariest New Yorker piece to prepare emotionally:

If you travel five thousand miles due west from the ghost forest, you reach the northeast coast of Japan. As the events of 2011 made clear, that coast is vulnerable to tsunamis, and the Japanese have kept track of them since at least 599 A.D. In that fourteen-hundred-year history, one incident has long stood out for its strangeness. On the eighth day of the twelfth month of the twelfth year of the Genroku era, a six-hundred-mile-long wave struck the coast, levelling homes, breaching a castle moat, and causing an accident at sea. The Japanese understood that tsunamis were the result of earthquakes, yet no one felt the ground shake before the Genroku event. The wave had no discernible origin. When scientists began studying it, they called it an orphan tsunami.

Finally, in a 1996 article in Nature, a seismologist named Kenji Satake and three colleagues, drawing on the work of Atwater and Yamaguchi, matched that orphan to its parent—and thereby filled in the blanks in the Cascadia story with uncanny specificity. At approximately nine o’ clock at night on January 26, 1700, a magnitude-9.0 earthquake struck the Pacific Northwest, causing sudden land subsidence, drowning coastal forests, and, out in the ocean, lifting up a wave half the length of a continent. It took roughly fifteen minutes for the Eastern half of that wave to strike the Northwest coast. It took ten hours for the other half to cross the ocean. It reached Japan on January 27, 1700: by the local calendar, the eighth day of the twelfth month of the twelfth year of Genroku.

Once scientists had reconstructed the 1700 earthquake, certain previously overlooked accounts also came to seem like clues. In 1964, Chief Louis Nookmis, of the Huu-ay-aht First Nation, in British Columbia, told a story, passed down through seven generations, about the eradication of Vancouver Island’s Pachena Bay people. “I think it was at nighttime that the land shook,” Nookmis recalled. According to another tribal history, “They sank at once, were all drowned; not one survived.” A hundred years earlier, Billy Balch, a leader of the Makah tribe, recounted a similar story. Before his own time, he said, all the water had receded from Washington State’s Neah Bay, then suddenly poured back in, inundating the entire region. Those who survived later found canoes hanging from the trees. In a 2005 study, Ruth Ludwin, then a seismologist at the University of Washington, together with nine colleagues, collected and analyzed Native American reports of earthquakes and saltwater floods. Some of those reports contained enough information to estimate a date range for the events they described. On average, the midpoint of that range was 1701.

It does not speak well of European-Americans that such stories counted as evidence for a proposition only after that proposition had been proved. Still, the reconstruction of the Cascadia earthquake of 1700 is one of those rare natural puzzles whose pieces fit together as tectonic plates do not: perfectly. It is wonderful science. It was wonderful for science. And it was terrible news for the millions of inhabitants of the Pacific Northwest. As Goldfinger put it, “In the late eighties and early nineties, the paradigm shifted to ‘uh-oh.’ ”

An absolute unit:


AITA for telling my wife I only make $60k ?

We recently moved to a cheap area where $60k is a lot (I don't earn $'s, but using it for comparable purposes).

Wife's a spender, especially on frivilous items.

I earn a lot, but through the years have always told my girlfriends that my salary is small, as I didn't want gold diggers.

Present girlfriend became my wife, but I still kept up the pretence.

I'm afraid of her finding out my true salary because a) she'll spend it all on stupid shit & b) she'll be pissed at me for lying.

I invest this 'additional' money wisely, ensuring we can retire early etc.

AITA for continuing this 'deception' or should I tell her the truth ?

You can always stop being friends with someone you think is a dick:

My friend who I'll call "Lara" got married 2 years ago to "John" and practically right after the wedding, she complained that she felt unhappy in their relationship. I empathized and tried to help her feel better when I met with her. She kind of framed it like her husband was "too nice" to her and it bothered her. I didn't understand but thought there were deeper issues I just didn't know about. So eventually, she told her husband she needed unlimited freedom and he said he didn't care what she did, as long as she came back home to him. So she spent like a year partying and clubbing trying to "get it out." Apparently that didn't work. She told him they needed to live in separate houses, which he agreed to. She then started cheating on him with a coworker who I'll call "Daniel" and the rumors spread and reached her husband. John divorced her 2 months ago. She kept dating "Daniel."

Throughout all this, all of her closest friends dropped one by one, especially after the cheating. I was never a super super close friend and I never even met her husband either. I just supported her because I only heard things from her side. Then I started hearing rumors about how she is now cheating on Daniel with another coworker "Derek." I met with her over the weekend and she more or less confirmed that she felt unfulfilled and bored by Daniel lately, but Derek was so much more fun.

It just felt like, dude. I was your last leg when everyone was calling you names, dragging you through the mud for the divorce, taking sides, and you lost. She complained that her friends were never her "real" friends, but now I am starting to see why they stopped talking to her. WIBTA if I also dump her? I don't care if she dates multiple guys - she's divorced now. But why does she have to keep cheating? I feel like that is so reckless and cowardly of her. BTW I should mention that we are both 31, Daniel is 23 and Derek is 25. Or am I being a conservative, judgmental old coot? I want to be a good friend, but every time I talk to her, I feel like she is lying to me in some way too. So WIBTA if I just slowly stop associating with her?

That’s all! I love you so much, even when you cannot see me, it is there I carried you, etc, you are my darlings and my dears.



Friday Open Thread

Should be back to normal posting schedule next week. If you are in Seattle on Sunday night, please come to hear me and Jasmine “The Best” Guillory discuss her newest (and in my opinion, best) book, Royal Holiday.

Don’t miss it! Hugs will be given, caftans worn.

Now, discuss away!

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This is About Horses

(if you hate horses, skip it!)

Today’s Featured Pet of the Day is Bella.

Bella is my horse. My family could never afford riding lessons when I was a kid, but once a year they drove four hours so I could take a trail ride (I would be unable to sleep for nights before this, I was so excited.) Instead, I had model horses and allllll the books (Black Stallion completist, Saddle Club completist, that one Babysitters Club where Mallory realizes horses are actually scary, etc.)

When my then-boyfriend and I moved out to Utah, I immediately looked up riding lessons. In an act of divine intervention, I found Aurora. Aurora is the toughest person in the world, and I am a soft squishy person, and she was perfect for me. I learned to ride largely on her lesson horse, Misty, who was an angel on this earth. Misty would just stop if she thought you were about to fall off, and if you weren’t balanced properly she would refuse to move further. Everyone should learn on a Misty.

When Steve proposed to me, he said “I know you’re not a diamonds person,” (HOW TIMES CHANGE) “so why don’t I give you a budget and you and Aurora can go horse shopping together.”

So we did. We flew to Las Vegas, we flew to Connecticut, we rode some real nutty mares, and eventually we flew to Colorado and met Bella (whose technical papered name, as an Appendix Quarter—half Thoroughbred, half Quarter Horse—is Oh Whata Girl OQH. She was three at the time. Her breeder is a bad breeder. I would name her but I don’t want to get sued. If you are thinking about buying a horse in Longmont, Colorado, please contact me. We’re pretty sure she doped Bella up a touch before letting us see her, and we are 100% confident that she did not disclose that Bella’s mom had died in childbirth, linked to her horrible genetic condition which she did, indeed, pass to Bella. “Bottle babies,” horses raised without moms, are notoriously snuggly and in your pocket, which I honestly adore, but you have to be really stern about personal space and them staying out of it.

Bella, well, was not a great first horse for an anxious rider, which was me. I have no regrets about the entire situation (Bella would have been put down within three years by any other owner/trainer combo, but Aurora and I were completely committed to giving her a happy, healthy, productive life, and keeping informed of whatever medical advancements could help us.)

Bella liked to spook and then bolt. At anything. I came off a fair amount. She was beautiful and talented and loving (she always came right back and nudged me if I fell off, because she was bolting to save both of us from the plastic bag.

For a time, we did AQHA (American Quarter Horse Association) halter showmanship with her, AQHA being Aurora’s competitive background. Here is a helpful and hilarious thread about her experience of it:

Here are two bonus pictures from said event. (Which did not go well.)

Now, in the trailer coming back from Las Vegas, Aurora and I talked and were like “look, she’s never going to be able to really do Quarter horse events, she doesn’t want to put her head down, she wants to go forward, and I think we both need to step it up and learn dressage. Which we did.

Competing, however, is very stressful for both Bella and myself. (She loves being pretty and doing dressage, however.) She does not want to go to new places, she gets spooky, and then I get scared, and then she can feel my heartbeat coming through my vagina and through the saddle and gets REALLY nervous. After my first child, I kept riding, but the fear started to become a big problem. After my second, I had to stop. Bella almost ran directly into a semi in order to avoid a jogger, and I said “Aurora, you can have her on free lease, I’ll pay for training, but I can’t ride any more.” And that was that. Four years passed.

Then, the other other day, I told a story about a trainer Aurora and I have both worked with, and people found it very enjoyable:

And it gave me feelings, feelings I had not felt in a long time, especially after I asked people to send me photos of their horses, living and dead:

And then it just woke up something inside of me. I was ready to ride again. I had a 14 y/o mare I had been paying for and not riding in 4 years. I missed her. I was a different person now. I emailed Aurora and said “can I…can I come ride this week?” Aurora, bless her heart, had been carefully NOT texting me constantly asking me if I was ready to come back, so she was overjoyed. Of course I could.

So, on a Thursday, I drove an hour and 15 min both ways to ride Bella. Largely because of Twitter. And then I rode again yesterday. Now, part of this is that Bella has matured and been trained way way up, but I am riding better than I did when I quit (muscles-needing-to-rebuild notwithstanding.) The fear was gone. I knew it, Bella knew it, Aurora knew it. I used to get scared about canter transitions, and today I just took a textbook walk-to-canter transition. Outside rein to keep her on the wall, inside leg at girth, outside leg slides back to push her up into it.

We circled for what seemed like a glorious hour. I kept my head up. I loved it. I felt alive. It was a gift. I don’t know what changed in me. I know I’m stronger now, I know I’m less fearful in general, and some combination of this took away what had been my biggest barrier to being a good rider. It felt like magic.

I was this person again, just helplessly in love with my horse.

In conclusion, this is a photo of Bella ten seconds after spitting an inferior new kind of treat all over me.

I love you so much, it felt great to share my joy with you.



I'm back!

Hi team! My kid was sick and it wasn’t great and it’s easy to Tweet while hanging out with your sick kid, wanly watching terrible children’s shows, but less easy to create fun newsletters.

But now I’m here. Let’s do a Featured Pet of the Day and then dive into some real good Redditing, eh?

Please allow me to introduce you to Misha:

Misha’s human companion, Julie, reports the following: “This first photo is one of my favorites - I walked into the kitchen to find him wearing the newest fashion: a rotisserie chicken package. (He did not get to the actual chicken but he did search the whole house for it.) He also likes to help make the bed and to keep me company while I read.”

“He’s a Chow mix, a little over a year old (rescue, so who really knows). He is fairly catlike, extremely stubborn and mischievous, and extremely in my shit all the time. I love him so damn much.”

Thank you so so much, Julie & Misha!

I would tell James now:

Hi Reddit, my friends are split on this so I’m turning to the masses for help.

“James” and I have been dating for five months. Neither of us had been in a relationship of any serious significance for the past 8-10 years. Our relationship is awesome. He is awesome. James is funny and kind and attractive and one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met. He’s fit into my life like this puzzle piece I never knew was missing and it’s moving fast (talking marriage sometime in 2020). I love that we have a partnership and we value things like honesty and open communication.

Here’s the thing, James has been hurt very badly by infidelity in past relationships, so he can be sensitive about ex-boyfriends/guys I’ve dated. Which is why I would really like to not fuck this up. I don’t want this to be the thing that could have been a non-argument if I only brought it up X years ago.

Before I met James, I was hanging out with “Oliver.” Oliver and I met at our climbing gym but also found out we worked for the same company (obv not in any close capacity, it was a huge 1000+ employee company). Our relationship can be described as climbing buddies who sometimes also slept together. There was never any emotional intimacy. We wanted very different things, so climbing and sex is what worked for us.

Fast forward to now, Oliver and I still work at the same company (different company, but smaller) and I am with James. There was never any overlap between the two (read: I have not cheated on James). I still climb with Oliver, albeit not as frequently.

I typically abide by “what’s in the past is in the past” when it comes to previous sexual partners. I also have NO problem talking to him about this. I have nothing to hide. But considering James and I value open communication and honesty...would it do more harm than good?

I’ve never cheated on James, never even thought of it. I don’t want this to blow up years later when I can have the conversation now. So, should I have the conversation now? Or nah?

no you cannot, this is illegal, pay her immediately:

I work in Mississippi for a cell phone retailer. I had an employee quit on me the last week and had some questions. I filed a police report and affidavit as she refused to give back our store key and uniforms/badge until she got her final paycheck. Today is payday and we pay commission which is not required on the 15th of each month. Per a police officer I spoke with I filed an affadavit for petty larceny since she refuses to return the store key which is company property.

Due to her neglect as well as another employee of mine, they both were working in a store and allowed some teenagers to steal our demo iPhone XS Max. This phone retails for $1100 and we decided at the time not to deduct it from their pay; however, in our employee agreement that we had her sign it states that if due to neglect company property is lost/stolen, they will agree to deduct the money from their commission paycheck.

My question is do I need to provide her pay for hours worked since we can deduct the stolen iPhone amount from her paycheck? We are forfeiting her commission as this is provided as an incentive for our workers to make more sales and is not guaranteed by law as far as I know. She is still refusing to return our property until she gets paid and the store key gives you access to over 50K worth of phones, accessories, etc. Thanks in advance for your help.


So I use a service dog. I'm constantly dealing with people who ask for ID, which is illegal under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Last night I went to a diner and sat down, my dog laying under the table. The waitress asked for an ID and I explained the law to her and showed it on my phone (I keep it bookmarked). There was three cops at the next table over and one approached and said I needed an ID. I said it wasn't legal and the ID's are available online for fifty bucks and don't amount to anything. The waitress tried to diffuse it by saying she had just read the law and I'm fine, but the cop kept pushing. He insisted that he knew the law and I needed to leave or he would escort me out. Me, being an idiot, went, "It's not my fault that you're too bad at your job to understand how laws work."

So, I probably shouldn't have said that, but I did. He got super pissed and told me that I can't speak like that to an officer. He asked for my ID and I showed it and he wrote my information down and said I would be hearing from "the station".

So, what now? I feel like this falls under free speech. I wasn't breaking the law.

Also, the waitress stepped in and moved me to another part of the restaurant, and I ate my burger in a panic.

absolute unit:

son, what you need is a real lawyer:

I have court in like an hour. I got arrested for shoplifting 245$ worth of shit The cops also found my drugs... :/ I wanted to fo to detox today anyway..funny how shit works out huh..? But anyway. I got caught with like 27 full baggies of heroin. And at least like 20 empties which I believe were put down as paraphernalia.. I believe my papers also said a 4th degree not 3rd?? So I think that's good?? Idk what to do help!

Normal, normal response to posting you got a job at Disney World:

two years!

My wife and I have lived in the same apartment for about 7 years.

We had some new neighbors move in a door or two down and we got to talking with them. While we are talking they mentioned that they wouldn't be getting internet for over a week because the local company was backed up. My wife and I share a look and then I offer to connect one of their tablets to our WiFi so they can check their email etc just trying to be nice, but with the stipulation that once they get their internet service they will swap to their own internet. They happily agree and I go on with my life.

About 2 years later my wife mentions that the internet is being very slow so I do all the typical tricks (unplug everything and plug it back in). She tells me it's still slow so I hop into the routers settings on my computer and upgrade the drivers and poke around in the amount of devices attached to the router.

Now we are a decently tech savvy family. We each have a laptop, a phone, I've got a desktop, a WiFi printer, and a Roku. That means there should be 7 maybe 8 devices known on the router at any given time. When looking at the recent activity list there were 16 devices I did not recognize and a couple had the other families kids names attached to them. They were using more bandwidth than my family and slowing us down considerably, especially since we had the lower tier service since with just us 2 that should be more than enough.

I talked with my wife and asked her if she knew about them using our internet and it clicked to both of us that we had given them our info 2 years earlier and they just didn't get off of it.

I was annoyed so I went into the router settings and set our devices to have priority and then over the course of a few weeks throttled down their performance to less than 1 mbps, a little bit at a time.

After a while the girlfriend of the neighbor made casual conversation while we were heading to the car asking if our internet was being slow. I played coy and informed them that our speeds seemed just fine.

Then the boyfriend came over and asked me if the internet was slow and I just shrugged and said ours was fine but I had found other devices we didn't recognize on our Network and throttled their speeds. He flipped shit at me and started yelling at me, I simply reminded him that he was only supposed to use our Network for a week or two TWO YEARS AGO and then he started yelling at me saying that wasn't true and we never put on that stipulation.

I just looked at him and shrugged, walked back in the house and changed the WiFi password so they didn't have access. About 2 weeks later we saw the cable van out front and the guy going in and out of their apartment.

she sounds delightful:

I work for a small company and was given an even smaller department to manage about two years ago. The job can be complicated and sometimes stressful (very demanding clients) but mostly it’s been a great experience. Since I took on this role, it’s pretty much just me doing the day-to-day work and the vice president of our company overseeing my work. He has always been nothing but complimentary of my work

The job is wonderful, but I have a toddler at home and another baby on the way and I want to be home more. My boss was very kind and asked what I needed to stay, and I agreed to step down from my director title but stay very part-time. The agreement was that I would give up my office and help my replacement, since my department has grown and it’s a lot of information for a new person to learn It’s a perfect situation for me.

I gave a three-month notice to switch to part-time and am down to the last three weeks. My company is just now having a in-house candidate job, Jane, shadow me. Here’s where the problems start.

She is VERY condescending and rude. Anything I try to show her, she barely listens and “Oh, that will change” has become a catch phrase when I show her how my processes work. She regularly will correct me and tell me she has better ways to do things I’ve been doing for two years. Her suggestions on improvements actually go against a lot of company policies, and I’m worried that she is so concerned about correcting my work instead of actually listening.

The most interesting habit she has is baby-talking me. I will casually mention certain things like, “Oh I forgot to send this email, let me do that real quick” and she will respond with, “Oh, don’t you worry! You’re doing a great job and doing the best you can under your circumstances!” She says things like, “Don’t let people tell you you’re doing a bad job! You’re great!”

I have very bluntly told her that I do not like being talked to like that and she will laugh it off and say, “Bless your heart.”

She also spends an absurd amount of time on her cell phone and rants about daycare being horrible for children. She says she doesn’t ethically agree with daycare and why would anyone have a child just to have someone else raise them. Again, I am visibly pregnant and she knows my toddler is in full-time daycare. My kids will still go to part-time daycare, which she knows. I find her statements incredibly disrespectful and have told her so. She responds with, “Everyone is allowed to have an opinion and you’re doing the best you can! I’m proud of you!” Bleh.

I am not trying to be boastful but I do a great job at work. I’m a high-level staff member. I’m not implying that the way I do the job is perfect or can’t be improved upon. I understand no two people will do the job the same way. I would like to think the fact that they asked me to stay for the same hourly rate and are letting me work when I want to would speak volumes to how much they value me as an employee. But I feel as if she sees me stepping down from my title as being involuntarily demoted, even though it hasn’t been conveyed this way to her this way. It has nothing to do with my performance.

I’m involved in her hiring process and I’m afraid she is not a good fit, but I don’t want to come across as being unable to pass along the torch. I’m also frustrated that we’re down to such a short time frame and I am feeling pressured to make it work. I want advice on how to navigate stepping down from a manager position or if I’m being too sensitive about being critiqued.

red flags a plenty!

I’m wondering if a recent interview experience was normal or if I was right to run the other way.

After months of searching, I finally got an interview. It wasn’t my dream company or dream job, but it was in my field and a great way to get started in a new city. But early on, some things happened that made me hesitant. The scheduling of the interview involved two people who didn’t seem to be in communication with each other. Then, once I managed to track someone down, I never received written confirmation with the details of where to go and who to meet, despite being told that I would. Red flag #1.

The day of the interview I got lost in the impossibly complex office park and had to be given step by step instructions to the office. When I finally arrived, not one person knew to expect me and I was asked to wait until nearly 10 minutes after the interview was supposed to start. Once it got started, I was told the interviewers would be using a standard set of 10 questions for “fairness” to all candidates. I was slightly annoyed by this as the company had asked candidates to complete a five-page detailed application and here I sat being asked, “Tell us about your entire employment history to date.” While not terrible, it didn’t leave me feeling confident in my wanting to work for the company nor that they wanted me to work for them. My family and friends all told me this type of generic interview is common, but why ask me to complete such a time-intensive document if they were just going to have me repeat it all in the interview? I argued that it showed a disinterest in candidates and laziness. Flag #2.

To my surprise, the CEO of the company called the next day and offered me the job. I expressed gratitude and asked for the offer to be emailed over while I took a few days to consider. He asked why I would need time to consider and said in an agitated voice that he had other people waiting to hear back, that if I had come to the interview I must have wanted the job, and that he has never had someone need time to think. He also said he told me that he didn’t understand what I meant by “email me the offer.” Had I not read the job posting for details? Flag #3.

I was floored by how angry and aggressive he was in response to reasonable questions. I explained all I was asking was for the details of salary, benefits, official title, etc. I said him that I wouldn’t be asking for this info if I wasn’t seriously considering the job and that as it was a Thursday, I felt it wasn’t unreasonable to get back to him on Monday.

When I shared my experience with family and friends, including my hesitance to accept any offer from this company, I got mixed reactions. Some said I was being reasonable but others said this is normal for small companies without a formal HR department. I felt they were saying I was “supposed to” accept unprofessionalism and borderline abuse and that these were the sacrifices needed to get my foot in the door.

When the written offer finally came in, it was vastly under market value and said I would be obligated to work weekend hours, something that hadn’t been discussed. I politely declined and feel confident that I made the right choice. But I have some questions about this process and how to look for good companies in the future: Is this type of generic interview, where it appears no one has read your application, the new norm? Why do companies require such time intensive and elaborate applications if they aren’t even reading them? Is it okay for a job offer to be handled like this just because a company lacks an HR department? And do I really have to compromise my standards to get an opportunity in a competitive field?

your mom cannot legally charge you rent if you are 17, so I feel that asshole-ery is not really the ish here:

My brother just moved in because he got a job in our town and has to stay here until he finds his own place. He pays 300 a month.

My mom is going to make me pay 500-600 to stay in my room, car insurance, health insurance, and phone bill because she thinks (her words) "the more I make you pay, the more you will want to go to college" She says as long as I go to school full time I won't have to pay rent

So I yelled at her because I told her it was unfair and that I'm just going to have to work close to 70 hours a week if she's going to do that. Which then she started telling at me about that!

I've firmly decided I want to take a break from community college and decide what I want to do for my education while also working and saving money for school or moving out.

I love you very much. Especially you. You’re great.



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